Colours & MOH wanting to be Different

ftrmrsw · December 2012

This weekend I decided to possibly change our wedding colours.

Previously I was going to do Grey & Purple. All my BM's were going to be Grey with my MOH in Purple (Her request). Well I'm now playing with the Idea of changing our colours to Teal & Silver. I was thinking I'd like all the girls in Teal with Silver Shoes. I thought it would be perfect, that way the girls can either wear silver shoes they already have or buy a pair that is best suited to them and would wear again.

For some reason my MOH has this thing with being different. She wants everyone to know that she is the MOH. When I suggested that if we switch to Teal I'd like all the girls in the same colour. She was like, well now what can I do to be different?

Frankly, I don't really care for her to be different but she's adamant. Does anyone have any suggestions about something we can do for her to be "different" without putting her in a different colour dress?

Note: We were planning to do clutches instead of bouquets and I was going to get them dyed to match. So I'm thinking now I'll get them dyed silver. Teal Dresses, Silver Shoes, Silver Clutches.

vanityink · December 2012

Are all the girls wearing the same dress? If so, she could have something slightly different there (all my BMs are in strapless dresses, I gave my MOH the chose of getting the same style, just with one shoulder or halter if she wanted.)

ftrmrsw · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_colours?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65345c71-c384-48ed-8456-dd54b803c483Post:3b483cb0-0381-4893-acdc-0f3a128c16dc">Re: Colours & MOH wanting to be Different</a>:
[QUOTE]She needs to get over herself. If the guests don't know her, they could care less that she's the MOH because they'll never see her again. Maybe give her a brooch or a sash? Personally I wouldn't enable her behavior. NO isn't a four-letter word. Your wedding is in September of next year. You don't need to order until March, at the earliest. Why not put this on the back burner until then?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I've sort of said I wont make any final decisions for colours until we order dresses in April, because that would be the first colour commitment.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm just trying to get ideas to make her feel different.</div>

[Deleted User] · December 2012

If she insists, you could do some sort of sash/belt in silver. But, I kind of agree that she needs to get over it. Her name will be in the program, she'll be the one standing next to you, if you're doing introductions, she'll be introduced as MOH. People will know. I was exactly the same as all the other BMs at my sister's wedding and no one was confused that I was MOH.

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_colours?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65345c71-c384-48ed-8456-dd54b803c483Post:3b483cb0-0381-4893-acdc-0f3a128c16dc">Re: Colours & MOH wanting to be Different</a>:
[QUOTE]She needs to get over herself. If the guests don't know her, they could care less that she's the MOH because they'll never see her again. Maybe give her a brooch or a sash? Personally I wouldn't enable her behavior. NO isn't a four-letter word.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. To me, this is like parents who let their children run the show. It is very rude of her to be so adamant about being different. Nobody cares who the MOH is. I find it silly that anyone would need to stand out from the others as being "the chosen one" so to speak. But if you must indulge her, the brooch or sash sound like good ideas. </div>

ftrmrsw · December 2012

I agree with you guys!

It kind of annoys me that she's so adamant about this. Like, its not her day, no one cares who the maid of honour is and even if they did, its usually pretty obvious.

ashleyjgetsmarried · December 2012

If you don't mind her being different, you can put her in the same dress with a silver sash or pick a dress that goes with the other in the same color. All eyes will be on you no matter what she's wearing.

GoodLuckBear14 · December 2012

She sounds like Amy on Big Bang Theory:

Amy: "I'm sorry. Are you the Maid of Honor?"

Bernadette: "I am the bride."

Amy: "So that's a no."

[Deleted User] · December 2012

It's your wedding she's suppose to do whatever you want in regards to the attire. But I agree with a few PP that if the dress you pick out allows for it, have a sash or something added to it to make it slightly different the the other girls but she'll still blend in, especially in the photos.

The idea of letter her get a different style dress but still from the same line so it's the same color & fabric is a nice option too. Or let her have the same dress in a different length then the other girls.

A lot of the PP have made some great ideas that I think will be a good compromise of her matching the other girls but doing something so she stands out as the MOH.

michellesean · December 2012

What I'm doing is having all of my bridesmaids in blue, but my 2 MOH's in a darker shade. They will all be in the same color, but your MOH could stand out by wearing a darker or lighter shade.

MrsJoshuaParker4 · December 2012

she doesn't exactly have to have the same exact dress as the other BM's. my MOH's dress if the same color as my other BM's, but slightly different. plus, her jewelry will be slightly different than my other girls.

maybe, you could add sparkles to her clutch? or dye it a different color? i understand wanting to stand out a little bit from the other girls since she is the MOH. i would want to stand out a little bit too

good luck.

ftrmrsw · December 2012

I offered her the idea of her wearing a silver dress while the other girls wear teal. She doesnt like that idea. She does like the idea of all being the same, she just wants to do something different.

Last night when we were talking, we threw around the idea of her carrying a bouquet instead of a clutch like the other girls. I entertained the idea for a little bit, as we are getting a complimentary toss bouquet, so I said maybe she could use that. But after I gave it more thought, I didn't really like the idea. I thought it might look funny if the three other girls used their clutches and she walked down with a bouquet.

So now i'm trying to thing of alternatives to a different dress and using a bouquet instead of her clutch.

In addition to clutches, all the girls will be having corsages. I suggested we do her corsage with different flowers. i.e. Calla Lillies instead of Carnations or something.

She still seems upset. I"m not sure how to make her happy.

vanityink · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_colours?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:65345c71-c384-48ed-8456-dd54b803c483Post:aeca0c56-8825-42b1-bbdf-037d6c1afa8c">Re: Colours & MOH wanting to be Different</a>:
[QUOTE]I offered her the idea of her wearing a silver dress while the other girls wear teal. She doesnt like that idea. She does like the idea of all being the same, she just wants to do something different. Last night when we were talking, we threw around the idea of her carrying a bouquet instead of a clutch like the other girls. I entertained the idea for a little bit, as we are getting a complimentary toss bouquet, so I said maybe she could use that. But after I gave it more thought, I didn't really like the idea. I thought it might look funny if the three other girls used their clutches and she walked down with a bouquet. So now i'm trying to thing of alternatives to a different dress and using a bouquet instead of her clutch. In addition to clutches, all the girls will be having corsages. I suggested we do her corsage with different flowers. i.e. Calla Lillies instead of Carnations or something.<strong> She still seems upset. I"m not sure how to make her happy.</strong>
Posted by ftrmrsw[/QUOTE]

Perhaps she just not going to be happy. At some point, she's just going to have to deal. If you want to allow her to be a little different, offer a sash or hair clip or something, but at some point, she's your maid of honor, she agreed to get a dress you like (within reason). Personally, I'd ask her what <em>she</em> wants, if not a silver dress or different flowers. If she doesn't have an answer for that (or has something outrageous like wear a bright orange [or white] dress) I'd say no, and give her the options you're comfortable with again. If she doesn't like those, and doesn't have a compromise, oh well, she'll have to get over herself.

cwaggoner07 · December 2012

I have never understood why the MOH's need to be so identifiable. It's very obvious who they are when they're standing next to you. Is it necessary that everyone at the reception be able to pick her out of a crowd?
Sorry, I'm no AW but no one should have been standing out on our wedding day but H and I.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

What if she gets a different (maybe slightly sparklier) dress in the same shade of teal as the other girls?

musicalcanadianbride · December 2012

She needs to get over herself. Put your bridesmaids in dresses that fit their budget and your vision.

cnf2013 · December 2012

My MOH has hinted that she'd like to be identifiable as such, but I know if I don't do anything to make her stand out she really won't care. I was thinking of getting her a flower for her hair. I'd suggest if you do go along with her wishes to keep it simple and understated. Keep the attention on you and your FI, not your MOH who sticks out like a sore thumb. Others have given pretty solid suggestions.

MoxieMickie · December 2012

Jen4948 · December 2012

Joining Team Get Over It.

You to MOH: "MOH, I've made my decisions about the dresses and they're final. I'm sorry if you feel so disappointed that you can't enjoy and participate in the wedding regardless, but the subject is closed."

LuckyGirl1713 · December 2012

I"m sorry that you are dealing with this. She is being over the top bratty and needs to be knocked down a peg.

QueenOfTheSea · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_colours?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65345c71-c384-48ed-8456-dd54b803c483Post:7558f97b-e83d-4718-aabf-92bca09f50a3">Re: Colours & MOH wanting to be Different</a>:
[QUOTE]Joining Team Get Over It. You to MOH: "MOH, I've made my decisions about the dresses and they're final. I'm sorry if you feel so disappointed that you can't enjoy and participate in the wedding regardless, but the subject is closed."
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>YES!!! This is dead on! My sister is my MOH and she will be wearing a blue dress, while the rest of my BM are in navy, they are all wearing silver shoes and jewelry. She also wanted to be different, so she started insisting on a sash and different colored shoes. It was FI and I's decision for her to wear a different shade dress to tie in our lighter wedding color, but I told her that we decided she would wear a different color dress, but that she will wear the same color shoes and jewelry. That decision was final and not up for debate. Luckily, she didn't press it anymore and let it go. Maybe your MOH just needs for you to put your foot down on the situation and she will get over it as well!</div>

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