Favors

Donation to a charity...

I just heard of this idea. In place of a favor a couple gave each guest a card stating that a donation was given to a specific charity. I think it's a great idea, what are your thoughts on this? Thanks!

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Re: Donation to a charity...

  • edited June 2012

    There is a sticky at the top of the Favors page you should read.  The overwhelming majority of people will tell you that these are not for the guests.  They are a way to draw attention to yourself to say "Look how selfless we are."

    Look at it this way.  Even though a favor is a cheap little trinket or bit of food, you are essentially saying "We got you a gift.  What?  Where is it?  Oh, no silly, you don't get to have it.  We gave it to Sue over there.  But it is still your gift.  Aren't we great?"

    Another pitfall in doing this is that you may unintentionally offend your guests.  I have hated SGK for years and refuse to buy anything with its pink ribbon on it.  A breast cancer charity may seem like it would not offend anyone, but as we all found out a few months ago, it is quite capable of offending a great number of people.

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  • PeavyPeavy member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think it's a terrible idea.  Either get your guests a favor, or don't.  No one will miss them.  And if you think a better use of your favor budget is to donate to charity, great, make that donation.  But don't try to tell me that the gift you gave to someone else is a favor to me.  I'm smarter than that.
  • It's too smug.  If you don't want to do favors don't.  But giving to charity should be discreet.
  • Ditto everybody else for all the reasons they listed. If you want to donate to charity, just do it. It seems very AW of me to do it this way like you want everyone to know how magnanimous you are and give you a pat on the back. If you really just care about charity, you can donate without broadcasting it.

    Favors aren't required but if you do them, actually give your guests something. A lot of people recommend edible favors.


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  • There is a sticky at the top of this thread that is completely biased as to what a few people on this board think about donating to a charity in leiu of favors. It still baffles me to this day that people get offended/upset if you do this.

    Over the last couple of years the more weddings I go to, the more weddings that do this. It simply shows that the couple wanted to do favors, but decided to donate the money instead, and I still can't believe people get their panties in a bunch over this! I have not seen or heard one person at any of the weddings get upset by this, I mean seriously, who would? Obviously the previous posters would, but I wouldn't want people like that at my wedding! I'm sure it's only not accepted in big cities where snooty people expect something good for a favor and are compeletely dissapointed to get nothing but a piece of paper :) 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-to-a-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd13dc7c-ebc0-4b98-b72d-6ea4a12a4bcbPost:b2ba3163-0388-41cd-94de-8e2f919be2c1">Re: Donation to a charity...</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is a sticky at the top of this thread that is completely biased as to what a few people on this board think about donating to a charity in leiu of favors. It still baffles me to this day that people get offended/upset if you do this. Over the last couple of years the more weddings I go to, the more weddings that do this. It simply shows that the couple wanted to do favors, but decided to donate the money instead, and I still can't believe people get their panties in a bunch over this! I have not seen or heard one person at any of the weddings get upset by this, I mean seriously, who would? Obviously the previous posters would, but I wouldn't want people like that at my wedding! <strong>I'm sure it's only not accepted in big cities where snooty people expect something good for a favor and are compeletely dissapointed to get nothing but a piece of paper :) 
    </strong>Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]

    Seriously?  I grew up in Cincinnati.  Not exactly a big city.  Donations to charity should be a private thing.  Next time you donate to your favorite, walk up and down the street announcing your donation.  See what kinds of looks you get.  It's the same thing.
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  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-to-a-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd13dc7c-ebc0-4b98-b72d-6ea4a12a4bcbPost:b2ba3163-0388-41cd-94de-8e2f919be2c1">Re: Donation to a charity...</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is a sticky at the top of this thread that is completely biased as to what a few people on this board think about donating to a charity in leiu of favors. It still baffles me to this day that people get offended/upset if you do this. Over the last couple of years the more weddings I go to, the more weddings that do this. It simply shows that the couple wanted to do favors, but decided to donate the money instead, and I still can't believe people get their panties in a bunch over this! I have not seen or heard one person at any of the weddings get upset by this, I mean seriously, who would? Obviously the previous posters would, but <strong>I wouldn't want people like that at my wedding! I'm sure it's only not accepted in big cities where snooty people expect something good for a favor and are compeletely dissapointed to get nothing but a piece of paper</strong> :) 
    Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]

    <div>I've only recently moved from the city I grew up in, which had less than 2,000 people, and I would side eye a bride and groom that did this.  As PP said, this is a "look at us" move, favors are never required, and if you choose to put that money towards a charity of your choice great, but there is no need to broadcast it.  Furthermore, a lot of "charities" actually do very little giving to their cause, they spend money on staff and publicity, leaving a tiny fraction left over for the actual cause.  I research charities I donate to very carefully, and I don't want anyone giving a donation on my behalf to charities that don't give the majority of funds received to the cause or give money to a cause I cannot in good conscience support.  I think you'll find a lot of people don't support giving money to charities that spend more on staff and publicity than raising money for the cause they're advocating for, just because someone brands themself as a charity doesn't mean they are an organization worthy of support.</div>
  • PeavyPeavy member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-to-a-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd13dc7c-ebc0-4b98-b72d-6ea4a12a4bcbPost:b2ba3163-0388-41cd-94de-8e2f919be2c1">Re: Donation to a charity...</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is a sticky at the top of this thread that is completely biased as to what a few people on this board think about donating to a charity in leiu of favors. It still baffles me to this day that people get offended/upset if you do this. Over the last couple of years the more weddings I go to, the more weddings that do this. It simply shows that the couple wanted to do favors, but decided to donate the money instead, and I still can't believe people get their panties in a bunch over this! I have not seen or heard one person at any of the weddings get upset by this, I mean seriously, who would? Obviously the previous posters would, but I wouldn't want people like that at my wedding!<strong> I'm sure it's only not accepted in big cities where snooty people expect something good for a favor and are compeletely dissapointed to get nothing but a piece of paper :) 
    </strong>Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]

    Los Angeles native here, and frankly, I'd rather not receive any favor at all.  Most favors, unless edible, are going straight into the trash when they get home.  I'd rather have the couple save their money...or even donate it to charity.  That's a much better use of the favor budget.  <em>But don't tell me it's a gift to me, because it's not, and then expect me to congratulate you for letting me know that you're such a caring, giving person. 

    </em>
  • Wow. Okay..well that you all for your opinions. My guess is not to go with the donation. I see both sides of the fence with this. Which is why I figured I would ask rather than just do...thank you.
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  • edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-to-a-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd13dc7c-ebc0-4b98-b72d-6ea4a12a4bcbPost:b2ba3163-0388-41cd-94de-8e2f919be2c1">Re: Donation to a charity...</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is a sticky at the top of this thread that is completely biased as to what a few people on this board think about donating to a charity in leiu of favors. It still baffles me to this day that people get offended/upset if you do this. Over the last couple of years the more weddings I go to, the more weddings that do this. It simply shows that the couple wanted to do favors, but decided to donate the money instead, and I still can't believe people get their panties in a bunch over this! I have not seen or heard one person at any of the weddings get upset by this, I mean seriously, who would? Obviously the previous posters would, but I wouldn't want people like that at my wedding!<strong> I'm sure it's only not accepted in big cities where snooty people expect something good for a favor and are compeletely dissapointed to get nothing but a piece of paper :) </strong>
    Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]

    Way to make a sweeping generalization to try and prove your point that is completely untrue.

    I'm not from a big city and would rather have no favor at all. If you would have actually read my post, you'd see I mentioned no favors were necessary. Just because you have seen something done before doesn't make it right. I have seen people put registry info on their invitation but the fact that it's poor etiquette still remains the same.

    And just because no one has personally told the B&G at previous weddings they were offended by this, doesn't mean they weren't. It's also proper manners to not point out to someone's face their poor manners. Most people with tact would not shoot their mouth off at a wedding about how something is tacky; doesn't mean they aren't thinking it though.


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  • The fact that so many people have so many different issues with this should tell you it's a bad idea. 

    My take is that if you want to give to charity, you should be sacrificing something for yourself in order to do so.  For example, if you said "this year I want to make a monthly gift to xyz charity," in order to do so you might need to cut back on shopping or dining out.  If one of my relatives said "we aren't doing Christmas or bday gifts this year because I'm donating to charity instead" I would definitely be offended.  It's not because I want or expect those gifts, it's because they are giving up something that is intended for me rather than sacrificing something of their own. 

    Similarly, a favor is a thank you to your guests for coming.  You don't thank them for coming by saying  "Oh by the way your gift is a donation to an organization you may or may not care about."  Instead of giving up something intended for your guests, cut back on something that YOU want - a limo, a pricy veil, whatever it might be.  That sends a far more powerful message than giving up favors.  
  • PeavyPeavy member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    And let me add that it's in poor taste to tell guests what they aren't getting, just like it's in poor taste to say adult only reception.  You only let people know what is inclued, not what is excluded like favors or children.
  • We were originally planning to do this, but have changed our minds after reading all the posts about it.  I've never been to a wedding where it was done, so I don't know how our group will feel about it.  I still see both sides to it though - I've gotten tons of stupid trinkets with couples names/wedding dates on them & I think it's a waste.  I would rather see that $ go to a charity (even if I don't like the charity) then just end up in the trash.  We're going to go with something edible (not sure what yet, we still have a year to go) instead & just continue donating on our own.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-to-a-charity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd13dc7c-ebc0-4b98-b72d-6ea4a12a4bcbPost:3ae50d10-e542-4c16-85d3-6f3e99becfc4">Re: Donation to a charity...</a>:
    [QUOTE]We were originally planning to do this, but have changed our minds after reading all the posts about it.  I've never been to a wedding where it was done, so I don't know how our group will feel about it.  I still see both sides to it though - <strong>I've gotten tons of stupid trinkets with couples names/wedding dates on them & I think it's a waste.</strong>  I would rather see that $ go to a charity (even if I don't like the charity) then just end up in the trash.  We're going to go with something edible (not sure what yet, we still have a year to go) instead & just continue donating on our own.
    Posted by ghowlett[/QUOTE]

    These are also strongly discouranged.  Your best bet is doing something edible.
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  • I'm donating to PETA and they send you cards for your guests as favors. My donation to PETA will not be the only favor though, the guests get a little trinket or whatever. Also, most guests know I'm a big animal activist, so I'm sure they expect something like that anyways... And if not, just alone having the card will raise awareness I hope. We also will have a table at the reception to collect signatures and money for a shelter. Guests do not have to give or sign anything if they don't want to, but at least we are trying... If our guest feel offended, than basically they are offended by me altogether as I live, breath and do animal welfare as much as possible..
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  • I'm giving to the American Cancer Society in honor of FI's mother who passed away from colon cancer 4 years ago. But I am putting the little favor card they give us in a picture frame that the guest can take home and use. But I honestly love the idea of giving to charities as favors but I understand why other people are against it. 
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  • I recently went to a wedding where the couple donated to an autism foundation because the bride works with autism. They simply posted a sign on one of the tables explaining the significance of the organization to them. No one cared about not getting favors and I certainly didn't think they were "smug" I just realized, oh, thats why there weren't any favors. (Not like I cared, didnt have use for something with their names on it anyway) It was something i saw and just went "oh thats nice" and went about my day. Not really a big deal
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  • allychaseallychase member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2012
    I recently went to a wedding where the couple donated to an autism foundation because the bride works with autism. They simply posted a sign on one of the tables explaining the significance of the organization to them. No one cared about not getting favors and I certainly didn't think they were "smug" I just realized, oh, thats why there weren't any favors. (Not like I cared, didnt have use for something with their names on it anyway) It was something i saw and just went "oh thats nice" and went about my day. Not really a big deal
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  • I think donating to charity in lieu of favors is a good idea.  This is described in more detail here...

    Wedding Favor Ideas: Charity in Mind? http://blog.weddingcrowd.com/wedding-favor-ideas-charity-in-mind/

    What are YOUR thoughts?

    :)
    xoxo
  • Wow I guess some people will be offended by anything.  I can sort of understand how it could come off as showy to tell guests that you are donating money to a charity, but how is that in any way "offesive" to anyone?  With the exception of political or other charities that could be controversial, I cannot imagine being upset that money was donated to a good cause in my honor.  And I sincerely hope I do not have friends or family at my wedding who are as judgemental as those on this board saying that couples who do this are saying "look at me, look at me."  

    My mom died of breast cancer and I want to do something at my wedding to remember her in a way that isn't sad or upsetting to other family members, but is also visible to my guests and family members because her presence is missed by all of us.  I can't think of a better way to remember her than by placing a small sign somewhere at the reception letting our guests know that as part of our wedding we donated money to an organization she cared about and that focuses on finding a cure for the disease that took her from us.  I also can't think of any better favor than to contribute to preventing any of my wedding guests from losing someone they love to cancer.  If anyone judges me for it then so be it, but I think that says more about that person's internal complexes than it says that I am being "showy." 

    That being said, I would recommend that anyone thinking of doing this consider placing a sign on one table describing the donation, rather than at every persons' seat.  That just seems like too much to me.  I also would recommend that you make sure you know the organization you are donating to.  CharityNavigator.org and CharityWatch.org are both great resources.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2012
    Honestly? Skip this idea. It sounds like a nice idea, but actually isn't.  It does come off as too smug and self-congratulatory. 

    There is no reason why you can't contribute from your own funds to a charity...but also absolutely no reason to make a big announcement of it at your wedding, let alone that you did it "in lieu of" a favor to your guests.  Whatever the cause, from breast cancer to ending starvation, your wedding isn't the place to go pushing it any more than it is to push your personal political views.  Weddings are not fundraisers.

    Not only that, it adds a note of sadness to what should be a happy day.
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