OK so here's my situation. FI and I have been togehter for the past 18months. We've been engaged for 6 months. We moved in together (he owns a house) right after being engaged and have been living together ever since.
Although our relationship is not perfect we have continued to grow closer and closer as time goes by. Things I was not comfortable talking to FI about 8 months from now, I'm okay with saying. Our communication has gotten better. We can coexist fine and get along. I love FI and I know FI loves me. And this is quite conforting to me--to know that someone really loves you for you.
That being said, it is still a work in progress. There are fights sometimes. There is not as much "passion" in the relationship as I would like, buy FI just isn't a passionate guy. I want to be very honest and candid here. We aren't the poster couple for huggy and kissy but we do love each other very much. We aren't all over each other, and really never were except way in the beginning, BUT there is love and there is friendship as well. He is my best friend. When he asked me to marry him, we had not been living together. We had been dating just over a year. It was the best day ever and I said yes without reservations.
After living with FI for 6 months, and with his family and everyone and him asking--- I knew I had to get the show on the road. I booked my venue Friday and with my excitement--I had a pretty noticeable feeling of fear/anxiety afterwards. Hence my "anyone feel anxious" post yesterday. To be completely honest, I have always been a bit of a commitment phobe --FI was the only guy I ever agreed to live with and an ex of mine tried to propose after we brokeup but of course that answer was "no"--I think I had rose colored glasses on about what living with FI would be like--It is harder than I thought, perhaps more because I am on my own now instead of still at home with my rents.
I talked to FI about my anxiety over the weekend and he's interpreting my fear as not wanting to marry him or not being sure. He told me there was never any fear at all in his mind or heart with me and he was upset I came to him with this info right after booking the date nad his family all knows the date. This led to larger discussions/arguments about our relationships. Though we are still living together, and still being nice to each other, tensions are running high. I feel that I am overthinking everything and losing sight of what made me say "yes" --FI basically said I should call the venue back and ask for my deposit back if I'm at this point and he's like maybe we are on two different pages. (This after hours of back nad forth discussions over the days)He is totally shell shocked. I feel terrible, and I'm worried it's just cold feet from me and nothing more. This falls hand in hand with FI believing that I should really know in my heart yes or no and if it's no that we should part ways.
I don't want to walk out on FI. I love him dearly. And I'm sort of surprised and confused by my feelings. Even with FI's snide remarks here and there abotu being annoyed I don't love him (that's his outlet, he makes cold remarks when he's mad) he did suggest that I run this all by my mom--even his mom if I'd want to (but I would never)-- He really wants what's best for me even if it's not him in the end. I 100% believe that, even though in his bravado he can be pretty difficult. And I understand in this instance.
So I talked to my mom today and she said that I need to be 100% sure and that I have a full year to worry about this and to RELAX. That if I'm not sure this time next year, it'sokay. She will help me with the money, she said not to worry about a thing, that all she and my father want is my happiness. I explained to her that I really have 2 months to figure this all out because so much other planning still needs to be done and I would not want to incur any more financial or emotional risk/strain for either FI or me. The financial strain is on me. Let me clarify for you guys. I would not tie up FIs money. My mom said to see how the next few weeks go and to see if I still have anxiety--She also told me to pray--which I dont do enough but I will.
Fi said he never had any cold feet at all. My mother said there was never a doubt in her mind about my father. It's not that I doubt FI--I know he will do his best to provide and build a family. I feel that a lot of this has to do with FIs work being very slow right now and no money coming in. (Fi is self employed) And also because I never lived with a guy before (guess I'm old fashioned). I work full time and do contribute. I do not love the house we live in--I almost resent being there--I know it's terrible, It's a house I never would have picked and here we are paying for it. FI said we can get another house and I'm sure if I pushed hard enough we could have it on the market my next fall.I think if there were more money coming in and if it was a house that I picked I would be happier. He's okay with generally whatever I want to do with it--as all the furniture is his from an old apartment and there's no bit of my "personality" really infused.
I'm meeting with my father to talk about the situation later and to get his advice. As I said, I love FI and wouldn't want to not be with him. FI is very loveable but not always easy to deal with. He does not have any abuse problems or anything like that, if anyone's wondering. --He even called me today on his way from a meeting to see if he could bring me lunch which he's doing.
Has anyone dealt with similar circumstances? Feeling uneasy?
I love FI dearly and would not want to make the wrong decision here.