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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Ceremony Nightmare
I knew that there would be issues during wedding planning, but I really didn't think the ceremony would be one of them! =(
We have a venue, and they CAN do a ceremony there but my fiance really wants a church wedding. Noon is the only time that any of the churches who will take us have open (the rest require us to be affiliated, and since I'm agnostic and he grew up in another state we have nothing).
I wanted to have a 5pm cocktail reception. I don't think its right to have a 4 hour gap between ceremony and reception, but I'm not sure what I can do. Would you be really upset if you were a guest to a wedding with a 4 hour gap? Should I just stop thinking about it and hope that people understand?
We have a venue, and they CAN do a ceremony there but my fiance really wants a church wedding. Noon is the only time that any of the churches who will take us have open (the rest require us to be affiliated, and since I'm agnostic and he grew up in another state we have nothing).
I wanted to have a 5pm cocktail reception. I don't think its right to have a 4 hour gap between ceremony and reception, but I'm not sure what I can do. Would you be really upset if you were a guest to a wedding with a 4 hour gap? Should I just stop thinking about it and hope that people understand?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ceremony Nightmare
You want a cocktail party. He wants a church wedding. You can't do the church wedding at cocktail hour. You have to compromise or one of you has to give in. (I'd say you, but I'm more religious than most people.) Welcome to marriage!
[QUOTE]I've heard people are more OK with gaps for Catholic weddings, because Catholic churches restrict when weddings can be. Yet I've attended A LOT of Catholic weddings, and never dealt with a gap, because my friends are (generally) polite and sensible. You want a cocktail party. He wants a church wedding. You can't do the church wedding at cocktail hour. You have to compromise or one of you has to give in. (I'd say you, but I'm more religious than most people.) Welcome to marriage!
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]
There is no rule in the Catholic faith about the timing of the ceremonies. I could have had my ceremony anytime I wanted (we had a Saturday wedding). What restricts the timing is the schedule of the specific parish/priest. You can ask other churches in the area if they offer later ceremonies. Also, look into smaller chapels that aren't used by large parishes. They often do not have as many time restrictions because they're not used for regular masses.
OP - I agree with pp that you/your FI need to be very careful about choosing to have the ceremony according to the Catholic faith or not. It's a bigger deal than the mere logistics.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Nightmare : Which of you is Catholic? Do you plan on practicing the Catholic faith at any time in the future? The only way you can have a Catholic ceremony is to be married by a priest in the church (sanctified ground). The church usually does not allow any other kind of marriage. If you do not follow the Catholic rules, you cannot participate in the mass (communion), and you are excommunicated. This is a very big deal! Have you checked this out? This is a much more important question than what time you should have your reception or ceremony! I am concerned for you.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
He was raised Catholic. I am not Catholic and will not be converting, but am happy to have a Catholic ceremony for him. We have discussed extensively how we will be conducting our lives regarding religious matters (and then some) and are on the same page. No need for concern though I do appreciate it!
After that, the two of you need to sit and think about what is the most important part of your wedding? Is it the ceremony itself, or is the reception and your guests more important? Of course the ceremony is the most important part (since it is a wedding after all) but to my fiance and I, it is more important to us to have a great celebration with our friends and family. Some of myextended family is not exactly happy with my choice not to marry in the church but we decided that we wanted to be able to put the extra money and time towards our recepetion. We also decided we wanted a very personal ceremony so we have asked a friend to become ordained to marry us. While I understand that religion is incredibly important, maybe there is another way to compromise and make your ceremony special to the both of you.
If the church is a deal breaker, and noon is esential, maybe have lunch after at a local resturant and then move on to cocktails and deserts? I feel like you need a meal in there if it going to be that long of an event.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Nightmare : He was raised Catholic. I am not Catholic and will not be converting, but am happy to have a Catholic ceremony for him. We have discussed extensively how we will be conducting our lives regarding religious matters (and then some) and are on the same page. No need for concern though I do appreciate it!
Posted by Suzsvendsen[/QUOTE]
It's great that you guys have discussed religious manners and are on the same page. Since you are not Catholic, I wanted to make sure you are aware of what a Catholic church wedding entails. To have a valid marriage in the church you both have to be able to freely give yourself in marriage without reservations (most common issue here would be a previous marriage without an annulment), be open to life and accepting of children, and agree to raise them in the faith. This is part of your vows. As the non-catholic party for you this would mean not interfering with your fiances attempts to raise children Catholic. Make sure you are both okay with making these promises.
As for original issue, It is possible to find a Catholic church with a later wedding time. Usually the issue is that a lot of parishes have 5pm Saturday night mass. But it may be possible to get a 2:30pm or 3pm time slot, which may lessen the gap. I would keep asking around.
That being said I am having a 2pm wedding ceremony which I anticipate ending around 3:15pm and then the reception is 30 min away and doesn't start until 6pm. So yes I will have about a 2 hour gap. We will most likely have some type of hospitality suite or suggestions of things for the guests to do in between. I would say just try to provide for your guests as best you can. And honestly from weddings I have attended I much rather have a scheduled gap where I can go back to the hotel and relax and freshen up than go straight to the reception and then have to wait more than an hour for the bride and groom to show up because they were taking pictures. But I know that may be an unpopular opinion.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Nightmare : Does he understand that he will be excommunicated if he is not married in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest? Anything other than this is not a Catholic ceremony.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
If a Catholic person marries a non-Catholic outside the Catholic church, they are excommunicated??
I can't really decide what's best for the both of you as far as where you get married (If you do have a civil ceremony outside of the church, you can have a Catholic convalidation at a later date if having the church recognize your marriage is important to your FI, though), you guys are really the only ones that can decide what's right for you.
However, I can say this: whatever you do, don't have a 4-hour gap.
[QUOTE]This is an interesting dilemma. I was raised Catholic myself and am going to marry a pagan man. I no longer practice and my understanding was that to be married in a Catholic church, both bride and groom would have to be Catholic or attending classes to convert. If he still practices a church wedding may create even more of a sticky situation.
Posted by Froidinslip[/QUOTE]
Only ONE person needs to be Catholic in order to be married in the Catholic Church. That is the rule, no priest or parish can altar it. However, a priest must be comfortable that at least one person being married is a faithful follower of the Church. This is where you can see priests turning some away (until they take the necessary steps to correct themselves).
Suz - you are right. The four hour gap is unreasonable. Either move the reception up or ask the priest if you can have a Friday night ceremony. There is no rule, in the Catholic church that says you have to get married on a Saturday.
[QUOTE]CMGr- A Catholic who marries outside of the church may participate in the liturgy of the Mass, but would not be allowed to receive communion. I know this from first hand experience.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
Yes. There is a difference between excommunication and being in a state of grace. Marrying outside of the church does not result in excommunication. It puts you out of a state of grace, which precludes you from receiving sacraments (such as communion) until the situation is taken care of through convalidation/confession.
These are the only offenses punished by automatic excommunication:
1) An apostate from the faith, a heretic, or a schismatic (Can. 1364)
2) Profanation of the Eucharist (Can. 1367)
3) Physical attack against the Roman Pontiff (Can. 1370)
4) Absolution against an accomplice in a sin against the sixth Commandment (Can. 1378, 977)
5) Consecration of a bishop without a pontifical mandate (Can. 1382)
6) A priest who violates the sacramental seal of confession (Can. 1388)
7) A person who procures a completed abortion (Can. 1389)
Can. 1323 The following are not subject to a penalty when they have violated a law or precept:
1. a person who has not yet completed the sixteenth year of age;
2. a person who without negligence was ignorant that he or she violated a law or precept; inadvertence and error are equivalent to ignorance;
3. a person who acted due to physical force or a chance occurrence which the person could not foresee or, if foreseen, avoid;
4. a person who acted coerced by grave fear, even if only relatively grave, or due to necessity or grave inconvenience unless the act is intrinsically evil or tends to the harm of souls;
5. a person who acted with due moderation against an unjust aggressor for the sake of legitimate self defense or defense of another;
6. a person who lacked the use of reason, without prejudice to the prescripts of cann. 1324, §1, n. 2 and 1325;
7. a person who without negligence thought that one of the circumstances mentioned in nn. 4 or 5 was present.