my sister

melaniejonathan2010 · April 2010

hey ladies,

A few weeks ago my sisters boyfriend and my FI were fighting...(still kids right)..lol However, the two of them just don't like each other. My sister's bf tried to sleep with me like 3 years ago and my FI doesn't like him. After the fight a few days later, my son came from over my mom's and said that my sister was getting married. I called her and she confirmed. She was really dry with me on the phone. I told her Congrats but she just kinda blew me off. Initially my sister asked could the bf come to the wedding. Fi and I discussed it and we agreed. After the fight, FI says he doesnt want him there. I think if I tell my sister, she wont come and She's my MOH. The girls on the JULY board said that I should just talk to her. Well I tried to talk to her the other day and she didnt wanna talk about it. Ugh! I dont' know what to say.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

In that case, I take back everything I said. Have a talk with her, don't invite him, and press charges if you're not past the time period where you can do that.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:e4e9b8ee-60d0-4438-bf1d-fb68464ed320">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : [QUOTE]I'm sorry, but your story just does not add up with me. If a guy seriously tried to rape you, and your sister did not believe you- why is she your MOH, and why do you seem ok with this? Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUO let me break it down for you: My sister and the guy were dating. FI and I were living with y mom. We had a little get together. Once all of my friends left, the guys were just there. My sis went out with her friends. I got in the bed with a t shirt and underwear on. After I was in the bed for about an hour, I heard someone come in the room. At first I thought it was my FI. WHen I turned around it was him. I told him to get out of my room. He said some crap to me like I know youve been eyeing me. We dont have to tell nobody and tried to get under the cover with me. I was pushing him off me and screaming. The guys downstairs didnt hear me becuse of the music. I kept pushing him and hitting him. <strong>Didnt wanna get up because I didnt have pants on</strong>. I finally got to my phone and hit redial which was my brother's number who was also downstairs. He let me go and left out the room. My brother and FI met him on the stairs and he denied everything. FI tried to grab him. My brother calmed everyone down and made my sisters guy leave. Now after that, my sister stopped talking to the guy for a while. Apparently she had been sneaking and seeing him without anybody in the family kowing. My whole family was pissed but we can't choose her mate. As for why she's still in my wedding becuase she is my sister. Im a big family person. We sat and discussed everything after it happened. She cried and apologized but I guess she cant help out she feels. IDK However it doesn't change the fact that I love her and want her to be a part of my special day.
Posted by melaniejonathan2010[/QUOTE]

I would be buck @$$ naked and still run downstairs if someone were doing something they should not be doing. Modesty leaves when someone is doing something not only morally wrong, but legally wrong. This is why I don't believe you .

MISSCOURTNEY20 · April 2010

WOW!!!! Well, he is now her family so you have to extend the invitation to him as well.

melaniejonathan2010 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:09026baf-5710-464c-ac0d-0c76b4ad514c">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : I would be buck @$$ naked and still run downstairs if someone were doing something they should not be doing. Modesty leaves when someone is doing something not only morally wrong, but legally wrong. This is why I don't believe you .
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Well now it seems that we're different people! I wonder how that could be! That is completely fine if you don't believe me. SO?

melaniejonathan2010 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:79d9c399-dda4-41e4-9ecc-ab0cbf888d40">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW!!!! Well, he is now her family so you have to extend the invitation to him as well.
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUO

Im hoping he doesn't want to come. It's not like we speak to each other if we see each other.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

[QUOTE]I would be buck @$$ naked and still run downstairs if someone were doing something they should not be doing. Modesty leaves when someone is doing something not only morally wrong, but legally wrong. This is why I don't believe you .
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]
But she's not you. Who's to judge how someone reacts when being assaulted?

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:4e112201-b170-417a-b83d-67b93978f228">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]But she's not you. Who's to judge how someone reacts when being assaulted?
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

I know she is not me, I am just saying I don't think the story adds up and there may be more to it that we are not being told here. As we always say- there are 2 sides to every story.

I would say if there is a problem, these people should not be invited, regardless of their relationship with OP.

And if this did truly happen, I am sorry for you. I am sorry you had to deal with that, and I am sorry you have to live with this situation for the rest of your life. I hope you can get the support and help you need.

andy71781 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:23384260-88e4-4754-8862-472c2a2e7bab">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : I know she is not me, I am just saying I don't think the story adds up and there may be more to it that we are not being told here. As we always say- there are 2 sides to every story. I would say if there is a problem, these people should not be invited, regardless of their relationship with OP. And if this did truly happen, I am sorry for you. I am sorry you had to deal with that, and I am sorry you have to live with this situation for the rest of your life. I hope you can get the support and help you need.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Umm I'm offended by this. I'm all for getting the entire story out there but you have no idea what she went through and for one believe her. Who the f are you to say "I don't think the story adds up" why would she put her business out there if it wasn't true. Boooo.

tidetravel · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:79d9c399-dda4-41e4-9ecc-ab0cbf888d40">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW!!!! Well, he is now her family so you have to extend the invitation to him as well.
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding me? No. She doesn't. He tried to RAPE her. In this case, the cookie-cutter answer doesn't apply - sorry. If you really want your sister there, then extend the invitation to her alone. I'm a big family person, too, however it's obvious your sister is not. There's no way in hell my sister would believe a guy over me, and I am offended for you that she's engaged to him. As much as I love my sister, if she did choose him, our relationship would be severed - there is no reason for that. I applaud your FI for even attempting to be civil to the guy.

tidetravel · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:97ee393c-682c-4109-91ce-ab6ad544015c">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : Umm I'm offended by this. I'm all for getting the entire story out there but you have no idea what she went through and for one believe her. Who the f are you to say "I don't think the story adds up" why would she put her business out there if it wasn't true. Boooo.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

THIS. 100x THIS.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:97ee393c-682c-4109-91ce-ab6ad544015c">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : Umm I'm offended by this. I'm all for getting the entire story out there but you have no idea what she went through and for one believe her. Who the f are you to say "I don't think the story adds up" why would she put her business out there if it wasn't true. Boooo.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

Why, because sometimes people post "questions" on here. Then as they are not hearing answers they want to hear, they quick come up with some sob story to make people feel sorry for them, and for the answers to change to "well if that is the case, then..." I did say I am sorry if this is truly what happened. In my experience, when these things happen to people, they don't outright just tell anyone and everyone about it.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

I think someone would have to be terribly messed up to cry attempted assault if nothing happened, whether or not we're see ing both sides of the story. Calling someone out on a detail like that just comes across to me as implying that an assault might be the fault of the victim, for some reason, and that really bothers me.

tidetravel · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:e4b2616b-ed99-4972-bb18-2f8d6d7625f8">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : Why, because sometimes people post "questions" on here. Then as they are not hearing answers they want to hear, they quick come up with some sob story to make people feel sorry for them, and for the answers to change to "well if that is the case, then..." I did say I am sorry if this is truly what happened. In my experience, when these things happen to people, they don't outright just tell anyone and everyone about it.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

She didn't, though. I was the one that insinuated that there was even a rape to begin with. When I called her out, she admitted that, yes it was actually rape. You were the one pushing for details and saying that it didn't add up, which is why she felt the need to explain herself.

andy71781 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:e4b2616b-ed99-4972-bb18-2f8d6d7625f8">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : Why, because sometimes people post "questions" on here. Then as they are not hearing answers they want to hear, they quick come up with some sob story to make people feel sorry for them, and for the answers to change to "well if that is the case, then..." I did say I am sorry if this is truly what happened. In my experience, when these things happen to people, they don't outright just tell anyone and everyone about it.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Actually it's important to talk about your experiences as a survivor. I don't normally do it because I am not totally at peace with it but here I go - I was drugged during law school and raped. I felt really guilty about it. A lot of people thought I just got drunk and had sex. He was my best friends BF.

ETA - so STFU.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:cabe93d9-c594-489a-8216-c08e44bc5d2c">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : Actually it's important to talk about your experiences as a survivor. I don't normally do it because I am not totally at peace with it but here I go - I was drugged during law school and raped. I felt really guilty about it. A lot of people thought I just got drunk and had sex. He was my best friends BF.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

Yes, it IS important to talk about these things. And maybe OP has not talked with a lot of people about it. And a lot of people DO feel guilty and do NOT want to open up and talk about it. Andy, I am glad you have had the chance to realize it was not your fault and that you are able to openly talk about it. I am truly sorry that happened to you.

Yes- Tide? asked if she was raped, and then she said yes. Could this have been her invitation to turn the story to this? I don't know. All I am saying is that the story from the beginning seemed a little off, and from there details were added in.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

She didn't mention it until asked, and only gave the details when you implied that she was making things up. I would think it'd take a lot of guts to tell strangers the details and I think that should be respected, not attacked.

If you don't believe her, let it go. If she is a survivor, and I'm guessing she is, it's got to be hard enough already without people saying she's not telling the truth.

salt78 · April 2010

Your sister is a fool for staying with him in the first place. But yeah unfortunately you have to invite him.

salt78 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:5a486041-4a94-4bdf-9d06-fdf00bb34077">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]that was extremely rude but yes he did try to rape me and I had to physically fight him off of me to get to my phone to call my brother who was outside in front of the house. Apparently my sister didn't believe me. He tried to tell her he was joking or something of the sort...........
Posted by melaniejonathan2010[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Woah WTF. I retract my last statement about him being invited. And your sister is a HUGE fool for staying with him!! Just wow.

</div><div>EDIT: And CA2MT4EveR: You're a real piece of work. BTW LOVE the little tagline in your sig. It's totally funny how you're trying to be all snarky now after you've whined to another board before about how mean girls on TK are. </div>

shellydiane820 · April 2010

My advice, keep trying to work it out with your sister, keep trying to talk with her. That really sucks what happen, and I can't imagine realizing he's going to be family. Gross.

Also, CA2, shut up.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

I also change my answer in light of the attempted rape.

No, you don't have to invite him.

It's a mystery to me why you are still close to your sister who has chosen this guy over you, but that's a whole other can of worms.

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:6587b492-8ec5-42f1-a8c0-756af38df79e">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]I also change my answer in light of the attempted rape. No, you don't have to invite him. It's a mystery to me why you are still close to your sister who has chosen this guy over you, but that's a whole other can of worms.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This, exactly.

Also, OP, I'm not saying that you should have immediately shared all your personal secrets with everyone, but I do think there's a lesson here in that people can only give you advice based on what you post. If what we read is "my FBIL tried to put the moves on me back in the day, and my FI is jealous," the responses are going to be a hell of a lot different than if it's "my FBIL tried to rape me, cheating on my sister at the same time, and my sister believed him over me."

CTGirl30 · April 2010

This should go without saying, also, OP but I really hope you're able to seek some sort of counselling or outside support in dealing with the events of 3 years ago and today with your sister about to marry this person.

jasmineh7777 · April 2010

I think it would be fine to invite your sister and not her FI in this situation.
I really am concerned for your sister though. He tried to sexually assault you, and luckily he didn't succeed. That makes him dangerous, and now she is engaged to him. If your family believes you, then I think they should all be really concerned about their relationship.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

CA, some people don't have a huge sign that says "RAPE" flash in their mind during the assault. It can be confusing if it someone you know, especially if it was only attempted. She probably didn't see it that way at the time, and only when she had calmed down afterward did she think, "Oh, god, he tried to sexually assault me." I don't think I'd have the levelest of heads in that situation.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

[QUOTE] I really am concerned for your sister though. He tried to sexually assault you, and luckily he didn't succeed. That makes him dangerous, and now she is engaged to him. If your family believes you, then I think they should all be really concerned about their relationship.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]
This, exactly. If your family knows what happened, I'd be surprised if they would be in favor of your sister's marriage.

jesscoletta · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:e4b2616b-ed99-4972-bb18-2f8d6d7625f8">Re: my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my sister : Why, because sometimes people post "questions" on here. Then as they are not hearing answers they want to hear, they quick come up with some sob story to make people feel sorry for them, and for the answers to change to "well if that is the case, then..." I did say I am sorry if this is truly what happened. In my experience, when these things happen to people, they don't outright just tell anyone and everyone about it.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Unless you were in fact in the same exact situation as her, you don't know what you would do. You also don't have any right to say if it's true or not. That's not what she asked. She didn't ask you to believe her. I don't think you know how insulting you are being claiming that she is lying. And just because she is telling people, maybe she felt the need to explain.

What she asked is-does she have to invite him. No she doesn't. He tried to rape her. That's all you need to know. You don't need any explanation. As a woman you should be ashamed to accuse someone of lying about almost being raped.

SarahPLiz · April 2010

I think that your sister, by promising to marry someone who attempted to rape her own sister, has essentially chosen between the 2 of you. She has said to you, by her actions, that your feelings don't matter, and that you are a liar.

So You may feel close to your sister, but she obviously doesn't feel the same about you. If I were you, I'd invite her, but not him. Let her know in no uncertain terms that if he shows up, you will file a report about the prior incident and that you can get a restraining order against him, thereby preventing him from being anywhere near you. You need to make sure she realizes how serious you are about what he did to you. I understand that there is shame and confusion involved with sexual assault, and I have never been there myself so I can't say how you should feel, but by you not raising hell about it in the first place, she doesn't realize how serious it was. She believes it can be swept under the rug because you gave her that impression. Even if you didn't, SHE is trying to sweep it under the rug for that fungus of a FI, and she needs to be reminded of how much his actions hurt you and STILL burt you on a daily basis.

emilykathleen511 · April 2010

What is up with the E invasion? Although I agree with the invasion. CA2 needs to shut it about the "crying rape" stuff.

tairairat · April 2010

As hard as it may be, you need to discuss this with your family. The fact that he attempted to rape you and has basically gotten away with it leaves the door open for him not only to attempt rape on someone else but possibly to succeed. He is a sexual predator, and it's not only other women who are in danger of him, but your sister whether she sees it or not.

Jartiaga07 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f89d0411-5e86-48f3-a968-a99e66f976a9Post:b32b9b74-ca91-4cd3-b5ae-3f76ecad8dc9">my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]hey ladies, A few weeks ago my sisters boyfriend and my FI were fighting...(still kids right)..lol However, the two of them just don't like each other. My sister's bf tried to sleep with me like 3 years ago and my FI doesn't like him. After the fight a few days later, my son came from over my mom's and said that my sister was getting married. I called her and she confirmed. She was really dry with me on the phone. I told her Congrats but she just kinda blew me off. Initially my sister asked could the bf come to the wedding. Fi and I discussed it and we agreed. After the fight, FI says he doesnt want him there. I think if I tell my sister, she wont come and She's my MOH. The girls on the JULY board said that I should just talk to her. Well I tried to talk to her the other day and she didnt wanna talk about it. Ugh! I dont' know what to say.
Posted by melaniejonathan2010[/QUOTE]

I think you are such a strong woman, and lucky to have a man by your side that cares for you and two sons that will always love you. I wish you the best.

my sister

Re: my sister

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