Just Engaged and Proposals

need a second opinion

Soo... i am a very young bride.. I am 19 and about to finish my first year of college. My FH and i have been together for over 3 years, I love him more than words and my family absolutely adore him. I am technically not engaged yet because i dont have a ring and he has not proposed yet, but before he leff to go to the Air Force we had begun the planning process. We plan on actually getting engaged this summer when he is home on leave, we also dont plan on actually getting married for a couple years. My family is the type that hold me to very high standards and i feel as if i will either disappoint them when i tell or they will be fairly happy. My mother has always told me to wait to get married but i feel she could understand our situation. I love my family very much, we are all very close and all i want is for them to be happy for me, but i feel they will secretly disapprove and judge. Can someone give me some advice on how to tell my family? I feel like i should be excited to tell but i'm absolutely terrified. Am i overthinking it??

Re: need a second opinion

  • There's really not much you can do.  It sounds like their concern is that they think you should wait until you're older to get married.  If this is the case after you tell them that you're engaged let them know you plan on having a long engagement so you can finish college or whatever.  That might help them ease their minds.

    Out of curiosity, if you're planning on waiting years to get married then why become engaged now?
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  • I am in your same boat. I am a young bride also. I am 18, and about to finish my 2nd year of college. My FH and I are waiting until we graduate college, so we have a bit of ways to go. However, getting engaged now is just wonderful! My FH and I decided we would get engaged when I turned 18 and we did, even though we have a while, we still look at things that we like. I've looked at dresses online, I have venues in mind, He basically chose the colors. Time will go by quickly! As for your parents, my parents are very similar. Be sure to tell them that you do love them, and you have taken their feelings and ideas into consideration, however you feel as though this is where you need to be, with your husband. My parents nagged to me about waiting to get married, luckily, that was already Travis and I's plan. Do what you want to do. Don't rush the engagement though, enjoy planning and that way you are rushing and pushing everything. But you seem like a very intelligent lady, I'm sure everything will play out for you. Hope this helps.
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  • Hi!  I'm 19 and engaged.  My parents were the same way at first.  My fiance asked my dad if he could marry me and my dad said yes, although I think he was still surprised.  The only thing my parents said was that I had to finish school first or they wouldn't help pay for the wedding.  Which was our plan all along.  Make sure you point out to your parents that you will finish school.  I can understand why they would be worried about that part.  I'm actually ahead in college though, so I'm going to graduate next May, which is a year early.   Then again we're getting married next July, so we aren't having a super long engagement either.  Just a heads up though, the people that will judge, if anyone does, are probably not your family, since most of the comments I get are from other people.   Good luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-a-second-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:2c6dca36-b23c-4600-9bc4-7d200da476cbPost:620831aa-135b-4e69-a1e5-df84eac27fb5">need a second opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]Soo...<strong> i am a very young bride</strong>.. I am 19 and about to finish my first year of college. My FH and i have been together for over 3 years, I love him more than words and my family absolutely adore him. I am technically not engaged yet because i dont have a ring and he has not proposed yet, but before he leff to go to the Air Force we had begun the planning process. We plan on actually getting engaged this summer when he is home on leave, we also dont plan on actually getting married for a couple years. My family is the type that hold me to very high standards and i feel as if i will either disappoint them when i tell or they will be fairly happy. My mother has always told me to wait to get married but i feel she could understand our situation. I love my family very much, we are all very close and all i want is for them to be happy for me, but i feel they will secretly disapprove and judge. Can someone give me some advice on how to tell my family? I feel like i should be excited to tell but i'm absolutely terrified. Am i overthinking it??
    Posted by shelbyfunseth[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well technically you are not a bride yet, so I'm not sure why you started your post off this way. And also, why would you tell your family when you're not engaged yet and there is no certain date when you will get engaged?</div><div>
    </div>
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  • i'm 21 now and getting married at 22. if you plan to wait a couple years i personally don't think it's bad of an idea. get married on your 5th year together? i don't know. just tell them it's not like you're getting married right away. :)
  • In general, I think that if you're young enough to fear your parents reactions to an engagement, you're probably too young to get married.  If you're a "mature 19 year old" (something we hear fairly often), you should be able to tell your parents without worry.

    Granted, I was a little nervous to talk to my parents about my own engagement, but that was because of the nature of my relationship with them, not my age.

    If you're not planning on getting married for a couple of years, why the rush to get engaged?
  • You need to get yourself to a place where you can feel proud of your relationship. The fact that you automatically assume your family, with whom you are close to and love dearly, will be quick to judge and dismiss implies that there's something in the closet that they have to judge!

    If it's because they'll think you're too young, well, in some ways they're right. What's so wrong with waiting to get engaged anyway? I never really understood the whole need-to-get-engaged-today-but-the-wedding-will-be-5-years-from-now mentality. If the marriage is so far in your future, why not wait? You'll learn a lot in that time! Then when you two are in a place where you can feel proud of making that next step (financial stability, emotional stability, autonomy....) your family will have nothing to do but SUPPORT you and be HAPPY for you. The best feeling in the world is to be able to call your parents and be excited - not terrified - to tell them the news!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-a-second-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:2c6dca36-b23c-4600-9bc4-7d200da476cbPost:68e48b96-a16a-4e17-95e4-051752950c53">Re: need a second opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>You need to get yourself to a place where you can feel proud of your relationship. The fact that you automatically assume your family, with whom you are close to and love dearly, will be quick to judge and dismiss implies that there's something in the closet that they have to judge!</strong> <strong>If it's because they'll think you're too young, well, in some ways they're right. What's so wrong with waiting to get engaged anyway</strong>? I never really understood the whole need-to-get-engaged-today-but-the-wedding-will-be-5-years-from-now mentality. If the marriage is so far in your future, why not wait? You'll learn a lot in that time! Then when you two are in a place where you can feel proud of making that next step (financial stability, emotional stability, autonomy....) your family will have nothing to do but SUPPORT you and be HAPPY for you. The best feeling in the world is to be able to call your parents and be excited - not terrified - to tell them the news!
    Posted by AmJam04[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I hope everything works out for you, but if you're terrified to tell them about your relationship and that you guys are planning to get married, that signals a problem to me.  There isn't anything wrong with waiting.  Waiting is hard, but if it's meant to be, then it will happen. 

    I'm not judging you since I don't know you, but I can tell you that if I married my boyfriend that I was in love with at 19 (and believe me, I thought we were going to at the time), we'd be very divorced right now.  We grew up and grew into two different people that were not compatible.  But, every relationship is different.  My sister married her high school sweetheart, the only boy she ever dated, and they've been together since they were 14.  (they're 25 now).
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  • I'd maybe just discuss with them that you are talking about it in the near future... Is your boyfriend going to ask your dad for permission ? That might be a good start but maybe not everybody does that anymore.

    It sounds like you've known each other awhile but things can still change being in college and if you are apart . As long as you change and grow together and your families see that then they should be happy for you no matter when it is.

    I remember being younger and wanting / seeking more parental approval then I do now almost 10 years later I kinda follow that thought process.
    Love is All You Need
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-a-second-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:2c6dca36-b23c-4600-9bc4-7d200da476cbPost:68e48b96-a16a-4e17-95e4-051752950c53">Re: need a second opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to get yourself to a place where you can feel proud of your relationship. The fact that you automatically assume your family, with whom you are close to and love dearly, will be quick to judge and dismiss implies that there's something in the closet that they have to judge! If it's because they'll think you're too young, well, in some ways they're right. What's so wrong with waiting to get engaged anyway? I never really understood the whole need-to-get-engaged-today-but-the-wedding-will-be-5-years-from-now mentality.
    Posted by AmJam04[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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