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Snarky Brides
katiewhompus
member
Can you have a healthy relationship without sex?
I stole this off TN but thought it could make for an interesting discussion.
Can a couple have a full, healthy relationship without sex, especially if they are married?
Before I would have said no, that sex was a very important part of a healthy relationship. Now I can see how it still works. It does add some frustration in but ultimately the no sex thing has not been a huge thing in our relationship.
Comments? Ideas? I know you are out there people!!!
Can a couple have a full, healthy relationship without sex, especially if they are married?
Before I would have said no, that sex was a very important part of a healthy relationship. Now I can see how it still works. It does add some frustration in but ultimately the no sex thing has not been a huge thing in our relationship.
Comments? Ideas? I know you are out there people!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can you have a healthy relationship without sex?
DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
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Married in Vegas - June 2011
Fred Rogers
[QUOTE]I could but H couldn't. His love language includes physical intimacy and if we don't make time for it he feels unloved and unvalued. I don't share that love language, so I can go for a long time without actual sex and still be WAY in love with him.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
Same here. I have to read that love language book too.
Just call me "Brothel"
And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
my read shelf:
[QUOTE]Two people could both have zero sex drive and have an excellent relationship, why not? This is how I imagine us when we are 85 in a retirement home together. But I am with Blue, it wouldn't work for me, and my friends that work at a retirement home walk in on people all the time, so who knows. Sorry if that was tmi.
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]
I was about to post the same thing, I heard something affecting senior citizens with a surprisingly sharp increase in occurrences these days are STD's. I guess you mix widowed seniors, communal living and viagra and the magic still happens haha.
Married in Vegas - June 2011
[QUOTE]Two people could both have zero sex drive and have an excellent relationship, why not? This is how I imagine us when we are 85 in a retirement home together. But I am with Blue, it wouldn't work for me, <strong>and my friends that work at a retirement home walk in on people all the time, so who knows. So</strong>rry if that was tmi.
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]
Reddy, this made me giggle out loud, because you added it in so nonchalantly.
[QUOTE]Sex? Yes. Intimacy? No. It's very important to be intimate in some way, but there are plenty of ways to do that without sex. Marriages that are failing due to lack of sex are most likely actually failing due to a lack of intimacy in general, IMO. The lack of sex is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I love this answer and I completely agree. </div><div>
</div><div>When I was pregnant we rarely had sex, but we still had a great relationship. I was fine not having sex very often, but I know it bothered FI because as (I think) Sarah, mentioned, he felt like I didn't love him or wasn't attracted to him. We had a few tough moments here and there because of it, but our relationship as a whole was still going strong.
</div>
I also would like to say that I can turn into an asshole if I go w/o too long. I am sure other people do too and that isn't good for a relationship.
Sure you can. With your parents, siblings, other misc relatives, friends etc.
I don't think either of us would be happy without it.
[QUOTE]Sex? Yes. Intimacy? No. It's very important to be intimate in some way, but there are plenty of ways to do that without sex. Marriages that are failing due to lack of sex are most likely actually failing due to a lack of intimacy in general, IMO. The lack of sex is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]
I completely agree with this.
[QUOTE]I also would like to say that I can turn into an asshole if I go w/o too long. I am sure other people do too and that isn't good for a relationship.
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
I'm the same way.
[QUOTE]Sex? Yes. Intimacy? No. It's very important to be intimate in some way, but there are plenty of ways to do that without sex. Marriages that are failing due to lack of sex are most likely actually failing due to a lack of intimacy in general, IMO. The lack of sex is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]
This.
We have stretches (especially recently with both of us in new, full-time jobs) when sex is basically non-existant. But we're still very much in love, and try to find other ways to maintain a connection--even if it's as simple as finding one night a week we can go out to dinner by ourselves. It's difficult, but completely possible.
But then I also agree with Nates--if it goes on for years without even having the urge? Maybe something is off a bit.
[QUOTE]I also would like to say that I can turn into an asshole if I go w/o too long. I am sure other people do too and that isn't good for a relationship.
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
<div>But that's just assuming everyone has the same sex drive as you. What if some one just doesn't have a sex drive? That doesn't mean their only relationships should be deemed like a roommate, friend, sister, unhealthy, etc. People with no sex drives deserve love too.</div>
For me, yes. It would probably be pretty easy to go without sex, but I do crave intimacy in other ways. For H, probably not. He could go awhile without if he had to (like if I was sick or something), but after awhile he would need it. If people aren't compatible in that area then no, it won't be a healthy relationship because one will always be wanting more. But two people who are, sure, why not?
House / Baby blog
[QUOTE]For those who said you could not deal with a sexless relationship, what if it were medically caused and occurred after the marriage? Could you adapt and find other ways to be intimate or would that be a deal breaker? (Assuming one partner had a normal sex drive but the other was unable to have sex)
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
This is what I'm wondering as well, and is exactly the thought process that my previous response came from.
Just call me "Brothel"
And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
my read shelf:
[QUOTE]For those who said you could not deal with a sexless relationship, what if it were medically caused and occurred after the marriage? Could you adapt and find other ways to be intimate or would that be a deal breaker? (Assuming one partner had a normal sex drive but the other was unable to have sex)
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
Sex is important to us but I can't imagine no sex due to a medical issue after the marriage being a deal breaker. We would figure something else out. I love so many things about H I wouldn't leave him if sex was removed from our relationship.
This is a two part answer for me, I can go long periods of time without sex with FI as can he with I and we are both still in love and it does not bother us. Sometimes we are both just busy and for whatever reason we dont have sex for a month or so. Now during these times we still go to dinner, movies or just hang out with each other and we are fine.
Now sometimes we have weeks where we are both struggling emotionaly or mentaly with something. Either we are sick and cranky (and by we I mean him) and for some unknown reason we are on each other nerves and bickering or fighting with each other. FI was sick a few weeks ago and he was in a pissy mood for like two weeks, during this time we did not have sex or have any fun alone time at all. i didnt whine to him about it because I knew he was already pissy but I felt disconnected from him. Then when he got to feeling better and was in a better mood we have been much better and have not had sex in a week but I dont feel disconnected because all the other parts of our relationship are healthy as well..I hope that just made since, it was kind of hard to explain.
A happy, healthy marriage could possibly be sexless, if both partners agree that it's ok. The unhappiness, and potential cheating, comes when the sex drives are too different, and one partner feels inadequate, unloved, and unfulfilled intimacy-wise. But two people with low sex drives could be happy and find intimacy in other ways that satisfies both of them.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you have a healthy relationship without sex? : Is it bad that I had to re-read that like 10 times b/c I kept reading it as BUTT sex?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
Hehe, to some people that's the key to intimacy :P
I'm just dead right now.
[QUOTE]Butt sex is just different from anything else, IMO . I'm just dead right now.
Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]
It is definitely different I would think...
House / Baby blog