Wedding Party Drama!!

Charlinichole · May 2010

We chose our wedding party a few weeks ago. All of which are Family and only 2 Close Friends. Well our "close" friends, are no longer our friends. Turns out, they've been running around calling me and my FI "white trash". All because we got engaged a few months after they got married. Very Childish. Needless to say, we don't want them in our wedding party any longer. We no longer talk to them. Should we assume they realize they're out? Or should we make it clear they are no longer apart of it?

suz62984 · May 2010

Well if you are "no longer" friends than the wedding stuff should be understood. Have you not told them you aren't their friends anymore?

gottahavashorti · May 2010

[QUOTE]We no longer talk to them. Should we assume they realize they're out?
Posted by Charlinichole[/QUOTE]
This part, although I'm assuming here that the friendship has been ended and that they're aware of this.

emilyinchile · May 2010

Why are they calling you white trash for getting engaged AFTER their wedding?!

Charlinichole · May 2010

The only thing we worry about is them finding out details of the wedding and showing up for them. They've done this before with other friends. Rented a tux bought a dress whole nine yards. Simply because they could. If we make it clear they are to be no part in it, maybe this will stop them in their tracks? Sorry i forgot to mention this detail.

Charlinichole · May 2010

Yeah i know right? at least we respected them enough to wait until AFTER their wedding. Apparently we are "Trying to keep up with the "Perry's" , in this case.

andy71781 · May 2010

I mean are they invited to the wedding? I think the only way you can stop them from entering the building is by getting out an order of protection.

mbcdefg · May 2010

Did you hear it straight from them that they've been calling you names? Or is it something you heard from other people?

If you heard it straight from them, and if you've just been ignoring them since then (rather than actually telling them that you will no longer be speaking to them), tell them that you don't want to be friends anymore and that they are not welcome at your wedding as bridal party members or guests.

If you heard it from somenoe else, talk to these friends face-to-face and get the story straight before making any rash decisions. When things make their way through the grapevine, sometimes rumors get started and words can get twisted. Don't end a friendship over a potential rumor ... find out if it's true and then act.

Licia&Wayne · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d5722dc6-78f0-4364-ba44-2b7f299972a4Post:0932ba87-a273-4d59-86fb-691701eb2ad3">Re: Wedding Party Drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]The only thing we worry about is them finding out details of the wedding and showing up for them. They've done this before with other friends. Rented a tux bought a dress whole nine yards. Simply because they could. If we make it clear they are to be no part in it, maybe this will stop them in their tracks? Sorry i forgot to mention this detail.
Posted by Charlinichole[/QUOTE]

Uhhh, what? I didn't know people actually crashed weddings...call me ignorant.

Essentially, OP, I think if you've established that you are no longer friends and don't wish to be present in each other's lives, then there's nothing else you can do. If they show up like total d-bags to your weddings after not being invited, they're the ones who will look terrible.

Edited for punctuation. Sorry about my horrid comma splices.

bbyckes · May 2010

Is this something that you really end a friendship over? Have you verified that in fact they really did call you that name?

But, like pp have stated, if the friendship is "over", then I think no further communication is warranted.

JennaV26 · May 2010

That sounds pretty crappy, sorry to hear that! I'd assume if you guys have had it out because of this then they probably know they aren't in the wedding. But it also doesn't sound like common sense is one of their strong points so who knows?

trix1223 · May 2010

Here is the perfect example of why you shouldn't choose so early. If your bio is right, you're not getting married until 2012. Why in the world would you need to choose a WP now?

And all of this drama happened in the span of a couple of weeks? Frankly, I think there's back story here that you're not telling us.

But since that ship has left the dock, you have two choices here that I see: either tell your friends that you no longer want them in the WP and probably be done with them forever.

OR let this go and see what happens. You have a long, long time until your wedding. There is nothing that a WP needs to do now anyway. See where the friendship goes.

If you do decide to kick your friends to the curb, please learn from this mistake and wait until at least June, 2011 before choosing a WP.

Charlinichole · May 2010

We actually walked into a friends house, they didn't realize we were there and made the statement "Guess you haven't heard, the white trash couple is engaged now, guess they're tryin to keep up with 'jones'." Oh, and the whole reason we've had any issues with them, was the batchelor party (the Friends BP) , they lied to my FI (BF at the time) and told him they wern't goin to a strip club and they ended the night there. He wanted no part in it if they were goin to one. He's completely against them, and the knew this. And, thats where all this stemmed down from.

andy71781 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d5722dc6-78f0-4364-ba44-2b7f299972a4Post:327f641b-2f66-455a-b57d-fdc13d5e1345">Re: Wedding Party Drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]We actually walked into a friends house, they didn't realize we were there and made the statement "Guess you haven't heard, the white trash couple is engaged now, guess they're tryin to keep up with 'jones'." Oh, and the whole reason we've had any issues with them, was the batchelor party (the Friends BP) , they lied to my FI (BF at the time) and told him they wern't goin to a strip club and they ended the night there. He wanted no part in it if they were goin to one. He's completely against them, and the knew this. And, thats where all this stemmed down from.
Posted by Charlinichole[/QUOTE]

Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't that happen before you asked them to be in your wedding party? I'm confused.

Charlinichole · May 2010

Yes it did. But, we all talked it out and got over it. At least we did. Apparently they didn't. We hung out for weeks before anymore drama came down from it. But once the white trash comment was made, the only thing threw in our face was the whole strip club deal. That we don't care about anymore, whats done is done. We can't change what happened and neither can they.

catemeg · May 2010

Wow, this sounds like there's probably a more interesting story hidden somewhere in here.

But regardless - you did the right thing waiting until after their wedding to get engaged. I've seen people get engaged AT someone else's wedding - so tacky and not fair to the couple getting married!

I would talk to them directly, tell them based on what happened that you no longer want to be friends, and because of that they are no longer welcome at your wedding.

Does the place you're having your wedding at have security? Or do you have some friends/family who could do the job of bouncers in this particular case? Or do you have it in your budget to hire security? If any of the above, do it and make sure they're aware not to let this couple in. Preferably not the family members option, though, because that can get messy if a fight breaks out. Only as a last resort.

janedoe1113a · May 2010

Yea, I feel like we're not getting all of the story.

But if you're not friends with them anymore, I would think they'd realize they're out of the wedding party.

emilyinchile · May 2010

Lying about going to a strip club is lame. Freaking out about being tricked into going to a strip club - as opposed to just saying "hey guys, I'm really not ok with this, I'm going to have to head home" - is also lame.

What have you all actually said to each other since they called you white trash? If you've ended the friendship and they are aware of this, then as a result they're not in your WP. If you're worried about them crashing the wedding, all you can do is ask the venue for some kind of security, just as they would hopefully offer for anyone trying to crash a private event.

Charlinichole · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d5722dc6-78f0-4364-ba44-2b7f299972a4Post:e52afd2f-c99d-42be-8dbd-f9f8ace23333">Re: Wedding Party Drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, this sounds like there's probably a more interesting story hidden somewhere in here.
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

He left the strip club, thats it. He didn't wanna be apart of it. Nothing more happend. He told the guy, I really wish you would have just told me yall were goin instead of lying to get me to go.

Oh, and they made up fake facebook pages so they could "be freinds" with us. That makes it a little more interesting i guess. We no longer have facebook, thats one problem solved.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Are you sure you want to end the friendship over this? I mean, kicking them out of the wedding eliminates any opportunity of "kiss and make up" further down the road.

Your wedding isn't until 2012, so there's really nothing for them to do for a very long time even if they are in the wedding. I'd leave this alone for a while and address it again, say, in about a year. By then you'll have either patched things up or completely cut each other off, and either way the WP issue will have resolved itself.

Charlinichole · May 2010

WE didn't "freak out" about anything. They OVER REACTED to him leaving.

Since all this, we have made it clear that they aren't welcome at our house. And that we would prefer to just not have anything to do with them.

But, they have told other people they WILL be at our wedding. Whether they are invited or not.

jenn.daniel · May 2010

Never assume anything.

salt78 · May 2010

Do you live in a trailer with cars on blocks and an old refrigerator in the front yard?

Is your FI your cousin?

Is your wedding dress camo?

Do you like the song "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy?"

Do you own a Bedazzled jean jacket?

If you answered no to these questions, you are not white trash.

Sorry, I'm just stumped as to how the timing of your engagement would make you "white trash".

andy71781 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d5722dc6-78f0-4364-ba44-2b7f299972a4Post:6866b895-1dbb-4a0e-9e39-213957b06a3f">Re: Wedding Party Drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]WE didn't "freak out" about anything. They OVER REACTED to him leaving. Since all this, we have made it clear that they aren't welcome at our house. And that we would prefer to just not have anything to do with them. But, they have told other people they WILL be at our wedding. Whether they are invited or not.
Posted by Charlinichole[/QUOTE]

Ok then please see my previous post re: OP. You could also hire security. Or you could call the cops to stop them coming in.

I do think that by doing any of the things I mentioned will probably result in MORE drama. Ignoring them and letting your relationship fade away is really the best thing that you can do.

Charlinichole · May 2010

That was my point too salt78. I guess since we aren't as rich as them, we're just white trash.

salt78 · May 2010

Well crap. Now I'm nervous that I might be white trash too.

emilyinchile · May 2010

Sorry, I understood "the whole reason we've had any issues with them" as your FI having had an issue with as in, created a scene over, the strip club thing. Thanks for clarifying.

These people sound totally BSC. Not necessarily because what they said was SO horrible that you could never repair the friendship, but just everything all together is weird to me.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d5722dc6-78f0-4364-ba44-2b7f299972a4Post:8fc18390-ae42-4bc9-9688-d7116bea5026">Re: Wedding Party Drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Party Drama!! : He left the strip club, thats it. He didn't wanna be apart of it. Nothing more happend. He told the guy, I really wish you would have just told me yall were goin instead of lying to get me to go. Oh, and they made up fake facebook pages so they could "be freinds" with us. That makes it a little more interesting i guess. We no longer have facebook, thats one problem solved.
Posted by Charlinichole[/QUOTE]

Facebook is a hateful mistress...can we hear more of this? Why did they need fake facebooks to be your friends? (i before e, love)

Charlinichole · May 2010

emilyinchile - What they said WASN'T so bad, but when we asked them why they started ranting on and on about the Bachelor party. It made the whole situation worse. Then they proceeded to make us out to be the bad people.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

If you're worried about crashers, hire security. Have someone with a guest list at the entrance to the venue, and anyone not on the list will be turned away. That's the simplest way to deal with it, and will give you the most peace of mind. Make sure that security is instructed to call the police if anyone, these guys or otherwise, starts making a scene.

Charlinichole · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d5722dc6-78f0-4364-ba44-2b7f299972a4Post:24840003-4411-469b-9733-8212f102fe37">Re: Wedding Party Drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Party Drama!! : Facebook is a hateful mistress...can we hear more of this? Why did they need fake facebooks to be your friends? (i before e, love)
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

We deleted them from our friends, to end the drama and redicules posts they would put on our pages. So they had no way of finding out what we were doing. So Fake Facebook pages were made, they attempted adding us. But they used their email addresses so we noticed something was up immediately.

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