Compromise update

Re: Compromise update

• Klyn1983 member

  

  February 2012 edited February 2012

  Is there any way that you can sit down with your parents and explain to them that you and your FI don't wish to have a large wedding? Maybe if you explain that you want a small, intimate celebration they will be more receptive? 

  
  

  ETA: 

  Keep in mind it is your wedding, not your parents. Do what makes you and your FI happy...not anyone else.

  

  Report0 Reply
• sparkles776 member

  

  February 2012

  I agree with the PP.
  
  If that doesnt work, I would just explain to your FI that since your parents are helping pay, they do get a say as to who gets to come. You could always tell your parents you dont want their help and pay for it yourselves, and then you would have complete control over your guest list. So you really have 3 options: sit your parents down and talk to them about your wishes, sit your FI down and tell him that this is pretty much the way it has to be with your parents helping, or pay for it yourselves.
  
  Both my parents and my FI's parents are helping pay for the wedding, and so are we.  My parents are only inviting a few friends, where FIs parents are inviting half their neighborhood (seriously) but we do want/need their help. So I had to pretty much suck it up and just accept that they will be inviting who they want to invite.  I would try wording it to your FI, that yes, this is YOUR day, but at the same time, this is a very important day in your parents lives too, and they want to share their joy with their friends.

  

  Report0 Reply
• sparkles776 member

  

  February 2012

  Also, one thing we did with FIs parents was to make 2 seperate lists. One of must invite guests and people who would be nice to invite, but wouldnt ruin their day if these people werent there. You could always try that approach with your parents as well to see if it would cut their guest list down any.

  

  Report0 Reply
• ashlidie member

  

  March 2012

  sparkles kinda hit it dead on.  Either talk to your parents, and explain that this is really yours and you FI's decision to have a small wedding and hope that their assistance doesn't come with strings attached.  BUT in having that conversation you need to be prepared to take on the financial burden yourself should they disagree with you.  Then you would be responsible for the wedding but your parents would no longer get a say in the guest list.

  
  

  I think first let your FI make a decision, I like to arm ourselves with what we feel about the situation as a couple before going to mine or his parents.  If he wants the small wedding, then he has to be willing to contribute to the wedding more (since your parents might not contribute anymore).  Basically either big wedding, parents pay, or little wedding, you two pay.  Then go to your parents and see what they have to say.

  
  

  NOW all of this might be contingent upon how MUCH your parents are "helping."  In my case, our sets of parents are contributing some but us two are still footing about 70% of the bill.  If they are only helping with 10% of the wedding, well then its much easier to just tell them no thanks to the money and do what you want with the guest list, what you save in having a smaller guest list might even make up for what you are missing out on.

  
  

  
  

  June 2013 - Shoe Inspiration
  
  

  Report0 Reply