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Change the Date Wording "Update"

FSForeverFSForever member
First Comment
in Hawaii
So a month or so ago I posted that we were going to have to change our date because of a job promotion and time constraints.  First of all, so glad we made the change as I am slammed at work and this has been the first few free days I have had lately.  Anyway here is the wording to the poem we are going to send with our soaps. I will print them on heavy card stock with our logo and web info. What do you think? I am open to ideas or additional lines. 

You may have heard that our Wedding date was transferred.
The old dates a wash but our dream hasn't been squashed.
There will be fun in the sun and drinks by the sea, 
Tiki's and coconuts and rum it will be, 
So use these soaps to cleanse the past and join us in October for one great beach blast. 

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Re: Change the Date Wording "Update"

  • lwilson712lwilson712 member
    First Comment
    How cute! Love this!
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  • emmyloveseddieemmyloveseddie
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Cute idea :)
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  • racholasracholas member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I love poems!

    I'm a little OCD, so I corrected the punctuation:

    As you may have heard, our Wedding date was transferred.
    The old date's a wash, but our dream hasn't been squashed.
    There will be fun in the sun, and drinks by the sea - 
    Tikis and coconuts and rum it will be.
    So, use these soaps to cleanse the past,
    And join us in October for a tropical beach blast.

    I find the idea of 'cleansing the past' a little odd for a wedding invite, so here are some ideas:

    As you work these soaps into a tropical lather,
    Remember that soon in Hawaii we will gather.

    These soaps are just the beginning of our celebration's tropical flare.
    Maui in October, we hope to see you there!


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  • dianalynmdianalynm member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Great wording!!! Flows so well, I love it!
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  • Tanq&TonicTanq&Tonic
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Aw, so cute!  Does the card also have the real date included?  I would be sure you confirmed the island and specific date somewhere in the mailing.

    I also really like racholas' suggestion:
    [QUOTE]As you work these soaps into a tropical lather,
    Remember that soon in Hawaii we will gather.[/QUOTE]
    image
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  • FSForeverFSForever member
    First Comment
    Thank you.
    Tanq, we are printing cards that will have our logo and it has the corrected date and Maui on it, but we are also going to list the web info and date at the bottom just in case. 
    Racholas, thank you for the correction and I love your ideas. I will run them past FI and see what he thinks. 
    I can't wait to send them out. My BF has called twice to ask what we are going to do to update everyone. 
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  • kimmykupcakeskimmykupcakes member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Cute idea! We got some of those soaps for out OOT bags, too.
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