Need advice on wording for a Ph.D. bride

Boyer's Girl · January 2010

In my professional life and to my family I am Dr. K. I know there are a lot of rules about professional titles and generally the MD is the only one accepted as Dr. on invitations. Two questions:

On the invitation can/should my name be "...at the marriage of their daughter Dr. K?"

During the ceremony should we be announced as "Mr. and Dr. Boyer?"

Not sure about the first question but the second sounds funny to me. I have also been waiting my whole life to be announced as "Mrs." However, I don't want it to be funny since everyone knows that I am Dr. I have read Emily Post's wedding chapter and she has virtually no advice for Ph.D. brides (or MD brides for that matter!).

Thanks!

mimandjon · January 2010

I think puting a titile on the invitation with your name will look bizarre. I would skip that and just say "their daughter Boyer's Girl".

I had a friend who was introduced as Dr. and Mr. lastname, but she had just (like 1 week prior) graduated from Med School so she was a bit excited. I thought it was cute, but do what you want. No one is going to question you being called Mrs. instead of Dr. or the other way around.

crfische · January 2010

Ph.D. is an academic title that is used only in academic settings. The use of "Doctor" on wedding invitations is reserved for medical doctors and ministers with advanced degrees.

Directly from Crane's.

Also, I'd be announced as Mrs.

Everyone knows youre a PhD, and everyone will know you're a mrs.

Sounds to me like you kind of really want people to know you're a PhD and want "permission" to use it, but it's just not necessary or correct.

sarah0725 · January 2010

Yeah, what Fishy said, sadly. You're not really supposed to put "Dr." on your invitations.

I know, it sucks. I'm not going to be getting my Ph.D. until after I get married, but after I do, I'm going to want to be Dr. Myname for quite some time afterwards.

Side note: When Joe and Jill Biden go anywhere, they get introduced as Vice President Biden and Dr. Biden. I noticed it at the inauguration and it made me happy.

SparrowSong · January 2010

It's a social invitation, not a resume. Having a title on the invitation looks extremely pretentious.

I think the introduction part is ok. But we just were introduced, "for the first time as husband and wife, John and Marcia" since I didn't change my name (I'm a doctor.)

banana468 · January 2010

Ditto Fishy.
Your PhD doesn't belong there. If you were an attorney, Esq or the abbreviation for the jurisdoctorate wouldn't belong there either.

sucrets4 · January 2010

My H has had his PhD for awhile and had absolutely no desire to put it on the invite or announce it. Everyone knows, so why be pretentious about it when it's clearly not acceptable etiquette?

squirrly · January 2010

Emily Post says "Holders of academic degrees do not use Doctor unless they are always referred to in that way. Women use their titles only when the invitations are issued by themselves and their grooms."

So, if no one would ever call you Jane but always Dr. Smith (even at family functions!), AND you were issuing your invitation yourself, I suppose you could use your title. Since it sounds like your parents are issuing the invitation, you shouldn't.

As for how you're going to be introduced at the end of the wedding - talk to your FI. Does he have an opinion? I personally would prefer to be B & M Newlastname, but FI really wants to be Captain & Mrs, so that's what we'll do for the ceremony. We'll just use names for the reception introduction.

arixana · January 2010

The general negative reaction to your question reflects the general sentiment that your guests will have as well. The words above may sting but are spot on. Take it from somone who was insufferable when she first graduated, and feels sheepish now that the shininess of the degree has worn off and the realization hit that my shiit still stinks.

Keep it Mr. and Mrs. because that's what the whole day is about.

And, congratulations on both achievements, Doctor.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-phd-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5ccc6af-5271-41e6-a536-e3fd3e434956Post:8b3927b4-0e96-4c29-a125-2c6cb03895e0">Re: Need advice on wording for a Ph.D. bride</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a social invitation, not a resume. Having a title on the invitation looks extremely pretentious.
Posted by SparrowSong[/QUOTE]

I strongly agree with this statement.

I think it's wonderful to be proud of your achievements, but this is your wedding, not a work event. While I've not gone as far as to get a Ph. D., I don't think that if I had one it would have crossed my mind to be listed on my wedding invite as Dr.

That could just be me.

ohwhynot · January 2010

Hijack, kind of, based on a PP:

I'm not changing my last name, and neither is my fi. It seems a little weird to be announced as "And now . . . Mark Exactlythesameasbefore and Peggy Exactlythesameasbefore!!"

Would adding "Mr. and Mrs." to it sound better?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

My FI has his PhD and I haven't even thought about this. But then he usually puts his name as "Oliver Lastname, PhD" rather than Dr. Oliver Lastname. But since you don't put "Miss Jane Ann Jones" on the invitation, just "Jane and Jones to Thomas Patrick Smith" you don't need a title period.

As for being announced, if you go by Dr, I would be announced as Mr. and Dr. Boyer.

TriSaratops10 · January 2010

New here, so hi! II will be an MD in 3 months and FI is an MD - we are not using our titles anywhere.

Catwoman708 · January 2010

Academic titles are appropriate for business and professional situations. So leave it off the wedding correspondants.

Your wedding is a social occasion, and the focus should be on the marriage and the happy personal event, not on academic titles or professional achievments.

Those close enough to be invited to your wedding are presumably close enough to know about and appreciate your professional achievments, and will be honored and happy to celebrate a special personal milestone with you and your new hubby.

deepcovejackie · January 2010

I agree with above posters. I'm a doctor too and we will be using "the newly married couple, Chris and Jackie" for after the ceremony. I would not use Dr. anywhere...

thesuninherhead · January 2010

I totally understand the need to AW the Dr title once you've finished your PhD, but it's really not appropriate on wedding invites. Even if you are known in professional circles by that title, I'm quite confident that anyone who is close enough to you to justify an invite will know who it's from without the title. I would leave both titles off and just go with full names.

Boyer's Girl · January 2010

Thank you for your responses. I fully understand that according to this board, I am under circumstances supposed to use this title. In the South etiquette is about being nice and respectful to others, and about knowing rules to enhance everyone's comfort. I was simply asking for information, not criticism for lack of knowledge. I encourage each of you to remember the grace behind etiquette when responding to members in the future, especially those that are new to the board. Many of your words were harsh and unnecessary. I am quite surprised by how unsupportive this environment is.

Thanks for your time. I will be choosing to post elsewhere or find other sources of support in the future.

Night_Sprite · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-phd-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5ccc6af-5271-41e6-a536-e3fd3e434956Post:2001b69b-f3d6-43da-b5b4-009611d1edf7">Re: Need advice on wording for a Ph.D. bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your responses. I fully understand that according to this board, I am under circumstances supposed to use this title. In the South etiquette is about being nice and respectful to others, and about knowing rules to enhance everyone's comfort. I was simply asking for information, not criticism for lack of knowledge. I encourage each of you to remember the grace behind etiquette when responding to members in the future, especially those that are new to the board. Many of your words were harsh and unnecessary. I am quite surprised by how unsupportive this environment is. Thanks for your time. I will be choosing to post elsewhere or find other sources of support in the future.
Posted by Boyer's Girl[/QUOTE]
I think you are misinformed about what being rude is. They were all sugar and spice to you. Silly Ph.D

banana468 · January 2010

I just re-read the responses and I'm really unable to see how the people were rude.

bel138 · January 2010

Duh, we didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. Of course we're rude.

[Deleted User] · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-phd-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5ccc6af-5271-41e6-a536-e3fd3e434956Post:2001b69b-f3d6-43da-b5b4-009611d1edf7">Re: Need advice on wording for a Ph.D. bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your responses. I fully understand that according to this board, I am under circumstances supposed to use this title. In the South etiquette is about being nice and respectful to others, and about knowing rules to enhance everyone's comfort. I was simply asking for information, not criticism for lack of knowledge. I encourage each of you to remember the grace behind etiquette when responding to members in the future, especially those that are new to the board. Many of your words were harsh and unnecessary. I am quite surprised by how unsupportive this environment is. Thanks for your time. I will be choosing to post elsewhere or find other sources of support in the future.
Posted by Boyer's Girl[/QUOTE]

Huh? I don't understand your fancy doctor words.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

Wow, I just caught that she felt that we were rude.

I figure that a Ph.D. would know that if you ask a person for an opinion, that it may not be what they're looking for. It's the laws of probability, duh!

Need advice on wording for a Ph.D. bride

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