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Not Engaged Yet
calindi
member
AW: Venue (PIP)
We booked it! We're over-the-moon excited about it, so I wanted to share.
We'll be getting married September 1, 2012 up near where my parents live. It's a gorgeous mansion with a huge lawn right on the ocean, and it even has a lighthouse!!! We're going to have the ceremony on the lawn, cocktail hour on the patio, dinner inside (it's split into 3 rooms with gorgeous wood paneling and big fireplaces), then back outside under a tent for dancing (the tent can double as a rain plan for the ceremony).
We'll be getting married September 1, 2012 up near where my parents live. It's a gorgeous mansion with a huge lawn right on the ocean, and it even has a lighthouse!!! We're going to have the ceremony on the lawn, cocktail hour on the patio, dinner inside (it's split into 3 rooms with gorgeous wood paneling and big fireplaces), then back outside under a tent for dancing (the tent can double as a rain plan for the ceremony).
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Re: AW: Venue (PIP)
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
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My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_aw-venue-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b70ed2f7-7396-4a59-9aaf-387927eed36cPost:dc03b0e2-c3f2-4ac9-87d5-bf5daba04b80">Re: AW: Venue (PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]Beautiful... I love lighthouses
Posted by AngieD&JoeD[/QUOTE]
Me too!!!! When I saw that, I had a gut feeling it was the right place. My guy jokes that wherever we got married was either going to have a bridge or a lighthouse because I love both and have framed pictures of both around the house.
Also, the next time you tell anyone they can't be unofficially engaged and they shouldn't book anything before they're engaged, I'm going to call you out on it.
Just sayin'. I get the feeling you've given advice and haven't taken it yourself. Just because you've been here forever doesn't mean I'm not going to say anything about it. Maybe I've misunderstood the advice you've given others, but it feels like you're just saying "No labels for me!" because the only label that would fit is "unofficially engaged" and you don't want to say it.
I am glad you're happy, but I don't like this feeling that you're doing things we (or, at least, *I*) tell other people not to do and just because you're a reg no one will say a peep. It bugs me.
So, there's my "peep."
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"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons
Planning / Married / Blog
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:2274e7f5-f8a4-4ae3-8ee2-911471cc0868">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : No prob, I'm happy to try to make it clear. I think my main point is that I'm not particularly concerned if people don't understand what's going on - it works for me and my guy, and I don't need to try to earn anyone's approval. As yours isn't an attack, this isn't meant to be a "screw you" by any means - I'm just saying, this is how we're doing it and we're happy with it. Though I'm happy to explain it, since you asked so nicely! Yes, I got a little ahead of myself awhile ago. I wasn't as much in a rush to get engaged as we already had a very set timeline for when we'd get married, but I started looking at things more in depth than was necessary at that stage. All of it was done with my guy in lock-step - we'd talk about where we wanted to get married and rough details. Nothing was booked, and at that point we hadn't talked to any vendors. That's what we warn noobies about - turning a "I want to get married some day" into a full blown pre-wedding planning without the knowledge or agreement of the presumed groom-to-be. I've never seen a problem with discussing ideas with a significant other, as long as both people are fully on board and it doesn't put pressure on anyone. **ETA: Holy crud, my update/explanation turned out WAYYYY longer than intended.... Desert, you've got a PM. If anyone's interested in what's going on, I'm happy to start a new thread or PM you directly so everyone doesn't have to read my novel*** To shorten it up (since I'm rather verbose), I don't care about the ring or the proposal. That's never what it's been about for me, and I don't think I'm "skipping past" anything. I'd happily call us engaged without a ring, but my guy prefers to buy the ring and have his proposal moment before we use those titles. Neither one of us see the ring as essential for planning a wedding - what's necessary is both parties full and mutual agreement to get married and to start planning a wedding. And we've got that.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
My personal opinion? I'm sorry, but I still think the whole situation's a little wonky. But frankly, my opinion is my opinion and doesn't affect the state of the world.
That being said, the venue is very pretty. Congrats.
"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons
Planning / Married / Blog
You know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she never explicitly gave that advice... maybe I'm just b*tchy because that's the advice she's been reading for like, FOREVER from everyone else and she's just ignoring it and then everyone is like "congrats, Cate!" when she and her SO do not call themselves engaged. Maybe I just feel like NEY has gone wacky and is accepting some people while telling other people NOT to do the exact thing that they accept in a reg.
Maybe it's not Cate I'm frustrated at. Maybe it's everyone else.
I don't know because I am not going to go back and read old posts. I'm going by the impression I have of people's personality from spending time reading their stuff. Cate has advice on everything under the sun, so maybe I'm just carrying that over to unofficial engagements. My bad there.
[QUOTE]For anyone who wondered why we call Desert the fulcrum... there you go. You know, maybe I'm wrong. <strong>Maybe she never explicitly gave that advice... </strong>maybe I'm just b*tchy because<strong> that's the advice she's been reading for like, FOREVER from everyone else and she's just ignoring it and then everyone is like "congrats, Cate!" when she and her SO do not call themselves engaged. </strong>Maybe I just feel like N<strong>EY has gone wacky and is accepting some people while telling other people NOT to do the exact thing that they accept in a reg. Maybe it's not Cate I'm frustrated at. Maybe it's everyone else.</strong> I don't know because I am not going to go back and read old posts. I'm going by the impression I have of people's personality from spending time reading their stuff. Cate has advice on everything under the sun, so maybe I'm just carrying that over to unofficial engagements. My bad there.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
I think this is a fair point, Jeana.
Life is good today.
[QUOTE]For anyone who wondered why we call Desert the fulcrum... there you go. You know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she never explicitly gave that advice... maybe I'm just b*tchy because that's the<strong> advice she's been reading for like, FOREVER from everyone else and she's just ignoring it and then everyone is like "congrats, Cate!" when she and her SO do not call themselves engaged</strong>. Maybe I just feel like NEY has gone wacky and is accepting some people while telling other people NOT to do the exact thing that they accept in a reg. <strong>Maybe it's not Cate I'm frustrated at. Maybe it's everyone else.</strong> I don't know because I am not going to go back and read old posts. I'm going by the impression I have of people's personality from spending time reading their stuff. Cate has advice on everything under the sun, so maybe I'm just carrying that over to unofficial engagements. My bad there.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry that my happiness and how we're choosing to live our lives frustrates you. I think that's rather silly, to be honest. You're entitled to your opinions, but that doesn't mean it should be law, and that offenders should be driven out with a pitchfork. Offer your advice, then let it go. If someone chooses to take it, then great. If they consider it and choose to go another path that's right for them, then it certainly isn't hurting you. I'm not going to cower in a corner because we're not following the path you would recommend. And I don't think it's "wacky" that people are HAPPY for someone else, rather than judgemental. Even if they disagree with how I'm doing things, or wouldn't do it themselves, it shouldn't matter. Say your peace, then move on. And trust me, I've heard it.
The board is here to offer advice, not act as judge and jury. The only reason I'd criticize someone for saying "unofficially engaged" is when they take a "let's get married someday" comment to mean that they should start planning and are as good as engaged. We consider ourselves engaged as we have made the decision to get married, have involved our families in the discussion, and have a budget (and now venue). But there was no proposal or ring, which he still wants to do, and he'd prefer to announce our engagement after we do that. That's our choice, and I really don't care what you think of what we choose to call ourselves. So yeah, I'm not a hypocrite. But thanks anyway.