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marleylikeair
member
F/U: BF situation
Hey everyone! I just wanted to update you all on the situation with the BF. You might remember I posted a couple weeks ago about some fights we'd been having. I did have a fun long Memorial Day weekend in St. Louis with my grandparents. It was hard being away when things weren't so great at home, but I think a few days apart really helped us both.
One of the wise ladies of NEY said it sounded from my post like we were having a blockage in our communication and some message was not getting through. She was absolutely right, even though at first, that didn't seem accurate. The day before I got home, we talked for about an hour and worked out some things that he had been frustrated with. After I'd been home a few days, we talked about a few things that were on my mind.
Things are SO. MUCH. BETTER. He's even said he feels closer to me now. I'm definitely healing from the awfulness of that last fight, though it does still kind of hurt to think about. He said he thought we'd turned a corner after that last one, and I agree. We still have a few things to work through, but the hardest part is out of the way. We're communicating so much better. We're even much more lovey-dovey than we'd been lately! Yay!
We also made a rule: no serious talks, tough subjects, or housework talk if it's late at night and/or either of us has had something alcoholic to drink. (Honestly, this one is more for him. He's not a night owl, like me, and his brain shuts down at about 9 or 10pm.) He also said something in a text not too long ago about when we tend to fight. It confirmed my theory that his nicotine cravings from quitting smoking were amplifying these stupid fights by about a bajillion percent. I can now recognize when he's irritable from a craving and wait for a better time to bring up a serious topic. Woohoo!
The ideas of me moving into the guest room or even getting my own place for awhile have been talked about, but for now we're okay. Sometimes even just talking about other options can make you feel better, I think.
Anyway, sorry this got so long. Big thanks and love to all of you wonderful women of NEY for the advice and support. I really don't know what I would have done without you all.
One of the wise ladies of NEY said it sounded from my post like we were having a blockage in our communication and some message was not getting through. She was absolutely right, even though at first, that didn't seem accurate. The day before I got home, we talked for about an hour and worked out some things that he had been frustrated with. After I'd been home a few days, we talked about a few things that were on my mind.
Things are SO. MUCH. BETTER. He's even said he feels closer to me now. I'm definitely healing from the awfulness of that last fight, though it does still kind of hurt to think about. He said he thought we'd turned a corner after that last one, and I agree. We still have a few things to work through, but the hardest part is out of the way. We're communicating so much better. We're even much more lovey-dovey than we'd been lately! Yay!
We also made a rule: no serious talks, tough subjects, or housework talk if it's late at night and/or either of us has had something alcoholic to drink. (Honestly, this one is more for him. He's not a night owl, like me, and his brain shuts down at about 9 or 10pm.) He also said something in a text not too long ago about when we tend to fight. It confirmed my theory that his nicotine cravings from quitting smoking were amplifying these stupid fights by about a bajillion percent. I can now recognize when he's irritable from a craving and wait for a better time to bring up a serious topic. Woohoo!
The ideas of me moving into the guest room or even getting my own place for awhile have been talked about, but for now we're okay. Sometimes even just talking about other options can make you feel better, I think.
Anyway, sorry this got so long. Big thanks and love to all of you wonderful women of NEY for the advice and support. I really don't know what I would have done without you all.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: F/U: BF situation
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
Try not to dwell on the fight that hurt you (I am also struggling with this in my relationship, it's hard not to let it still bother you sometimes), but be honest about things if you need to bring them up again. If an emotion/issue comes up, sit with it for a while, and if it doesn't naturally fade away then you should bring it up to him. After all of this work, there is no point letting things build to an explosive level again. It sounds like you are doing that just fine
Still here and still fabulous!
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
Communication is SO important in a relationship and it's great that you are improving it!
Married! May 27th, 2012
When FI and I went through our rough patch, I had decided that if we broke up, I was going to pack up everything and move to Spain (I have an Irish passport, so I can live/work in the EU without a visa). It made it all a little less scary. And as much as I vehemently hate Miami, right now I'd rather be in Miami with FI than anywhere else! Though I can't wait until he gets his orders and we move out of that hell-hole.
Shoes--done and done. And I'm looking forward to more very soon.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
Marley, I'm so glad you guys have worked through some things and gotten to a better place. It sounds like you both were really mature and intelligent in dealing with it, and I'm proud of you.
Yay!