Creative Ways to Ask Your Friends to be in the Wedding Party?

evolkema · May 2011

I'm looking for creative/thoughtful ways to ask my friends and family to be in my wedding party. Any ideas?

arrabelle · May 2011

i'm so glad you asked this question, i can't wait to hear others' ideas too! we're temporarily living out of state for FI's job, so i'll be asking most of my WP from across the country and was trying to come up with ideas.

our wedding is in chicago - i was thinking maybe a little care package with some kettle corn and other chicago themed treats, maybe include a little framed picture of us, and then add a chicago postcard where i write out the message?

or is that hokey?

you could always send them flowers with a card - not super creative but who doesn't light up when they get flowers?

midgetthemighty · May 2011

I just flat out asked mine individually, mostly via text message or phone call. They were super excited!

I'm in one of my best friends weddings this July. The way she asked me was something like this: "So I realized today that I never officially asked you to be a bridesmaid I just thought you knew." It was pretty funny.

I think the Chicago idea is cute though, I'm just trying to save as much money as possible. I'll use the money I would have for a "Will you be my bridesmaid" gift for their wedding party gift at the rehearsal dinner.

So moral of the story I guess is that you don't have to do anything special. You know your girls though! If they would appreciate it, then go for it.

trix1223 · May 2011

Well, I'm the opinion that the honor is in BEING asked, not in HOW you're asked.

First: both of you have weddings that are a year or more away. Wait until you're about 8-10 months out before asking anyone. Look at the countless posts on this board and on the Moms&Maids board about people who asked to early and after the relationships changes want to kick out their former bff since preschool, or their cousin, or their SIL. They never thought that the relationship would change, but it did.

So, this is not really the answer to your questions, but it is another thought to consider:

In the coming months, the wedding industry will do their best to convince you that everything about your wedding must be creative, clever, imaginative, unique, memorable, one-of-a-kind or your wedding will be a failure. And that's just not true.

What could be more special for your friends/family than to go out for a drink or a cup of coffee and be asked to be in your wedding. Or to get a phone call from you asking them to stand with you on your wedding day. You'll get to see or hear the excitement of the moment that way!

And will it really be more special if they get a cookie shaped like a bridesmaid dress, or a card with a poem on it?

Call your friends and ask them. And enjoy your planning. Good luck!

skurtz04 · May 2011

We took everyone out to dinner and asked. Since we were engaged for almost 3 years, everyone pretty much knew based on conversations we would have. But we wanted to formally ask everyone. So we went to dinner and went around the table and introduced each person as their title in the wedding. It was so much fun and everyone who didn't know eachother got to meet one another.

mbcdefg · May 2011

Some people might enjoy something like a card, scrapbook, picture frame, etc. Some people might like to go out for coffee or to the movies. Some might prefer if you just ask them low-key over the phone. It all depends on your friends, so think about each person's personality and go from there. You don't have to do the same thing for everyone.

I wouldn't suggest asking them all in a group, because that puts them on the spot to say yes. What if they have concerns over the cost, how much you might expecting them to be involved, etc.? Better to ask everyone individually so that they feel comfortable asking you questions or telling you that they'd like to sleep on it.

You might also want to wait until you're less than a year away from your wedding to ask. There have been some posts recently where people asked more than a year in advance and regretted it (because once you ask you're basically stuck with them - and people have regretting asking sisters and lifelong best friends, so don't say it'll never happen, because it happens to some people). And if you don't have a definite date and venue booked yet, then especially wait to ask ... your friends need to know the solid date and location before they can commit. What happens if they say yes, then you wait a while to announce the date/location, and their work/family schedules won't allow them to participate? Then everyone's disappointed.

arrabelle · May 2011

omg yes! cookies shaped like bridesmaids dresses! yes!!!

maybe my post sounded a little overeager. i agree it doesn't need to be a cuckoo extravaganza, but i'm with OP about doing something at least a little special. i would never ask someone via text message! that's just me though. one of my friends asked me to be her MOH in the parking lot at target. she was all nervous like she was asking me out - she had wanted to ask me at lunch but we got talking about something and she forgot until we were running errands after!! it was really cute.

also - our wedding's less than a year away. it took me a while to figure out i never updated my profile! it's all booked and we're set. we still have some time before the 6-8 month mark but......it's so hard to wait to ask anyone, we've been engaged over 6 mos already!! my friends keep making cracks about my "bridesmaids"....of course they know i'm going to ask them and they're very clear they want to be in it! it's kind of a running joke.

but....i think y'all are wise to say wait....so i will try! i feel like a kid at christmas though!!

Kate61487 · May 2011

I called up each of my friends and said "hey, what are you doing on July 23?" I would have loved to do it in person, but my BMs are all over the place, and I didn't want to wait weeks between asking them.

There's an etsy seller, SunnyAndCo, she's a July bride too and she makes super cute 'will you be my BM' cards if you want to go that route (or just look for inspiration).

GL

jbasore1123 · May 2011

This is not mine, but I stole the idea from a Detroit Knottie (I am sorry, I don't remember who in order to give credit!).

Two of them were my DH's sisters, so I put a poem about sister in laws:

The day that I marry, our families will blend,
        you'll be my sister and also my friend.
        It's so very special, I hope you will be,
        a part of this day, and a bridesmaid for me.

For my bestfriend I used:

You have always been there,

more than just a friend.
You know just who I am

and everywhere I've been.
So on my wedding day,

I will need you more than ever.
Please say you'll be my bridesmaid now....

and my friend forever.

And for my sister I used:

I wish that I could tell you,

exactly what it means,

to have a little sister,

who has shared in all my dreams.
Of memories we've shared,

my wedding day just would not be,
the one that I had dreamed of,

without you next to me.

mm4662 · May 2011

You could do a text message ;-)

That's what my BM and I did for each other's weddings but we are text messaging fools!

evolkema · May 2011

Thank you everyone for your suggestions! I think I'm going to meet with each girl individually and then give her a bridesmaid cookie from Sarah's Pastries and Candies in Chicago. They make adorable bridesmaids cookies shaped like dresses with messages on them. I'm going to check out SunnyAndCo as an option too!

arrabelle: I love your Chicago care package idea, especially because your bridesmaids are all over the country! I was at a store called Love From Chicago the other day and they sell great vintage looking Chicago postcards.

repierce510 · May 2011

I wanted a fun and cute way to ask my friends and family to be bridesmaids, so I made goodie bags. I bought some blank note cards and wrote a poem in each about how I'd like them to be a part of our wedding. I also got them small notebooks, a ring pop (to "propose" that they be my bridesmaid), some nice chocolates, and these cute wedding cake candles that I found. It's probably super corny but they loved it! It made them feel special that I put in the extra effort to ask them. I mailed my sister hers since she lives in another state. I was able to give everyone else theirs in person.

Here is the poem I found to put in the cards:

The day, the dress

The bride, the groom The joy, the tears Will all come too soon Professing true love To my husband-to-be With family and friends All watching me Because to me you mean so much I have one thing to say which I will phrase as such Nothing would give me more joy and pride, Than to have you up there right by my side You've stood right beside me through thick and thin And I want you to be there when I marry him. Many great memories I have shared with your smile, So, I want you to meet me at the end of the aisle..

cas209 · May 2011

For my bridesmaids, I am just going to ask them. We live pretty far apart, but I will be seeing one of them in June, so I am going to wait and ask her then.

I am asking my sister to be my MOH. She has already shown interest and seems excited. About 3 weeks ago, there was a deal for a free 8x10 photo collage at Walgreens. I ordered one with pictures of my sister and I in it and framed it in a frame from the Dollar Store. I was going to save it as a future birthday present, but decided to give it to her next week with a card that says, "Will you be my Maid of Honor?"

I think she will really like it and it was light on the wallet! I agree with PPs who have said that doing something elaborate for the bridesmaids may make them feel pressured to say "yes" even if it is something that they cannot afford.

Creative Ways to Ask Your Friends to be in the Wedding Party?

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