Trying to help the bride

klastman · May 2012

Okay, re-reading now. I look like a freaking lunatic. Can I envoke the name of wedding porn?

FutureMrsMDJahnke · May 2012

My engagement will be 10 months total, I had plenty of time to book an awesome venue and I am actually trying to pace myself with a lot of the planning because...there really is plenty of time. You need to chill. And, though it is not my cup of tea, it IS a growing trend for the bride to pick a color for the dress and have the bridesmaids pick a dress that suits them. You definitely don't want to order bridesmaid's dresses more than a year out...people's body's can drastically change in 14 months! The BRIDE doesn't even HAVE to purchase her dress before 6mo out... It's her wedding, let her do it her way! Sorry about the lack of paragraphs...that happens when I post from my phone.

leia1979 · May 2012

The OP made me think troll. The following replies make me not so sure, so in case you're actually just really overzealous...

Not only is it not your wedding to be concerned about, but your friend has more than enough time. I got married exactly one year after getting engaged and had about three months in the middle of that year where we did nothing wedding related.

Should she maybe start thinking about venues? Sure, but it isn't your problem. You're only going to piss off your friend.

By the way, just picking a color and length and letting bridesmaids pick their own dresses looks AWESOME.

amys325 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:ba83b13f-765b-4eb1-a751-a8e48e30e441">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, re-reading now. I look like a freaking lunatic. Can I envoke the name of wedding porn?
Posted by klastman[/QUOTE]

Normally people don't apologize until after they fight it out for at least 10 pages.

I'm impressed.

klastman · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:ac564fa6-ede0-493e-8d6e-e0801c31fa8e">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trying to help the bride : Normally people don't apologize until after they fight it out for at least 10 pages. I'm impressed.
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

<div>Ah, sorry. I can keep going!</div>

amys325 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:69d5ed4e-737d-4b95-b3fe-6a8a7646e453">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trying to help the bride : Ah, sorry. I can keep going!
Posted by klastman[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be impressed if you did that.

You did sound a bit crazy in your OP, but I appreciate you apologizing. :)

aragx6 · May 2012

The wedding blogs are full of mismatched BM dresses these days. I think the look is really cute!

angelstar975 · May 2012

My friend got engaged in January and she's getting married in July. She had no problem planning the wedding within that timeframe. And bridesmaids shouldn't be asked until about 6 to 9 months ahead of time, since relationships can change.

Also, it's really common to pick a designer, color and fabric and then let your girls choose their own dress so they can be comfortable.

jemmini6 · May 2012

I'm still calling troll on this one...

jessieandharry · May 2012

Um... I didn't even have to get one paragraph into that and I knew it was a troll. Call it intuition

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:07451e36-2637-4913-b43b-f24b52e3df54">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]is this jessieandharry again? you have a screaming troll vibe along with that purple font.
Posted by myname1234[/QUOTE]

No, I've been out with a client since my last post earlier today.

klastman · May 2012

It seems like most new people are called a troll by someone, so I'm not really worried about it.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:4d9882c6-ac5c-45f6-aa9a-9b3443a6e677">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems like most new people are called a troll by someone, so I'm not really worried about it.
Posted by klastman[/QUOTE]

Only the ones who come across as completely nuts.

edit: And the ones who admit they're AEs and then try to pretend it didn't happen.

chumlee7478 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:ff47cad8-31bf-413e-a062-5a94f1e8a310">Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I'm Kim, I'm the MOH in my friends wedding, and I'm trying to keep her from COMPLETELY embarassing herself. First of all, her wedding is next July and she HASN'T started doing ANYTHING yet. She ONLY set the date and got a GENERAL budget. She wouldn't even make me MOH until the OTHER DAY because I FINALLY convinced her she needed to. I'm pretty sure she STILL hasn't even picked out anyone else, EVEN THOUGH I suggested some girls for her. I also FINALLY got her to THINK about some BM dresses with me, but she said she is probably JUST GOING TO PICK OUT A COLOR with us WHEn she decides on the whole party and JUST LET US ALL PICK OUT OUR OWN DRESS. NOW the burden falls on ME to get them all together to decide on ONE dress so her WEDDING doesn't look STUPID. I KEEP TRYING to help her PLAN and get organized, but she JUST KEEPS SAYING "it's really not necessary" , " I have plenty of time ", "you really don't have to do anything but show up in the dress" She has ALWAYS been like this since we were LITTLE, and usually even when I THINK I do get her on TRACK, I find out later that she WASN'T EVEN LISTENING to me the WHOLE TIME. So, my question is, how do I come at her about GETTING HER WEDDING TOGETHER??? I'm just TRYING to be a good friend and I DON'T want her to bust her face at her wedding.
Posted by klastman[/QUOTE]

On the offchance you're serious....

Don't worry about the dresses. My bridesmaids wore whatever knee length black dress they wanted to, and the pictures came out great (just got some pro shots today). I asked for black knee length dresses, silver shoes, and I bought them matching brooch bouquets and jewelry. You don't need to match to be bridesmaids. One of my BMs changed her dress two days before the wedding because she felt more comfortable in a dress with straps for dancing. She had shown me the strapless one, and showed up in one with straps. She looked great! And even if I didn't like the dress (which I really did), it wouldn't have mattered. She was dressed and ready to go, it was all I asked for that day.

As for the venues, I can understand booking early in certain areas. In Boston, it's tight timing for prime months, so we booked a year out for the venue. For the other vendors, we took our time. I only found the designer for my paper products (except invites) 3 weeks before the wedding. I wasn't freaking out about that stuff, I knew it would all come together.

Keep your friend's personality in mind. My co worker/flower girl knows me really well, so when there was one thing that came up right before the wedding that I was a little anxious about, she knew I was serious and not just having a mini meltdown. She bailed me out in a big way, and I'll never forget it. But I wasn't the bride who was upset when the venue said they didn't have silver napkins or that my florist accidentally gave my readers and godmother the wrong color flowers on their pins. Things happen....and everything ends up ok. If your friend is low key and likes to take her time, let her. It's not the end of the world if she plans things last minute. It certainly doesn't reflect on you!

Mimmer04 · May 2012

Your her MOH, not her wedding planner. Buy your dress. Plan a bachelorette party and/or bridal shower if you want. Show up sober in the dress on the day of the wedding. Have fun. Nothing else is your responsibility so let it go.

As far as the rest of the bridal party is concerned, most people recommend waiting until no more than 6-9 months out to ask people, so your advice to ask more people now is actually kind of bad.

I think its great that you are an enthusiastic MOH. So many people come around here compaining that there wedding party is not at all interested in their wedding, so its refreshing to hear the opposite issue. Still as PP's have indicated, you are going a bit over board. Relax. Offer your friend help if she needs it, but don't become a Bridesmaidzilla.

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:17a3d54d-87df-480c-89b3-05e4b6c31003">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trying to help the bride : Only the ones who come across as completely nuts. edit: And the ones who admit they're AEs and then try to pretend it didn't happen.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Denial is the key to life

ChristineNB · May 2012

Wow, my engagement from start to finish will be 10 months. I booked my venue 9 months out, and just casually picked bridal attendants along the way. I am thinking of having my bridesmaids wear mismatched bridal dresses (yeah, that's right, I haven't decided for sure yet because my bridesmaids are just planning on buying dresses off of the rack). I am not getting stressed out about wedding stuff and just doing it in my own way.

crnflkgirl75 · May 2012

I planned our whole wedding in three months. No problem. Why are you worried about her wedding anyway?

MyUserName1 · May 2012

I think that you're more anxious about this wedding in 14 months than I am about mine in four days.

Lizzieyounce · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:d21601b6-dd49-4bce-a02a-7aa097b66990">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

<div>At Yoda LOLed I did.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

kmmssg · May 2012

For the sake of the bride I hope this is MUD. If not we will be seeing another thread about firing a bridal party member somewhere down the road.

jemmini6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:15ae550e-e907-485b-b7ba-5656ca41e5de">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]For the sake of the bride I hope this is MUD. If not we will be seeing another thread about firing a bridal party member somewhere down the road.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

...and I wouldn't blame her in this case.

kmmssg · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:c4b3de63-d185-437f-833b-6dffaf3f6739">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trying to help the bride : ...and I wouldn't blame her in this case.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Me either!

guardiangel6386 · August 2012

What does MUD mean?

guardiangel6386 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trying-to-help-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5244631-26f2-4410-b3de-a770c4510d9fPost:c8544d57-d78f-4f85-91ee-2a885df2aea9">Re: Trying to help the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]What does MUD mean?
Posted by guardiangel6386[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Never mind.Figured it out

</div>

Trying to help the bride

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