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Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding!

Mallory835Mallory835 member
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in Wedding Woes
I only have 3 bridesmaids because I wanted a small bridal party. My brother is a groomsman and I chose his girlfriend as one of my bridesmaids. They have been together for a very long time and everyone figured they would be getting engaged soon. Well, now i just learned they broke up and it is 25 days until my wedding! Supposedly she said she would still be in the wedding, but I'm afraid this may make things awkward for them.  If she decides she does not want to be in it, what should I do since it is too late to try to replace her?
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Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding!

  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'd hope they are both adults and can keep it together for one day.

    Don't recommend that she drops out.

    If she drops out, don't replace her.





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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    everything that Conn said. 
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  • Mallory835Mallory835 member
    First Comment
    If I don't replace her, do I have him walk up alone?  I'm not sure he would want to do this, but I'd really like for my brother to still be in the wedding.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    how old is your brother? if he's not 4 years old, i'm sure he's capable of walking up the aisle alone. 

    you could have him escort your mother or just double up groomsmen for one of the bridesmaids if he's afraid to walk alone. 

    how would you feel if someone asked you to be a placeholder in their wedding?
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    You could have two groomsmen escort one bridesmaid.  One on each arm.

    You're really over-thinking this.  You're talking about a 20 second walk up the aisle.
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  • Mallory835Mallory835 member
    First Comment
    My brother is 24. He is already escorting my mother. I just felt that I'd like him to have a bigger part in the wedding since him and I are pretty close.  I'm not asking anyone to be a "placeholder." That is why I understand if his ex decides she does not want to be a bridesmaid.  I just know if I were in my brother's situation I would feel awkward walking alone in front of over 250 people.  I just don't know how to make the situation easy for them both.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-and-groomsman-break-up-25-days-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d391e4b6-039a-4179-8280-d22dc2c578fdPost:8284b154-a1ca-4300-9e70-e20dd4569989">Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My brother is 24. He is already escorting my mother. I just felt that I'd like him to have a bigger part in the wedding since him and I are pretty close.  I'm not asking anyone to be a "placeholder." That is why I understand if his ex decides she does not want to be a bridesmaid.  I just know if I were in my brother's situation I would feel awkward walking alone in front of over 250 people.  <strong>I just don't know how to make the situation easy for them both.</strong>
    Posted by Mallory835[/QUOTE]

    <div>that's not your place. </div><div>
    </div><div>if you ask someone to be a last minute replacement bridesmaid, you are absolutely asking someone to be a placeholder. </div>
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    You make it easy by not making a big deal of it and don't make it about your wedding.  
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    I should have been reading your responses before I responded, Barbie.   I'm ready for you to call 'jinx' on me.  ;)
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  • Mallory835Mallory835 member
    First Comment
    Yeah, I guess the 2 groomsmen walking with one bridesmaid would be the easiest option. I'm trying not to overthink or freak out about it, but it seems nothing with wedding planning has been very easy and this just sort of added to the stress. Thanks for the suggestion though!
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  • loufusloufus member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Don't bridesmaids typically walk down the aisle by themselves before the bride for the procession?  The groomsmen are just hanging out with the groom at the alter.  It's during the recession where the bridesmaids/groomsmen walk the aisle together - at least at every wedding I've been to.

    One of my bridesmaids lost her mother the week of my wedding so she decided to not be a bridesmaid.  It wasn't a big deal.  I had two groomsmen walk one bridesmaid up during the recession.  When we did announcements during the reception, we did the same thing.
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  • Mallory835Mallory835 member
    First Comment
    There are different orders they can walk down.  I was going to have the bridesmaids walk alone until about half way. Then they were going to meet up with the groomsmen and walk together for the rest of the way. I may change this up now though and just have them walk alone the entire way. I just hope the bridal party still looks somewhat organized since it will be so small.
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-and-groomsman-break-up-25-days-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d391e4b6-039a-4179-8280-d22dc2c578fdPost:578c96cb-6329-454c-9eaf-273b0d0a2223">Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I only have 3 bridesmaids because I wanted a small bridal party. My brother is a groomsman and I chose his girlfriend as one of my bridesmaids. They have been together for a very long time and everyone figured they would be getting engaged soon. Well, now i just learned they broke up and it is 25 days until my wedding! Supposedly she said she would still be in the wedding, but I'm afraid this may make things awkward for them.  If she decides she does not want to be in it, what should I do since it is too late to try to replace her?
    Posted by Mallory835[/QUOTE]

    That's horrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. At any rate, don't mention anything to them. If she said she still wants to participate, then she's clearly o.k. Certainly don't replace her. That's not only hurtful to her. It's hurtful to the replacement. There's no need. I'm curious why you chose her in the first place if you aren't close friends.
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    Listen to mrs.conn and barbie.  No replacements, don't worry about making adults feel comfortable for 2.5 minutes of walking.

    Heck, they could get back together by then and all of this worrying was for nothing.

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  • Mallory835Mallory835 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-and-groomsman-break-up-25-days-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d391e4b6-039a-4179-8280-d22dc2c578fdPost:aaae40ca-d7d6-4622-af59-f5109f7c90a9">Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding! : That's horrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. At any rate, don't mention anything to them. If she said she still wants to participate, then she's clearly o.k. Certainly don't replace her. That's not only hurtful to her. It's hurtful to the replacement. There's no need. I'm curious why you chose her in the first place if you aren't close friends.
    Posted by Blue_Bird[/QUOTE]

    I guess I wasn't very clear when I mentioned replacing her.  I was just thinking that if she decided not to be in the wedding I would let my brother walk with someone else. He has a close friend that I figured would walk with him without feeling like a "replacement."  I guess I should have phrased that differently the first time, but I just meant he could possibly walk with a date/guest if they both felt comfortable doing so. I chose my brother's now ex girlfriend because her and I did get along really well and the whole family really likes her.At the time I just couldn't see having my brother walk with anyone else. This break-up was really unexpected because I can't even remember the two of them fighting in the 5 years of being together.
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  • Mallory835Mallory835 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-and-groomsman-break-up-25-days-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d391e4b6-039a-4179-8280-d22dc2c578fdPost:9cb73cf4-0929-4334-84e1-b87986030996">Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsman break up 25 days before wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Listen to mrs.conn and barbie.  No replacements, don't worry about making adults feel comfortable for 2.5 minutes of walking. Heck, they could get back together by then and all of this worrying was for nothing.
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I haven't said anything to them, and I dont know the details of their breakup, but I do hope they'll be able to work it out.
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  • ash273ukash273uk member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    OP, for what it's worth, I understand your concern.
    I don't think OP was ever considering "replacing" the BM, it seems like she just didn't  want her brother to feel awkward if he was the only one walking down the aisle alone.  Yes, he's an adult, but regardless of age, she doesn't want him to be uncomfortable being the only one without an escort down the aisle. 
    Also, bridesmaids don't always walk down the aisle solo.  For my wedding (and others I have been in), the groom was up at the alter by himself, and each bridesmaid was escorted down the aisle by a groomsman. 
    All of that being said, I agree with PPs that if she says she still wants to be in it, let her be in it.  If she opts out, have two groomsmen walk with one bridesmaid.
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