Dh's and cell phones

katiewhompus · July 2010

Scott and I answer each other's cell phones all the time, or check each other text messages if one of us isn't in the room. For example, he just got a text and I didn't think anything of it to check his phone and see who it was from/if it was important before taking his phone upstairs to him.

One of my friends can't believe we look at each other's phones and said it was such a violation of person space and showed that we don't trust each other.

We completely trust each other, and just treat our phones as 3 separate lines (landline too) people can use to communicate with us.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · July 2010

My ex used to look through my phone all the time and IT DROVE ME CRAZY. And then he'd grill me about who I was talking to and texting and whatnot.

But, he was a prick.

My guy and I don't check each other's phones, but really, I wouldn't mind if he looked through my phone at all, or if he checked my messages or anything. I don't think he'd mind if I checked his, either. So I guess it depends on the person?

shellydiane820 · July 2010

I answered "only if he asks me to" Texts, I leave alone and just let him know someone messaged him. I figure he can answer that. If someone calls I answer and take a message because otherwise he doesn't notice and his new phone doesn't show a missed call screen.

We also don't have a landline, so we try to answer our phones when we can. It doesn't phase us though. I don't think its rude.

ShabyKitty · July 2010

Me and my guy check each others phones all the time too. Not like purposly sit there and check, but if he's not around, I'll answer the phone or text.

I like it, I think it gives us a sense of closeness that we have nothing to hide from each other.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I'll look and see who is calling if he's in another room, because he usually only answers for certain people. he doesn't get text messages, so that's not an issue. He'll answer my phone if it's my mom or dad if I'm in a different room so I don't miss the call.

I also check DH's email, at his request. He hates being online and on computers, so I check his email accounts and let him know when someone sent him a message. Usually I'll be the one responding as well, under his name. I also help with his bookkeeping, so I pretty much know all of his contacts and expenses. One of his friends asked why he gave me such control over his bookkeeping and emails, and why he didn't mind me seeing all his personal information, and DH was like, "I don't have anything to hide, why should I care?"

MarriedInAFever · July 2010

I might answer if I see who it is and know who it is. Otherwise, I really don't. If I check his texts I'll always ask/tell him before I do. He does the same. Not because we don't trust each other. I often send messages to my girlfriends and others I would trust them not to show their significant others.

*BeachBride0410* · July 2010

We don't look at each others phone really....neither of us have anything to hide though. If one of us is out of the room and our phones ring, we will look at the phone depending on who it is we might pick it up, like family.

If DH is outside or something and his phone rings, I usually look at it because he is always on call for work, so if its someone work related I know I need to take it to him.

salgal80 · July 2010

Generally we don't really look at or answer each other's phones, but I think it is fine that you do. When you get married, two become one and I think it shows trust, NOT mistrust, that you can be that way.

My friend's husband hides his phone from her and will even sleep with it under his pillow so she can't see it. Then again, he has cheated on her several times.

I'm sure Mike and I will get to that point in the near future, but right now, he usually has his phone on him since he gets a lot of work calls and, well, I just don't get a whole lot of calls to have to worry about and people usually call me around the same times so I'm close to my phone when those calls come.

It sounds like you have each other's best interests in mind, not deceit so I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing.

carethb · July 2010

I don't have anything to hide, so Idc if he looks at my phone, and he has a strange work schedule so if something comes through for him, when he doesn't have his phone on him, I let him know. We had a conversation at some point about it being ok to do this.

I think the whole idea of invasion of personal space stems from the reason for the phone being checked.

kimheartsscott · July 2010

I don't answer his phone because I don't even answer mine. I hate talking on the phone.

if he is away from his cell, I will pick it up and read his texts to him, and he does the same for me. If he is busy or driving, I have typed back to the person but only if he tells me what to say. I don't mind it and neither does he.

My best friend gets lectures from her boyfriend about staying away from his phone/out of his personal business, but he looks through hers all the time. Guess who was cheating and using pills in secret?

katiewhompus · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dhs-cell-phones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:924e7c0b-cf8e-45bb-9f99-877c9bcb6150Post:f8ce88de-09fd-44f5-885d-81ea5834cc40">Re: Dh's and cell phones</a>:
[QUOTE] I also check DH's email, at his request. He hates being online and on computers, so I check his email accounts and let him know when someone sent him a message. Usually I'll be the one responding as well, under his name. I also help with his bookkeeping, so I pretty much know all of his contacts and expenses. One of his friends asked why he gave me such control over his bookkeeping and emails, and why he didn't mind me seeing all his personal information, and DH was like, "I don't have anything to hide, why should I care?"
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

I check his emails too, when he asks. He never gets on the computer and whenever I do he'll have 200 + emails.

I once had an ex who flipped out when I picked up his ringing cell phone to see who was calling. Turns out he was cheating on me and didn't want me to see his texts, or the fact that "Tracy" was calling him 5 times a day.

Blueyed228 · July 2010

FI is always on the phone for work. He gets texts, emails, etc all day long. I dont check them and I dont answer his phone unless its his mom or something.

His phone is always blowing up from his workers and people calling/texting to see if he can get them in the club that night or whatever. If I got mad at every girl in his phone I would be in the nut house. Its just the nature of his job.

He doesnt go through my phone either.

That being said, if he or I ever wanted to go through it, I doubt either of us would have a problem with it. I just dont see the point.

baystateapple · July 2010

FI rarely answers my phone. I answer his if he's in the middle of something (a shower, a video game) and I know the person on the other end of the phone (like his mom or a friend of his). Otherwise, no, I don't touch it.

SarahPLiz · July 2010

I usually only read the texts and respond when he is driving, and he does the same for me. Right now I don't want him anywhere near my phone because there are pictures of me in my dress on it. But he could answer it if he wanted to, I wouldn't care.

I should add, though, that neither of us really talks on the phone that much. I use mine to text more often than he does. I don't check his emails, but I do have access to his bank account.

vegasgroom · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dhs-cell-phones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:924e7c0b-cf8e-45bb-9f99-877c9bcb6150Post:ad1ca00b-5ab1-41ca-83e1-478184defc42">Re: Dh's and cell phones</a>:
[QUOTE]I might answer if I see who it is and know who it is. Otherwise, I really don't. If I check his texts I'll always ask/tell him before I do. He does the same. Not because we don't trust each other. I often send messages to my girlfriends and others I would trust them not to show their significant others.
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

That's exactly why my FI and I don't look at each others' phones. Has nothing to do with trust for us, but there's a difference between personal privacy and trust; either one of us might be talking to a friend about something better kept between those two whether it be something as innocent as a surprise party or they ask you for advice on something meant to be kept private; for example, the guy that introduced me to the girl I'm marrying met me through one of my best friends that he's dating, so who knows, FI or I could be talking to one half of that couple about a problem or argument and wanting advice from someone who's known the other person longer than them.

We'll tell each other who's calling if we see a phone ringing or have each other send texts for one another if we're busy, but typically we don't mess with each other's phones.

Blueyed228 · July 2010

I will also say that just because we leave each others phones alone does not mean we have "anything to hide".

I just dont think that every call and text needs to be ran by him to see if its ok and would be pretty annoyed if he just decided to take my phone and go looking for something. Not because he would find anything, but more that he would be expecting to find something.

shellydiane820 · July 2010

Its not like an all the time thing. I don't know about you guys, but we're pretty antisocial, 99% of the time its a parent. Womp! Womp!

katiewhompus · July 2010

It would be weird if suddenly we started searching each other's phones, I'll give you that. She just thinks it's a "violation" if I see who's calling when he's, say, in the shower. Or if I walk in the house and he's talking to someone and I say "Who was that?" I'm not suspicious, just curious, you know?

Nebb · July 2010

He doesnt have a cell phone, but he NEVER touches mine. He just has never had an interest in what goes on in my phone. We DO check eachothers emails and fb though, with eachothers knowledge, and always have. We know all of eachothers passwords for everything.

vegasgroom · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dhs-cell-phones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:924e7c0b-cf8e-45bb-9f99-877c9bcb6150Post:0764c994-108f-489f-8042-00ad07e89cae">Re: Dh's and cell phones</a>:
[QUOTE]It would be weird if suddenly we started searching each other's phones, I'll give you that. She just thinks it's a "violation" if I see who's calling when he's, say, in the shower. Or if I walk in the house and he's talking to someone and I say "Who was that?" I'm not suspicious, just curious, you know?
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's a little over the top, I mean there's a difference between seeing who's calling and telling the other person and turning your head away to prevent from knowing LOL.

Blueyed228 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dhs-cell-phones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:924e7c0b-cf8e-45bb-9f99-877c9bcb6150Post:0764c994-108f-489f-8042-00ad07e89cae">Re: Dh's and cell phones</a>:
[QUOTE]It would be weird if suddenly we started searching each other's phones, I'll give you that. She just thinks it's a "violation" if I see who's calling when he's, say, in the shower. Or if I walk in the house and he's talking to someone and I say "Who was that?" I'm not suspicious, just curious, you know?
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I feel the same way. If I started looking through FI's phone and emails he would look at me like I had 3 heads.

But its not like we hide the phones from each other, most of the time they are on the counter or coffee table.

He hates his cell phone but its a necessity for work. He is the type of guy that wouldnt have a cell phone if he didnt have to.

J&K10910 · July 2010

I'm totally the person that looks at his phone ringing right next to me and screams "HEY YOUR PARENTS ARE CALLING YOU!!!!!" across the house, then gets all huffy when he yells back "WELL ANSWER IT!"

katiewhompus · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dhs-cell-phones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:924e7c0b-cf8e-45bb-9f99-877c9bcb6150Post:fdadcc13-19fa-4243-87c8-d4a13cf78e36">Re: Dh's and cell phones</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm totally the person that looks at his phone ringing right next to me and screams "HEY YOUR PARENTS ARE CALLING YOU!!!!!" across the house, then gets all huffy when he yells back "WELL ANSWER IT!"
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Ha yes :)

Our phones are very boring. My calls consist of my boss, Scott, my parents, maybe an occasional text from a friend and that's it. Scott's is just his parents, his work, his mom and his sister.

We're a boring couple, ah well :)

JoyTate1 · July 2010

Me and FI:

Me: Your phone is ringing
FI: Who is it?
Me: FFIL
FI: Answer it!

Me: You got a message
FI: What does it say?
and I read it to him. I do not just go through his phone, nor do I just answer unless he tells me to.

FI will sometimes answer mine if it is like my mom or sister calling. He doesn't answer if he doesn't know the person. He only reads text messages if I tell him to.

I think this means you DO trust each other. You aren't going through his phone behind his back, or anything. You all trust each other enough to let the person answer when needed.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dhs-cell-phones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:924e7c0b-cf8e-45bb-9f99-877c9bcb6150Post:0764c994-108f-489f-8042-00ad07e89cae">Re: Dh's and cell phones</a>:
[QUOTE]Or if I walk in the house and he's talking to someone and I say "Who was that?" I'm not suspicious, just curious, you know?
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I do this too, but I'm just a nosy person. Plus most of the time he sits right next to me and talks, so I hear only one end of the conversation and usually it sounds weird and makes me curious. Most of the time it's a customer I don't know.

Whenever I get a text that makes me laugh or roll my eyes he always asks, so it goes both ways.

Anysunrise · July 2010

I've only picked up FI's phone once. He had this girl we both knew that kept calling him just to "talk". She was obviously into him but didn't know that we had gotten together and I was living at his place. I got a little irritated with her calling him every day (from Germany nonetheless), despite him constantly telling her he didn't want to talk, so one day I told him that the next time she calls, I'm picking up the phone.

So I did. She hung up without saying anything and never talked to him again =D I'd probably have felt worse about it if a couple months prior to our moving in she hadn't tried to convince FI that I was cheating on him.

Blueyed228 · July 2010

I think the big difference is that there is sharing (which seems to be the common theme) and then there is demanding to know.

If your first thought when he jumps in the shower is to grab his phone and go snooping, then I think thats a problem.

I know a few couples who have fights over phones/texts. I think its silly unless there is a real infidelity issue.

missy68 · July 2010

I'll get him to answer mine if I can't get to it, if it's my parents/brother/etc. If it says unknown (or is my college calling for money/pledge) it doesn't get answered - by either of us. I know when my pledge is due, TYVM.

I don't normally answer his, mainly because I don't want to get caught in a long drawn out convo with his sister/aunt. So, I'll just tell him he missed a call/text.

If we're driving and he needs to send one or read a text, I'll do that for him. He's gotten I think 1 drunken email or phone call since I moved in, but he was too embarrassed to show it to me. He finally told me what it said, and I laughed and laughed.

meganyani · July 2010

If you have a mutual feeling about it, I don't see it being invasive or creepy. People with jealousy issues are the ones to worry about, not your situation.

apricot239 · July 2010

The rule at our place is who ever is closest to one of our phones when it rings gets to answer it... except if it's his mother calling, then I "fumble" the phone and accidently hit the reject key. Or if my best friend is calling me he won't answer.

arv266 · July 2010

My FI's cellphone is the work phone and instead of a ringer, there is a voice that states the callers name or the phone number... there is never a mystery as to who is calling. Same thing for my cellphone, its more a work phone than anything else. We're definitely not a suspicious pair, and I'd feel creepy checking his text and would equally be creeped if he checked mine. Its just a matter of "couple style" but we're definitely not there.

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