Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...

Hello Knotties-

I want to invite some of my friends from my marathon team and a few aquaintences that I hope become friends to celebrate with us, however, all available seats for dinner have been given to our HUGE families.

How can I politely invite these people to the dance without inviting them to dinner?

FYI
Ceremony - 5:30 PM
Dinner - 6:30 PM
First dance - 8:00 PM
«1

Re: Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...

  • You can't. There's no way to politely say, "I'm sorry, but you're a second string guest."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:3a756741-b170-4850-a6f2-deb018732452">Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello Knotties- I want to invite some of my friends from my marathon team and a few aquaintences that I hope become friends to celebrate with us, however, all available seats for dinner have been given to our HUGE families. How can I politely invite these people to the dance without inviting them to dinner? FYI Ceremony - 5:30 PM Dinner - 6:30 PM First dance - 8:00 PM
    Posted by LaceyMK[/QUOTE]
    The reasons you're having trouble coming up with a polite way to say it is that it's a very rude thing to do.  Tiered guest lists make people feel like crap.  Either invite them to the whole thing or don't invite them at all.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:3a756741-b170-4850-a6f2-deb018732452">Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]can I politely invite these people to the dance without inviting them to dinner? FYI Ceremony - 5:30 PM Dinner - 6:30 PM First dance - 8:00 PM
    Posted by LaceyMK[/QUOTE]
    You cannot politely ask this. It is incredibly rude.
  • The others are right, it's generally poor etiquette to invite someone to the reception after dinner.  The reception is one event, dinner and dancing.  It's not two separate things.  If you can't afford to invite them to the whole thing, it's best not to invite them at all.  Maybe you can all get together for drinks after you and your FI get back from your honeymoon.
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  • Are they invited to the ceremony? This is the most bizarrely rude thing I've ever seen...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:3a756741-b170-4850-a6f2-deb018732452">Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello Knotties- I want to invite some of my friends from my marathon team and a few aquaintences that I hope become friends to celebrate with us, however, all available seats for dinner have been given to our HUGE families. How can I politely invite these people to the dance without inviting them to dinner? FYI Ceremony - 5:30 PM Dinner - 6:30 PM First dance - 8:00 PM
    Posted by LaceyMK[/QUOTE]

    You can't do that.  How would you feel showing up to a reception while everyone else is finishing up their dinner?  Rude, rude, rude.
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  • There's no polite way to do a rude thing.

  • That's not cool.
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  • a few aquaintences that I hope become friends

    They won't be your friends if you do this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:3a756741-b170-4850-a6f2-deb018732452">Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello Knotties- I want to invite some of my friends from my marathon team and a few aquaintences that I hope become friends to celebrate with us, however, all available seats for dinner have been given to our HUGE families. How can I politely invite these people to the dance without inviting them to dinner? FYI Ceremony - 5:30 PM Dinner - 6:30 PM First dance - 8:00 PM
    Posted by LaceyMK[/QUOTE]

    Please, please, please don't do this. It is BEYOND insulting as a guest to receive an invite that's missing the dinner portion. It's quite common in my area, and to be completely and utterly honest, I would rather not be invited. H and I don't go to weddings when we're not invited to dinner. It's rude and gift grabby. And there isn't a better way to tell someone they're a friend, but just not that good a friend.
    image
  • Sometimes I think people just don't think about the message they're sending with ideas like this.  The message here is that these friends are important enough to party with, but not to eat with and watch you get married.  Don't send that message.  To anyone.
  • Yeah, you can't really do that. Well, you CAN do what you want, but it's very rude to do so. I like PPs suggestion of doing drinks after the event to celebrate. (Not at an after party either, if you are having one. Do drinks at a later date.)
  • I agree that going out with them at a separate time is the best option.  It is really rude and inconsiderate to only invite them to dance.  It will make them feel like second rate guests (which is exactly what they would be).
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  • My sister is trying to convince me to extend these kind of invitations to my adult nephews & nieces.  She argues that younger people really don't care, that they're all about the drinking & dancing anyway, and just want to get invited for the party.

    Fi also asked me if this was okay to do with regard to some of his friendly acquaintances in the music world. 

    Neither of these people were raised by wolves, so I just don't get it. 
  • Can you wait until you get some RSVPs back and then send out the rest of the invitations for your friends 2 weeks later? That way, you'll have a better idea of the number of guests coming, and if you will have enough room for them too. IMHO, I think it is really tacky to not invite them to dinner, and I probably would not go.
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  • I once was that guest.  We received a formal invite for just the dance and was told it was a small intimate ceremony and dinner.  As we walked in we found out the intimate ceremony was for over 200 people and we had multiple guests ask us why we were late.  Needless to say, we stayed for about 20 minutes and have not talked to the bride and groom again.  My only regret is that I didn't take the present off the gift table as we left!!!  If they are not important enough to be invited to the ceremony and dinner they do not belong coming.  It is very rude and will ruin any friendship you have with these people. 
  • If you want these people to become your friends have a social gathering at your house.  A potluck or something.  The fastest way not to make them your friends is to do something as rude as you are suggesting.
  • I've been the subject of you proposed idea, twice, and it sucks.  Both were once very good friends of mine, and granted we were starting to drift apart in our lives and friendships, but that was the gust of wind that pushed me way too far away.  I haven't really spoken to either one of them since.

    Don't do this, at all.  You don't need to have everyone and anyone at your reception.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:3a756741-b170-4850-a6f2-deb018732452">Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello Knotties- I want to invite some of my friends from my marathon team and a <strong>few aquaintences that I hope become friends to celebrate with us,</strong> however, all available seats for dinner have been given to our HUGE families. How can I politely invite these people to the dance without inviting them to dinner? FYI Ceremony - 5:30 PM Dinner - 6:30 PM First dance - 8:00 PM
    Posted by LaceyMK[/QUOTE]

    Anybody else find this odd???  Its a wedding, not a party or a popularity contest. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:49b2d24f-be3a-45ce-b621-ef78514b1f8d">Re: Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE] we had multiple guests ask us why we were late. 
    Posted by Clare13[/QUOTE]

    That's a really good point.  The rest of your guests will assume these people are incredibly rude by showing up that late.  Also, how would you have seats for them?
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  • Not-such-good-friends:  Bring us a gift, but please starve and then never speak to us again.

    Is that what you meant to say?  It's kinda how your headline translates to me.

    Really though - this is a bad idea and you WILL upset people. 
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • This is so weird. I could never imagine considering this in a billion years.

    Why would you even want to invite (and insult) people that you aren't friends with?
    7/10/10 imageDandy
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:d5c9ac17-3e1d-4b16-a11e-5206d426070b">Re: Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner... : Anybody else find this odd???  Its a wedding, not a party or a popularity contest. 
    Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]
    Nah, I paid bums and prostitutes to attend my wedding.  I mean I'm such a miserable bitch no one wanted to attend.  I had to fill seats somehow.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-come-dance-but-dont-show-up-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f90983e1-d540-4f70-8320-52d46607c55bPost:49b2d24f-be3a-45ce-b621-ef78514b1f8d">Re: Invitations: Come to dance, but don't show up for dinner...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<span style="font-weight:bold;" class="Apple-style-span">I once was that guest.  We received a formal invite for just the dance and was told it was a small intimate ceremony and dinner.  As we walked in we found out the intimate ceremony was for over 200 people and we had multiple guests ask us why we were late.  Needless to say, we stayed for about 20 minutes and have not talked to the bride and groom again.  My only regret is that I didn't take the present off the gift table as we left!!!  If they are not important enough to be invited to the ceremony and dinner they do not belong coming.  It is very rude and will ruin any friendship you have with these people. 
    Posted by Clare13</span>[/QUOTE]

    <div>My parents also experienced this and by far rudest thing to do to a guest. Luckily for them they came earlier than the time on the paper that was posted on the Fire Department board so they got lucky because it was buffet and were coming in on the last tables going up. Moral of Clare story, <span style="font-weight:bold;" class="Apple-style-span">please do not do this.</span> If you can't afford to feed them, don't bother inviting them. It looks to be the biggest gift grabby mind set even if that isn't your intention. </div>
  • Please don't do this.  It is unspeakably rude.  Doing this sends the message to your guests that they aren't good enough to see you get married or eat with you, but they are good enough to buy you a gift.

    As Nancy Reagan would say, "Just Say No (to tiered invites) kids"
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  • It's either all or nothing, like PPs said. It is terribly rude otherwise.
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    Married: 2010
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    Mom to H: 2014

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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Go with a get-together at a later time with those people. Terribly rude to invite them just for dancing. 

    FI & I have a few acquaintances who we cannot invite to the wedding. Several of them are people I am friends with on a baseball blog group that meets in person every month or 2.  We booked 40 tickets for a baseball game the weekend after the wedding and having a fun day at the ballpark.  We are paying for all of the tickets.  We are not marketing it as a wedding celebration, just that we want to have a relaxing fun day at the ballpark with friends after all the hoopla.
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