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KBold · February 2010

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bablingbrooke · February 2010

Here's a radical thought: Just ask her and have 1 more BM than GM. We had 1 more BM than GM. OCD DH was fine with it, wedding wasn't ruined, photos haven't been disastrous, it was great. It's worth it to save drama. Yes, you will notice in a couple photos. No, you will not kick yourself that the sides aren't even.

Also, WPs are not tit-for-tat so just because you THINK you won't be in her WP doesn't mean you don't ask her to be in yours.

Yes, she's being out of line with this, but it's going to save yourself so many headaches in this case.

megk8oz · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_future-sister-law-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d55c989a-5cd7-42a3-b37f-62390cb8dc41Post:2a895f62-5751-4ba9-b254-8aab16b87c51">Future Sister In Law Problem....</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently found out that my FSIL was very upset that she wasn't in my wedding party. My fiance' and I decided that we both were not going to have the others siblings in our party, and while my brother is fine with it, apparently she is not. I cannot stand the thought of someone being upset with me who will be in my family soon, but I also cannot ask one a my bridesmaids to leave so me FSIL can be in the party. I doubt I will be in her wedding party, and I have tried to contact her about introducing the wedding party with my brother, or doing a reading, but she hasn't responded. Should I ask my FMIL to talk to her, or my fiance? Usually we get along great! HELP!
Posted by KBold[/QUOTE]

Ok, first off, if you did decide to include her now, why would you have to ask another BM to step down? There would be no logical reason to do such a thing.

Second, just because you don't think she'll ask you to be a BM in her wedding, that doesn't mean it's a good reason to exclude her from yours. Besides, you're marrying her brother, which means your wedding is making the 2 of you family. When it's her wedding, unless she marries your brother, it won't have anything to do with you or her becoming a member of the other one's family. So, imo, it wouldn't make sense for her to include you in the future, but it makes a lot of sense for you to include her now, especially if it's already causing family drama. Do you really want her being left out being thrown in your face at every Thanksgiving and Christmas "for as long as you both shall live"?

Besides, all she'd have to do as a BM is get the dress and show up wearing it ... is one extra girl doing that really going to ruin your day? If so, you need to do a lot of growing up before you get married.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Meg and I are speaking from experience here: We both had our sisters as BMs and MOH and in both cases they were obligatory. Neither of us is terribly close to our sisters. But we both asked them. In my case my sister actually went out of her way to be a brat. It didn't ruin my wedding to have my sister and it didn't ruin Meg's wedding to have hers. So if we can put up with that crap and still say we have no regrets, you can probably handle this and still have a perfect wedding.

Don't put form (numbers, style, tit-for-tat) over substance (joining of families, getting married).

trix1223 · February 2010

ditto brooke and meg. For far too long people were locked into even sides in a WP. Fortunately, people have gotten much smarter about these things. They now realize that WPs are NOT about symmetry or gender.

So, you can certainly go to your FSIL and apologize profusely and ask her to be in your WP. OR, your FI can go to your FSIL, apologize profusely, and ask her to be on HIS side.

For that matter, put FSIL in FI's WP and put your brother in your WP. Now all siblings are included, and you have the even sides you covet.

megk8oz · February 2010

Brooke's right: my older sister is just awful sometimes, and it never once occured to me to not have her as a BM. Yes, she was a pain in the butt through the entire planning process (Which I did my best to not include her in to avoid her pain in the butt-ness), and the morning of the wedding I actually did kind of snap at her. But then I went off to go get ready, and she went off to go get ready, and she showed up at the hotel all dressed and ready, and if she did anything nightmare-ish post-ceremony it never got back to me.

Our relationship has always been a strained one, I don't know if it will ever get better, but I never wanted to look back at my wedding album in 20 years and not see all of my siblings standing up there with me. My wedding was only one day, she's my sister for the rest of my life.

trix1223 · February 2010

Why in the world did OP delete? There was not a mean response in the replies. Sheesh.

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