So apparently I'm not having a wedding shower...

BrightFirefly · May 2012

So - I have an issue and I just want to whine to people who will understand..

I work every Saturday and Sunday - and I'm already requesting off an insane amount of days for school/honeymoon/wedding this summer...

but I requested June 3rd off - and let my mom know like 'Hey, I don't know if you're planning to have a shower for me..but I took June 3rd off.....just FYI..."

Well - apparently my mom isn't having a shower for me. I guess it's bad etiquette for the MOB to throw the shower and she feels weird doing it? (Keep in mind - the guests would be immediate family anyway...aunts, grandma, cousins) I don't have any sisters to throw one for me. -_-

I'm not a fan of parties centered around me - but I was kind of hoping for a shower and now I'm a bit bummed. It's not the gifts or anything , it's more like..this is a once in a lifetime type of party...and I'm going to miss my opportunity..

I probably sound selfish - I promise I'm not - just bummed is all.

colleenm18 · May 2012

I totally understand!

Possible she is just saying this to through you off and suprise you? I didnt know it was bad etiquette for the MOB to host a shower.. I have been to many showers hosted by MOB

LADY324 · May 2012

I am sorry do you have a bridal party? My bridal party threw mine along with my mom. Maybe they are going to surprise you?

BrightFirefly · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_so-apparently-im-not-having-a-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ba1a0ee-17ae-4414-9eaa-f5cdd733804fPost:7a56ac6d-4c62-481b-bef8-166587fa4ced">Re: So apparently I'm not having a wedding shower...</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally understand! Possible she is just saying this to through you off and suprise you? I didnt know it was bad etiquette for the MOB to host a shower.. I have been to many showers hosted by MOB
Posted by colleenm18[/QUOTE]

I wish - but I know it's not a surprise thing. She was freakin' out sayin she'd have to send the invites out right now for June 3rd - which is totally true - but hell the guest list will be like 9 people anyway.

All of my cousins have had their showers hosted by their moms - but according to various websites found via google - apparently it is bad etiquette..I don't see the difference between my mom hosting a b-day party for me..or a bridal shower - but whatever.

She said my aunt was asking like "Is she having one? I would throw one for her..but we can't fit more than two cars in our drive-way.." ...Who knows..

EDIT: No bridal party either.

MeaganR12 · May 2012

I'm sorry

. Are you having bridesmaids? If you are, do you think maybe your mom can mention to them that she feels uncomfortable throwing you a shower and maybe suggest that they throw one but she'll help with everything? Or, you can try to tell your mom how you feel and let her know it doesn't have to be extravagant you just want some way to celebrate with the women in your family. I know that I would probably feel uncomfortable doing that though, so it's probably bad advice. I'm just trying to help.

I kinda know how you feel, my mom waited until the very last minute to offer to throw me a shower, we picked the date but she hasn't really started to plan it yet and part of me still feels like it won't happen.

butterflyjumper1 · May 2012

wow, i am really sorry, that totally stinks....could your aunt and mom co-host at a local restaurant or something? If it's really only 10 people or so, you guys could have a nice, intimate gathering at a restaurant and still keep the price pretty low.

(I have done research on renting out rooms in Cinci at restaurants - Via Vite was one of the best options I found and might be perfect for a gorgeous and small shower!)

If you guys find a place in the next few days and keep it small, I am sure they could pull something together. And I don't think there is any problem at all with your mother helping to host it.

bridetobe71412 · May 2012

I'm sorry.

And you're right re the MOB -- traditionally, the MOB wasnt supposed to throw the shower because the daughter was still living at home/leaving the family home and it was frowned upon, or some nonsense. Now that that's no longer the case in many instances (because the daughter no longer lives at home), it's not really as much of a faux pas. I read this somewhere equivalent to Emily Post. My family is pretty by-the-book traditional and my mom is co-hosting with my bridesmaids.

I wish your mom would reconsider!

Sounds like she won't, though, which really, really sucks. I would throw you a shower if I were living in Cincinnati already

ps - I thought of you today because I read that the baby camel at the Cincinnati Zoo was named Bogart and that made me laugh hysterically because it's so freakin cute. Sorry, that's totally unrelated.

Edited for clarity

BmoreBride311 · May 2012

aww I'm sorry you're bummed about this! My mom also co-hosted with my bridal party. I agree that it's no longer a faux pas.

If it's a really small guest list and all family members, your mom can even invite ppl over the phone. It's not too late!

BrightFirefly · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_so-apparently-im-not-having-a-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ba1a0ee-17ae-4414-9eaa-f5cdd733804fPost:592ed9b3-ad52-4c12-86cb-9c89e2526712">Re: So apparently I'm not having a wedding shower...</a>:
[QUOTE] ps - I thought of you today because I read that the baby camel at the Cincinnati Zoo was named Bogart and that made me laugh hysterically because it's so freakin cute. Sorry, that's totally unrelated. Edited for clarity
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

Haha. The baby Camel is my life right now.

He is the most adorable little critter ever. His dad's name is Humphrey..

Thanks for the hugs and advice guys..and yeah - the potential guest list literally is less than 10 people - not a whole lot of ladies in my family (or people in general)..My mom said she'd be willing to co-host with my aunt - and just have it at my mom's house - but my aunt didn't offer that and my mom didn't want to ask (They're not sisters..in-laws)

k8888 · May 2012

I'm sorry, I'd be pretty bummed, too.

My mom is hosting my shower... the wedding I was just in her mom hosted her shower... and the wedding I'm in in September, the mom is hosting her shower, as well. I guess we just hate etiquette.

I hope you guys are able to work something out... even if it's just a small little get-together!

ceglare4 · May 2012

I'm sorry

this situation totally sucks. And I honestly have NEVER heard that the mom isn't supposed to throw the shower. My mom, grandma, and aunt are all hosting it together and I never thought anything of it.

stevesbride2012 · May 2012

your made-of -honor should give you a bridal shower

Madisonpenny · May 2012

I understand. I'm in the same boat. I'm not having any showers nor am I having a bacherlorette party or a rehearsal party (the last was up to us). I kind of feel selfish too wishing I was having these parties but I understand that no one is required to throw them for me. Just kind of sucks that like OP mentioned, these are once in a lifetime parties and I'm going to miss out on al them.

BrightFirefly · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_so-apparently-im-not-having-a-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ba1a0ee-17ae-4414-9eaa-f5cdd733804fPost:87c26190-e7a2-48d6-b885-d14532731d8b">Re: So apparently I'm not having a wedding shower...</a>:
[QUOTE]your made-of -honor should give you a bridal shower
Posted by stevesbride2012[/QUOTE]

I decided to forgo having a wedding party.

So I'm glad to see other moms have hosted showers - I'll talk to my mom tomorrow and let her know it's not the end of the world. I honestly don't know who would be offended anyway. It's all relatives and my BFF (who would host it - but her mom's health has plummeted in the past year and her dad died a few months ago) and it's not like any of them offered..:p

penny12986 · May 2012

BrightFirefly, I don't have a BP either so my mom is throwing a shower for us. If nothing comes of your discussion with your mom, you should still have a little get together with your friends and family. It doesn't have to be for giving gifts or WR things. It can just be a fun time out to bond with people. Look at it this way: though we may not get all of the regular prewedding parties, we also don't have to deal with BM drama and I think it's a pretty good trade off.

ajmom2two · May 2012

Hugs! I am really sorry! I dont think its selfish to feel sad. I was feeling sad bc thought I wouldnt be having any parties either since I have no wedding party, no sisters and my mom lives out of state. My best friend surprised me by offering to throw a shower though and one of my other close friends offered to host my BP. Maybe you should just email this post to you mom! I have been to a few showers that were hosted by the MOB so I dont think its a big deal.

BrightFirefly · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_so-apparently-im-not-having-a-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ba1a0ee-17ae-4414-9eaa-f5cdd733804fPost:cc017aa6-999a-482b-b822-1e127b4f7a00">Re:So apparently I'm not having a wedding shower...</a>:
[QUOTE]BrightFirefly, I don't have a BP either so my mom is throwing a shower for us. If nothing comes of your discussion with your mom, you should still have a little get together with your friends and family. It doesn't have to be for giving gifts or WR things. It can just be a fun time out to bond with people. Look at it this way: though we may not get all of the regular prewedding parties, we also don't have to deal with BM drama and I think it's a pretty good trade off.
Posted by penny12986[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah - I don't regret not having a BP at all. It would have been such an extra headache that I just don't need. :o)

NerdsInLessThan3 · May 2012

Bummer

I'm also in the "I hope she surprises you afterall" camp. I think the other ladies have offered excellent advice, so I'm going to add "ditto" and I really hope you get your bridal shower!

marshallra · May 2012

I think the question of what is appropriate varies from place to place. The notion behind a shower is to help the bride set up a home i.e. to get gifts. It originated as a way of allowing the bride to marry even if her family was too poor or disapproving to provide a dowry.. Since it is clearly a request for gifts neither the bride nor her immediate family is supposed to do it. Now in reality the bride's sister is often the maid of honor. As a practical matter many showers are hosted by the MOH or bridal party, but. Actually organized and/ or paid for by the bride's mom. In our circle mom's do not host the party. The invitation is issued in someone else's name. However nothing prevents the mom from helping out, or providing a venue or contributing to the cost.

nataliep209 · May 2012

I just talked to my MOH yesterday and she said "hey I haven't started planning so i think i will just take you to dinner or something." And yes i know it does sound bad to say no i want it but it will never happen again. i was sad too. i get it. and really how do you tell someone having a voluntary party that it's what you want. my heart just sank!

So apparently I'm not having a wedding shower...

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