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Christian Weddings
2012FutureMrsB
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It's happening already! Co-workers asking questions about wedding plans... Advice?
I know this had been talked about before, but . . .
I recently got engaged and I talk frequently with my carpoolers about wedding stuff, which is fine b/c they are all invited since I've gotten to know them pretty well (we spend 1 1/2 hrs a day in the car together, so we know a little more about each other than we'd like to! lol). Anyway, I've tried to keep wedding talk to a minimum with other co-workers b/c we haven't finalized the guest list. We've made a rough draft and several of them are on it, but of course there are many who are not (I'm a teacher so of course I can't invite ALL the teachers!).
Today, a lady who works in the room next to mine came by and started asking wedding questions totally out of the blue. I've never brought up wedding talk with her (or anything personal actually). I tried to be vague, but she kept asking specifics - i.e. she said "when are you getting married?" and I said "next summer" and so she asked the specific date. I didn't know what to say, so I gave in and told her the exact day, but she is definitely NOT invited (never even made the "maybe" list). She even asked about whether or not we had met with the priest. I was like "what!!?"" Then I remembered this is a very Catholic area (I'm Protestant) so it caught me off guard. I corrected her and said we had met with our pastor, etc.
So . . . I guess I need to be more prepared! What do I say when they ask specific questions? Do I answer or change the subject? I feel that changing the subject would be rude b/c I'm ignoring them, but at the same time, if they bring it up (not me), then I guess I should just answer politely and don't say anything more? . . . didn't realize how hard this could be. Any advice would be appreciated (especially from other teachers!). Thanks!
(Note: Others have asked questions too, but they will most likely be invited. I still try to keep wedding talk to a minimum and I don't bring it up myself. This particular lady was the first to ask who is definitely NOT invited so it made me think there could be more who bring it up in the future and I want to be more prepared).
I recently got engaged and I talk frequently with my carpoolers about wedding stuff, which is fine b/c they are all invited since I've gotten to know them pretty well (we spend 1 1/2 hrs a day in the car together, so we know a little more about each other than we'd like to! lol). Anyway, I've tried to keep wedding talk to a minimum with other co-workers b/c we haven't finalized the guest list. We've made a rough draft and several of them are on it, but of course there are many who are not (I'm a teacher so of course I can't invite ALL the teachers!).
Today, a lady who works in the room next to mine came by and started asking wedding questions totally out of the blue. I've never brought up wedding talk with her (or anything personal actually). I tried to be vague, but she kept asking specifics - i.e. she said "when are you getting married?" and I said "next summer" and so she asked the specific date. I didn't know what to say, so I gave in and told her the exact day, but she is definitely NOT invited (never even made the "maybe" list). She even asked about whether or not we had met with the priest. I was like "what!!?"" Then I remembered this is a very Catholic area (I'm Protestant) so it caught me off guard. I corrected her and said we had met with our pastor, etc.
So . . . I guess I need to be more prepared! What do I say when they ask specific questions? Do I answer or change the subject? I feel that changing the subject would be rude b/c I'm ignoring them, but at the same time, if they bring it up (not me), then I guess I should just answer politely and don't say anything more? . . . didn't realize how hard this could be. Any advice would be appreciated (especially from other teachers!). Thanks!
(Note: Others have asked questions too, but they will most likely be invited. I still try to keep wedding talk to a minimum and I don't bring it up myself. This particular lady was the first to ask who is definitely NOT invited so it made me think there could be more who bring it up in the future and I want to be more prepared).
This discussion has been closed.
Re: It's happening already! Co-workers asking questions about wedding plans... Advice?
"So have you picked your dress"
"Still working on the details"
"Have you chosen a ceremony location?"
"Still working on the details"
"Are you having a large wedding with everyone or just a small one with immediate family?"
"Still working on the details"
lol
That's right, I blog! - The Domestic Soldier
[QUOTE]It's totally fine to talk wedding with people who won't be invited if they're asking. It's usually something people want to know about -- especially women. People understand that guest lists are limited. This sounds harsh, but someone told me and it's made a huge difference. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. How you percieve them not being invited stings way more than it does to them. Your wedding is one among many. Sucks to think about, but def helps when considering guest lists. <strong>If you wouldn't be hurt not invited to theirs, the feeling is most likely mutual</strong>.
Posted by RebeccaJac[/QUOTE]
That's a really good point! Thanks for the insight!
[QUOTE]I love the "<strong>We are still working on the details</strong>" line to defer questions at work. I know that eventually we'll get too close to the wedding for me to be able to use that, but for the time being it works like a dream! "So have you picked your dress" "Still working on the details" "Have you chosen a ceremony location?" "Still working on the details" "Are you having a large wedding with everyone or just a small one with immediate family?" "Still working on the details" lol
Posted by BMcLeodTeam[/QUOTE]
Perfect!! That's the best line I've heard. It's true, yet vague. Gonna use it a lot I think. Thanks!
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Planning Bio Updated 10/24/2011
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's happening already! Co-workers asking questions about wedding plans... Advice? : Perfect!! That's the best line I've heard. It's true, yet vague. Gonna use it a lot I think. Thanks!
Posted by 2012FutureMrsB[/QUOTE]
No problem :) Its helped me deal with many situations that could have been potentially awkward :)
That's right, I blog! - The Domestic Soldier
I ended up talking to the people who wanted to know. There were a lot of little old ladies at church who just wanted to hear about wedding stuff. They knew they weren't invited and they were okay with that. Take it on a case by case basis. You know your friends/coworkers/church family.
2010: 41 books, 2011: 31 books, 2012: 100 books
[QUOTE]The "still working on the details" line won't be useful after you're a month out. Just so you know. :) I ended up talking to the people who wanted to know. There were a lot of little old ladies at church who just wanted to hear about wedding stuff. They knew they weren't invited and they were okay with that. Take it on a case by case basis. You know your friends/coworkers/church family.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
I assumed it would start working eventually, but at 10 months out it should work for awhile yet lol
That's right, I blog! - The Domestic Soldier
Blog (clicky here!)
When they ask about the dress I say it's a secret!
[QUOTE]I agree with PPs - if you can keep it short and sweet and maybe slip in a "change the subject" bit, it works out pretty well!! The main thing to remember is to take a deep breath and <strong>don't get upset with the 57th person</strong> - they probably think they're only the first or second. :P
Posted by LittleBigO[/QUOTE]
True. Thanks for the advice. I tend to like talking about myself <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" /> but it does get old after awhile. Patience is key.
[QUOTE]I am a teacher too and I had a hard time with who to invite from work, especially since it's a small school and everyone gets along. Therefore, I only invited 4 people from work- my best work friend, another good friend, the other first grade teacher and the music teacher who was playing piano at my wedding. That was a good way to keep the numbers down. There was one lady who is like a mom to all of us and I wanted to invite her, but didn't. She asked where the church was and said she might stop by the ceremony. She did and I wished she had come to the reception too because a couple people didn't show up. I don't think anyone was offended. As PP's said, people understand that weddings are expensive. As for the questions, I would answer them but not elaborate unless they ask specifically. I wouldn't ignore the questions, but just answer as minimally as you can. Don't worry!
Posted by AshNoel8[/QUOTE]
Thanks!