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Yahrzeit &/or Remembrance During Ceremony?

RachAisleRachAisle member
100 Comments
in Jewish Weddings
Hi All,
I'm drafting the Ceremony outline for our programs & would like to add something to honor those who have passed as well as two important people we simply could not have at the wedding.

Is this typically or ever done in a Jewish ceremony? If so, is there a word/term/phrase for this part?

We'll be at a Reform temple.

Also, are Yahrzeit candles ever used during the ceremony or are they forbidden at that time?

We met with the Rabbi recently but I'd forgotten to ask & don't have a lot of time to wait before printing the programs.

Thanks!
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Re: Yahrzeit &/or Remembrance During Ceremony?

  • LBRM_NJLBRM_NJ member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I don't think that deceased relatives should be mentioned as part of a wedding ceremony, which is a happy occasion.  I know others will disagree, so, JMO.  We simply put the following in our program:

    As we celebrate today, we lovingly remember Glenn’s father, Allan XX.   We wish he was here with us today, but know he is looking down on us, with joy in his heart, from the best seat in the house. We also honor and rejoice in the memory of our grandparents:Barney and Minerva XXManny and Mildred XXBen and Matilda XXDavid XX
    Lisa
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  • RachAisleRachAisle member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Great idea - makes more sense to just mention on the program!
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  • ARod22ARod22
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto.  This is a simcha, and while you have to awknowledge loved ones who have passed, integrating any mourning or yahrzeit into the ceremony or reception would be inappropriate.
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  • nzimmermannnzimmermann member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A traditional Jewish ceremony will include the el malay rachamim prayer at the start of the wedding to recognize a deceased parent.  (I can't remember exactly when.)  It is a beautiful traditional that, like the breaking of the glass, recognizes that even during periods of great joy there is also sorrow/sadness.

    I've been to a couple of wedding where this was done and it was a lovely way to remember without being inappropriate. 
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  • october010brideoctober010bride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We had a small section for remembrance at the bottom of our program and then the rabbi mentioned something about those who could not be with us.
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  • notacookienotacookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is a really lovely idea. My father passed away last year and (though I'm not engaged yet) have been thinking of how I want to include him in the wedding.  It's like saying that his memory is not forgotten and that his presence is felt though he is not able to walk me down the aisle. Frown
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  • vlevittvlevitt
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i've been to a wedding that mentioned deceased relatives, and it was done very well.  we opted to include their names on a page of our program and wrote it as the following:

    "on this day we remember with love:  (all the names of deceased family we wanted to include) and we also remember dear friends we lost this past year (and listed their two names as well)"

    we wanted to remember them, but did not want to include them in our joyful service. 

    if a parent had been deceased we might have included el maley rachamim, but we were blessed not to have to think about that.
    FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family
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