Cash Only For Baby, Please?

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:7ebc5184-d7f9-40ed-9dc4-18b015f1f42e">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how you all seem to think it's okay to stereotype me and my family based on religious beliefs. Now you all know what will make them mad and what won't? Right. OK.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

No, it isn't stereotyping. It's responding to your defensive attitude about your breaches of etiquette. Regardless of what your religion is, there are social rules about whether or not you are married and whether or not you can have the accoutrements that go with a wedding if you are already married. And the rule is that you get one wedding per marriage, even if it's not in your church or you're already pregnant, and if you keep it a secret, you are choosing to forgo the bells and whistles. You don't get to have it both ways.

beardo1111 · January 2013

I'm Catholic and I'm not criticizing you for having sex or getting pregnant. I don't think belonging to a religion means you have to blindly follow all of their edicts - you're an adult and can make your own decisions. The problem is when you don't take responsibility for them. You're the one who said your family wouldn't come to the wedding if they already knew you were pregnant. But you think having a secret quickie courthouse wedding somehow makes this better?? Again, you are LYING to them. Most people get pissed when lied to - no matter what their religion.

RisaCtoFox · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:d4e1713d-57a3-4f42-ac34-1188c9ee02cd">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see anyone stereotyping you based on religion. People are predicting responses based on common sense and logic. Wouldn't you get upset if someone lied to you about getting married and/or being pregnant? It's fairly logical and has nothing to do with your family's religion.
Posted by RachelBFMD[/QUOTE]

<div>See, that's the thing...I wouldn't be mad, because people have their reasons for the things they do.</div>

bridalmarch · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:7ebc5184-d7f9-40ed-9dc4-18b015f1f42e">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how you all seem to think it's okay to stereotype me and my family based on religious beliefs. Now you all know what will make them mad and what won't? Right. OK.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

<div>Again, I have been in your situation. In fact, I'd say mine was a little more intense because we hadn't known each other for that long and certainly weren't already engaged. We chose to tell our families the truth, and everyone is better off for it. </div>

rsanna · January 2013

Here is the thing OP, your wedding was 2 months away. Why did you go to the courthouse? You said that it was for yourselves, but why? What benefit did that give you? Because it is obvious from your posts that your parents don't recogonize your marriage, and your faith doesn't recognize your marriage.

From what you have given us there are 2 things going on here. Either you let your parents bully you into doing what they want. Or you can't take responsibility for your actions.

strlzfan11 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:b3d051d9-9876-415b-9747-2b62815f04aa">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : Yeah, I'm sure they'll be really mad that they enjoyed a great evening with friends and family complete with a delicious dinner and fun music and dancing, and the gifts they gave us went towards our beautiful child and happy home.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

I think that you think too highly of your friends and family. I had a somewhat similar situation happen in my family just a few months ago and let me tell you, there are a lot of hurt feelings about the whole thing. Am I happy for the couple in question? Absolutely, but I did not appreciate being lied to about it.

J&K10910 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:2f3fac0c-c865-4705-abb1-214b8f20ffb8">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : See, that's the thing...I wouldn't be mad, because people have their reasons for the things they do.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

So, if your best friend lied to you, it would be ok as long as she did it to not hurt you? I just... you're not logical.

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:2f3fac0c-c865-4705-abb1-214b8f20ffb8">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : See, that's the thing...I wouldn't be mad, because people have their reasons for the things they do.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

<div>So if your husband cheats on you and lies to you about it. It is okay because he has his reasons for doing the things he did. Right?</div>

RisaCtoFox · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:eee10e5a-c94b-49d6-b65d-1bd1951f2722">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : No, it isn't stereotyping. It's responding to your defensive attitude about your breaches of etiquette. Regardless of what your religion is, there are social rules about whether or not you are married and <strong>whether or not you can have the accoutrements that go with a wedding if you are already married</strong>. And the rule is that you get one wedding per marriage, even if it's not in your church or you're already pregnant, and if you keep it a secret, you are choosing to forgo the bells and whistles. You don't get to have it both ways.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>There is no law against putting on a white dress and enjoying a party that I paid for with family and friends. You act like there is punishment of death over all this.</div>

beardo1111 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:b3d051d9-9876-415b-9747-2b62815f04aa">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : Yeah, I'm sure they'll be really mad that they enjoyed a great evening with friends and family complete with a delicious dinner and fun music and dancing, and the gifts they gave us went towards our beautiful child and happy home.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

I don't think you understand the point of a wedding ceremony or the concept of honesty. If you really thought your friends and family would still be happy and thrilled about your wedding even if they knew you were pregnant and, more importantly, already married, then you wouldn't feel the need to lie to them in the first place.

RisaCtoFox · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:ea7fc3dd-666b-4bf0-a685-f700074f4927">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : So if your husband cheats on you and lies to you about it. It is okay because he has his reasons for doing the things he did. Right?
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

<div>I see your point, and think you make the most sense out of anyone else on here, but that is a completely different situation and you know it, although I'm sure you'll claim it isn't.</div>

strlzfan11 · January 2013

There's nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your wedding, but what you're doing is leading them to believe they are showing up to witness an actual wedding and then throwing the party. If you issued your invitations in a way that indicated the guests were being invited to a party celebrating your marriage (since that already happened at the courthouse) you wouldn't be getting any flack from us.

beardo1111 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:8e03cb9d-0ab1-469a-8526-449520d3c293">Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still don't get the point of the courthouse wedding. You weren't married when you got knocked up. Your planned wedding date would have still been before the baby was born. You aren't telling family about the baby or the courthouse wedding so it isn't going to make it easier for your family to take. And since you still aren't married in the eyes of your faith it has zero impact on your religion. <strong>I'm calling mud.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Agreed. This is too much. No one is this dense.

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:9d5d79aa-304f-4078-93c0-ca5c61a02964">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can someone who is Catholic (and not the OP) verify whether or not a convalidation is the same as a Catholic wedding? I'm not a Catholic by faith, but I'm pretty sure they're not the same, and if OP's family is very strict in their faith the're going to recognize that it's not an actual wedding ceremony.
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

Convalidation is not the same as a Catholic wedding per se. Here is an excerpt from a website that explains it better than I can:<div>
</div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;color:black;background-color:white;">In layman’s terms, what does this mean and what does it mean to a couple who has married </span>outside of the Catholic Church and now wishes to have the marriage “blessed” by the Church? A couple who has married outside of the Church has entered into an invalid marriage. This couple now needs to present themselves, as a couple, to the parish priest, and needs to demonstrate that they entered into the non-canonical marriage without malice or deception. The couple needs to show that they truly are penitent of their misunderstanding and misdeed and that they desire the bond that “by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive” and through which they are “strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and dignity of their state by a special sacrament” (Canon 1134). The priest, believing the intention of the couple, now has the right and ability to dispense the “canonical form” and validate the marriage, bringing it into proper validity and liceity with the Roman Catholic Church.</p><p class="MsoNormal">ETA: <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;color:black;background-color:white;">Convalidation is customarily done with little fanfare and only a small gathering that includes<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span>two baptized Catholics who would be the witnesses. Keep in mind that a couple will need two<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>witnesses who are baptized and confirmed in the Roman Catholic Church. The priest will likely<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>ask for proof that the witnesses are, in fact, Catholic. Again, this practice is to maintain the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>integrity of the sacrament. Generally, there is no large gathering and the ceremony is often<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>performed at a side altar in the church.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:5pt;line-height:115%;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">from this website: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.churchofancientways.org/convalidation.html">http://www.churchofancientways.org/convalidation.html</a></p></div>

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:d703c3a7-88d1-4580-9508-6083e87968af">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : There is no law against putting on a white dress and enjoying a party that I paid for with family and friends. You act like there is punishment of death over all this.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

But there is an etiquette rule against claiming that this is a "wedding reception" when it is not. Sorry, but you are being intensely rude to do this. And if all it is is putting on a white dress and enjoying a party, why do it at all if you are going to be so dismissive of it that you had to have a secret legal wedding? Either you are married or you're not, and because you had a courthouse wedding, you are. Quit claiming that you're not while trying to "put on a white dress and enjoy a party" and calling it your "wedding" when it's not, and act like an adult!

RisaCtoFox · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:c1147eb3-afa4-437f-9003-d913ce15ab00">Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please? : Agreed. This is too much. No one is this dense.
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

<div>Nice. Now insults. I'm not dense, I understand what everyone is saying and the point they're trying to get across, but I just don't think you all understand that there is no good outcome to this.</div>

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:e530cbdf-6b5d-476d-a3ce-007510c8d330">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : I see your point, and think you make the most sense out of anyone else on here, but that is a completely different situation and you know it, although I'm sure you'll claim it isn't.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes it is a different situation. But lying is lying. </div><div>
</div><div>OP, all everyone is saying is don't lie about it. Have a party, have the party you planned. But don't lie to your guests and make them believe that they are witnessing your "real" wedding and not a convalidation. Don't lie to your friends and family about being pregnant. You and your husband and your baby deserve better than to be hidden away behind lies.</div>

Sharpschruter22 · January 2013

There is so much wrong here I can hardly wrap my brain around it. If I was a guest at this wedding and brought a wedding gift, you can sure as he.ll know there would be no baby gift.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6bc678c9-00c7-43f2-bbac-5882127a926d">Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please? : Nice. Now insults. I'm not dense, I understand what everyone is saying and the point they're trying to get across, but I just don't think you all understand that there is no good outcome to this.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

That's right. So we're saying, don't lie. Because there is no good outcome to lying. Treat your family with respect, including your husband and baby, and stop pretending they don't exist.

strlzfan11 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:fd2891c2-0a28-4e33-87c3-d527f9b7f5ca">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : Convalidation is not the same as a Catholic wedding per se. Here is an excerpt from a website that explains it better than I can: In layman’s terms, what does this mean and what does it mean to a couple who has married outside of the Catholic Church and now wishes to have the marriage “blessed” by the Church? A couple who has married outside of the Church has entered into an invalid marriage. This couple now needs to present themselves, as a couple, to the parish priest, and needs to demonstrate that they entered into the non-canonical marriage without malice or deception. The couple needs to show that they truly are penitent of their misunderstanding and misdeed and that they desire the bond that “by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive” and through which they are “strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and dignity of their state by a special sacrament” (Canon 1134). The priest, believing the intention of the couple, now has the right and ability to dispense the “canonical form” and validate the marriage, bringing it into proper validity and liceity with the Roman Catholic Church. ETA: Convalidation is customarily done with little fanfare and only a small gathering that includes two baptized Catholics who would be the witnesses. Keep in mind that a couple will need two witnesses who are baptized and confirmed in the Roman Catholic Church. The priest will likely ask for proof that the witnesses are, in fact, Catholic. Again, this practice is to maintain the integrity of the sacrament. Generally, there is no large gathering and the ceremony is often performed at a side altar in the church. from this website: <a href="http://www.churchofancientways.org/convalidation.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.churchofancientways.org/convalidation.html</a>
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this information!

RisaCtoFox · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:8073fd56-619e-4c94-ba9a-5b2733d17bb9">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : But there is an etiquette rule against claiming that this is a "wedding reception" when it is not. Sorry, but you are being intensely rude to do this. And if all it is is putting on a white dress and enjoying a party, why do it at all if you are going to be so dismissive of it that you had to have a secret legal wedding? Either you are married or you're not, and because you had a courthouse wedding, you are. Quit claiming that you're not while trying to "put on a white dress and enjoy a party" and calling it your "wedding" when it's not, and act like an adult!
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>I honestly don't know why I'm bothering to respond to you, considering that you've been the rudest one to me, but first of all, I have never once said I'm not married at all, I said I'm not married according to my religion. Also, it is clearly still a reception, as we are celebrating our new marriage. It's not like we split up but are pretending to get married for gifts.</div>

beardo1111 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6e3a829c-c38f-41ec-91ab-9d9b03b8e7dd">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : I honestly don't know why I'm bothering to respond to you, considering that you've been the rudest one to me, but first of all, <strong>I have never once said I'm not married at all, I said I'm not married according to my religion.</strong> Also, it is clearly still a reception, as we are celebrating our new marriage. It's not like we split up but are pretending to get married for gifts.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

I think the assumption of most wedding guests is that the wedding they are attending is, in fact, a wedding. Would you have a baby shower if you weren't pregnant? No? Then why have a wedding if you aren't single?

PP's have reiterated variations of this, along with DON'T LIE, dozens of different ways - you clearly just don't want to listen. So godspeed and have fun with the fallout when everyone who was at your wedding realizes they were lied to. Don't say you weren't warned.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6e3a829c-c38f-41ec-91ab-9d9b03b8e7dd">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : I honestly don't know why I'm bothering to respond to you, considering that you've been the rudest one to me, but first of all, I have never once said I'm not married at all, I said I'm not married according to my religion. Also, it is clearly still a reception, as we are celebrating our new marriage. It's not like we split up but are pretending to get married for gifts.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

Because you're posting on an etiquette board, and I haven't been rude to you at all. By posting here, you asked us our opinions about your intentions and beliefs, and we've let you know that your ideas and opinions are not acceptable according to etiquette. But it appears that you think people who merely disagree with you are "rude." This is not so.

If you post on this board, you're going to get opinions, and if you say you want to do something that breaches etiquette, then regardless of your motives you're still being rude to do it and we're going to tell you so.

It doesn't matter whether you, your family, or the Church recognizes the courthouse ceremony as a "wedding." It was your wedding. Anything that follows is a "reenactment." And this ceremony is a "reenactment" - not a "wedding." You already had your wedding when you went to the courthouse.

And no, this is not a "reception," it is a party. If the party had taken place at that time, it would be a "wedding reception," but because it didn't, it is not.

RisaCtoFox · January 2013

Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation? They will all stop talking to us, as pregnancy before marriage is basically the highest offense to them. I don't know why, it just is. They are more accepting of wonky math involved in lying about the timeline than a child out of wedlock. We have family members and family friends whose timelines don't exactly add up, and everyone side-eye's it a bit, but gives them the benefit of the doubt. I figured it would be no different for us.

JoanE2012 · January 2013

Oh please. MUD. I did a quick search and found this is the same poster that had the "MOH from Hell" postings that was highly suspicious last year. Must be another slow night, huh OP?

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation? They will all stop talking to us, as pregnancy before marriage is basically the highest offense to them. I don't know why, it just is. They are more accepting of wonky math involved in lying about the timeline than a child out of wedlock. We have family members and family friends whose timelines don't exactly add up, and everyone side-eye's it a bit, but gives them the benefit of the doubt. I figured it would be no different for us.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

If they stop talking to you, it's a consequence of the decision you made to have sex before your wedding. You need to accept that and learn to live with it. Lying to them about it by pretending it's not happening, or that your courthouse wedding didn't take place, isn't going to score points for you in the long run. Coming forward and saying, "Yes, we broke the rules, but we accept responsibility for our errors and have gotten legally married" might not score you any points either, but it's definitely not going to <em>lose</em> you any.

bridalmarch · January 2013

Read my posts again. No one matters but you, FI and the baby. If they truly can't accept that you had premarital sex and a BC slip up, and accept you and your child, then you don't need that sort of negativity in that child's life and you're better off surrounding your baby with true support and love. Chances are, they'll come around - everyone in our families did. If they do, then you can chose if you want them to be a part of the baby's life and accept their apology.

strlzfan11 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation? Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I'd do. I'd call them up and say that due to a surprise pregnancy you got married at the courthouse in private and are now having a convalidation ceremony (if your priest will allow your guests to be present; check with him on that) and a party to celebrate your marriage.

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation? They will all stop talking to us, as pregnancy before marriage is basically the highest offense to them. I don't know why, it just is. They are more accepting of wonky math involved in lying about the timeline than a child out of wedlock. We have family members and family friends whose timelines don't exactly add up, and everyone side-eye's it a bit, but gives them the benefit of the doubt. I figured it would be no different for us.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

<div>Be the bigger person. You don't need to call everyone in the morning. I would recommend sending out announcements that you had a private ceremony on X date, and that the party will go through as planned on Y date with a convalidation ceremony occuring beforehand. It can also be spread via word of mouth that you are, in fact, married and pregnant. And that your "wedding" date (using that only because I don't remember what your profile says, not being mean or condescending) will have a convalidation ceremony followed by a party celebrating your marriage.</div><div>
</div><div>If people ask, you can explan how you are pregnant and any other reasons. If people get rude or condscending because you are being upfront and honest and are disapproving of your honest and truthful life choices. Well, again, I'm sorry that they are that way. It is unfortunate. They are most likely too full of themselves for their own good. But don't let their bad behavior encourage you to make bad behavior/choices.</div>

beardo1111 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation? They will all stop talking to us, as pregnancy before marriage is basically the highest offense to them. I don't know why, it just is. They are more accepting of wonky math involved in lying about the timeline than a child out of wedlock. We have family members and family friends whose timelines don't exactly add up, and everyone side-eye's it a bit, but gives them the benefit of the doubt. I figured it would be no different for us.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

Do not have a wedding ceremony. If you want to have a small convalidation and then a reception as already planned, go for it. If anyone asks why the change just say we actually had a private wedding two months ago, but we'd love for you to come celebrate our new marriage with us at the reception. If they ask why just say it was something you and your fiancee wanted to do and leave it at that.

I don't think you need to tell everyone about your pregnancy - that really isn't their business. But asking them to attend and bring gifts to a wedding ceremony makes your already exisiting marriage their business. So set the record straight on that.

Cash Only For Baby, Please?

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