Not Registering

Jo-Rose01 · December 2010

How do we handle this situation?
We have been together for 7 years now, have our own house, 3 kids etc.....
We do not need anything, would never use fine china, don't drink so we don"t need glasses. We are not registering, most people from where I am from don't register for anything. We lead a very simple life, lol.

What do we do if we get like 4 toasters? lol or things like that. Would people be offended if we return them some place? What is the protocol? Lost when it comes to this part. or do we keep all 4? (hypothetical obviously)

marissa_claire · December 2010

If you don't want to register, there is certainly no need. The odds are people will just give you cash instead.

I always advise people to at least go an give a store a once over to make sure there's no upgrades or things you might want/need down the road. I personally registered for a few items that I know I won't need right away, but I don't particularly want to go buy that ice cream maker in six months.

If you don't register and people do give you gifts that you don't like / don't need, there are ways to get rid of things. If it's brand new, in the box, google the product to see what stores it may have come from. Walmart will accept anything under $20 w/o a receipt. I've heard BBB also has a lenient return policy.

Worst case scenario, try selling the item at a garage sale, on Craigslist or eBay.

frogurt814 · December 2010

I'd suggest creating a small registry. To me, it seems like there are things I always could use around the house. Some new towels or sheets...or maybe a quesadilla maker. Do H and I make quesadillas every night? No. Would we have bought one for ourselves? Probably not. Did we put it on our registry because we thought we would enjoy making quesadillas and it's a gift we'd like to receive? Yes. Do we use it fairly regularly? Yes.

Things like that. Just go to BBB or Target or wherever and browse around and see if there are some small things you could put on your registry. One thing we registered for which we didn't get but are in need of are new cooking utensils. Like a pan cake flipper, ladle, spoon, slotted spoon, etc. Ours are worn down and could use to be replaced.

If you really can't think of anything you would possibly need then don't do a registry. If people buy you 4 toasters, then you can do as marissa said and try to return them/sell them/give them away, etc. Hopefully people will include gift receipts.

Galaxy8227 · December 2010

I would walk around your house and look for things that you would like to update (sheets, towels, appliances) and create a small registry.

However, if do not register you do risk the chance of getting multiples of gifts (like you mentioned) and you might not be able to return them without receipts or knowing where they came from.

saraallen30 · December 2010

If you have been together for 7-years and have three kids I don't think that your guess would be surpised if you don't have a registry. I didn't really have one myslef, like you said who needs another toster. LOL!

However, what I do suggest is that you and the "hubby" both put down one thing that each of you have been really wanting and ask your guests to make a contribution. Believe it or not a friend of mines asked for Home Depot gift cards becase she knew she would always need to fix someing up around the house.

missymr · December 2010

We weren't going to register either for basically the same reason.

We aren't getting married to get gifts and we don't need anything. I have always been uncomfortable with the idea of registering because it seems so gift grabby to me. "Come to my wedding, here's what you can get me."

However we changed our minds.

We had an engagement party and clearly said no gifts on the invitation. (My parents, who hosted the party, said on the invite: "The only gift they would like to receive is the pleasure of your company."

But about half of our guests ignored it completely. We tried to have a plan for that by telling my parents two charities people could donate to in lieu of a gift. That didn't work.

Several guests drove my mother crazy asking her what they could get us. Some even bought us gifts through a registry service to have sent to us because we don't live in the same city as my parents, and it turned into a huge issue. Tracking them down, getting them ordered etc. we are still waiting for one of them to arrive more than two months later.

So for the wedding we've decided to just bite the bullet and register. If people are going to get us a gift anyway we'd rather they at least spend their money on something we can use.

If you're having a bridal party use them to spread the word through your guests that you would prefer not to receive gifts, or that you'd prefer to get money or gift cards towards something specific, like new appliances or a kitchen renovation or a vacation.

However having a registry with a small number of things will give the guests who insist on getting a gift options and help prevent you from getting a bunch of things you can't use, won't use or already have.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

I agree with PPs about creating a small registry. If you don't register, most people will take the hint and give cash, but there are some people that just aren't comfortable giving cash. For them, offer a small registry with a few options. Look for things that wear out over time (linens) or things you could use a back up or replacement of. I'm sure that with kids you could probably use an extra set of silverware or tupperware.

When people ask about registries, direct your parents/whoever to say "they have a small registry at X, but are really saving for Y."

strasbjl · December 2010

I know I am going to get a ^$*(&$ Storm for this one...But unless you want to replace items that you already have for new ones, like dishes and towels...then why not do a honeymoon registry? My FI and I are doing that after seeing the last 6 of our friends do it...and btw. we already ran it by family members and they are all about it.

We are 28 and 29, have well established careers and have lived together for over a year. We have everything we need and so our only registry is a honeymoon registry. We have only received positive feedback for it from our guests...and after contributing to 6 other honeymoon registries before ours, for friends our age I have to say I love the idea over buying someone that really great platter they wanted that has sat boxed in their garage for the past 5 years...or that wonderful china that they will use when they are 45.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-registering-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:72d40e68-4589-4cfa-b1da-b806ecd80c76Post:9bfa5203-1caf-4539-85da-ef71ba0dce39">Re: Not Registering</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I am going to get a ^$*(&$ Storm for this one...But unless you want to replace items that you already have for new ones, like dishes and towels...<strong>then why not do a honeymoon registry?</strong> My FI and I are doing that after seeing the last 6 of our friends do it...and btw. we already ran it by family members and they are all about it. We are 28 and 29, have well established careers and have lived together for over a year. We have everything we need and so our only registry is a honeymoon registry. We have only received positive feedback for it from our guests...and after contributing to 6 other honeymoon registries before ours, for friends our age I have to say I love the idea over buying someone that really great platter they wanted that has sat boxed in their garage for the past 5 years...or that wonderful china that they will use when they are 45.
Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Why not? Because cash registries are rude and offensive.

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marissa_claire · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-registering-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:72d40e68-4589-4cfa-b1da-b806ecd80c76Post:9bfa5203-1caf-4539-85da-ef71ba0dce39">Re: Not Registering</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I am going to get a ^$*(&$ Storm for this one...But unless you want to replace items that you already have for new ones, like dishes and towels...then why not do a honeymoon registry? My FI and I are doing that after seeing the last 6 of our friends do it...and btw. we already ran it by family members and they are all about it. We are 28 and 29, have well established careers and have lived together for over a year. We have everything we need and so our only registry is a honeymoon registry. <strong>We have only received positive feedback for it from our guests.</strong>..and after contributing to 6 other honeymoon registries before ours, for friends our age I have to say I love the idea over buying someone that really great platter they wanted that has sat boxed in their garage for the past 5 years...or that wonderful china that they will use when they are 45.
Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I've been to a lot of terrible weddings and seen a number of etiquette rules broken, and not once have I ever gone to the bride and said 'What were you thinking leaving us waiting for three hours?' or 'Why did you put your registry info on the invite?' Odds are you're offending a lot of people and just don't know it.

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garcias1 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-registering-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:72d40e68-4589-4cfa-b1da-b806ecd80c76Post:9bfa5203-1caf-4539-85da-ef71ba0dce39">Re: Not Registering</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I am going to get a ^$*(&$ Storm for this one...But unless you want to replace items that you already have for new ones, like dishes and towels...then why not do a honeymoon registry? My FI and I are doing that after seeing the last 6 of our friends do it...and btw. we already ran it by family members and they are all about it. We are 28 and 29, have well established careers and have lived together for over a year. We have everything we need and so our only registry is a honeymoon registry. We have only received positive feedback for it from our guests...and after contributing to 6 other honeymoon registries before ours, for friends our age I have to say I love the idea over buying someone that really great platter they wanted that has sat boxed in their garage for the past 5 years...or that wonderful china that they will use when they are 45.
Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]

I get that some people enjoy being trolls, but at least take the effort to retype your HM registry post rather than copying and pasting the same exact thing on each thread.

Back to the OP: if you aren't going to do a registry, I would suggest declining any showers. People are not likely to give you cash for a shower. You will most certainly end up with household items that you don't want/need. You will probably also get some household items for the actual wedding gift, but most people will probably give you cash, if they don't have a registry to choose from.

xtinamarie81 · December 2010

Wow, some of you guys take yourselves WAY to seriously. I doubt I will ever browse these boards again.

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