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Snarky Brides

Everyone's an expert - vent

Just need to vent a bit...  We attended a NYE party and saw some friends for the first time since getting engaged in Sept.  So I knew there'd be questions and a little wedding talk but by the end of the night, I was really annoyed with one person.  He is my FI's friend but I know him since we've spent a fair amount of time double dating. 

He was at me all evening with questions and then would challenge any answer he got...  
Examples include bossing me about the registry, saying the month we've chosen will be too hot (historically never above 70s), the location is too far, whether we should choose a band of DJ & how the wrong choice will ruin the night.  The food, the bridal party, the hotel, I could go on & on.  He tried to ask about my dress but I said I wouldn't discuss my dress in front of my FI.   I knew I'd have trouble keeping my composure if he tried to diss my dress. 

It's one thing to chat a bit, share some thoughts, etc, but he was being so agressive.  My FI kept changning the subject but Mr. Mouth kept brining it back up, as he thought of other questions.  I don't know if he thought he was being funny or only considering his own opinions and comfort (I suspect a combo of all 3) but it got old real fast.

Thank God I don't have a meddling MIL or anyone else to act like this. I might see this person once or twice between now and the wedding and I will not be discussing any details again.  But  I see the other posts from some girls who seem to deal with this nonsense throughout the whole planning process.  My hat is off to them b/c I don't think I could deal!

Re: Everyone's an expert - vent

  • UGH!! i totally feel you - everyone is an expert, and everyone's opinions are so different. You MUST get a videographer. DON'T get a videographer, it's a waste of money. Sub in for photographer the words "wedding planner," "band", big/small attendant party, etc etc etc.

    I'm still early in the process but so far our best decisions have come from the gut and have been our own.

    Huge hug from another bride to be :)

    Amyzen83kellh615
  • My mom hated quite a few things about our wedding and she constantly gave unwanted opinions.  In the beginning, I took it personally and even burst into tears on several occasions.  I couldn't not talk wedding with her, but I eventually learned to just ignore the negative opinions I was getting.
    21811_10151174643987291_1046283999_n_zpsddfa358c Anniversary BabyFruit Ticker
    Amyzen83
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_everyones-an-expert-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:88b0a4bd-2bcb-45a3-a28d-7046ee4d7790Post:d3514daf-f239-4b05-bcec-817dad8ecb3d">Re: Everyone's an expert - vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]UGH!! i totally feel you - everyone is an expert, and everyone's opinions are so different. You MUST get a videographer. DON'T get a videographer, it's a waste of money. Sub in for photographer the words "wedding planner," "band", big/small attendant party, etc etc etc. I'm still early in the process but so far our best decisions have come from the gut and have been our own. Huge hug from another bride to be :)
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    Thanks! Same here, trusting our instincts.  We're a little older and have attened enough weddings to have a solid idea of what we want for our day.
    Amyzen83
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_everyones-an-expert-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:88b0a4bd-2bcb-45a3-a28d-7046ee4d7790Post:9afa25c9-0239-4095-9847-2bbc3c3ddb61">Re: Everyone's an expert - vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom hated quite a few things about our wedding and she constantly gave unwanted opinions.  In the beginning, I took it personally and even burst into tears on several occasions.  I couldn't not talk wedding with her, but I eventually learned to just ignore the negative opinions I was getting.
    Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

    That stinks!  It's all stressful enough without having to deal with that from your own mom.

    I can usually let this stuff go but just realized why it's still bothering me... 
    This was my first experience of discussing our wedding that was negative.
    Amyzen83
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_everyones-an-expert-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:88b0a4bd-2bcb-45a3-a28d-7046ee4d7790Post:98cc653e-6970-45ad-9d2c-4b68ecedbf31">Re: Everyone's an expert - vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've noticed a lot of people think they know everything about weddings.  I don't get it. I'm sorry your mom made your cry lls :(
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]


    Interesting how this guy's never been married but fancies himself the next Coliin Cowie  lol
    Amyzen83
  • This is actually the exact reason why we made all our major decisions before telling anyone. Our venue, caterer, photographer and my dress were all done before anyone even knew we were getting married. Now I can just say "oh, sorry, we've already put a deposit down!" ;-)

     

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    Amyzen83
  • I think the reason a lot of people are like that who have already had a wedding, is that their wedding is 'perfect' in their own eyes. Guess what, ladies, my wedding was PERFECT. Wait, except it was perfect for ME not perfect for YOU.

    But this guy, I don't understand him at all.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_everyones-an-expert-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:88b0a4bd-2bcb-45a3-a28d-7046ee4d7790Post:768db703-38c0-42fd-a191-6e0c5b271ada">Re: Everyone's an expert - vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the reason a lot of people are like that who have already had a wedding, is that their wedding is 'perfect' in their own eyes. Guess what, ladies, my wedding was PERFECT. Wait, except it was perfect for ME not perfect for YOU. But this guy, I don't understand him at all.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    Well, I do have a theory...  He is gay and I think he's always had a thing for my FI.  I think our imending wedding has pushed him into "b!tch mode" lol
    Amyzen83shannym87
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_everyones-an-expert-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:88b0a4bd-2bcb-45a3-a28d-7046ee4d7790Post:8fffccd2-6ed9-476e-8e70-5b85ec95382d">Re: Everyone's an expert - vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is actually the exact reason why we made all our major decisions before telling anyone. Our venue, caterer, photographer and my dress were all done before anyone even knew we were getting married. Now I can just say "oh, sorry, we've already put a deposit down!" ;-)
    Posted by Angelface225[/QUOTE]

    That's smart...  Going forward all questions will be answered vaguely, and if pushed I'll say I don't want to ruin the surprise for them.
  • Urg I hear you, we are having a medium/large wedding and all I hear from one of my friends is how small backyard weddings are the only way to go, spending money on a wedding is soooo stupid bla bla bla. It gets old really fast.


    Amyzen83kellh615
  • As soon as I got engaged it turned into some sort of contest in the office about who spent the least amount of money and planned in the least amount of time.  It's MY wedding, I am going to plan it how I want.  Who cares if I'm taking a year and a half to plan and want it to be nice and am willing to drop some cash on it?  I'm only doing this once, I want to do it right.  It's not like I'm planning some huge extravaganza, I think we're planning a very "average" wedding so far.

    My response to people giving unsolicited/bossy advice:

    If they're married: "You had your chance to do that. This is my wedding, not yours."
    If they're not: "You can do that at your wedding when you get married."
  • edited January 2013
    I have a friend who does the same thing. He constantly offers advice that I don't want, and that is in direct contradiction of the plans I've already detailed. The last time he tried to offer advice I very loudly and probably rudely said I didn't want any more advice. He was trying to tell me what to say in my vows! Then I walked out of the room, so he would get the point.
  • OMG! This sounds like half the people on this website!!! Telling you how you should do your wedding!!! Shouldnt listen to them, do what YOU want
    kellh615AylaInLoveCLI242009shannym87
  • Ugh my FMIL is this way. I am finally just not discussing wedding planning with her. She has fought us on every single step so far and so I'm just done. I originally wanted to include her and ask her opnion and help because she is very crafty and we're doing a lot of DIY but her ideas and mine are just not meeting up. And of course her ideas are the best. OVER IT!
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  • My step-mom kept trying to get me to look at another venue after I'd already put down my deposit! I just reminded her a second time "We already put the money down so we can't change it." I think some people just get really excited and forget themselves.
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  • Never thought I'd have more to add on this old post, but I just learned that Bossypants starring in the above vent is getting married next year!  FI and I will of course play nice, but we had a good laugh at the thought of giving him a taste of his own medicine.

    Hope everyone else has been able to sidestep their own "experts"!

    kellh615
  • That's got to be extremely frustrating. Honestly, this is why I don't talk to anyone about the details of my wedding with anyone except my FI and our DOC.  It's fins to mention important things to Bridesmaids/Groomsmen (as in the location and color of the dresses/suits they will be wearing), but otherwise what you mentioned will happen a lot.  Everyone has an opinion, and there's a lot of people out there who love to offer theirs! When people bring up the wedding, just bean dip them, its none of their business anyway! 
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  • Ugh people and their 2 cents!!!!
    My mom is trying to cheapskate on everything! I get trying to save money but I'm not going chintzy!! To top it off my father (parents are divorced) had told us how much $$ he willing to contribute, the FI's parents have offered to help in any way they can, but my mother doesn't make any mention of money (unless it's to tell me something is too much)... She did pay for my dress but, she didn't even mention she was going to until I made my decision and went to pull out my cc to pay.
    I asked her for the deposit on my photographer as my Christmas present... I don't know how she thinks she can just not say anything about contributing $$ but yet have an opinion about how much I'm willing to pay for something!!!!! Aaahhhhh
  • Luckily most people have been super supportive and nice about everything.
    My fiance and I pretty much have planned everything together and just told people what we've picked out.
    I did have people trying to recommend their son with absolutely no photography experience as our photographer and people keep trying to get me to use their "friends who make cakes" "friends who do hair" etc etc. for the wedding. which is fine, but really we would rather go with established businesses just to be safer. Like the bakery we want to use is the one I've been going to since I was 4 years old. I would much rather buy a wedding cake from them since it's also somewhat sentimental.

    But I am more than open to hiring friends of people to do baked stuff for the shower. 

    I also had a friend ask me if I needed help planning and then almost get aggressive when I said that I had already taken care of most of it...she demanded to know who I had planned things with which was awkward...I was like "with my fiance.."
    I mean, do people usually get all their friends to help plan their wedding? Or do they just plan it with their fiance? I really have no idea what is "normal"
  • CaliMel11 said:

    Luckily most people have been super supportive and nice about everything.
    My fiance and I pretty much have planned everything together and just told people what we've picked out.
    I did have people trying to recommend their son with absolutely no photography experience as our photographer and people keep trying to get me to use their "friends who make cakes" "friends who do hair" etc etc. for the wedding. which is fine, but really we would rather go with established businesses just to be safer. Like the bakery we want to use is the one I've been going to since I was 4 years old. I would much rather buy a wedding cake from them since it's also somewhat sentimental.

    But I am more than open to hiring friends of people to do baked stuff for the shower. 

    I also had a friend ask me if I needed help planning and then almost get aggressive when I said that I had already taken care of most of it...she demanded to know who I had planned things with which was awkward...I was like "with my fiance.."
    I mean, do people usually get all their friends to help plan their wedding? Or do they just plan it with their fiance? I really have no idea what is "normal"

    In some circles, the maid of honor expects to help coordinate planning. That seems to be frowned on around here though.
    Mostly I'm planning ours. With occasional trips involving FI or one of the moms. I don't think that's unusual.
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I have a friend who does the same thing. He constantly offers advice that I don't want, and that is in direct contradiction of the plans I've already detailed. The last time he tried to offer advice I very loudly and probably rudely said I didn't want any more advice. He was trying to tell me what to say in my vows! Then I walked out of the room, so he would get the point.
    You are KIDDING right?? Who tells you what to say in your vows?????
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  • My MOH is helping a LOT but she is an event planner as her career, so she's really good about making suggestions, but also really good about taking no as an answer. Mostly though the FI and I have made the big decisions. She has been really great about the detailing stuff I don't really care about.

  • Inkdancer said:
    I have a friend who does the same thing. He constantly offers advice that I don't want, and that is in direct contradiction of the plans I've already detailed. The last time he tried to offer advice I very loudly and probably rudely said I didn't want any more advice. He was trying to tell me what to say in my vows! Then I walked out of the room, so he would get the point.
    You are KIDDING right?? Who tells you what to say in your vows?????
    I second Inkdancer - W.T.F?!?!? I have had everyone put in their 2 cents about what the cake flavor should be, kids/no kids wedding, how long toasts speeches should and shouldn't be, but never for vows. How can someone tell you what to say to the person you love, they are not you?! I am just....wow.....just wow....
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