Response to a Save the Date...

KellyM428 · May 2012

One of my best friends is newly engaged and sent me a Save the Date for her post wedding barbeque. On the invitation it reads, "We will miss you at our private wedding.". Funny, because I was not invited... I just think it's a rude wording to say that "hey, you weren't invited but come to our picnic". Am I being spiteful? I am doing the same type of small wedding/big party for my wedding next year but my fiance and I are wording ours a lot differently.

cnf2013 · May 2012

If you feel slighted now, other people will probably feel the same way if you do the same thing (small semi private ceremony and large post party) to them next year. Different wording won't change the situation. You're still choosing to exclude people from the meaningful part and inviting them to come party afterwards even though they weren't privvy to the ceremony.

cwaggoner07 · May 2012

I know it's not technically proper etiquette, but only being invited to the reception doesn't personally offend me. As long as the bride and groom make it a point to come say hi and thank me for coming... I'm good. The other way around to me can be tacky.

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

No, you're not being spiteful. That's just mean.

We had a private destination wedding (12 people, parents and siblings/spouses only) followed by an AHR once we got home. We sent Save the Dates that said "Please join us to celebrate our marriage!" I would never have written something like that on a Save the Date or invitation!

Our invitations read "Please join us to celebrate our recent marriage!" and our inserts said "The couple married privately on May 5th, 2011. Southampton, Bermuda."

Your friend ... clueless.

Also - if you chose to go the small ceremony/large reception route, your wedding must be truly small (less than 20 people), be immediate family only and your reception list should be 8 to 10x more in number than your ceremony list. You'll still hurt feelings, but you aren't breaking etiquette.

Happy wedding!

librababy · May 2012

I guess I don't see anything wrong with her inviting you to celebrate her marriage. I agree, the wording is a little odd.... she should not have put that on there. But I would still go.... it's still a 'wedding' related event and you got invited so you are important either way.

GuebaraGirl · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_response-to-a-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1aa77d93-7940-4ac2-94ac-fa5af3a3eb5cPost:21d5c535-f7ec-44c3-9997-d3cf0fba65e9">Response to a Save the Date...</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my best friends is newly engaged and sent me a Save the Date for her post wedding barbeque. On the invitation it reads, "We will miss you at our private wedding.". Funny, because I was not invited... I just think it's a rude wording to say that "hey, you weren't invited but come to our picnic". Am I being spiteful? I am doing the same type of small wedding/big party for my wedding next year but my fiance and I are wording ours a lot differently.
Posted by KellyM428[/QUOTE]

There's nothing wrong with her choice in ceremony/celebration as there will be nothing wrong with yours. Having a private ceremony with a larger celebration is perfectly fine. Yes, some people will have their feelings hurt, but let's be honest, no matter what, some people don't like what you choose to do. The problem was her wording. But don't "shoot" her for being imperfect. Just acknowledge that she didn't get the best advice before hand and hopefully the invitation to come will be better. Maybe suggest she check out the tools online that you've been using as they're great and helpful and maybe she'll stumble on better advice for the future.

UKgal321 · May 2012

I agree that her wording is a little off. My friend had a private ceremony with a public reception to follow. The only people at the ceremony were the parents and their respective brothers. The reception was for family and friends. The only they sent our was an S-T-D and a reception invitation. They didn't even mention the ceremony we found out by word of mouth...which I think is the best way

kitty02kat · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_response-to-a-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1aa77d93-7940-4ac2-94ac-fa5af3a3eb5cPost:6cb8aa88-6501-48be-8eda-f6d896a79120">Re: Response to a Save the Date...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it's not technically proper etiquette, but only being invited to the reception doesn't personally offend me. As long as the bride and groom make it a point to come say hi and thank me for coming... I'm good. The other way around to me can be tacky.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_response-to-a-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1aa77d93-7940-4ac2-94ac-fa5af3a3eb5cPost:f62d044f-a9ab-484d-ab15-9f472007488b">Re: Response to a Save the Date...</a>:
[QUOTE]No, you're not being spiteful. That's just mean. We had a private destination wedding (12 people, parents and siblings/spouses only) followed by an AHR once we got home. We sent Save the Dates that said "Please join us to celebrate our marriage!" I would never have written something like that on a Save the Date or invitation! Our invitations read "Please join us to celebrate our recent marriage!" and our inserts said "The couple married privately on May 5th, 2011. Southampton, Bermuda." Your friend ... clueless. Also - if you chose to go the small ceremony/large reception route, your wedding must be truly small (less than 20 people), be immediate family only and your reception list should be 8 to 10x more in number than your ceremony list. You'll still hurt feelings, but you aren't breaking etiquette. Happy wedding!
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

These! :)

welikebikes · May 2012

I'm a "give them the benefit of the doubt" kind of person. I would try to understand that she probably felt as if that were the best wording, she may have even felt very guilty for the people she couldn't invite to the ceremony and she really WILL miss you.

KellyM428 · May 2012

WOW! Thanks for all the replies everyone.

The more I think about it, I guess I'm just sad that I'm not going. I will still invite her to ours.

OwningAHome1981 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_response-to-a-save-the-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1aa77d93-7940-4ac2-94ac-fa5af3a3eb5cPost:6cb8aa88-6501-48be-8eda-f6d896a79120">Re: Response to a Save the Date...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it's not technically proper etiquette, but only being invited to the reception doesn't personally offend me. As long as the bride and groom make it a point to come say hi and thank me for coming... I'm good. The other way around to me can be tacky.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

Me neither. The ceremony is boring and there's no booze.

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