Please Help

steph_bobby · March 2010

I am 74 days out.....The planning Process has been miserable, the help from MOH's (2 because I couldn't pick one over the other, I didn't want to hurt feelings, so they are the only ones) has ben minimal but appreciated when offered. I am at my whits end ....I have been emailed from both sayig they feelleft out that things are being planned with out them....which it isn't ..shower and bach party invites aren't out and there is no real plan other than the date so my mom is able to make it. I just recieved a nasty, finger pointing email from one that hurt more than it made me mad and I don't know where to go from there....I don't want to respond because I am speachless and crushed.....anyone else having problems. not that I wish that on anyone but man I feel so alone

suz62984 · March 2010

I can't say i'm close enough for the crazies to start bugging me with all the planning. Sorry you are having to deal with this. I've read enough posts on various TK boards to know you aren't the only one on whit's end. It will get better. Ice Cream, TV, and sleep makes everything better!

blackfire5th · March 2010

I'm a little confused. I need more detail. How exactly do they want to help and how do they feel left out?

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf034c0c-4949-4b64-a35b-93331555cb8dPost:44a6144d-b615-43af-86ec-c6b63f1ccff2">Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 74 days out.....The planning Process has been miserable, the help from MOH's (2 because I couldn't pick one over the other, I didn't want to hurt feelings, so they are the only ones) has ben minimal but appreciated when offered. I am at my whits end ....I have been emailed from both sayig they feelleft out that things are being planned with out them....which it isn't ..shower and bach party invites aren't out and there is no real plan other than the date so my mom is able to make it. I just recieved a nasty, finger pointing email from one that hurt more than it made me mad and I don't know where to go from there....I don't want to respond because I am speachless and crushed.....anyone else having problems. not that I wish that on anyone but man I feel so alone
Posted by steph_bobby[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well you shouldn't be planning your own shower, so I would just hand over the planning to them. Just say that you apologize for picking a date without asking them first, but your mom requested that date. Tell them the rest is up to them (including sending invites). </div><div>
</div><div>You really should not have had ANY hand in the planning of either of those parties, so I could understand why they would be offended.

</div>

suz62984 · March 2010

Wait I thought they had all agreed on the date??? Oh well...Just leave the planning up to them. Don't write the email back until tomorrow though. If you are hurt/mad/upset that will probably come through in your writing. Sleep on it and give yourself a night to calm down from it.

banana468 · March 2010

Can you elaborate a bit more on what the MOH said?

Take a warm bath and drink some wine.

steph_bobby · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf034c0c-4949-4b64-a35b-93331555cb8dPost:77756478-9ae4-4d71-8030-c87737330a92">Re: Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a little confused. I need more detail. How exactly do they want to help and how do they feel left out?
Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]

I feel like they want to help out with planning but have not made the iniciative. We finally got together last night and got a list of people filled out the invites MOH A didn't speak once, this has been her demener at the bridemaid dress shopping that no one wanted to do because I had picked a dress that I liked MOH Z liked my mom saw MOH A decided she didn't want to come that day. She didn't love the Dress and since she just had a baby 8 weeks before I wanted her to feel comfortable, so the three of us went else where found another dress and all liked it, i thought we were ok with that , she was rude then she was rude to my mother when we along with my sister in law went to go bridal dress shopping. she isn;t a very warm person but I figured since this is important to me everyone could put on a happy face since they all love me and wanted to be a part of our day.

As far as the me being rude for planning my own shower I wasn't, they wanted ideas I told them I wanted to be suprised yet they still wanted/needed me to meet with them last night I don't want to be a part of it I am indescisive, I just wanted to show up

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf034c0c-4949-4b64-a35b-93331555cb8dPost:fb9bddb5-20cf-4f47-b56f-ae100b71524a">Re: Please Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Please Help : I feel like they want to help out with planning but have not made the iniciative. We finally got together last night and got a list of people filled out the invites MOH A didn't speak once, this has been her demener at the bridemaid dress shopping that no one wanted to do because I had picked a dress that I liked MOH Z liked my mom saw MOH A decided she didn't want to come that day. She didn't love the Dress and since she just had a baby 8 weeks before I wanted her to feel comfortable, so the three of us went else where found another dress and all liked it, i thought we were ok with that , she was rude then she was rude to my mother when we along with my sister in law went to go bridal dress shopping. she isn;t a very warm person but I figured since this is important to me everyone could put on a happy face since they all love me and wanted to be a part of our day. As far as the me being rude for planning my own shower I wasn't, they wanted ideas I told them I wanted to be suprised yet they still wanted/needed me to meet with them last night I don't want to be a part of it I am indescisive, I just wanted to show up
Posted by steph_bobby[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Okay, my apologies, it sounded like you were planning your own, but it sounds like you are not. In that case, I am a little confused about what your MOH is upset about?

</div>

suz62984 · March 2010

My BMs are kinda like that. They keep telling me that they have to have my input in the planning of the bach/showers. I'm so laid back that I could sit around at home with them and watch a movie and be fine with it. I think all my girls are just really indecisive.

Maybe she was having a bad day being away from the new baby. New moms usually don't feel comfortable with their bodies right away. I understand that she might have wanted a different dress. Was there something else going on that would cause the rudeness to you and your mother?

blackfire5th · March 2010

Well, if they say they want to help, they are probably just being polite. The next time they want to help, tell them these are the things you need to get done and to let you know when they are available to help but only if they want to. My bm kept telling me that they wanted to help, but they would never get back to me, so I would just do it myself. Everyone is busy and they are probably hoping you don't actually want them to do anything.

As far as dresses, since she just had a baby, she may be feeling self conscious about her body. If dresses haven't been ordered (which I'm guessing they are) you can pick a designer, color, length, or fabric and let them pick their own dress.

If they are only concerned about being left out of b-party and shower planning, do as pp mentioned and let them take over everything.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Margarita + bath + dumb movie is in order for you.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Yeah, if they're making vague offers to help out but not offering to do anything concrete or following through if you ask them to do something, they're just being polite and aren't actually interested in helping. Which sucks, but they're entirely in their rights. Some people just don't do the whole wedding rigamorale.

People don't really change who they are just because you're getting married. If they were willing to suck it up and be civil for your wedding, they'd probably do it more often. It sounds like they're not terribly nice people, but it also sounds like you might be expecting a bit too much from them.

You can't control their behavior, you can only control your reaction to it. Right now, your reaction should be to distract yourself with booze, sugar, and a dumb movie. Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it, so if you're finding the process utterly miserable, you may want to re-evaluate how you're approaching it.

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