Pre-wedding Parties

Shower Invite - was I out of line?

So....
I was in the car a few nights ago with FI, his 15yo daughter, and her best friend. My shower, which is being hosted by MOH, future MIL & future SIL, is in 10 days.
15yo asks, can my best friend come with me to your shower. I reply that we will talk about it later, thinking it is rude to have the discussion in front of her friend. When they get out, FI asks why I didn't just say yes. I explained that I was not hosting and couldn't just arbitrarily add another person (it is a very small 12-15 people) shower and more importantly... it isn't appropriate for her to bring a friend. He thought that was ludicrous... and plainly told me so.

Was I out of line?
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Re: Shower Invite - was I out of line?

  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't see the harm in her bringing a friend.  If I were 15, I probably wouldn't want to sit there watching adults open presents and play games and have to make small talk with them.  However, you were right not to say yes b/c it isn't your place to invite anyone.  I would ask the hosts if they mind the friend coming.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You are right. 1. It is the hosts prerogative on whether or not to add to the guest list. 2.Your fsd should have asked you privately whether or not her friend could attend your shower. 3. Your fi is the one who is out of line.He should explain to his daughter that it's rude to put anyone on the spot, like that.

    Now, after knowing you are in the right, do you think it would be okay to ask the host if your fsd could bring her best friend to your shower? Pretty please? : )

                       
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Maire.

    Sometimes men don't always "get" etiquette.  You were right but you might need to have a quick confo to explain why you don't want to step on toes.
  • zr8derzzr8derz member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Thanks, ladies.... would it be okay to ask? Of, course. It is her Noni that is the main host and would never tell her no. The other extenuating circumstance is that over half the guests are her extended family that she complains she doesn't get to spend enough time with. I think I am finally feeling the stress of planning for a year and now getting down to the last few weeks...
    Thanks for your viewpoints.... as always - I learn a little bit each time.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    This is not the last time you will be asked if a friend can come along. At least I hope it won't be, because this is how you will get to know her friends, which is very important. Just teach her to ask you privately.



                       
  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-invite-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:128c9f79-558e-4e67-8d30-131034ab2d89Post:aad39b3e-a5ea-4fdb-a52c-ace329903c2d">Re: Shower Invite - was I out of line?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't see the harm in her bringing a friend.  If I were 15, I probably wouldn't want to sit there watching adults open presents and play games and have to make small talk with them.  However, you were right not to say yes b/c it isn't your place to invite anyone.  I would ask the hosts if they mind the friend coming.
    Posted by CassieeK[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.

    Altough it's not right to ask with her friend there, she's 15. Simply let her know it's better to ask things like that in private. Not really a big deal.

    And to be honest, even when kids know better there will come times they still put you on the spot because of any sort of reason. It's good you took it so well.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    As an FYI... my boyfriend's sister is about that age and she asks her mother these sort of questions in front of her friends on purpose because she knows her mother would feel bad saying no. She has become very clever for her age, lemme tell you...
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  • Kimberly0402Kimberly0402 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Check with the MOH/hosts to make sure it's okay, but I honestly don't see anything wrong with inviting the friend. One of my BMs is my FI's niece. Although she will be 18 at the time of the wedding, she is still younger than the rest of the bridal party and guests. I would have no problem if she asked me if it was okay to invite a friend (whom I obviously know if she's sitting in my car) to keep her company.

     
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  • edited December 2011
    I think you were entirely right to say that you will talk about it later, it wouldn't be fair of you to add more people to the guest list without checking with the hosts. 

    Still, you are the bride and the shower is for you.  So most likely, your hosts will be alright with the added guest.  Also, while she may be being pesty, she is 15.  She probably wants an ally in the whole thing.  Let her bring a friend.  She'll be more comfortable and have a better time.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ask FI if he'd be ok with you bringing a friend out with you two sometime without asking him first and expecting him to pay for their food and entertain them. It might make a little more sense to him then =P

    But you absolutely did the right thing.
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