Mother- Stepmother issue.

maryparrish · January 2012

My mom committed suicide when I was 12 and my father remarried when I was 16. It wasn't until I read one of the posts below that it hit me that I would have to leave my mom off of the invitation.

Would it be mean to not have my step-mom on the invitation? I mean, she didn't really raise me and it feels like a slap in my mother's face. But my dad and stepmom will be paying for some of the wedding.

I guess the real issue is that my mom won't even be there. I'm having the wedding on her birthday as a remembrance of her, but she still won't be there.

LittleMissCutiePie · January 2012

I'd go the "Together With Their Families" route. I'm sorry for your loss. I know you think it'd be a slap in your mother's face, and I can understand that, however it would be just as much of a slap in the face for your step mother. The etiquette rule is that the parents who are paying's names go on the invite. It is a bit of a lost-to-the-sands-of-time rule, however that is traditionally which parents are meant to go on the invite. To avoid any hurt feelings (including yours) I'd just say "maryparrish and FI, together with their families, invite you to join in celebration, blah blah blah".

mkrupar · January 2012

In this instance, if you really don't want her name on there, I'd go with "Together with their families." If she's helping to pay, she's hosting, which means she definitely needs to be on the invitation if you're listing your father.

annakb8 · January 2012

My parents are divorced and my mom is remarried. I only put my mom and dad's names on the invitation, not my step-dads. He did contribute money (as my mom's spouse) but we are not close and he wasn't really a host in any sense. That said, I asked my parent's opinion before I did this. My step-dad had no desire to be on the invitations and didn't mind being left off, if he had cared I would have put his name on there. So I guess my advice is to ask your dad what he thinks and go with that.

pgcp · January 2012

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. While etiquette exists to to provide a standard from which we work, one that aims to protect peoples feels and honor, there are times to break it. I'd suggest you talk with your father. See what he thinks. If your step mother would be hurt, don't leave her off. She may understand though, I which case the invitations could go out in your father's name. Your mother's name should not be on the invitation, since those who have passed can not invite people.

Do you have any siblings you could talk to about this before you talk with your father? They might be able to help you gage how you father and step mother might feel.

Simply Fated · January 2012

I agree with the others. Also, it's not a slap in your mother's face. That's all I wanted to add other than my sympathies.

em01092 · January 2012

My dad's wife and I don't acknowlegde each other's presence, let alone speak. She isn't getting a "mother" flower (my dad's mom is my mother figure), her name in the program, or her name on the invitation. I'm a biitch.

But no seriously, 10 years of physical and verbal abuse lay behind that decision. My dad and I are repairing our relationship but I have no desire to speak to her ever again, and she feels the same. The only reason I agree to be in her presence is because I have half siblings and she is their mother, and because I know I have to accept her as my dad's spouse.

Mother- Stepmother issue.

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