Bridal Shower: To have or not to have

kbear7926 · January 2010

My fiance and I are getting married in Maui in April (just the two of us). My Mom would like to have a Bridal Shower for me, to celebrate. In Carley's Q&A, she states that this can be a way to celebrate a marriage, for those who would not otherwise get to. Is this appropriate, since we are not planning on having a reception?

tlv204 · January 2010

No. Only those invited to the wedding get invited to showers. Therefore no guests = no shower. Carley is a moron.

saisongbird · January 2010

Tacky. People invited to pre-wedding parties should be invited to the wedding, otherwise it's gift grabby. If you want to celebrate with people, either a) invite them to the wedding, or b) have an AHR.

mandysmear · January 2010

It is inappropriate. I think showers are ridiculous and tacky as it is though.

Anyone who is not going ot be at your wedding or invited to your wedding should not be invited to a shower.

"Hi there, you're good enough to come eat my aunt's devilled eggs, and to bring me a present, but not to be invited to my wedding. Just leave your gift by the refreshment table and get the fuuck out... see you at Grandma's 90th birthday!"

SparrowSong · January 2010

There are sacrifices to be made when you choose to runaway and get married on a beach. Not getting a shower and big pile of presents is one of them. Either have a big celebration that includes family and friends, or have an intimate elopement. But you don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

sucrets4 · January 2010

No, it's not cool.

However, my cousin got married in a small JOP ceremony and didn't want a big wedding at all. Her mom still threw her a shower (tacky, I know, but that's what's I've seen in my area recently) after she got married. I couldn't go, but I sent her a gift. I wasn't offended at all.

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

It's always tacky to invite people to the shower if they weren't invited to the wedding. The fact that no one was invited to the wedding doesn't make this an exception.

rhodesign · January 2010

See, this is where I veer off the beaten etiquette path...

IF someone decides to throw you a shower, and they fully know that you are going away to get married and not having any guests, then that is their prerogative and I think you accepting the nice gesture is not tacky. You aren't throwing it for yourself.

All the shower stuff is crap anyway. You are expected to register, but can't act like you want gifts (no putting it on invites, no having your own shower). It's a backwards mentality. Most people are gonna give gifts at weddings, so why act coy about it? A shower is 'gift grabby' by nature. I don't get the mentality that just because someone forgoes a traditional wedding means they can't be celebrated or given gifts. I agree that with a regular shower you shouldn't invite people who aren't invited to the wedding, etc. but for Pete's sake the couple is STILL getting married--they can still receive gifts.

kbear7926 · January 2010

Wow. I thought this forum was used to get helpful feedback. I definitely did not expect to get so many bitchy replies to my post. There is no need to attack me. I simply wanted to find out how others feel about this topic. My fiance and I have been living together for years, so we have the things we need as a married couple already. The presents do not matter.

P.S. rhodesign, thank you for your input. I appreciate that you didn't feel the need to be aggressive.

Bridal Shower: To have or not to have

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