Dealing with Late Guests

AshleyLR06 · June 2010

I was at a wedding this weekend that was supposed to start at 4:00, and guests -- as in plural -- were still coming in at almost 4:30. The ceremony started 45 minutes late (at which time ushers were blocking the doors), but I couldn't help but think how RUDE those guests were! I'm also a little nervous for my own wedding because we're not having ushers. Can hostesses stand at the door instead? Any other suggestions?

trix1223 · June 2010

You start your wedding on time. If guests aren't there at the time it says on your invitation, they miss the ceremony.

I have to say, as a church organist, that very late weddings are a huge pet peeve of mine. I begin playing about 20 minutes before the start time of your wedding. My fee includes the rehearsal, those 20 minutes and the ceremony.

I've had weddings start as much as 55 minutes late. So now, I'm playing more than double what I planned for, and what I'm being paid for. And that's just beyond rude.

I honestly don't mind a 5-10 minute late start. But once it goes beyond 10 minutes, I'm angry and feeling taken advantage of.

Start spreading the news via word of mouth that your wedding WILL start on time, whether guests are there or not. And then do it.

quotequeen · June 2010

If guests show up half an hour late to my wedding, they will miss my entire ceremony and I will not be the least bit sympathetic. I don't think you really need anybody blocking the door. Just start when you're ready to start.

mbcdefg · June 2010

It was the couple's fault for delaying the ceremony. They should've just started as planned.

I was told after the fact that some people were late to my wedding ceremony, but I didn't notice. A bomb probably could've exploded in the back of the church and I wouldn't have noticed, because I was in such a bubble.

cschuma2 · June 2010

Our reception started about 5 minutes late because we were waiting for my husband's great-grandma. I'm glad that we did, but I would not have waited a half hour at the expense of all of the other guests. We have all hit unexpected traffic, construction, an accident, or something like that. Don't take it personally if someone shows up late (as long as they are polite enough to enter quietly and take a seat in the back). There really isn't much you can do.

In all honesty, you will be so focused on what is happening at the altar, I would be surprised if you noticed someone sneaking in a little late. I sure wouldn't have.

danieliza1127 · June 2010

That's one of the reasons I think Ushers are important. It's their job to stand in the back and make sure anyone coming in late sits in the back without disrupting the ceremony.

My H's cousin and her husband walked in behind me just as I was lined up with my Step-Dad to walk down the aisle. They just hung back and waited until I got up front, and then they sat in the very back row, but we had Ushers there to hold them back adn show them where to sit.

It does happen, people might be late, but you shouldn't hold up the ceremony for late people. Your ceremony should start on time or else you're the one being rude to all of the other people you invited who were on time.

JoeyOz · June 2010

People should not be late and if they are, then oh well. Start the ceremony on time. Don't worry about them.

One thing - did the invites say 4:00? Because generally speaking the time on the invites is when the music starts and then the ceremony actually begins a half-hour later, so I can see how that would be confusing. People might have thought the ceremony started at 4:30 if the intvites said 4:00.

jennylove810 · June 2010

Whatever you do, please don't do what my high school friend did 2 weeks ago:

Her invitations said 4:30pm ceremony (Friday afternoon). FI and I killed ourselves to get out of work early (neither of us could take the day off) and drive 90 minutes to the location, only to be told SURPRISE! Ceremony starts at 5pm!

We were NOT amused.

jennylove810 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_dealing-late-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bfaeffad-040a-45b3-a1b5-0fa50fcb68b7Post:b13d8884-0782-4050-9946-20e12c4b4065">Re: Dealing with Late Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]People should not be late and if they are, then oh well. Start the ceremony on time. Don't worry about them. One thing - did the invites say 4:00? Because generally speaking the time on the invites is when the music starts and then the ceremony actually begins a half-hour later, so I can see how that would be confusing. People might have thought the ceremony started at 4:30 if the intvites said 4:00.
Posted by JoeyOz[/QUOTE]

!?!

TNMurray · June 2010

I know people that no longer believe the time on the invitation to be correct because they have yet to attend a wedding that started on time. I have never missed a wedding and have showed up late. Be on time and worry about you. I think the Hostess can hold those people back untill after you enter.

trix1223 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_dealing-late-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bfaeffad-040a-45b3-a1b5-0fa50fcb68b7Post:b13d8884-0782-4050-9946-20e12c4b4065">Re: Dealing with Late Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]People should not be late and if they are, then oh well. Start the ceremony on time. Don't worry about them. One thing - did the invites say 4:00? Because generally speaking the time on the invites is when the music starts and then the ceremony actually begins a half-hour later, so I can see how that would be confusing. People might have thought the ceremony started at 4:30 if the intvites said 4:00.
Posted by JoeyOz[/QUOTE]

This is completely wrong. Completely wrong. The time on the invitation is the time the ceremony starts not what time the prelude starts. Please, OP, ignore this advice.

I'm a church organist. I start to play 20 minutes before the time that your invitations say.

A wedding invitation gives the information about the ceremony. Not the preludes.

gottahavashorti · June 2010

Our ceremony started late because about half the guests were still missing a couple minutes before it was supposed to start. Had it not been a substantial number of guests missing, I would have told the catering manager no on delaying the ceremony by a few minutes. We have no idea when we did start the ceremony, but I would guess 5-10 minutes late at most. Fortunately, we had no ceremony only vendors and everything was on location, so it just meant the cocktail hour was a few minutes shorter.

It was an outdoor ceremony and I didn't hear any late comers arrive during the ceremony. SIL (who had a dress zipper crisis) and another friend were on the porch overlooking the ceremony site when we recessed, so I guess they managed to arrive quietly. At church weddings, if someone arrives at the processional they usually know to wait to take a seat. If there are multiple entrances you could always lock the one by the aisle or have the GM stand there until it is time to start.

JeFlanigan · June 2010

In Response to Re: Dealing with Late Guests:
[QUOTE]It was the couple's fault for delaying the ceremony. They should've just started as planned.[/QUOTE]
Totally agree.
To my knowledge invites include the time your wedding really starts. I made it to my cousins wedding like 5 minutes late (there was MAJOR flooding day of) and ceremony had started, but i knew that and was my fault.
And just throwing a story out there... my high school principal always swore that if the assembly started at 3, she would stand there and talk to an empty room and it was everyone else's responsibility to figure out what they missed.

danieliza1127 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_dealing-late-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bfaeffad-040a-45b3-a1b5-0fa50fcb68b7Post:b13d8884-0782-4050-9946-20e12c4b4065">Re: Dealing with Late Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]One thing - did the invites say 4:00? Because generally speaking the time on the invites is when the music starts and then the ceremony actually begins a half-hour later, so I can see how that would be confusing. People might have thought the ceremony started at 4:30 if the intvites said 4:00.
Posted by JoeyOz[/QUOTE]

That is not true at all!! The time on your invitation should be the actual start time of the ceremony, which usually starts with the processional seating the mothers. The music that plays beforehand while guests are taking their seats is just prelude stuff. So if your processional starts at 4:30, you put 4:30 on the invitations.

iamjoesgurl · June 2010

I'm late a lot of times for things but on our wedding day, we were outside the chapel 15 min early waiting to go in. There were probably some late guests but I never noticed. As other people said here, it is their fault if they miss any part of the wedding. And don't worry about them being disruptive. Like Dani said, place a couple guy friends by the door to direct late guests to sit in the rear of the church. I don't think it will be a problem at all.

Also, for any wedding I've ever attended, I have gotten there at or before the time on the invite. I have never assumed that it would start later.

number55 · June 2010

I heard advice about putting an earlier start time on my invites but had already printed them so too bad, I put the time I expect to start at.

People need to learn to be adults and plan accordingly. Show up on time, it isn't difficult, it is polite. Unless we hear that there is a major accident on the highway the day of our wedding or some other catastrophe, we are starting on time, and our ceremony venue is TINY, like it can seat about 120 and we are inviting 114 so if someone comes in late, we will know it and it will be awkward - for them.

I was at a wedding in May where guests were late. We waited a bit because some of the late guests were the readers but once they arrived we started. In my opinion, there are very few good excuses for being late, and certainly none that can't involve a phone call to explain how long they will be (if they are central to the event, if you are just a guest, meh, too bad for you).

I think we cater too much to people's bad habits in the world, and starting late because of other people's tardiness is one example of this.

kelly&wayne · June 2010

There is no way I would hold the start time of my ceremony for late guests, unless it was a close member of the family who was just running a few minutes late, stuck in traffic etc... I am determined my ceremony will start right at 4:00. I'm a planner...I like knowing exactly what time things will happen and how they will take place. I will be printing off schedules for our WP letting them know exactly where they have to be at what times so that there is no chance we'll start late waiting for them or I'll turn into a stress ball wondering if people are going to show up on time.

526SadieSadie · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_dealing-late-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bfaeffad-040a-45b3-a1b5-0fa50fcb68b7Post:6249e163-5a17-4660-93a9-6fe99d02be00">Re: Dealing with Late Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]You start your wedding on time. If guests aren't there at the time it says on your invitation, they miss the ceremony. I have to say, as a church organist, that very late weddings are a huge pet peeve of mine. I begin playing about 20 minutes before the start time of your wedding. My fee includes the rehearsal, those 20 minutes and the ceremony. I've had weddings start as much as 55 minutes late. So now, I'm playing more than double what I planned for, and what I'm being paid for. And that's just beyond rude. I honestly don't mind a 5-10 minute late start. But once it goes beyond 10 minutes, I'm angry and feeling taken advantage of. Start spreading the news via word of mouth that your wedding WILL start on time, whether guests are there or not. And then do it.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This. The bride and groom are allowed to be a little late, but you can't hold your entire ceremony off for guests who run late, especially if there are weddings taking place after yours and delaying your ceremony in turn delays theirs.

lemken · June 2010

We're not going 5 minutes past the start time - unless it's important family (parents, grand parents), our ushers will be stopping everyone else to wait until the ceremony is done. If they can't make it on time, that's not my problem

TheCranberry · June 2010

I think every wedding I've been to started late. Some were 5-10 mins late, some were longer. I just thought all of my friends/family were late until a friend who's getting married this year told me that her wedding will start 30 mins AFTER the time on the invitation. Then I wondered whether people put a fake time on the invitations.

But now I read that most of you here think the invitation time is the actual start time.
I wish people would just be on time for things so we wouldn't have to worry about these things.

My friend said her venue doesn't know they are starting late so I will probably still get there at the invitation time in case they make her start at that time. It's annoying though becuase I have a feeling we'll be sitting there for like 45 minutes (30 minutes to account for the fake time and 15 mintues to account for the fact that it will still be later than what they planned).

schwoebr · June 2010

I have never heard of this "fake starting time" or it really starts 30 minutes later nonsense. If I planned on attending a wedding, I would expect it to start at the time stated on the invite! Mine will certainly start on time since it's already an evening wedding!

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