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Military Brides
MIL drama Advice needed Ladies!! Sorry for the Novel
Okay, so my MIL and I haven't been getting along since I moved from WA to NC. She basically stopped speaking to me, she stole a stuffed Mickey Mouse that belonged to H and he had given me and then lied to H, FIL and myself about it when confronted (I know she was lying because she said to us all that "perhaps Sam lost it" after she had emailed H saying that he was supposed to tell me that I was "not allowed" to take Mickey to NC with me, and how important he was to her, so if I lost it don't you think it would be a big deal and she would perhaps help me look for it?) While I was driving across the country she found a pic of me and a family friend and emailed it to my H implying that I was having an affair with him, then when I tried to call her and ask her why she would do something like that when she knew that he was a friend of my families, she wouldn't answer the phone. And now, I just found out she's been opening my mail and misrepresenting it in emails to H and never bothering to tell me about them. Sooo I sent her this email:
According to the U.S. Postal Service, willfully and knowingly reading someone else's mail is a Federal offense. The penalty can include time in a Federal prison.
Even married couples are NOT permitted by law to open mail specifically addressed to the other individual.
If you would please forward my mail to me that would be very much appreciated, but reading my mail is illegal. Just because we have the same last name, doesn't make you (My full name), therefore does NOT allow you to open my mail. I hope that I don't hear about this happening again.
Hateful, yes, but we all know I can be pretty Snarky. So then my MIL forwards my email to basically all of H's family and friends, and pretty much everyone that attended our wedding with a little note that said :
This is the kind of Girl our (H's name) ended up Married to....just lovely!
Okay.. SERIOUSLY?! So now H is furious with me for "threatening" his mom. I'm furious with H for not sticking up for me in the first place. I'm furious with her for violating my privacy and misrepresenting it, and for making me out to be the bad guy when she's been acting like a biitch towards me for over a month now. We used to get along great, but when I decided to move back to NC to be with my family (and not be charged $500/month rent to live with IL's) she totally changed. H wants me to apologize but if I do, it won't be sincere, and I feel like the only thing I should apologize for is the hatefulness of my email. I don't see it as "threatening" her at all. If I were threatening her I would have said "if you do this again I will make sure your ass goes to jail". She's trying to break us up and I'm worried that she'll never stop. I'm also worried that if I apologize for this, I'll be apologizing for the rest of our marriage. I told H that even if I apologzie to her, I will not go out of my way to be nice to her. I will send her a Christmas card each year, and possibly a birthday card. If/When we have kids, I will let her see them, but I will not be around and she will NEVER babysit. I've seen her true colors and they aren't pretty.
I just don't know what to do...Sorry this is so long.
According to the U.S. Postal Service, willfully and knowingly reading someone else's mail is a Federal offense. The penalty can include time in a Federal prison.
Even married couples are NOT permitted by law to open mail specifically addressed to the other individual.
If you would please forward my mail to me that would be very much appreciated, but reading my mail is illegal. Just because we have the same last name, doesn't make you (My full name), therefore does NOT allow you to open my mail. I hope that I don't hear about this happening again.
Hateful, yes, but we all know I can be pretty Snarky. So then my MIL forwards my email to basically all of H's family and friends, and pretty much everyone that attended our wedding with a little note that said :
This is the kind of Girl our (H's name) ended up Married to....just lovely!
Okay.. SERIOUSLY?! So now H is furious with me for "threatening" his mom. I'm furious with H for not sticking up for me in the first place. I'm furious with her for violating my privacy and misrepresenting it, and for making me out to be the bad guy when she's been acting like a biitch towards me for over a month now. We used to get along great, but when I decided to move back to NC to be with my family (and not be charged $500/month rent to live with IL's) she totally changed. H wants me to apologize but if I do, it won't be sincere, and I feel like the only thing I should apologize for is the hatefulness of my email. I don't see it as "threatening" her at all. If I were threatening her I would have said "if you do this again I will make sure your ass goes to jail". She's trying to break us up and I'm worried that she'll never stop. I'm also worried that if I apologize for this, I'll be apologizing for the rest of our marriage. I told H that even if I apologzie to her, I will not go out of my way to be nice to her. I will send her a Christmas card each year, and possibly a birthday card. If/When we have kids, I will let her see them, but I will not be around and she will NEVER babysit. I've seen her true colors and they aren't pretty.
I just don't know what to do...Sorry this is so long.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL drama Advice needed Ladies!! Sorry for the Novel
SERIOUSLY?! I feel like my marriage is falling apart over this crazy woman. I don't want to make H choose between me and his family, but this shiit is ridiculous.
Her whole email was just all about her. Everything is always about her. Her illness of the day, her sisters, her whatever.
I called H and asked him to call me when he could. Since he works mids this is the time he's at work. I'm so mad at her for doing this to us. It's like she's not going to stop until H and I are divorced.
She said things like "I changed" when I came back from NC. Umm.. yeah because I had a week to get a new id card, pack all my stuff, get my car serviced, change my address on everything, plus she was obviously mad at me for deciding to move. But why should I have stayed.. just to make her happy? I was miserable there, I was depressed, I couldn't find a decent job, plus IL's fought all the time and I felt in the middle. I felt in the way, and they made sure that I knew that I was only their DIL.
H has always had a strained relationship with his mom. Thats why I'm mildly horrified that it is even coming to this.. This is total and complete BS.
He called his mom and told her that she was wrong for doing what she did. She was wrong for treating me the way she has, and that just because she's miserable doesn't mean that she needs to make everyone else miserable as well.
We shall see.. I'm still super furious about all this though.
My mom is furious that she basically called me a thief, and she wants me to write back to her, but I'm sure if I do she'll just twist my words around like she always does when she's caught in a lie. I just want this whole crap to be over and done with. It is absolutely ridiculous. I'm so stressed out about it I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I cry more from anger and frustration than actual saddness or hurt feelings. Although my feelings are hurt that now no one in H's family like me, at least according to her. Blehhh...
[QUOTE]She's bored and miserable with her own life and failing health & marriage and wants everyone else to feel that way too. Oops! was that catty?
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
Do you think she is doing this because you're happy and she isn't? You have an amazing marriage, life and are healthy but her life sucks so she is trying to make everyone around her miserable?
Yikes... okay, first, your email was an implied threat. Even in a court of law, that would be considered an implied threat. You're threatening legal action by indicating that what she's doing is illegal. If you just wanted to let her know, it should have been worded more gently, like "I'm really hurt to learn from H that you've been opening my mail. I don't know if you know, but it's technically illegal to open someone's mail, even if you're married to them. I'm sure you had the best intentions, but please do not open any more of my mail under any circumstances."
Anyway, I don't think you necessarily overreacted, just perhaps spoke before you cooled off a bit. What you probably should have done is go to your husband and tell him what she was doing and have him tell his mother to stop reading your mail.
Now, I think you need to take a step back. Sure, don't deal with her drama, but at the same time you're putting your H in a really bad position saying you're totally done with his Mom. Tell him you're mad at her and need some space, but that you're sure you'll eventually work it out (even if that's not how you feel, it'll make him feel better right now). He did good by standing up to her, and now you need to not make him stuck between a rock and a hard place. Be the bigger person and give him a break. You owe it to him, not to her.
Oh, and with what she did by forwarding your email to his whole family and by telling you she no longer approved of you as a couple is ridiculous, immature, and crazy. I would actually go to therapy if I were you to talk about how to deal with that kind of psycho MIL because I'd be inclined to kill her myself. I think talking it out might make it easier to let it go, or at least be less angry about it!
I'm a lot calmer about the whole situation now, but I'm still furious with her for saying what she did, and her actions. She said she was "just doing what a mother does with mail"... um Hello.. She's not my mom. My mom doesn't even open my mail. I realize now that it was sort of threatening, but that wasn't my intention at all. I found it on the USPS website and just C&P.
I'm mostly hurt by all the drama. I feel like my family has lost a lot of respect for H because he didn't immediately stand up for me, and well.. she told me how they all felt. Hopefully H and I can still work things out, but right now we're on some pretty shaky ground.
[QUOTE]I was going to email you C, but I knew you were with FI and I didn't want to interrupt. I'm a lot calmer about the whole situation now, but I'm still furious with her for saying what she did, and her actions. She said she was "just doing what a mother does with mail"... um Hello.. She's not my mom. My mom doesn't even open my mail. I realize now that it was sort of threatening, but that wasn't my intention at all. I found it on the USPS website and just C&P. I'm mostly hurt by all the drama. I feel like my family has lost a lot of respect for H because he didn't immediately stand up for me, and well.. she told me how they all felt. Hopefully H and I can still work things out, but right now we're on some pretty shaky ground.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]<div>I think you handled this situation really well. I know I would've done the same thing. I hope everything works out. I know it will because you two are meant to be :)
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[QUOTE]I was going to email you C, but I knew you were with FI and I didn't want to interrupt. I'm a lot calmer about the whole situation now, but I'm still furious with her for saying what she did, and her actions. She said she was "just doing what a mother does with mail"... um Hello.. She's not my mom. My mom doesn't even open my mail. I realize now that it was sort of threatening, but that wasn't my intention at all. I found it on the USPS website and just C&P. I'm mostly hurt by all the drama. I feel like my family has lost a lot of respect for H because he didn't immediately stand up for me, and well.. she told me how they all felt. Hopefully H and I can still work things out, but right now we're on some pretty shaky ground.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
You guys need to work on your relationship, and to leave family out of it. Don't tell your family what he does or doesn't do because they're going to end up building a grudge. If you need to vent, come here or talk to friends who you know won't hold a grudge. Ya know, like emailing me!
I can totally see how the drama would upset you. Apologize to H for not reacting well, tell him you were hurt and felt threatened by your FMIL's attempts and overt statements that she doesn't want you and H together, and that you lashed out. For the future, go to him first so you both can figure out how to approach her.
You both need to be a unit and a team. Discuss things together before dealing with outside family members, agree that the person whose family it is will handle the situation once you both agree on an approach. Go to a therapist by yourself to talk this out. A long distance relationship is tough, a long distance relationship where the families are pushing you apart is incredibly difficult. Don't start thinking of worst case scenarios - it's like how scary a nightmare is in the middle of the night, but in the morning in the daylight it doesn't seem so bad? That's like problems in a long distance relationship. Just try to put it in perspective - he DID stand up for you, and he has a right to be annoyed with you, too. Was he perfect? Nope, but neither were you. And do make that point to your parents, that you're both young and in love and still trying to figure it out but that his intentions are in the right place. Don't 'keep score' of all the difficulties, just ride the waves and when you're back together things will figure themselves out.