i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?

kdevin27 · March 2012

My best friend is not coming to my wedding--long story but she basically waited to ask off from work (whe nshe knew the date of the wedding 1.5 years in advance AND her daughter was my flower girl....).. which is fine. I clearly know where our friendship stands now. I didn't cry over it and that upset her that I wasn't upset (sick, I know) and she's been posting stuff all over facebook about it ever since. Do I still need to send her an invite? If i send one or don't--either way-- she'll have something negative to say. I just figured not sending one may minimize the negativity-- aka not liking my invite making fun of it publicly. I know proper etiquette says to still invite people even if they tell you they're not coming because things change, but aren't there exceptions to the rule?

EDIT: her daughter is not my flower girl---anymore none of them (her, her husband or duighter) are coming. and also, i sent a save the date already.
did I add my whole family went ot her wedding and both myself and my brother were in hers? The friendship is pretty much over.

sad, but true.

achiduck · March 2012

Well you have two options:

1) Be the bigger person and for the sake of your (longstanding, I assume) friendship send her an invitation.

2) Don't invite her knowing it will probably end the friendship.

Either way she's clearly being an immature brat by posting shiit all over FB.

redheadfsu · March 2012

Did you send her a save the date? Or did you already verbally invite her? If so, you should still send the invite. Be the bigger person.

Plus, don't give her more ammunition. Not sending her an invite would most likely have her posting more stuff, not less.

dumdumfroggie · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:1efab029-a153-4dc2-9b80-dff7b2ce61d3">i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend is not coming to my wedding--long story but she basically waited to ask off from work (whe nshe knew the date of the wedding 1.5 years in advance AND her daughter was my flower girl....).. which is fine. I clearly know where our friendship stands now. I didn't cry over it and that upset her that I wasn't upset (sick, I know) and she's been posting stuff all over facebook about it ever since. Do I still need to send her an invite? If i send one or don't--either way-- she'll have something negative to say. <strong>I just figured not sending one may minimize the negativity-- aka not liking my invite making fun of it publicl</strong>y. I know proper etiquette says to still invite people even if they tell you they're not coming because things change, but aren't there exceptions to the rule?
Posted by kdevin27[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ugh, I can't Edit, but nm. I get what you're saying. She sounds delightful.
<div>
</div><div>What does this even mean?</div><div>
</div><div>But yes, send her an invite, she's still your friend and you've most likely at least verbally invited her. Plus if her daughter is your FG, she's going to need a parent there.

</div></div>

NicoleSahara · March 2012

Just because she didn't ask for time off work a year and a half before your wedding doesn't mean she didn't value your friendship; however she does sound like a loser for bashing you on fb about your response to her not being able to attend. I would still send her an invitation, especially if her daughter is still the flower girl. That would give her less of a reason to talk bad than if you don't invite her.

kdevin27 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:6a644b89-0fd0-4bc5-a57c-713c857c3875">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : Ugh, I can't Edit, but nm. I get what you're saying. She sounds delightful. What does this even mean? But yes, send her an invite, she's still your friend and you've most likely at least verbally invited her. Plus if her daughter is your FG, she's going to need a parent there.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

what i mean is if she doesn't like my invite, she's going ot mock it and make fun of it publicly (aka FACEBOOK). Her daughter is still welcome to be my flower girl, but she politely informed me that her, her husband and daughter will not be in attendance at my wedding. nad that she was "so sorry".
All via EMAIL.

NicoleSahara · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:f52f878f-de69-4454-ad4d-e7ff3ee9e7a7">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : what i mean is if she doesn't like my invite, she's going ot mock it and make fun of it publicly (aka FACEBOOK). Her daughter is still welcome to be my flower girl, but she politely informed me that her, her husband and daughter will not be in attendance at my wedding. nad that she was "so sorry". All via EMAIL.
Posted by kdevin27[/QUOTE]

That makes HER look bad, not YOU. So don't worry about that.

dumdumfroggie · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:f52f878f-de69-4454-ad4d-e7ff3ee9e7a7">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : what i mean is if she doesn't like my invite, she's going ot mock it and make fun of it publicly (aka FACEBOOK). Her daughter is still welcome to be my flower girl, but she politely informed me that her, her husband and daughter will not be in attendance at my wedding. nad that she was "so sorry". All via EMAIL.
Posted by kdevin27[/QUOTE]

<div>Why don't you just block her on FB? If you're not worried about the friendship ending, go for this.</div><div>
</div><div>Or, is there a way to make it so she can't write on your wall? Do this if there is.</div>

kdevin27 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:df6f0372-03fe-4f9f-99c4-6aa3edb8057e">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : Why don't you just block her on FB? If you're not worried about the friendship ending, go for this. Or, is there a way to make it so she can't write on your wall? Do this if there is.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

I did block her on facebook so we're friends but she can't see my stuff. IF i delete her as a friend it'll be worse. I jsut don't want the bad karma so it's easier to ignore and play naaive.

lyndausvi · March 2012

I feel like there is way more to this story than a MOH not getting time off for a wedding 78 days away.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:f52f878f-de69-4454-ad4d-e7ff3ee9e7a7">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : <strong>what i mean is if she doesn't like my invite, she's going ot mock it and make fun of it publicly (aka FACEBOOK).</strong> Her daughter is still welcome to be my flower girl, but she politely informed me that her, her husband and daughter will not be in attendance at my wedding. nad that she was "so sorry". All via EMAIL.
Posted by kdevin27[/QUOTE]

Oh no, the world will completely end and your wedding will be ruined. Ruined I say!!!

Be the bigger person and send the damn invite. If she still wants to be a immature brat then she will decline or not respond at all. But honestly, not sending one is just as immature as her mocking your wedding on facebook.

kdevin27 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:12cb7991-d16c-470b-b27c-e3a7ec4cfea2">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like there is way more to this story than a MOH not getting time off for a wedding 78 days away.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

she just got a promotion within her company and "forgot" to put vacation time in first and her husband might not have been able to make the wedding- don't think she wanted to come without him.

Stackeye210 · March 2012

DONT GIVE FACEBOOK POWER! Just be the bigger person and send the invite.

NicoleSahara · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:8a21ce37-18f4-4822-b56a-06aacdbabed2">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : she just got a promotion within her company and "forgot" to put vacation time in first and her husband might not have been able to make the wedding- don't think she wanted to come without him.
Posted by kdevin27[/QUOTE]

That is not a friendship-ending move. Absent-minded maybe, but I really hope this isn't the reason the friendship is over. As far as the fb stupidity, I have a hard time imagining someone saying "I can't believe my friend didn't cry when I told her I couldn't come to my wedding." Especially since she told you this via email so how would she even know what your reaction was?

dubird · March 2012

I swear, FB and Twitter are giving society permission to extend high school for many years past it's expiration date. ><

Just be the bigger person and send the invite. If she asks why you did, say it's your way of letting her know that you'd love to have her there if her schedule changes. Then drop the subject. Don't feel compelled to respond to stuff on FB; it's not the be-all-end-all of society.

dumdumfroggie · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:36b06b6a-aaab-4b95-9527-8311f6fc9f84">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it? : Is her name Hannah?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

<div>Ha!</div>

AMYM312 · March 2012

Would love to know what she posted on Face book. I HATE when people say things on face book looking for attention.. Like "some people just have no class" or I'm so sad" .. those kind of things. They are just waiting for someone to say aww hunny whats wrong? Drives me crazy!!!

kdevin27 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:c97fb925-40b1-4837-b1a9-ea24af7851e0">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]Would love to know what she posted on Face book. I HATE when people say things on face book looking for attention.. Like "some people just have no class" or I'm so sad" .. those kind of things. They are just waiting for someone to say aww hunny whats wrong? Drives me crazy!!!
Posted by AMYM312[/QUOTE]

she put all that jazz and I didn't reply so she started posting all the names of her "TRUE FRIENDS" that she is "THANKFUL FOR"... my name wasn't included. ha!

Loopyseven · March 2012

I agree there has to be way more to this story than we're hearing. What is she posting on FB. Unless it's "kdevin sucks and there's no way I'm taking time off work just to attend her wedding even though I know full well when it is" in which case friend looks like a tool, then I'm thinking any ranting about "true friends" on FB probably stems from your reaction to her telling you she didn't ask off early enough to get the time off approved. Some people just aren't that organized to do that stuff that far ahead of time, and she probably figured it wasn't likely that anyone else would also want some random weekend off work this far in advance and thought she still had plenty of time. Sometimes you reap what you sow.

AMYM312 · March 2012

And this girl is how old? So pathetic.

kdevin27 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-what-proper-etiquette-says-but-screw-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:456b8d2b-e51d-4e05-a2b1-b149f311548ePost:9ff85aa9-df39-4872-a278-03d6180ae0f3">Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree there has to be way more to this story than we're hearing. What is she posting on FB. Unless it's "kdevin sucks and there's no way I'm taking time off work just to attend her wedding even though I know full well when it is" in which case friend looks like a tool, then I'm thinking any ranting about "true friends" on FB probably stems from your reaction to her telling you she didn't ask off early enough to get the time off approved. Some people just aren't that organized to do that stuff that far ahead of time, and she probably figured it wasn't likely that anyone else would also want some random weekend off work this far in advance and thought she still had plenty of time. Sometimes you reap what you sow.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

For the record, I didn't lecture her at all or give her any sort of back talk. She emailed me and then I repsonded that I udnerstand,we all have jobs to keep and families to support. I wouldnt expect anyone to lose their job or risk it for my wedding.

lalaweddingdiva · March 2012

Your friend is rude and not excited about your wedding. She might be having problems at home or financial issues that cause her to be so focused on work, so try to cut her some slack. She also has issues being immature, maybe her feelings are hurt bc she wasn't a BM? I dunno. Send the invite it's rude to sent std and no invite, maybe she will have a change of heart and stop being so mean.

Catwoman708 · March 2012

Being in a wedding is expensive and time consuming. If she can't do it, then she can't do it. The reason is not really relevant.

Send the invitation, it's the right thing to do. You already sent a STD, to NOT send an invitation now is the equivalent of uninviting her and would be rude and spiteful of you.

kdevin27 · May 2012

TO UPDATE ON THIS--
I went ahead and sent the invitation. And guess what, hers the only rsvp I didn't get back.
Not even an acknowledgement of the invitation being received. Some "best" friend. But I took the high road and my fabulous wedding will go on in 10 days!!!!!!!!!!

i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?

Re: i know what proper etiquette says... but screw it?

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