Divorced Parents Dilema

chixlong · January 2013

My parents are divorced. I have a great relationship with both parents and both step-parents. My mom and step-dad are helping us pay for the wedding.

Here's the problem. My dad and step-mom can't afford to help us (which is obviously NOT the issue).

I'm afraid that since they are paying for most of the wedding that my Mom will expect that my step-dad will walk me down the aisle but I want my dad to.

Suggestions on how to take care of this BEFORE it becomes an issue???

monkeysip · January 2013

I don't know what you can do other than ask your dad.

If it becomes an issue, just let your mom know that you already asked your father. I know money comes with strings, but this shouldn't be one of them. Who walks you down is pretty personal, and since the dad-walking-you-down thing has become a common tradition, it seems weird for your mom to ask that you randomly walk with your step-dad just because they're paying.

Of course, there are also compromises for this kind of thing. Dad walks you part of the way, step-dad the rest of the way. Or walk with both men. I'm not saying you HAVE to compromise, just an option if you wanted.

AddieCake · January 2013

If you want your father to walk you down the aisle, then ask him to do so.

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

I would honestly be really surprised your mom would even consider, let alone insist, that your step father be the only one to walk you down the aisle since your relationship with your father is good. Ask your dad, and don't spend time dwelling on this. If your mom ever brings it up, tell her that you've already asked your father. If you really do have a good relationship with your SD, you could have him walk you part of the way, or share a dance with him too, but only if you feel compelled to.
FWIW, I had my dad walk me down, but asked his permision to share the FD dance with my stepdad, so about 2/3 through the song, SD cut in (I didn't want to have two separate dances). My father was incredibly understanding since he knows how much of a role SD has had in my life. I found it to be a way to honor both father figures in my life.

lauralaur · January 2013

If you want your father to walk you, then he should be the one to walk you. I simply wouldn't bring it up with your mother or step-father. If your mother brings it up, tell her that you've asked your father.

Do you have a step-sister? My mother and step-father contributed to our wedding, but, while my step-father's not the type to even think of this anyway, when I got married he had already had the honor of walking his own daughter down the aisle at her own, beautiful wedding. This was my father's turn with me.

Jen4948 · January 2013

This has nothing to do with how much each set of parents is contributing. It's up to you who walks you down the aisle.

Hopefully your parents on both sides will be understanding about this, but if your mother is not, you can compromise by dancing with your stepdad or having him walk you part of the way down the aisle as well. If she insists on your stepdad being the sole dad at your wedding, I think you should tell her she's out of luck on that-she divorced your father, but you didn't.

MRSreadcomicbooks · January 2013

Regardless of who is paying it is still YOUR wedding and you should have your dad walk you down the aisle. And if your mom and stepdad decide not to help you because of this minor detail (which they shouldn't) then I think it's a whole other kind of problem. Just because they're paying for things doesn't mean they can dictate the way your day will go.

That said, perhaps set aside a dance for your stepfather, and of course your dad. Your dad can walk you down the aisle but it's not like your stepdad will be ignored.

Or, you could have them walk you down together, if that's an option. One on either arm. I am considering doing that for mine, because my stepdad has been a part of my life for 10 years - 12 by the time I get married.

Psych819 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorced-parents-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ee77b5d-b4a6-4585-80db-ac15428da8f7Post:fb3e0c07-ce41-418c-b799-6a7002dc73a5">Re: Divorced Parents Dilema</a>:
[QUOTE]Regardless of who is paying it is still YOUR wedding and you should have your dad walk you down the aisle. And if your mom and stepdad decide not to help you because of this minor detail (which they shouldn't) then I think it's a whole other kind of problem. Just because they're paying for things doesn't mean they can dictate the way your day will go. That said, perhaps set aside a dance for your stepfather, and of course your dad. Your dad can walk you down the aisle but it's not like your stepdad will be ignored. Or, you could have them walk you down together, if that's an option. One on either arm. I am considering doing that for mine, because my stepdad has been a part of my life for 10 years - 12 by the time I get married.
Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>this. I totally agree</div>

JaxInBlue · January 2013

Agree with PPs. Your mom should not get a say in who walks you down the aisle. If she does, I think it's perfectly appropriate to let her know it will just be your dad.

There are a lot of other ways you could include your step-dad: he could walk you too, all or part of the way, he could do a reading, you could set a dance aside for him (doesn't have to be a spotlight dance). My mom and dad walked me down the aisle. My stepdad sang while we walked.

mlg78 · January 2013

Your mom gets a say in the invite list -- not this. Just ask your dad! I doubt your stepdad would feel entitled to the honor either. I think most people would assume your dad would take on this role.

beardownbchs · January 2013

I agree with PPs. This choice is up to you. BUT - ONLY IF YOU WANT - Would you have them both walk you down the aisle? I know my sister plans on doing this.

emenz47 · January 2013

It should not be an issue. My sister had both dad and step dad walk her down the aisle and I will do the same. That can at least be another option to consider.

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