My sister and I are both engaged, and while you think she would be happy for me...she's not really acting like it.
My older sister, who was engaged April 1st 2012, had originally wanted only a 6 month engagement and to be married in October of 2013. We went dress shopping, started looking for venues every weekend. Then, her and her FI decided to look into buying a house, and to put the wedding off. She ended up pushing the wedding back a whole year! We haven't even talked anything wedding for the past couple of months.
I was recently engaged on September 14th! My FI and I are extremely happy and have been wanting to get the wedding rolling for a while now, months before we were engaged. We are wanting to have a 7-8 month engagement. When I mentioned this to my sister today, I didn't get the reaction I was expecting... I was expecting her to be as excited as I was for her wedding plans. Instead, my sister told me that I'm being selfish and childish for wanting to get married before her, that I'm stealing her time, and that she should be the one getting married first beause she was engaged first. I'm not really sure what I should think or feel about this.
I honestly feel like above all else, I should be making myself happy. I don't want to wait another year to be married to the love of my life. How long is it going to be my sister's time? This whole next year? The next year and a half? The next two years? Ughhhh! Help me!
Re: Help!!
Do understand, though, that she may be feeling upset because that's probably what she originally wanted, too. (But it doesn't excuse her behavior, either.) You can't change how she is going to respond, so what I would suggest is just to be sensitive when it comes to talking about the wedding. Wait a little while before asking her to be in your bridal party (that is, if you had planned on that, which I'm assuming you did), you might be surprised, she may come around and actually get excited about helping you get ready, as she's already done some of this.
After a little time, if you can, try to talk with her (not argumentatively, you don't want to create a divide between you two, it's not worth it), and express that it would mean a lot to you to have her support, and express that you still fully support she and her fiance. She may not express her excitement for a while, but it's worth showing her that your wedding doesn't have anything to do with competing with her- and above all, try not to harbor bitterness or anger. Be patient and understanding.
I know it can be difficult when a family member is less than excited about you getting married- my own parents thought we were getting married too quickly and tried to start arguments on anything from his unshaven look to his type of degree, but they eventually came around when they realized we were going ahead with it. If they were disrespectful, I told them I wasn't going to listen anymore, but I did hear out their respectful concerns. But then it was my choice, not theirs. Same with you- still surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don't let it get you down. Hope that helps!
It doesn't make what she's doing right, but just might explain a little more.
But PP is right, do what you need/want to do with your life and just support her as best you can. She will get over it. Promise.
I lived this experience with my brothers... older brother got engaged in Dec, set wedding for the next summer. 2nd brother gets engaged in Feb and they set their date for the following march, so sister in laws to be had the "she's stealing my thunder" moment. But all worked out. Both brides to be got their equal moments of spotlight, and both weddings were beautiful. Once the initial engagment period was over, all settled and planning was normal. I'm sure it is a little different since she is your sister, and girls are different than boys in these situations, but I would think that as long as your families give equal attention to you both, your sister just needs to get over it and be happy for you as much as you were for her. If not, don't let her ruin your time!