Be careful who you chose

peanutkls · May 2011

If you have a feeling that someone might cause a problem for you during your planning or on the day I suggust not having them in your wedding party. I had two of my best friends from College be my maid of honors, one did an amazing job and I love her to death she was my second MOH but wish she were my first. My first MOH was self obsorbed during my whole wedding planning and would never let me talk about myself or the wedding and would only ever talk about the guys she is dating. I should have realized what type of person she is before becuase we always say "well that is just how she is" but on my wedding its the one day where it can be about me.
According to her this is wrong because at my own wedding she was talking about me behind my back to a friend from highschool. Saying I was self involved, even if i was your wedding day is a day you can be. She was lake to my shower, thirty minutes lake to rehersal and then got drunk at dinner. At the wedding her bf came and she hung on to him the whole time and went and madeout with him outside ( i heard later) I have heard a lot of friendships end after weddings and I believe that this is one friendship that is going to end for me. Why have a friend that is only into what they are doing and not abotu other people if they wont do the same as you would do for them, its not worth it. Just letting all the future brides be aware of who you are trusting to be there for you on your big day, because it is YOUR DAY!

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:110f5b2d-c583-4d9c-bd99-5c18a5f9b0e9">Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE] If you have a feeling that someone might cause a problem for you during your planning or on the day I suggust not having them in your wedding party. I had two of my best friends from College be my maid of honors, one did an amazing job and I love her to death she was my second MOH but wish she were my first. My first MOH was self obsorbed during my whole wedding planning and would never let me talk about myself or the wedding and would only ever talk about the guys she is dating. I should have realized what type of person she is before becuase we always say "well that is just how she is" but on my wedding its the one day where it can be about me. According to her this is wrong because at my own wedding she was talking about me behind my back to a friend from highschool. Saying I was self involved, even if i was your wedding day is a day you can be. She was lake to my shower, thirty minutes lake to rehersal and then got drunk at dinner. At the wedding her bf came and she hung on to him the whole time and went and madeout with him outside ( i heard later) I have heard a lot of friendships end after weddings and I believe that this is one friendship that is going to end for me. Why have a friend that is only into what they are doing and not abotu other people if they wont do the same as you would do for them, its not worth it. Just letting all the future brides be aware of who you are trusting to be there for you on your big day, because it is YOUR DAY!
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

jemmini6 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:110f5b2d-c583-4d9c-bd99-5c18a5f9b0e9">Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE] If you have a feeling that someone might cause a problem for you during your planning or on the day I suggust not having them in your wedding party. I had two of my best friends from College be my maid of honors, one did an amazing job and I love her to death she was my second MOH but wish she were my first. My first MOH was self obsorbed during my whole wedding planning and would never let me talk about myself or the wedding and would only ever talk about the guys she is dating. I should have realized what type of person she is before becuase we always say "well that is just how she is" but on my wedding its the one day where it can be about me. According to her this is wrong because at my own wedding she was talking about me behind my back to a friend from highschool. Saying I was self involved, even if i was your wedding day is a day you can be. She was lake to my shower, thirty minutes lake to rehersal and then got drunk at dinner. At the wedding her bf came and she hung on to him the whole time and went and madeout with him outside ( i heard later) I have heard a lot of friendships end after weddings and I believe that this is one friendship that is going to end for me. Why have a friend that is only into what they are doing and not abotu other people if they wont do the same as you would do for them, its not worth it. Just letting all the future brides be aware of who you are trusting to be there for you on your big day, because it is YOUR DAY!
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

ugh....

mbcdefg · May 2011

Are you both 12?

Also: At the wedding her bf came and she hung on to him the whole time and went and madeout with him outside ( i heard later)

1) Why is she not allowed to make out with her own boyfriend?

2) If you only found out about it through gossip AFTER your wedding, then obviously it wasn't a big-enough deal AT the actual wedding for you to notice it.

Get over yourself.

peanutkls · May 2011

Are you? with a response like that? I am just letting other girls be aware I wish I would have made a better choice. But my wedding was amazing and the only real thing that matters is now I have an amazing husband.

peanutkls · May 2011

You are not getting the point it was not about what she could do for me, it was about being there for me even just as a friend. Not necessary doing things for me. is it to much to ask a MOH to be on time to things? Honestly? And yes it is OUR day! But it wasn't HER day which she seemed to of wanted it that way.

dragossoul84 · May 2011

My Fiance was his brothers best man we were roughly 40 minutes late to the rehersal because they didnt tell us it was so far from where we were staying and being out of town we didnt know. Didnt make him a bad best man some people arent great with time managemend was she on time to your wedding? whats wrong with going outside and stealing a couple minutes with your partner weddings are romantic Its not like she went up to your table and they threw themselves on it. If you have an amazing husband and you were happy with your wedding maybe you should stop focusing on the things that happened on that day to get your fur up.

SirJuliusVonHaast · May 2011

I especially like it that you ranked your MOHs into 'first' and 'second' MOH.

MelissaAnne88 · May 2011

This post reminds me of this (http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing) post...

LoveMuffins · May 2011

"that's just how she is"

my friends and i had a girl we said that about ALL the time. she was a BM in my best friend's wedding...a nd she tried to take over the whole thing. she threw a fit that we weren't getting more expensive bridesmaid dresses and were shopping at David's (bride's mom paid for our dresses). she got into a fight with the bride when she found out that she hadn't been invited to the wedding dress shopping. she got in a fight with me because i was following the bride's wishes on what she wnated the bachlorette party to be like.

she sulked, whined, argued, and made drama everywhere she went throughout the entire process. several times she told the bride what a burden it all was for her to even be involved in the wedding (and lemme tell you, this bride literally demanded nothing but to show up on the day of. the BM kept jumping on taking on responsibilities - like the chick int he movie bridesmaids - but then she would create a lot of drama about how stressed she was about it). several times she said to the bride, "I don't feel like you even WANT me in your wedding."

And you know what? the bride convinced her to stay. the bride is still friends with her (i'm not, but that's a diff story). but the main thing is, it did not ruin the friendship. why? because THE BRIDE KNEW THAT'S HOW SHE WAS WHEN SHE ASKED HER TO BE IN THE WEDDING. either you know who your friends are and you love them for it or you don't.

to me, from what you've said, your BM sounds like someone i'd rather be friends with over you. she came and stuck by you even though it sounds like you were being a brat about a bunch of things and creating drama... who cares if she was late to a shower or party? geezie. ther's a reason she was saying you're self-involved.

jilld82 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:03e99cb8-ad23-49cc-933f-fb1588bc811e">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]I especially like it that you ranked your MOHs into 'first' and 'second' MOH.
Posted by SirJuliusVonHaast[/QUOTE]

Seriously, wtf is that all about?

trix1223 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:110f5b2d-c583-4d9c-bd99-5c18a5f9b0e9">Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE] If you have a feeling that someone might cause a problem for you during your planning or on the day I suggust not having them in your wedding party. I had two of my best friends from College be my maid of honors, one did an amazing job and I love her to death she was my second MOH but wish she were my first. My first MOH was self obsorbed during my whole wedding planning and would never let me talk about myself or the wedding and would only ever talk about the guys she is dating. I should have realized what type of person she is before becuase we always say "well that is just how she is" but on my wedding its the one day where it can be about me. According to her this is wrong because at my own wedding she was talking about me behind my back to a friend from highschool. Saying I was self involved, even if i was your wedding day is a day you can be. She was lake to my shower, thirty minutes lake to rehersal and then got drunk at dinner. At the wedding her bf came and she hung on to him the whole time and went and madeout with him outside ( i heard later) I have heard a lot of friendships end after weddings and I believe that this is one friendship that is going to end for me. Why have a friend that is only into what they are doing and not abotu other people if they wont do the same as you would do for them, its not worth it. Just letting all the future brides be aware of who you are trusting to be there for you on your big day, because it is YOUR DAY!
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

You sure are basing quite a bit of hurt feelings on things that you've heard second-hand. That's always a bad, bad idea.

And "cyring for HOURS on your wedding day" because you didn't get a gift? Really? You really cried for HOURS? How old are you?

But gosh.....good luck with your marriage.

ETA: You didn't have two maid of honorS; you had two maidS of honor. Always nice to learn something new.....

peanutkls · May 2011

That wasn't me that cried for hours on my wedding day. I just let my MOH do her own thing and i enjoyed being married. I didn't let her affect me on the actual day. I had just be told later what had actually happened by several people. Yes that isn't always the best way to hear things but at the same time would you enjoy hearing your MOH was talking badly about you on your wedding day? I talked to the rest of my BM's and they thought I did a great job for all the stress that was going on (My florist was 2 hours late with our flowers and we only have 3 hours to set up and do pictures) I didn't cry once even though I wanted to. It was a hard day for me, my dad was out smoking during my first dance and wasn't there when he was called in for the FD dance and didn't do a speech he said he would do. I was disapointed by a few people that day so its a little emotional after the wedding is over esp to hear things a "friend" has said about you.

mbcdefg · May 2011

Why would your friends tell you about hurtful things that someone else said about you? Then they're just being hurtful themselves. What possible use could it be for them to come up and tell you, "Oh, by the way, so-and-so said X and did Y while she was at your wedding. You didn't notice, so we thought we'd just fill you in on what an awful person she is!"

Seems like they just wanted to gossip and talk shiit about people, rather than just keep it to themselves and not upset you. You need some classier friends.

vicki0508 · May 2011

Well since you aren't 12, how old are you and your MOH?

peanutkls · May 2011

It is funny because you really do find out who you true friends are when you have a big event in your live such as this. A lot of people are saying my MOH is jealous of me because I am in a steading loving relationship and just got married to a wonderful man while she has a new bf every month. In college she always had a bf and i think she thought she would get married first. I saved dating till after college so i could focus on my studies and I am so glad that I did.

BTW I'm 26 and my MOH is 24

peanutkls · May 2011

Also i wasn't mad that she made out with her bf at the wedding, i was just upset because she was MIA basically the whole wedding. Then i found out why later and it just seemed typical of her. I don't care if she was making out with him, but they could have enjoyed the wedding together and with me and my hubby.

mbcdefg · May 2011

I can't stand it when brides come here and say, "She must be acting this way because she's jealous of me." It's such a self-absorbed thing to say.

peanutkls · May 2011

Iif you read it correctly I didn't say she was jealous of me. Other people were saying she was jealous of me. It never came out of my mouth.

and yes JCB i am realizing now that after college we have both gone in different ways and we are a lot different from eachother than we were back then. Our friendship is really not much of one anymore. I honestly have put effort into it and If I don't get any effort in return then there is no point. I have much better friends who are more supportive and caring as I am as a friend to.

trix1223 · May 2011

ditto, malphabet, ditto! It's always that their friends are "jealous". It's never, ever that the bride was behaving badly. It's ALWAYS about the jealousy. And it annoys me every time they say it. Every. Single. Time.

OP: you're right, you didn't cry for hours. That was jessie on the other post. She's equally self-absorbed.

But, good luck to you.

mbcdefg · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:f024310e-4b54-4aac-bf84-a832c06c4b15">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]Also i wasn't mad that she made out with her bf at the wedding, i was just upset because she was MIA basically the whole wedding. Then i found out why later and it just seemed typical of her. I don't care if she was making out with him, but they could have enjoyed the wedding together and with me and my hubby.
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

So, basically you're upset that she was just acting like herself? Rather than doing a total personality change when you asked her to be a bridesmaid?

Sorry, hon, but your wedding isn't THAT important that it's going to make people want to completely change their ways. If this wasn't a big-enough issue before your wedding to make you want to stop being friends with her, then it's egotistical and self-centered to suddenly make it an issue once she's involved in your wedding.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:2d08e030-83af-442c-95a4-d3c3622b4bad">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]Iif you read it correctly I didn't say she was jealous of me. Other people were saying she was jealous of me. It never came out of my mouth.
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

So why repeat that here, then, if you allegedly don't agree with it? In context, it seems like that's your explanation of why she acted the way she did.

MelissaAnne88 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:ed023f9c-18be-4263-8d31-55186f3f2fac">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Be careful who you chose : I'm curious as to why you'd ask her to be your MOH then. Seriously. My MOH is my best friend (other than my H) on the planet. I wouldn't have asked her if I one, didn't love her/respect her and two, would even consider not being friends with her.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
Exactly!

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

Was your MOH there to walk down the aisle, stand by your side while you say your vows, and then there to eat dinner? Yes? Oh, well then she wasn't "MIA for most of the wedding".

Also, just about everything you're oh-so-mad at her for seems to be coming from OTHER people's mouths. Perhaps you should sit HER down and discuss WITH HER the relationship between the TWO of you, rather than ending it based upon what other people have to say.

peanutkls · May 2011

Also i wasn't mad that she made out with her bf at the wedding, i was just upset because she was MIA basically the whole wedding. Then i found out why later and it just seemed typical of her. I don't care if she was making out with him, but they could have enjoyed the wedding together and with me and my hubby.

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:ff5bfe01-b0e4-412b-bc4b-8df5850a4eb6">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]Also i wasn't mad that she made out with her bf at the wedding, i was just upset because she was MIA basically the whole wedding. Then i found out why later and it just seemed typical of her. I don't care if she was making out with him, but they could have enjoyed the wedding together and with me and my hubby.
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

I'll repeat again what I said earlier: if she was there to walk down the aisle, stand by your side, and eat dinner, she was NOT "MIA" for "basically the whole wedding".

peanutkls · May 2011

I repeated the same things twice on accident and yes she was there for those things. I never said she wasn't there during those parts. I"m just going to be done this this thread becasue you are all making me out to be a horrible person and unless the same thing happened to you wouldn't understand. I'm not a rude person and I also have been a good friend to all of the girls that are in my wedding. I feel like I came for support and you all just made seem like its all me. Unless you were there to see what happened then i guess you really shouldn't have an opinion so i'll be finish here.

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:c72eb9e3-fef3-46c9-a3fe-f21ddde12796">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]I repeated the same things twice on accident and yes she was there for those things. I never said she wasn't there during those parts. I"m just going to be done this this thread becasue you are all making me out to be a horrible person and unless the same thing happened to you wouldn't understand. I'm not a rude person and I also have been a good friend to all of the girls that are in my wedding. I feel like I came for support and you all just made seem like its all me. Unless you were there to see what happened then i guess you really shouldn't have an opinion so i'll be finish here.
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]

1) If my MOH chooses to make out with her BF (likely to be FI at the time of my wedding), I'll be happy that they are enjoying themselves and that they've caught the romance that ought to be inherent in a wedding. If other BM's or girls in general feel like telling me that my MOH is talking behind my back, I'll first tell them that if she has a problem, it's HER that needs to bring it to me, not them and then, rather than getting hurt by what they are saying she said, I'd go straight to HER and straighten things out face-to-face.

2) Clearly YOU didn't see most of this happen, as you had to be informed of her gossiping and her makeout session after the fact. So I'm not sure why it's different for you not to see it and us not to see it.

ETA: ... and by posting on a public message board, you invited other people's opinions, whether they were what you expected/wanted, or not.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

You've been married for 4 days. 4 days! Is this really how you want to spend your newlywed time? Pissing and moaning about a BM?

trix1223 · May 2011

Mrs.B: great point. I know that I had (much more fun) other things on my mind 4 days after our wedding. Peanut: get off the internet and go spend time with your new husband. Seriously, let this go.

The whole idea of the wedding was to marry your husband. And that happened. And nothing changes that, does it? How about enjoying your marriage? You'll be much happier.

marinabreeze · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_careful-chose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7771def7-88d0-401e-bc7b-47ff59294378Post:ff5bfe01-b0e4-412b-bc4b-8df5850a4eb6">Re: Be careful who you chose</a>:
[QUOTE]Also i wasn't mad that she made out with her bf at the wedding, i was just upset because she was MIA basically the whole wedding. Then i found out why later and it just seemed typical of her. I don't care if she was making out with him, but they could have enjoyed the wedding together and with me and my hubby.
Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]
You know what? I have a friend that I've known since I was 15 (I'm 30 now). She is one of my oldest friends. She is always talking about herself and her relationships and whatever other drama she goes through, but doesn't want to hear about my "perfect life" (her words, not mine). But I didn't ask her to be a BM. I'm not even inviting her to my wedding.

People don't change just because it's someone else's wedding. And that's the point. It's unreasonable for you to think your friend would be something she's not, just because it's your wedding. It's unreasonable to think she would enjoy it the way you expected her to. Why would she? It's not her wedding.

And you say you're 26. Why are you listening and dealing with drama and gossip? It sounds like you need a new social circle, unless you're just as gossipy and catty as the people in your life.

You just got married. Enjoy your husband. Stop being so petty. Why are you even worried about events involving other people that you didn't even witness??

kimberlykh · May 2011

When I read your OP, I couldn't help but think that it sounds like you never really liked her. Why did you ask her to be you MOH? Don't get it.
And, she got DRUNK at the rehearsal dinner? The nerve... I must be a really bad friend then, because I've been drunk at every RD I've been to (and it has been many).

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