Have you ever heard of this before?

Re: Have you ever heard of this before?

• GBCK member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I'd do both.

  Report0 Reply
• baconsmom member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  My eyebrows hit the damn roof.

  
  

  You decline the invitation to the gift-grab. 

  

  Report0 Reply
• NOLABridesmaid member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  My friend was invited and bought a gc. I had never heard of a shower for a 14 year old. It's nice if you want to buy the kid something, but a shower?

  

  Report0 Reply
• **O-Face** member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Those were my thoughts BM.  I can understand a "welcome party", but hmmmm.

  

  Report0 Reply
• AuntFlo member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I have heard of having parties to celebrate finalizing an adoption, but they are a
  "no gifts, please" kind of event.
  
  I would buy stuff for the 14 year old, not the mom.   Or things for their house that a teenager should have.   (room decor, desk and accesories)

  �

  Report0 Reply
• sister2groom

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  A shower is strange and I think would make the girl feel so akward. If they wanted to do something, they could have had a welcome party (as long as new mom and daughter were OK with it). 
  
  Can you imagine if someone threw your parents the analog of a baby shower when you were a freshman in high school?! Obviously not the same because I was never adopted, but I would have died of shame. Personally I wouldn't attend the shower because I think it would make the girl feel like a doll on display getting clothign and stuff receiving gifts from people who had no idea what she's like and I wouldn't want any part of that. Plus the girl could be parinfully shy or something.
  
  I would, however, want to congratulate my friend if she had a new daughter. I would at least get the mom a card, and definitely the girl a gift, maybe a joint gift. I would ask the new mom what the daughter likes or if there were things that she wanted me to stay away from getting (I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but if the mom was having a really hard time keeping her daughter in somewhat modest clothing than maybe getting a gift card to a store that also sells some skimpier stuff wouldn't be the best idea.) I would ask the mom if a GC to a salon for the both of sounded like a good idea.
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Sposati member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  That's awkward.
  
  I'd decline the invite and ask when the welcome party is.

  Report0 Reply
• zsazsa-stl member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Oh, so you only deserve gifts if the child is biologically yours?  That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  Why the hell would an adoption shower be frowned upon?
  
  I understand that 14 year olds don't need all of the supplies that a baby needs, but if there aren't already children in the house and the 14 year old is coming out of a fost situation where he/she maybe doesn't already have much there would be a lot of things needed - furniture, bedding, clothes, games, sports equpiment, etc. 
  
  Come walk through my house and then walk through the house where a 14 year old lives.  There would be a lot of things missing.

  

  I just a friendly gal looking for options.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Butter Cookie member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm sure the 14 year old kid thinks it's super awesome his whole life has just changed and a bunch of people are throwing  a party as an excuse to oggle him while the lady he probably doesn't know opens presents.

  

  Report0 Reply
• NOLABridesmaid member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I posted the question because I had never heard of a shower for a kid that age. I'm sure she does need things, but it sounded like she didn't register so many of the guests didn't know what to buy.

  

  Report0 Reply
• baconsmom member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Zsa, I have reservations about actual baby showers (whether the baby's adopted or not). If people want to give gifts, they'll give them. You don't need to have a compulsory gift-giving occasion in order to get them, and it looks grabby. It has nothing to do with whether or not the kid is biological; it has to do with hitting people up for basic supplies. (As you said - furniture?! If you're adopting a kid, you should have all that in place.) 

  

  Report0 Reply
• Cant_wait!

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I would get the kid a present. It's weird to call it a "shower", but not weird to have a party where the kid gets presents and gets to meet all of moms friends and family.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Sposati member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  CW, that's the weird part to me too. I'd feel so weird showing up to a 14-yr-old's shower. If they hosted a welcome party, i'm sure most people would bring gifts anyways. But calling it a shower just seems gift grabby.

  Report0 Reply
• zsazsa-stl member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  BM - I agree.  There is too much gift grabbing.  I just seemed to me that people were making the distinction that baby showers were great as long as you were pushing the kid out but tacky if you were adopting.
  
  Showers are a way to celebrate a major life even for a loved one.  Gifts should not be required, but if thrown by someone other than the new parent they are acceptable and you can choose to attend or not attend and to give a gift or not give a gift.

  

  I just a friendly gal looking for options.

  

  Report0 Reply