What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

clearheavens · July 2010

I want to know what are the general guidelines on wedding-related talk on Facebook. I have just about 300+ friends on there and no way we could host them all at our wedding.

Is it ok to use the "Wedding Buzz" (formerly "Weddingbook") application to send an announcement on the mini-feed when my wedding day is?
Would it be appropriate to occasionally say (less than once every month) how excited I am to be married in [countdown] days even if it's months away?
Or that I bought my dress? Or that I have chosen my honeymoon destination?
Or is it best to keep all wedding related talk under wraps unless it's a countdown the month of or the week of the wedding?

Just wanted to be a good FB friend and not an annoying one!

akhensley81 · July 2010

I was breaking these rules for a while (AK is designing her wedding invitations.... AK had a great time at her bach party...) but I gave it up a few months ago after someone (who's not invited) asked me when they were going to be getting their invitation. Oops. So yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way.

A few of my FB friends are also planning weddings right now, and they're posting constant updates. For me, I think it's cool because I can talk to them about wedding stuff. But I can totally understand how people not invited/not involved really don't give a shiit.

swim1011 · July 2010

I did some updates, like mentioning when we only had a month to go, or that we were heading on our HM. Otherwise, I tried to keep it to a minimum, and just went about everything as normally as possible.

Beachy730 · July 2010

I've made a few random updates. I think pretty much when we got engaged, a oh sh!t its in 100 days, and then i think I thanked everyone for my beautiful shower. But I'm not an everyday updater anyways, so that could even be considered a lot for me. I think I end up posting things on there more when write on my wall asking about it and then I respond.

There are many people on FB that I like to hear about whats going on in their life, weddings included. So no I wouldn't care if someone posted a few things about their wedding. But as PPs said, as long as its not everyday and about everything you do. I have one friend I'm ready to delete because literally everyday she posts about the honeymoon, the venue, the engagement pics (which she did a countdown to), the engagement party, etc. And unfortunately theres a year to the wedding still. Whats worse, is that she puts these little hearts and stars in posts and always says thinks like "happily ever after."

Don't be that person, and you'll be fine!

parker624 · July 2010

I do not put any updates on my FB page about the wedding, except for changing my status to "engaged." However, a lot of my close friends/family do post wedding-related messages on my wall, and even that caused drama with some FB friends who are not invited to the wedding (like AK, I got one FB message in particular saying "I'm really hurt I wasn't invited to your wedding."

Even if you don't mention wedding related events on your FB page, people are still going to know you are getting married, and will see your wedding day pictures once your friends start posting them on their pages and tagging you.

tb583 · July 2010

I don't mind occasional updates, but too many does get annoying. I have a FB friend (she is more a family friend of H's) that honestly updated two or three times a day the last month or so before the wedding about what she was doing and how stressed she was and it became EXTREMELY annoying (and I was even invited to the wedding).

angie74 · July 2010

honestly... use the knot for all that stuff. nobody else really cares that much

opalsky007 · July 2010

What everyone else said. I know every freaking detail of a wedding that happened this past weekend, including what day RSVPs were due, what the centerpieces look like, and what registry items they received (because they opened all of them and started using them and AW-ing it before the wedding). I wasn't invited to said wedding.

kathrynhabibti · July 2010

Eh, I've done a couple updates here and there.... when we got engaged, when we picked our venue, and.... three?.... about things I was getting a bit frustrated over (putting the invite wording together, and having to write out "Pennsylvania" in full - which was a lot as I'm from PA. My writing's awful and it's an awkward word to write :^P)

nhelene · July 2010

I don't mind the occasional wedding update on my feed, but none of my friends have gone overboard so far. Just once every couple of months "I picked up my dress" or "We got our marriage license".

And recently every one of my just-married friends changed their profile picture to cake.

One thing you should definitely NOT broadcast is anything having to do with invitations, because people who weren't invited don't need to know anything about them.

lisalou402 · July 2010

I've tried to be really good. Except for being engaged, back in March, I just put up one...and it was this past sunday. I wrote about going cupcake tasting.
But then i felt weird about it!!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-etiquette-wr-facebook-status-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1eb37af2-31ff-4e1e-88a4-f4b6de7eab98Post:14ae7fd6-e32e-4061-a110-6e05c60e42b6">Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO no one cares about FB status updates unless they are really close to you anyways. If they care you broke your record on your 3 mile run yesterday or any of that BS.. I know they care about the details of your wedding.. such as "I found my dress today!" Those who don't want to read WR details don't want to see your other posts anyways.
Posted by PharmacyBride[/QUOTE]

But I was really excited to break my 5k record. :-(

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

My friend's sister make every other post about her wedding. "I finally sent out the invitations! If you didn't get one, sorry, but I only had 150 to send!" And it's something like that at least once a day.

But really, there's a happy medium. People post about pregnancy on FB, which doesn't mean they're soliciting a gift from me or anything.

I mention my wedding is in October in my bio (like: I'm planning a wedding for October) because it's not a secret I'm getting married. And when I look at people's FB who are engaged, I like to know when they're wedding is. But I would keep a "countdown" to VERY close to the wedding. Like maybe a "I'm getting married a week from today? Yikes!" kind of post. MAYBE.

Use your own best judgement and don't put anything on your facebook that you don't want the world to see.

clearheavens · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-etiquette-wr-facebook-status-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1eb37af2-31ff-4e1e-88a4-f4b6de7eab98Post:bc859b2f-845e-4e24-998f-c43e54bab980">Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?</a>:
[QUOTE]One thing you should definitely NOT broadcast is anything having to do with invitations, because people who weren't invited don't need to know anything about them.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

Nice advice! This is my biggest wedding etiquette fear, regardless of FB or not, is that someone get hurts because I didn't invite them. I already have a large guestlist, as it is an Asian wedding and 90% of these people are extended family and our parents' friends, but I just know I will have to be ready to explain to friends I cannot accomodate them at my wedding.

lindseroo · July 2010

Anything more frequent than every few months is irritating. I'm more willing to budge on this than others, though. I think people ultimately know whether or not they are invited, and unless you have psycho friends they should understand guest list issues. I think I posted when I was a year out that I would be married in a year. That was my last WR update. I have a friend who updated EVERY DAY from a month out. Not kidding. I wanted to kill her. Don't do that

jmucheech21 · July 2010

I completely disagree with the people who said this is a no-no. I have 600 friends on FB.. as I have lived in 3 different states, met tons of people, etc. Many.. really the vast majority of these friends are casual friendships.. people I used to be close with, but as time went on and we moved on we've drifted (as is to be expected with 600 people!!). Many of them post about their wedding plans and I LOVE it!! These are all people I care about, just people that I may not talk to weekly anymore! So I love hearing about what is going on in their lives and being able to comment how excited I am for them!! I love seeing their pictures and their planning details and getting ideas from them. I think FB is so wonderful because it really lets me keep in touch with all these people I would otherwise have no idea what is going on with!!

So, perhaps I am in the minority, but I say post away!! I have never anticipated an invitation to one of the FB friends I am not close with's wedding. And I think if these people are ballsy enough to FB message, "when am I to expect my invite" they'd be ballsy enough to email, text, call, or ask in person anyway. If you're hurting feelings by posting on FB and not inviting, then you'd be hurting feelings by not inviting anyway. I really don't think FB makes it any worse.

Post girl! Your friends (and previous friends, now acquaintances) love you and want to hear all about it!! If they don't love you and it annoys them, then who cares what they think anyway???

rcrivard · July 2010

I utilize the wedding day countdown on my fbook profile and make a few comments here and there about the big stuff, like when my dress came in or when we picked out the bridesmaid dresses. We are having a small wedding, and I made that very clear when I got engaged, so I don't think my acquaintances, friends or distant family on my fbook expect an invitation. It's your profile, you can post whatever you want. I've found that no matter what you do for your wedding, someone will find something to get offended about. So, enjoy your engagement time because it will fly, and don't stress about what other people are thinking. The ones who truly mean the most to you will be invited, and the others can enjoy looking at your pictures. I've seen several people's weddings via fbook that I wasn't invited to, and haven't felt left out, and enjoyed looking at their pics.

sarvleff · July 2010

I'm guity of updating things on there often...no one questioned why they were not invited and actually many people that weren't invited were the ones that commented on pictures and status updates. I don't think it is that big of deal.

RuthyL · July 2010

In response to your question: What about announcing the wedding date at the same time as announcing the engagement? Is that tacky?

We had a ton of family members asking us on facebook if we had chosen the date before we sent out our STD's. So we sent out a private FB invite to our family members & close friends so they had the date. We did say we would be sending out STD's shortly. We ended up having a lot of people reply that they were coming and super excited for us etc. and only people who were invited could see the info. It worked for us.

kmabjo · July 2010

Random updates here and there are okay. That does not mean one new thing a day- really no one is going to care as much as you.

mdavies10 · July 2010

This is a huge issue for me. I HATE when I get updates daily from friends "can't wait to marry the love of my life, getting hair done tomorrow, should i get another set of engagement pictures done?, trial run for hair today, 2nd bowel movement of the day before the wedding" (ok, not that one) and they honestly drive me crazy. HOWEVER, i have to resist the temptation of writing some updates myself. it is a conversation that comes up often between my friends and i about someone we're not GREAT friends with and how often they update their status and how meaningless it is to all of us. when a really close friend of mine get's married tho, i get all excited about the updates and love hearing about it. i'd say, keep it all off facebook and let those who are actually close to you hear the fine details.

bullentini · July 2010

I have recently used a "I can't believe the wedding is in 4 weeks!" post to remind some of my straggling friends and relatives to send back their damn RSVP's due next weekend. lol

jmucheech21 · July 2010

Also, if people are bothered by it, they can block your posts. I have several people on there that are just acquaintances but are unbelievably negative.. I got tired of reading their posts, so I made it so I don't have to see them anymore! They don't know and I don't feel like vomiting every time they declare how horrible their life is. So in the end we all win.

stephdonjon · July 2010

I have been annoyed when others have done it. I just have a wedding planning blog and it's listed under my regular facebook contact info. My friends who stumbled across it read it all the time and spread the world, but I don't go ahead shoving it in their faces. If they ask me how planning's going, I tell them, and give them the link to the blog in case they're interested.

SeptemberFall2011 · July 2010

Honestly I think it depends on the type of girlfriend you were. If you were updating over every date you had it would be normal for you to update over your details. If you were like me-one didn't know I had a boyfriend unless one asked-don't make comments!

frozentundra · July 2010

I was trying to keep my facebook posting to a minimum, mostly because of people who aren't invited. I post on facebook fairly often, but I also try not to rub it into people's faces either a) yaaay! look at me! I'm getting married and you're not! or b) yaaay! I'm getting married and your'e not invited.

However, I did post obviously when we got married, I think 1 year before our date (which was also our anniversary) but when I posted that I'd gotten flowers from the bridal boutique after buying my dress, I had someone post "oh, I can't believe you're getting married, I'd better get an invite!"....

This was someone I wasn't super-close with even in high school and haven't said more than "hey how's it going?" to twice in the six years since high school... just what I needed. Add to that the people who ask in person, "so am I invited?" or "I'm not going to _____'s wedding this weekend... but I'll go to yours"

Probably won't post anything more about the planning process, but maybe the "xx days" when we get down to months/days (not every day though, promise) ha!

frozentundra · July 2010

and another thing, after I started reading this post (yeah, multitasking) a fb friend posted a photo of her Save-The-Dates with the caption "coming soon to a mailbox near you!" ... I don't expect to get one, but I'm not that bold.

mcclurekelley · July 2010

For me, before my wedding, I posted little bits here and there. I have never been a person to post every small detail of my life on facebook, so to not post a lot of wedding details was par for the course.

But my lack of "wedding updates" was not because I didn't want to upset people who weren't invited. I mean honestly....if all of your facebook friends think that they're invited to your wedding--I think it's time for a little reality check.

It is your facebook page. I say "be yourself".....post what you want, when you want and if a friend doesn't want to read it, they'll either "hide" your updates or simply glance over it.

amyl2585 · July 2010

I agree with PP. I think it is obsured for someone to assume that every facebook friend they have would be invited to the wedding. I like hearing about friends weddings-even before I was engaged.
Just don't go overboard.

eamaxin · July 2010

though we don't need a daily countdow or hourly updates, but relax and have fun! it's your wedding and it's meant to be fun. this is the one time in our adult lives where it's ok to want to be the center of attention. if your friends are annoyed, they'll get over it and should be excited for you anyway! i say go for it! have fun!

etzerefos · July 2010

I think that FB sets unrealistic expectations of what "friendship" is. I have 700 Facebook friends (but then again, I also work in social media) - so my one client in Cailfornia isn't expected to be invited, and I've had a few friends say how fun it's been following our fun updates (i'm making my own invitations so people are curious to see the progress).

HOWEVER - I also have been involved in some sticky Facebook situations (I had a falling out with a friend whose brother sent me a Save the Date and subsequently did NOT invite me to the wedding - that's tacky) and honestly, I could care less about their wedding or their announcements. Do whatever you feel is right for "you"

What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

Re: What&#039;s the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?