How can we involve my 4 yr old daughter in the ceremony?? any ideas?

laianam · May 2010

So my daughters "real" dad is barely in her life and my Fi and I would like her to be an extra part of the ceremony besides flowergirl... Does anyone have an idea? We were thinking maybe my Fi could give her a necklace kinda like dedicated himself to her as well as me... what do you think?

pavingtheroad · May 2010

I love the necklace idea, and its something she will always have

trix1223 · May 2010

I'm not a fan of involving children in a wedding ceremony. The ceremony is between two consenting adults, and 4 year olds can't possibly understand the implications of vows.

I get that you both love your daughter. I get that she's an important part of your lives. I get that you want to recognize all that. Just don't do it at the ceremony.

Give her a necklace at the RD, and have her wear it at the ceremony. Have her as your FG on wedding day. Have a mommy/stepdad/DD dance at the reception. Take lots of photos of the three of you together.

Just don't include her in an adult ceremony. And yes, I have three children. I know how much you love her. This doesn't have anything to do with the love of a parent for a child. The wedding ceremony is a public recognition of the love of one adult for another adult.

GL

Pirata13 · May 2010

I agree exactly with what Trix said.

BecW2be · May 2010

I think the creepy part comes when the child has to speak or "vow" to do something. If your FI wants to acknowledge her and his devotion to you both during the ceremony, that would be nice. My DH gave my girls a bracelet and vowed to take care of all of us and love our family. It was quick, like 30 seconds or less, and they didn't say a word. I know the marriage is between the two of you, but it also affects the entire household, and it's a kind gesture to include children.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Perhaps you could have the minister say something about how you're now a family, and do a little blessing. But I'm with the others, a marriage ceremony is for two consenting adults. There are plenty of other times to acknowledge your daughter, but the ceremony should be about the two of you.

chosen175 · May 2010

I think the necklace idea is perfect, and a lot of them come with a little pamphlet that gives ideas on how your officiant can explain the meaning to your guests.

It baffles me that people get offended by children being in the wedding. Yes, WE ALL KNOW that the purpose of a wedding is to combine 2 seperate lives into one by reciting vows as man & wife. We get it. But what a lot of people also fail to see is that when your mom marries someone who is NOT your biological father, your entire life changes as well. A whole new family is created, and it should be recognized. Taking 2 minutes out of a 45 minute ceremony to include a few sentences to bless the new family is no time at all. And to be honest, if people don't understand how important it is to include your daughter in the creation of a new family, I wouldn't bother inviting them.

chosen175 · May 2010

Think whatever you want, Stage.

OP, I guess my question to you would be "Which time?" lol My dad remarried 5 times after he divorced my mom and she remarried twice after him. I got a bracelet when I was 5 and my sister & I were called to the front for a special prayer & presentation. I honestly felt like I was a princess or something, especially in my pretty dress with my hair all curled & ribbons in it. I knew the day would be all about them, but they didn't tell me about the bracelet so when I got to go up there and have all eyes on ME.... WOW! I understood every last bit of the presentation and what it meant, even though all I had to go on was what the officiant was saying.

The second time I got a family medallion and the officiant also called the kids up to the front (she had 2 kids as well.) Same thing - prayer, presentation, 3 minutes tops. I was about 8 or 9 I think. I also thought it was cool, but even at that age I was thinking "I wonder how many places dad had to go to get something different than last time." lol I really did like her and we're still in contact to this day, even though they've been divorced for probably 15 years now. I still have the medallion, too.

There were 2 women my dad married that lasted less than a year each. They didn't do any sort of family ceremony and to be honest, neither one of them paid a bit of attention to us when we visited. It was almost as if we were in the way. THEIR kids (from previous marriages) were treated like kings & queens, but my sister & I were literally ignored - at least by them. My dad was still awesome but you could tell it bothered him that his wives didn't like his kids. My feeling is that he WANTED to do similar ceremonies but they said no.

My first stepdad also gave me a necklace when he married my mom. Their wedding was on a boat, which was insanely "cool" to me because I was 11 and it was the first non-church wedding I had been to. He made a speech to my sister & I about how he promised to take care of not only my mom, but of our entire new family. 60 seconds, max.

HTH

BlondeBride123 · May 2010

My FI has two sons, 9 and 11 and we also wanted to include them as part of the ceremony, but only as much as they were comfortable. We decided on doing a sand ceremony with the 4 colors of sand as well, to unite us as a family. It won't take very long and it will be me vowing to FI's children to love and cherish them as well as their dad.
I personally think a necklace from your FI to your daughter would be sweet, and something she could keep forever.

Best wishes!

faith34 · October 2010

I have a 6 year old little girl. She is going to be my mini bride and we are doing the necklace.

How can we involve my 4 yr old daughter in the ceremony?? any ideas?

Re: How can we involve my 4 yr old daughter in the ceremony?? any ideas?

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