Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope?

cybpros2 · January 2011

I need advice please. My parents offered me $10,000 to spend on my wedding, my future inheritance from my Grandpa. Now my parents do not have anything but love to offer and my Grandpa is well-off. I was asking for $20,000 to cover the costs but my parents balked at the idea because my sister had a wedding at a family member's house (glorified backyard cook-out) and they contributed almost nothing for my brother's firehall wedding.

I despise the idea of having a wedding reception at a firehall and serving cold cuts & rigatoni. I do not wish for extravagance just not tiresome and cheesy for 150 people. I never went to the prom (long story enough) and would like a nice party to fulfill one of my little girl dreams. It is just my personality but I feel like it is all or nothing - either I get the $20,000 or I am just going away to elope. Now yes I am paying some costs but can't afford much because of costly total house renovations.

What do you think?

king26 · January 2011

I think it's very demanding to ask for $20,000. Many girls have had a nice wedding for $10,000. That's very generous to get that amount and it can be done if you're willing to do the research and make some things yourself.
Now whether or not you choose to elope is your own choice, but if you are just going to elope because you can't get 20K I think it's a bad idea.

Hope61 · January 2011

Wow. Just wow. Are you serious? Someone is offering to pay for your wedding and you're complaining that its not enough, yet you won't put in any of your own cash? . Fine. Elope, have no party at all, and save your grandpa the $10,000 that he would waste on your wedding.

And now for my more helpful and nicer second reaction... You can have a great wedding for $10,000, that definitely should pay for more than a firehall and cold cuts although it won't pay for a steak dinner and you may have to cut back on a few things. As another option, you could cut your guest list down and have the wedding of your dreams but with a smaller party.

MRads · January 2011

I'm going to gve you the benefit of a doubt and assume that you want to save the $10,000 for future smart investments, because as pp said, its exteremly rude to ask for any money for your wedding, and especially rude to demand a certain amount of money. You and your FI are responsible for paying for the wedding (btw, you can ADD to the budget that your parents gave you). Also,it doesn't matter what they contributed to your siblings...my parents were in a place to pay for about $10,000 for my sister's wedding, but they are contributing significantlyless for my wedding...it is what it is.

My wedding budget is around $10,000. I did a lot of research to find a reception venue that was in my budget with caterers in my budget, and honestly, it is my dream location (even more so because of thecost). I would say research is your friend...I am getting an experienced professional photographer whose packages start at $500...I am getting an experienced profssional photographer for really inexpensive as well (You can do an IPOD wedding too). I can bring my own alcohol, so we can control those costs. I looked for trunk and end of season sales for dresses, so I got a dress that was originally $2600 for $98. You don't need a limo

Friday weddings, afternoon weddings and off peak weddings tend to be a lot cheaper. Craigslist and do it yourself projects will be your friend, as well. Sign up for VistaPrint and you'll get stuff for free. Sign up for Michael's and you'll getcoupons for cheap supplies. I think everybody wishes they had a bigger budget, but you can have a gorgeous wedding of your dream that you planned and you created

cgyvhu · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_accept-10000-wedding-budget-just-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:7896af43-6d76-4618-a9c2-230100d6a207Post:be2de7ef-6dc4-48bd-9527-96ca8339619f">Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need advice please. My parents offered me $10,000 to spend on my wedding, my future inheritance from my Grandpa. Now my parents do not have anything but love to offer and my Grandpa is well-off. I was asking for $20,000 to cover the costs but my parents balked at the idea because my sister had a wedding at a family member's house (glorified backyard cook-out) and they contributed almost nothing for my brother's firehall wedding. I despise the idea of having a wedding reception at a firehall and serving cold cuts & rigatoni. I do not wish for extravagance just not tiresome and cheesy for 150 people. I never went to the prom (long story enough) and would like a nice party to fulfill one of my little girl dreams. It is just my personality but I feel like it is all or nothing - either I get the $20,000 or I am just going away to elope. Now yes I am paying some costs but can't afford much because of costly total house renovations. What do you think?
Posted by cybpros2[/QUOTE]

It is considered VERY rude to ask for money for your wedding. If people offer, great. But you don't ask.

If you want pretty-princess wedding because you didn't go to prom, YOU are responsible for paying for it. If you don't have the money, wait and save until you have it or have the wedding you can afford.

You sound like you are threatening your parents to give you more money or you will elope, which is extremely childish and mean. Grow up.

Ash2985 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_accept-10000-wedding-budget-just-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:7896af43-6d76-4618-a9c2-230100d6a207Post:f9687ce7-9ae3-415c-856f-8814c7404979">Re: Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope? : It is considered VERY rude to ask for money for your wedding. If people offer, great. But you don't ask. If you want pretty-princess wedding because you didn't go to prom, YOU are responsible for paying for it. If you don't have the money, wait and save until you have it or have the wedding you can afford. You sound like you are threatening your parents to give you more money or you will elope, which is extremely childish and mean. Grow up.
Posted by mdphd[/QUOTE]
I'm just going to second everything she said. <div>
</div><div>Unbelievable. Throwing a temper tantrum because you wanted $20K but they only offered $10K? You need a reality check, and soon.</div>

CaliSunn · January 2011

I second everything. How lucky are you to have supportive parents like that! Take this as a challenge and make it fun. See what DIY you and your FI can get into and have your wedding be a more hands-on experience. Realize you'll have to pull back a bit in areas, but your wedding shouldn't be about material things in the first place.

Have you even talked to your FI about this? Eloping is a huge deal that you can't do-over and you should probably be talking with him about this instead of a Knot board.

Best of luck!

carlyanne05 · January 2011

Hmmm...Bridezilla! This is very very rude! I wouldn't dare demand money from my parents or threaten to take away the joy of them participating in one of the biggest days of my life, nor would I want to get married without their presence! I hope that you can take a step back and recognize how very selfish you are being in this situation.

pantherRN · January 2011

I sincerly hope that you take some of this advice to heart. Yes, it is hard to hear and you're going to call us mean b*tches as you are reading this. But, everyone is right. You need to step back and look at what you are asking your parents to do.

Let's forget that the whole thing is rude and against every etiquette rule out there. Put yourself in your parent's shoes. How do you think they feel? They knowingly cannot provide the type of budget you are looking for but they also know that if you don't get what you want, you will force them to miss out on one of the more important days of your life. Can you imagine the burden and the sadness they probably feel? You are basically throwing one of the most hurtful temper tantrums you could possibly ever throw. Act like a woman, not a girl, and be thankful for what you have.

If you decide to accept the incredible gift your family is offering you, the ladies on here have really great advice for keeping a wedding under budget. Many of us have done or are doing weddings on $10K or less. Please hang around and listen to what we have to say.

I also want to second what CaliSunn said. Deciding to elope is a HUGE deal. You need to have a long, well thought-out conversation with your FI. How does he feel about it? How would his family and friends feel about not being a part of his wedding?

I wish you the best of luck, but please take some of this advice to heart.

lmb6180 · January 2011

Wow, consider yourself lucky. I would love to have been given this as a gift. My parents are financially unable to help with the wedding. My FH and I are paying for this affair on our own. We are doing it tastefully and simply for under $8,000 and NO it is not a firehall wedding. Please think about what is truly important, having your family and friends there to support you and your FH, or how big the party is.

cgyvhu · January 2011

lmb - I like how you think. Hope you stick around.

strwbry084 · January 2011

I agree with everyone else. Accept the gift and thank your parents graciously. There are plenty of ways to stick to a 10K budget. Have a Friday wedding. Have it "off-season" in the winter. Serve wine and beer only, not a full open bar. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can do without. I could keep going. Stick around and you will learn a lot.

KimWard · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_accept-10000-wedding-budget-just-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:116Discussion:7896af43-6d76-4618-a9c2-230100d6a207Post:be2de7ef-6dc4-48bd-9527-96ca8339619f">Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope?</a>:
[QUOTE] I despise the idea of having a wedding reception at a firehall and serving cold cuts & rigatoni.
Posted by cybpros2[/QUOTE]

Just an FYI, I had my reception at a firehall that was decorated nicely, and that served more than cold cuts and rigatoni. Everyone had a good time, and at the end of the day we were married and happy. Please don't lose sight of what your wedding day is all about.

Janiceb2010 · January 2011

Wow!! I thought this post was a joke when I first read it, but after reading everyone's responses, I guess cybpros2 was serious.
I am speechless and all I can say is "Reality Check"!!!
Just wanted to chime in, but not waste too much time on this one. Rude, spoiled and ill-behaved children were never one of favorite people to be around.

Pirata13 · January 2011

Wow, you are a brat! And that is being kind.

I had an awesome fire hall reception with AMAZING food. The food definitely took the bulk of the budget but we were able to bring our own caterer in or choose from one of two they use. They handled all the booze and soda for a very reasonable price. We had free reign over decorations and what we did with our theme. We had about 150-160 and it was awesome. We easily came in under or right around $10,000 for our reception. My parents--who did provide much of that money--commended us several times on how we were keeping things classy and nice without going overboard. It CAN be done.

You should be grateful for the gift you're being offered. And quite frankly, instead of insulting people who chose a backyard BBQ or a firehall reception, you should remember that it really doesn't matter WHERE you have it, it is what YOU make of it.

We loved the idea of a reception at the zoo, Phipps, PNC Park. etc. But for as many people as we wanted to be with us to celebrate our MARRIAGE (not the prom) it wouldn't work budget wise. We created an awesome atmosphere for us, our faily and friends to come CELEBRATE, and that's what everyone did. People still talk about how fun it was, and particularly how good the food and cupcakes were.

It is what you make of it.

kayfranz82 · January 2011

Wow? I'm helping to plan a wedding in the Pittsburgh area at (OH MY GOODNESS!) a firehall? I am so impressed with this hall, and the bride says the caterer is awesome. No, it's NOT Cinderella's castle, but it IS what it's supposed to be---a celebration. We got photo, video, DJ AND photo booth services from one company at a discount, we've been shopping at Michael's with coupons, the dress came from a consignment store (and NO ONE will know), and so far we are still under budget.

Elope.....save your family the embarassment of YOU being a Bridezilla!

stacyc19791 · January 2011

I'm really curious though where do you plan to get married that is that expensive? I am getting married in PA because that is where my family lives but I live in Rhode Island, one very expensive state to get married in, and I do not think even weddings here are that expensive unless you are getting married in Newport. I know it's one and only 1 day of your life but come on $20,000...that's more then my car is worth, and one hefty down payment on a house! Of course, no matter what we say on here you are gonna do what you like, so good luck and hopefully you figure out what you want.

milichal · January 2011

OMG! If my parents could give me 10k for my wedding, I'd be freakin' exstatic! I plan on doing a lot of DIY projects, got hand-me down centerpeices and bubbles, bought my dress on ebay, and a million other things to keep my wedding UNDER 10K (ideally under 8K would be good). Granted, I'm getting married an hour north of Pittsburgh, but still you can do a lot with 10 grand. Consider yourself lucky to get such a wonderful gift from your parents. Do your research, and you can have your Belle-of-the-Ball wedding.

Dana526 · January 2011

My advice is to your fiance, tell him to run in the other direction as fast as he can!

hellopals · January 2011

I think you shouldn't bother even getting married if you aren't spending at least 20K. The price of everything is what is important about your wedding day so you should definitely include a price list on your program so your guests will know that you're spending at least $20,000 on this one day and you won't forever be branded as a cheapskate. I know I don't want to spend my marriage regretting not having an ice scuplture or silk thread pocket fold invitations with hand written insert cards.

jesslongmove · February 2011

have a small intimate wedding. It can be done for $10k and still get a nice cake, dress, flowers good photographer and maybe videographer too.

whatsoniasaid · June 2011

I wonder how long you and your future husband will last. You should appreciate the fact that your parents are offering to help at all! My mom can only afford me 10k. My parents had their very small wedding reception at a fire hall! No need to look down on people for doing it.

SimonaRussell · July 2011

A few months ago I would have said she was being a total brat. I've reconsidered. We're trying to plan a wedding for 80 guests on 10k in Pittsburgh and its a nightmare. Even horrible, moldy smelling venues want 1 to 2k for rental... not much less than nicer places. And then it seems that nearly everyone requires that you buy their bar package at a whopping 30-40 per person so 3-4k for what you could buy at the store for less than 1k... Everything is just completely jacked up.
We are estimating nearly 15k BEFORE a photographer, dress and flowers. I don't have a bridal party and opted to not have a cake. Am going to do my own centerpieces or not have them at all and am still looking at nearly 200 per person for this shindig. Furthermore its on a sunday and we are opting to not have it kosher as we originally planned b/c that would add thousands to our already strained budget.
The vendors out there have jacked prices up considerably over the years and the choice is to pay or elope. I want to know the person who had a wedding for less than 10k that didn't involve starving the guests. Honestly, I've been to a few "budget" weddings where the budget was saved on things like food and drinks. I've been to these weddings where you get maybe one hors deuvres if you fight for it. Maybe a cheese cube too if you're lucky. Where they are serving alcohol lower end than most college bars. I've been at weddings where afterwards we had to go out to dinner. Sorry but that's not what I want to have. I don't want everyone leaving early b/c they are hungry and miserable and having a terrible time... Its not about princess fantasies... Its about just fulfilling the basic requirements of being a good host. And with the wedding industrial complex as it is the cost is getting astronomically higher every minute.

cgyvhu · July 2011

Simona - please look at the dates before posting. You just resurrected a post that's been dead for a month, and the original poster wrote this half a year ago (and never posted back).

She was/is being a brat, because she was expecting other people to pay for her wedding. No one is forcing you or her to have a budget wedding, but YOU and FI should be trying to foot the bill for the wedding you want - not a parent, granparent, or other relative. That's what everyone's problem was with OP.

Plenty of women on this board have planned beautiful weddings in Pittsburgh for a 10K budget for 80+ guests - the Aviary, Heinz Field, the Zoo, the Rivers Club, and the Twentieth Century Club hosted those weddings from what I remember. If you ask for help on these boards, people could help you find quality, affordable vendors too.

LetsHikeToday · July 2011

I don't think you've looked enough then. I spent less than 100 per person and researched to find great vendors at reasonable prices.

Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope?

Re: Accept a $10,000 wedding budget or just elope?

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