I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

So we just got our first wedding present this week. It was shipped to our house and the wedding is still 10 weeks away.

We opened it together, repacked it, set it aside and we're sending out a thank you card ASAP.

The gift-giver is FI's friend, his wife, and their daughter (who is a year old). I KNOW they are attending our wedding. We haven't even sent out invitations, but we did send out STDs in March. Fi's friend just emailed him a few weeks ago to let him know he had booked a room in our hotel block and asking about our registry. I have confirmed that he does, indeed, have a hotel room booked for three nights.

Should we send them another note after the wedding, thanking them for coming? They're traveling from New Mexico. If we get the TY note out this week it just seems like a long time until they actually come to the wedding.

FWIW, I don't know that they'll care. I don't think we got a TY note from them for their wedding gift. And yes, I know that has nothing to do with it.

melliott09 · July 2010

I would send a TY for the gift now, and then a TY for attending the wedding. Especially if they give a money gift at the wedding! Was this a late Bridal Shower gift maybe?

kikibaby · July 2010

I would just send the TY card now, and only send another one later if they give you another gift at the wedding.

tenofcups4me · July 2010

If they were local, I wouldn't send another thank you after the wedding, but since they're traveling and staying in a hotel, I think a second one after the wedding thanking them for sharing in your celebration would be nice.

quotequeen · July 2010

There is no need to send a note thanking them for attending the wedding unless you really want to.

Knottie56296520 · July 2010

You certainly don't have to send another thank you card after the wedding. I probably would, though. Not only because they came a long way to attend the wedding, but because it isn't going to break your budget or take you tons of time to do.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-im-asking-thank-card-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ba7122-6e64-42cd-808d-bf22176bd2ffPost:8f772ea9-92da-4138-97cb-8de3de81e1d7">Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would send a TY for the gift now, and then a TY for attending the wedding. Especially if they give a money gift at the wedding! Was this a late Bridal Shower gift maybe?
Posted by melliott09[/QUOTE]

Nah, the thing is I'm SURE it's a wedding gift because I'm not having a shower. And the only time either of us have met this friend's wife was at the actual wedding, so it's not like she's a mutual friend who would be invited anyway.

And the gift was rather large. Three place settings. (My most wanted gift!) Which is more than what we gave them. So I'm 99% sure that's it. And like I said, they're traveling from out of state, so I'm sure they just ordered it when they got a chance and didn't want to travel with it.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

I would send a TY for the gift now and not send another after the wedding. Just be sure to thank them in person for coming.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-im-asking-thank-card-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ba7122-6e64-42cd-808d-bf22176bd2ffPost:f71abda6-94e6-4ab8-8ea7-bb9a4e03210e">Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...</a>:
[QUOTE]If they were local, I wouldn't send another thank you after the wedding, but since they're traveling and staying in a hotel, I think a second one after the wedding thanking them for sharing in your celebration would be nice.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

That's kind of what I'm leaning towards. Thanks.

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-im-asking-thank-card-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ba7122-6e64-42cd-808d-bf22176bd2ffPost:036c1f38-d0c7-4dad-9e33-85e176889d14">Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...</a>:
[QUOTE]There is no need to send a note thanking them for attending the wedding unless you really want to.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

If they are travelling (especially if a plane is needed), paying for a hotel and possibly taking a day off work and/or renting a car while in town, I think a thank you note is in order. I know nothing in the rules of etiquette requires a thank you for attending a wedding, but generally, when someone goes out of their way to do something for you, a thank you is in order.

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-im-asking-thank-card-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ba7122-6e64-42cd-808d-bf22176bd2ffPost:8ed8dc15-8459-4df4-847d-f04f93e01120">Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question... : If they are travelling (especially if a plane is needed), paying for a hotel and possibly taking a day off work and/or renting a car while in town, I think a thank you note is in order. I know nothing in the rules of etiquette requires a thank you for attending a wedding, but generally, when someone goes out of their way to do something for you, a thank you is in order.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

See, everybody says that here, but elsewhere I read about how you really shouldn't send people thank you notes if they didn't give you gifts because it will just highlight that fact and make them feel bad about not giving you one. Plus, I am thanking them for going out of their way to attend my wedding. It's called the reception.

melliott09 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-im-asking-thank-card-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ba7122-6e64-42cd-808d-bf22176bd2ffPost:878a011e-2568-4a8f-8c7a-81d62ab4a78a">Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question... : Nah, the thing is I'm SURE it's a wedding gift because I'm not having a shower. And the only time either of us have met this friend's wife was at the actual wedding, so it's not like she's a mutual friend who would be invited anyway. And the gift was rather large. Three place settings. (My most wanted gift!) Which is more than what we gave them. So I'm 99% sure that's it. And like I said, they're traveling from out of state, so I'm sure they just ordered it when they got a chance and didn't want to travel with it.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Makes sense then since they are traveling, I wouldn't want to take a chance with the place settings breaking. Although probably not necessary, I would still send a TY card after for them attending :-)

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-im-asking-thank-card-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ba7122-6e64-42cd-808d-bf22176bd2ffPost:26f6be1c-b8dc-42dd-afcf-3298c2c9ef3b">Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I can't believe I'm asking a thank you card etiquette question... : See, everybody says that here, but elsewhere I read about how you really shouldn't send people thank you notes if they didn't give you gifts because it will just highlight that fact and make them feel bad about not giving you one. Plus, I am thanking them for going out of their way to attend my wedding. It's called the reception.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

This is going to make someone feel bad?

Dear John and Jane -

Thank you so much for coming to our wedding in Los Angeles. We cannot tell you how much we appreciate that you were able to come all the way from New Mexico and share our day with us. We were so happy to see you again and hope that you were able to enjoy some of the city while you were here - hopefully the out of town bags gave you some good ideas.

With any luck we will be able to get out to New Mexico sometime soon. Maybe then we will be able spend more time catching up.

Thank you again!!!
-Bride and Groom

cmcdonno · July 2010

Send one now and after the wedding. Who has ever complained that they got 2 thank you cards? I think you'll be doing more good than harm by sending a second thank you, especially since they're coming from out-of-state for 3 nights.

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