Are apps needed?

sarahlm619 · January 2012

A bit of background -- FI and I are 100% paying for the wedding -- my mom keeps saying they're going to put some money toward it -- but not sure how much. (therefore not counting on it) Her and my dad DID pay for my dress though! My mom has had SEVERAL opinions -- but nothing has been major so I've made small switches here and there. The one that seems ongoing is whether I "should" have appitizers during cocktail hour. Now in a perfect world I would have enough money to do them -- but they're simply not in my budget! She's acting like it's the most rude thing ever! We're having a plated dinner with salads. Am I completely wrong for not thinking this is THAT big of an issue? I wasn't stressing over it -- but she keeps bringing it up!

baystateapple · January 2012

What time is your wedding at? If you're having a cocktail hour, I agree with your mother, appetizers are the polite way to go.

Also, H and I paid for the majority of our wedding (most people here do) and we skimped on some other things (a limo, bigger centerpieces, etc.) in order to make sure we had enough apps and food and drinks for our guests. There are many things you can cut, but your guests' comfort shouldn't be one of them.

Habs2Hart · January 2012

If you're having alcohol at the cocktail hour, you really should host something. Even a few veggie trays, a few cheese and cracker trays and a few deli meat trays would be fine.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

Alcohol with no food? You're gonna have some drunk guests.

They don't have to be elaborate - crackers, cheese, veggies, etc. Something. Guests are going to be hungry.

lyndausvi · January 2012

Cocktail hour is not just giving people something to drink, but something to do while guests arrive and do their meet and greet. It's always nice to have something to nibble on during that time also.

I would try and do something simple like a cheese and veggie tray.

heyjude23 · January 2012

Ditto PPs, you really should have something for your guests to eat, especially with alcohol. It doesn't have to be anything expensive or extravagant- veggie/fruit trays, some dips and cheeses would be more than fine.

Carla1019 · January 2012

We went to a wedding that did not have apps but they had a huge ice sculpture I'm sure worth over $300. FI and I were starving. Please find a way to feed them something. At that moment I would have killed for cheese and crackers.

chumlee7478 · January 2012

If you're having cocktail hour, yes, you need to feed the guests. At my venue (and it might be at others in MA), if you have cocktail hour, by law, you have to feed the guests. You can't serve alcohol without food. We did cut back on apps in a way by decreasing the passed apps. They are more expensive and there's no guarantee that all guests will get at them. We increased the stationary apps and offered enough to take care of everyone (vegetarian, meat eaters, etc). We have 4 stationary app areas and 3 passed apps to cover things. It's more than enough without making people stuffed before the meal.

achiduck · January 2012

You need to provide food if there's going to be alcohol at cocktail hour. It doens't have to be fancy passed apps, cheese and cracker or veggie and fruit trays are perfectly acceptable.

Megbo2012 · January 2012

Chumlee, I didn't know that! We have a cocktail hour too with heavy apps. I think we'll have about 6 stations, cheese&crackers, fruit, and passed apps. I love the apps they are serving, maybe even more than the plated meal (go figure). I can't imagine what my guests of the WP would do without eating before the dinner. (This happens during the photo session, so it keeps the guest occupied and comfortable.

Maybe since your mom suggested it you could ask her to help you out? Maybe you could cut some other small details to cover most of it and she could cover the difference? Are you doing favors? I would probably cut those for apps if possible.

sarahlm619 · January 2012

We already cut back on a lot (ie no limo, big center pieces, etc etc) -- there's really not much more to cut back on to be honest! We don't have the option for just a fruit and veggie tray or cheese and crackers as the wedding and reception are held at a restaurant -- the cheapest apps are still going to cost us at least $300. While that number may not seem huge -- it is in our budget!

chumlee7478 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:6fd2a64c-2a6c-44d7-81a6-62e832f21649">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]We already cut back on a lot (ie no limo, big center pieces, etc etc) -- there's really not much more to cut back on to be honest! We don't have the option for just a fruit and veggie tray or cheese and crackers as the wedding and reception are held at a restaurant -- the cheapest apps are still going to cost us at least $300. <strong>While that number may not seem huge -- it is in our budget!</strong>
Posted by sarahlm619[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing you mean it's NOT in your budget.

If it's at a restaurant, ask what they can do in your price point. They have your business already, but anything can be negoitated. Just say, "we'd like to offer apps during cocktail hour. What can you do for $XXX?" If they say nothing, then see if they can take the salad away from the dinner, and add the cost of that towards apps. If people have just eaten, they may not want the salad too.

If that cannot be done at all, can you cut cocktail hour entirely and do a heavier dinner?

sarahlm619 · January 2012

Yes -- I meant it's NOT in our budget (typing from my phone -- sorry!) That's a great idea chumlee!!!! We only have beer and wine at the wedding the way it is (and we're paying) so that's already an expense we've cut from!

chumlee7478 · January 2012

Everything can be negotiated, seriously. My FI is still in awe from what we've gotten from our venue, and it's all been cause I asked nicely or negotiated things around. You're already in a contract for the venue, but just ask nicely. I will bet $$ that they'll get you something for the apps cause they don't want to lose the cocktail hour. Alcohol is where venues make their money given the mark up, so no venue wants to see that cut from an event.

Good luck!

OliveOilsMom · January 2012

If you are having the ceremony and dinner in the same restuarant, can you just go right to dinner after the ceremony? Perhaps you and FI could do a first look to get the pictures done that would have been taken during cocktail hour. Cocktail hour is not a nessessity if you have pictures taken before hand.

If cocktail hour is a must, due to pictures, I suggest what chumlee says and negotiate with the venue. No salads or apps during cocktail hour is a way to start.

cindyn9178 · January 2012

In my circle it is customary to have a very large cocktail hour with tons of food and an open bar. A platter of cheese and crackers would probably be considered rude in my family, unless the wedding was extremely casual, like in a backyard or a bbq or something. If we weren't able to provide this for our guests, we probably would've eloped. Not sure what is customary amongst your family and friends though.

We had 23 different butler passed appetizers, a cold display with shrimp cocktail, antipasto, 8 different cold salads, veggies, fresh fruit, bruschetta, A carving station with a whole suckling pig and marinated flank steak, a mashed potato bar, sausage sandwhich station, stuffed shells, paella, and chicken marsala. That was just the cocktail hour, followed by a 4 course sit down dinner.

At the very minimum, some kind of food needs to be served during the cocktail hour, whether you are serving alcohol during it or not.

chrmun · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:831e9a3d-c0ce-4ce9-9697-28d04c38edbd">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In my circle it is customary to have a very large cocktail hour with tons of food and an open bar. A platter of cheese and crackers would probably be considered rude in my family, unless the wedding was extremely casual, like in a backyard or a bbq or something. If we weren't able to provide this for our guests, we probably would've eloped. Not sure what is customary amongst your family and friends though. <strong>We had 23 different butler passed appetizers, a cold display with shrimp cocktail, antipasto, 8 different cold salads, veggies, fresh fruit, bruschetta, A carving station with a whole suckling pig and marinated flank steak, a mashed potato bar, sausage sandwhich station, stuffed shells, paella, and chicken marsala. That was just the cocktail hour, followed by a 4 course sit down dinner. </strong>At the very minimum, some kind of food needs to be served during the cocktail hour, whether you are serving alcohol during it or not.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

Yay for you.

Habs2Hart · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:3761d1c4-4526-4159-8615-38b3181e43f0">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : Yay for you.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

Thank you. A million times.

Cindy, do you not get that you give horrible advice on a regular basis?

Telling her that you can afford a billion and a half apps is not helpful. Telling her if all she can have is platters, she should elope?

I am so, so glad that my friends aren't as stuck up as you.

Megbo2012 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:3761d1c4-4526-4159-8615-38b3181e43f0">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : Yay for you.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

<div>Hahaha I love you. </div>

adamar15 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:831e9a3d-c0ce-4ce9-9697-28d04c38edbd">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In my circle it is customary to have a very large cocktail hour with tons of food and an open bar. A platter of cheese and crackers would probably be considered rude in my family, unless the wedding was extremely casual, like in a backyard or a bbq or something. <strong>If we weren't able to provide this for our guests, we probably would've eloped.</strong> Not sure what is customary amongst your family and friends though. We had 23 different butler passed appetizers, a cold display with shrimp cocktail, antipasto, 8 different cold salads, veggies, fresh fruit, bruschetta, A carving station with a whole suckling pig and marinated flank steak, a mashed potato bar, sausage sandwhich station, stuffed shells, paella, and chicken marsala. That was just the cocktail hour, followed by a 4 course sit down dinner. At the very minimum, some kind of food needs to be served during the cocktail hour, whether you are serving alcohol during it or not.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

Your post, especially the bolded area, is not helpful at all. You should work on that.

mica178 · January 2012

Chrmn made me snort.

OP, can you rearrange what dinner you offer so you can afford to provide some sort of food during cocktail hour?

chrmun · January 2012

... and we had pony rides and a petting zoo and a bouncy house and then everyone went up in a hot air balloon and there were fireworks and we had $100 bills instead of toilet paper in the bathrooms and we had original Picassos as favors and the cake was covered in diamonds....

divadancer11 · January 2012

I agree with PP's that you should have something for cocktail hour especially if you are only doing a salad and plated dinner. The cheese & cracker trays are great! I am sure that your venue would try to work something out if it could cost them the cocktail hour.

monkeysip · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:f744c9fb-0129-4000-9b65-0191720d143e">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]... and we had pony rides and a petting zoo and a bouncy house and then everyone went up in a hot air balloon and there were fireworks and we had $100 bills instead of toilet paper in the bathrooms and we had original Picassos as favors and the cake was covered in diamonds....
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

<div>I can't have any of this. Should I just elope?</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously though, a buffet like the one mentioned above with the suckling pig during cocktail hour seems like it would stuff me. Unless cocktail hour is actually 3 hours, I don't know how people had room for dinner soon after.</div><div>
</div><div>(Edit for spelling.)</div>

mkrupar · January 2012

God I love when Cindy comes in and throws in her two cents of asshattery in to the mix.

How, in your mind, is it helpful to tell someone who's saying they can't afford ANY appetizers, all about your ginormous cocktail hour, rattling off all of the things you had for your guests? Oh wait...it's not.

Birdie1483 · January 2012

I gave away puppies at my cocktail hour

baystateapple · January 2012

But did they have diamond-encrusted collars, Birdie?

Birdie1483 · January 2012

Of COURSE. We would have eloped if we wouldn't have been able to give the puppies some bling.

chumlee7478 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:3797a3fc-5f98-4fb9-b44c-a259ef1176d1">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I gave away puppies at my cocktail hour</strong>
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Thank you for this.

I am having a craptastic day, and this gave me the laugh I needed.

Simply Fated · January 2012

yaga, it is customary on LI to have cocktail hours like that, but no one in my circle would think bad of the couple if all that was offered was cheese and crackers, KWIM? Cindy, it just sounds like you're trying to make the OP feel bad about not having as much money as you, which is never classy. Have some class, please.

Birdie1483 · January 2012

I had to convince my mom we needed to serve our guests anything. "Back in the day" when she got married, it was customary to just have punch and cake receptions. She thought receptions where you served food were all fancy schmancy until I got engaged and found out it was more common than she thought.

Are apps needed?

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