Wishing Well--is it OK?

chumlee7478 · February 2012

Good morning ladies,

One of my BMs asked me if I'd be OK with a wishing well at my shower. I have zero clue what one is. We've never done one for anyone in my family.

What are they? Are they OK etiquette wise? She only asked me because she said that looking at my registry, the girls thought I'd need to add in some smaller kitchen stuff to the list.

Thanks for the advice!

chumlee7478 · February 2012

The girls said it was for kitchen stuff, like pot holders and stuff.

If it's not ok etiquette wise, I'll let them know I'm ok without it. I don't want an issue.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I'm pretty sure it's not ok. It's something designated for people to put money in.

chumlee7478 · February 2012

I know they're not asking for money. We have a varied registry at two places, and poeple know about the registries.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:adb8a55e-7d57-42c3-98b7-027b3ec5d735">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know they're not asking for money.
Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]
That's what a wishing well is for. Money.

chumlee7478 · February 2012

No, sorry, this is for the shower. Not the wedding itself.

We didn't register for smaller kitchen stuff, we just didn't think of it.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

This is confusing.

zitiqueen · February 2012

You mean I buy you your place setting as a gift and also some measuring spoons, and the measuring spoons go in the wishing well?

dumdumfroggie · February 2012

The only wishing wells I've heard of are asking for money. Don't do one. I'd be confused as a guest.

You can add smaller kitchen stuff to your registry now.

chumlee7478 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:32ddea10-8a0c-47f1-bbc9-212f88e6d149">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]You mean I buy you your place setting as a gift and also some measuring spoons, and the measuring spoons go in the wishing well?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Yes, from what I gathered from one of my BMs, that's exactly what would happen.

No money, at all. Ever.

mrszeno34 · February 2012

I thought a wishing well was just where your guests put the cards they bring to the wedding, regardless of whether there is money or not inside the card?

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

Where I live, everyone understands "wishing well" at a shower to mean "bring small kitchen/bath items to throw into a cute well/basket/whatever for the bride." It's not a money thing at all. Chum, assuming this is the type of wishing well you mean, I don't think it would be inappropriate at a shower, and you don't really need to register for small kitchen stuff - people will usually just get you things they use in their own kitchens (spatulas, whisks, rolling pins, etc.).

ETA: I've been to multiple showers with wishing wells, and I've never bought anything off the registry for the wishing well. I go by what I know about the bride - for example, a cute set of measuring cups for the bride I knew liked to bake - or, if I can't think of something specific to the bride, then I go with something like kitchen towels or serving spoons, stuff I know I use myself all the time.

aragx6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:738a1bbf-b91a-48db-a0b5-cffdaa51a999">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well--is it OK? : Yes, from what I gathered from one of my BMs, that's exactly what would happen. No money, at all. Ever.
Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]

If you didn't know what this was and none of us did wither I'm going to guess your guests aren't going to. I'd skip it -- or clarify exactly what your guests would be asked to do/bring.

FutureMrsTR · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:c0bd146d-80b0-457e-bcd8-fd29d0686535">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is confusing.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

You can say that again. And it is too early for confusing.

aragx6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:726c4e5c-3a33-4275-a7ad-046dcf18d37e">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]Where I live, everyone understands "wishing well" at a shower to mean "bring small kitchen/bath items to throw into a cute well/basket/whatever for the bride." It's not a money thing at all. Chum, assuming this is the type of wishing well you mean, I don't think it would be inappropriate at a shower, and you don't really need to register for small kitchen stuff - people will usually just get you things they use in their own kitchens (spatulas, whisks, rolling pins, etc.).
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Oh I take it back! Someone does know!

pgcp · February 2012

Or it might be a place for small household supplies- sponges, dish clothes, spray cleaner, swiffer clothes, etc. I'd pass, if your guests are already bringing gifts there is no reason to ask them to bring something else.

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:a9c20462-248c-4173-8590-9a7b86daaeb9">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]JESUS CHRIST. Chum, there has been a wishing well at every baby shower and wedding shower I have ever attended in this area. You go to the dollar store and grab a pack of wooden spoons/magnets/chip clips/clothespins/sponges/whateverthefuck and throw it in the wishing well. If everyone who is going to be invited knows about it, go for it. If I have $50 to spend on a shower gift, I buy something small for the wishing well and then the balance of my cash goes for a registry gift. It's not the end of the world, and no one has to bring a damn slotted spoon if they don't want.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I actually laughed out loud at this.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I've never heard of a wishing well for anything but money. I'm an east coaster.

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:e7353754-f599-4993-8fc3-848d1c657220">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well--is it OK? : Sometimes the "jump down your throat party line" chaps my ass. Chum is trying to explain that it is not for money. Everyone is like ZOMG IT'S FOR MONEY. No. It is not. Relax, everyone.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

i2i, Eagles. It seems like everyone assumes that anything they haven't heard of before must be about money. No people, not everything is money-related.

Actually, after being on TK for the last six months, I'd go so far as to say the northeast is one of the more etiquette-appropriate regions in the country when it comes to weddings, at least in the major metro areas.

aragx6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:e7353754-f599-4993-8fc3-848d1c657220">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well--is it OK? : Sometimes the "jump down your throat party line" chaps my ass. Chum is trying to explain that it is not for money. Everyone is like ZOMG IT'S FOR MONEY. No. It is not. Relax, everyone.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's a party line thing -- it's a "none of us have ever heard of this except for money at weddings line"

LDYGTR13 · February 2012

Huh. Learn something new every day. THANKS FOR THE LESSON, MS EAGLES. Im bringing your asss an apple tomorrow.

aragx6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:21af3bc2-d784-4ac7-8ed6-6a5fc8afd219">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well--is it OK? : But Chum was telling you guys that it was not for money, and you were all insistent that she was talking out of her ass or flat out wrong. No one thought, huh, I haven't heard of that, tell me more before I freak out.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

But she didn't really seem to know what it was either. And I didn't insist anything; I suggested she reconfirm with her BM what would be expected of her shower guests.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

Why are you so being so testy, Eagles? Nobody was freaking out.

chumlee7478 · February 2012

Actually, I said "no money, ever", and that it was for smaller items on the registry.

Thank you all for clarifying. I am from Boston, and we have never done anything like this in my family. We'd never do a wishing well for money at any event, EVER. The only time I ever saw money at wedding was for a dollar dance for a cousin that was marrying in, and it was tradition for her side to do that. We, on the groom's side, thought it was tacky at the very least, and there was some serious side eyeing.

To clarify, small kitchen items only for the wishing well, or stuff for our apartment like cleaning items, etc. NO MONEY. I just didn't know if the small item thing was a bad idea.

Believe me, I get the whole "asking for money is the height of bad etiquette/classless" idea.

LDYGTR13 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:fd453597-52c7-44f7-b901-498168312fe3">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]P.S. - LDY, make that a Granny Smith apple. Kthanks.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Those are the best - and you're the best - so obviously, it'll be a Granny Smith.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

Well, speaking for myself only, I initially said I think it's for money, then said it's for money, then said I was confused. I don't much care for the party line accusation, as I have never been one to roll like that.

Also, doesn't it stand to reason that if her family never does wishing wells, she herself isn't sure what it is, and a couple of us have said that this is confusing, that the shower guests may also be confused by it? In fact, if they don't do wishing wells, they probably won't know there will be one until arriving at the shower, at which point it would be too late to bring a small gift (the intended purpose).

chumlee7478 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:acb6c09f-70d0-4f8f-9ba0-c11b4c606e3e">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Eagles. Chumlee was trying to give a description based on what her BM told her, and everyone just said, "Nope it's for money, and that's RUDE." If her BM said "Do you want a wishing well? People just put money in it" then it's fairly obvious that Chumlee would have said "No." Chumlee - if you're worried that your family won't know what it is, ask the BM to add a good desciptive poem or just tell her you don't want it. The first shower I went to that had a WW, I had no idea what it was, but I asked someone and then that problem was solved.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

The BM I spoke to said if I was OK with it, she'd write a description of what it is to include with the invite. Now that she explained it, and it seems as long as it's OK to do it for just small stuff, then I'm OK with it. There will be women in my family who are confused anyways, because they are confused by registries in the first place.

dumdumfroggie · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:bff2c5ba-52a3-4ad0-b18f-bbef2519e6d1">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well--is it OK? : i2i, Eagles. It seems like everyone assumes that anything they haven't heard of before must be about money. No people, not everything is money-related. Actually, after being on TK for the last six months, I'd go so far as to say the northeast is one of the more etiquette-appropriate regions in the country when it comes to weddings, at least in the major metro areas.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I'm sure NJ Cindy would have agreed with you on that one... :/</div>

[Deleted User] · February 2012

Hmm, well I've never been a fan of "cute poems", but I guess that's irrelevant.

chumlee7478 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-is-it-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:04377829-527d-4dff-8221-02f9c1688d53Post:3aeb30a5-fb40-4ae6-b7b3-dc2715b6b649">Re: Wishing Well--is it OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well--is it OK? : True enough. Chumlee has a very...unique guest list.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

That's putting it very mildly, Eagles.

I'm going to go finish my granny smith apple and pray the next post I put on here doesn't open Pandora's box.

OliveOilsMom · February 2012

There has been a wishing well at almost every shower I've gone too. We did baby books at a baby shower, household items, recipes, or little things for the honeymoon (sunscreen, toothbrushes, etc) for weddings. As long as it's explained properly on the invite, it shouldn't be side-eyed.

Chumlee - if you are worried about looking gift grabby, since your family doesn't usually do wishing wells. Ask the BM to request a recipe from each guest. The times I've done this, I always put the recipe card in the invitation and ask the guest to bring it to the shower. And you will end up with some great family recipes!

Oh, and Eagles for the win!

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