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I need an HONEST opinion

MarcemaMarcema
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in Not Engaged Yet

I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years.  When we initially got together, he knew I had baggage (2 kids and a not so nice soon to be ex husband).   Fast forward and we are here.  We are planning many, many things...trip to Jamaica, a house, a couple of cars and another child.  I am still legally married but haven't been with my "husband" for over 3 1/2 years.  Problem...I am not too happy about planning all of these life changing things and have yet to plan an actual wedding.  He knows that i'm working on my divorce, I will be divorced in about 6 months.  He used to tell me that he couldn't ask me to marry him because I was already married. That makes sense, but recently we were discussing wedding guests, locations and colors.  I am confused, and frankly tired of waiting.  I know this entry is all over the place, i apologize.  Can someone please give me heads up as to what in the heck am I suppose to expect from him.  Also, we have been living together for doggone ever and I'm almost over that too. 

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    MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:c0ad46f4-84bd-4363-8851-7c9bde60016f">I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years.  When we initially got together, he knew I had baggage (2 kids and a not so nice soon to be ex husband).   Fast forward and we are here.  We are planning many, many things...trip to Jamaica, a house, a couple of cars and another child. <strong> I am still legally married</strong> but haven't been with my "husband" for over 3 1/2 years.  Problem...I am not too happy about planning all of these life changing things and have yet to plan an actual wedding.  He knows that i'm working on my divorce, I will be divorced in about 6 months.  <strong>He used to tell me that he couldn't ask me to marry him because I was already married.</strong> That makes sense, but recently we were discussing wedding guests, locations and colors.  I am confused, and frankly tired of waiting.  I know this entry is all over the place, i apologize.  Can someone please give me heads up as to what in the heck am I suppose to expect from him.  <strong>Also, we have been living together for doggone ever and I'm almost over that too. </strong>
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    <div>I understand that you are confused because he said he couldn't ask you to marry him because you are still married and then he starts talking about wedding stuff. I think you should wait until your divorce goes through and then go from there. I also think you should stop the wedding talk(guests, colors, location, etc.)until after your divorce is final. </div>
    "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury 
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    SwazzleSwazzle member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:c0ad46f4-84bd-4363-8851-7c9bde60016f">I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years.  When we initially got together, he knew I had baggage (2 kids and a not so nice soon to be ex husband).   Fast forward and we are here.  We are planning many, many things...trip to Jamaica, a house, a couple of cars and another child.  I am still legally married but haven't been with my "husband" for over 3 1/2 years.  Problem...I am not too happy about planning all of these life changing things and have yet to plan an actual wedding.  He knows that i'm working on my divorce, I will be divorced in about 6 months.  He used to tell me that he couldn't ask me to marry him because I was already married. That makes sense, but recently we were discussing wedding guests, locations and colors.  I am confused, and frankly tired of waiting.  I know this entry is all over the place, i apologize.  Can someone please give me heads up as to what in the heck am I suppose to expect from him.  Also, we have been living together for doggone ever and I'm almost over that too. 
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I wouldn't expect to plan a wedding with one man while you're still legally married to another. 
    </div>



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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
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    Why are you still married?  Divorce doesn't take that long.

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    MarcemaMarcema
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    Yes, planning a wedding while still married is a bit off...I have to admit.  I do have to thank you both for your responses.  I just feel like something needs to change, I can't put my finger on it. 

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    MarcemaMarcema
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    Why am I still married?  Its a really long story.  My husband claimed he filed for divorce a year after I left...I found out that this was a lie.  i started procedures a little while afterwards, and he went to jail for nonpayment of child support.  I tried to get everything paid for while he was there, but I had several health issues to tend to.  Once he was released, I found out that I could have gotten my divorce for free because he was in jail (i dont know how true that is/was).  And now, im still paying for it (installments) and almost done.  I estimated 6 months, but i should be divorced by February 2013 if he doesn't contest it.

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    Stina51286Stina51286 member
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    Be honest with him. Tell him you aren't ready for this wedding talk until your divorce is finalized. Some states (WI for sure) you cant even marry another person until 6 months after your divorce is finalized.

    With regards to being tired of waiting, well you put yourself in that predicament by not getting divorced earlier. You have to wait, there is no other way around it.

    Ask him politely to stop with the wedding talk until AFTER your current marriage is finalized with a divorce. If he pops the question, great! You can be engaged while your divorce is pending.

     

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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:0118bfc8-cefc-49b8-b561-f3bb79c3fb88">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why are you still married?  Divorce doesn't take that long.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I am curious about this as well.

    Also, if he said he didn't want to propose while you are still married then why would you expect something else? It sounds to me like he is wanting to move forward in this relationship with you and is excited about the future but is probably waiting for your divorce to be finalized before he proposes.

    My advice would be to talk with him about all of this. It sounds like you aren't sure where he is at and that is making you uncomfortable. If after you talk to him and make sure the two of you are the same page and you still feel like something needs to change then you will have to take some time to really evaluate your relationship and figure out why you aren't happy.


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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:c0ad46f4-84bd-4363-8851-7c9bde60016f">I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years</strong>.  When we initially got together, he knew I had baggage (2 kids and a not so nice soon to be ex husband).   Fast forward and we are here.  We are planning many, many things...trip to Jamaica, a house, a couple of cars and another child.  I<strong> am still legally married but haven't been with my "husband" for over 3 1/2 years. </strong> Problem...I am not too happy about planning all of these life changing things and have yet to plan an actual wedding.  He knows that i'm working on my divorce, I will be divorced in about 6 months.  He used to tell me that he couldn't ask me to marry him because I was already married. <strong>That makes sense, but recently we were discussing wedding guests, locations and colors.  </strong>I am confused, and frankly tired of waiting.  I know this entry is all over the place, i apologize.  Can someone please give me heads up as to what in the heck am I suppose to expect from him.  Also, we have been living together for doggone ever and I'm almost over that too. 
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    <div>Don't get engaged until you're divorced.  Tell him that you don't even want to think about it until you are divorced.</div><div>
    </div><div>Don't plan a wedding until you're engaged.</div><div>
    </div><div>Seems simple to me?</div>
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    MarcemaMarcema
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    edited November 2012
    I expect something else, because we often discuss something else.  He talks about adopting my children and having more kids.  And you're right, I am uncomfortable because I thought i wasn't sure where his head was at...i now realize that i do know.  I fully understand that I have to wait for my divorce to be final before I can marry.  BUT...we are talking about trying to get pregnant before the middle of the year next year.  I think i'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed, I thank you all for your patience.  I really do.  I may be putting the horse before the carriage, but what I am trying to avoid is putting everything else before the ring.  And, once again...I know i'm still married.  I have talked to him, i guess we need to have another talk.  We have a tentaive date for the wedding, i choose the end of 2013 and he choose the beginning of 2014.  I guess this means, I will be getting my ring sometime next year?  This whole rant has seems like it was all for nothing, but I really do thank you all for making things clear to me.
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    IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
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    *waves* Token Divorced lady here.

    I understand still being legally married. I was with FI for several months before my divorce was finalized, and I had been separated from my ex-H for over a year at that point. I just never had the money to file the papers, he also was supposed to have filed them, but refused. Fvcker... but that's another story.

    However, I would have a real conversation with your SO about where you both are, what the plan is - and get to the bottom of why you aren't happy. Planning a wedding while you're still married makes no sense. Your comment of "Frankly being tired of waiting", well too effing bad. I'm sorry to say it like that, but life and some of your choices put you in the position you are in. You can't get married, or expect your SO to jump at the chance of proposing when you are STILL married.

    When I was dating FI, I was very up front about my marriage/divorce, and he made it explicitly clear that he wanted to be with me, but wasn't comfortable with me still being married - handed me the money to file the papers and said "Do it tomorrow". If it was that big a deal to you -  why plan a trip to jamaica, buy new vehicles, etc??? I understand some things are unavoidable, but still being married is kind of a big one.

    Also - why is it taking six months to be finalized? Mine took way less than that, granted there were no children involved - but still..
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    MarcemaMarcema
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    Yes, it seems simple, and an honest opinion is all I was looking for.  Thank you for your honesty.
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    MarcemaMarcema
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    Lol...hey token divorced lady.  It's not taking six months for it to finalized...I am almost finished paying for it.  And thirty days after finald payment...I will be divorced.  That's approximately Feb 2013.  And you're right, I did put myself in this position and I guess I am blessed to have found someone to appreciate my current position.  I believe that being honest in the beginning was a great plus for the both of us.  I think I hear all of you loud and clear...get the divorce over and done with it and move on from there. 

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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:692a2eb3-9105-4da9-b349-aad61e40c8bd">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]I expect something else, because we often discuss something else.  He talks about adopting my children and having more kids.  And you're right, I am uncomfortable because I thought i wasn't sure where his head was at...i now realize that i do know.  I fully understand that I have to wait for my divorce to be final before I can marry.  BUT...we are talking about trying to get pregnant before the middle of the year next year.  I think i'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed, I thank you all for your patience.  I really do.  I may be putting the horse before the carriage, but what I am trying to avoid is putting everything else before the ring.  And, once again...I know i'm still married.  <strong>I have talked to him, i guess we need to have another talk.  We have a tentaive date for the wedding, i choose the end of 2013 and he choose the beginning of 2014.  I guess this means, I will be getting my ring sometime next year?</strong>  This whole rant has seems like it was all for nothing, but I really do thank you all for making things clear to me.
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    <div>STOP PLANNING YOUR WEDDING.  Seriously.  Deal with one thing at a time.  Divorce.  Engagement.  Wedding.  Why is this so difficult?</div>
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    IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:aa387581-0dc6-487e-b821-8e4be57e586c">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lol...hey token divorced lady.  It's not taking <strong>six months for it to finalized...I am almost finished paying for it.  And thirty days after finald payment...I will be divorced.  That's approximately Feb 2013.</strong>  And you're right, I did put myself in this position and I guess I am blessed to have found someone to appreciate my current position.  I believe that being honest in the beginning was a great plus for the both of us.  I think I hear all of you loud and clear...get the divorce over and done with it and move on from there. 
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    I'd be paying that shiiiitttt off before planning a trip to jamaica, but that's just me.
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    MarcemaMarcema
    First Comment

    It's not difficult.  I believe I just posted something similar to your last comment above.  Thanks though.

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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:339f3599-abb4-4239-bb88-f2a794e4b5bb">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need an HONEST opinion : I'd be paying that shiiiitttt off before planning a trip to jamaica, but that's just me.
    Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

    <div>Right?</div>
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    MarcemaMarcema
    First Comment

    Yeah, makes sense to me too but I didn't pay for the trip.  Im almost done though.  Once its paid for, we will move on from there. 

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    IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
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    Yeah, because "almost there" = will be done in 6 months...

    Just doesn't compute
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
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    cu97tigercu97tiger member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:c0ad46f4-84bd-4363-8851-7c9bde60016f">I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years.  When we initially got together, he knew <strong>I had baggage (2 kids and a not so nice soon to be ex husband)</strong>.   Fast forward and we are here.  We are planning many, many things...trip to Jamaica, a house, a couple of cars and another child.  I am still legally married but haven't been with my "husband" for over 3 1/2 years.  Problem...I am not too happy about planning all of these life changing things and have yet to plan an actual wedding.  He knows that i'm working on my divorce, I will be divorced in about 6 months.  He used to tell me that he couldn't ask me to marry him because I was already married. That makes sense, but recently we were discussing wedding guests, locations and colors.  I am confused, and frankly tired of waiting.  I know this entry is all over the place, i apologize.  Can someone please give me heads up as to what in the heck am I suppose to expect from him.  Also, we have been living together for doggone ever and I'm almost over that too. 
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    <div>Emily Maynard would flip her sh!t if she heard you refer to your kids as baggage.</div>
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    MarcemaMarcema
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    oh, no...my baggage is my abusive ex husband who was the reason for my health issues.  my children are the reason I work so hard.  I work full time, and am a full time student.  My chidlren are what kept me strong throughout my tough years marriage.  Please excuse me if i make it seem like they were anything other than my motivation.
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:f624e2f5-6429-4602-8695-9411e00ace04">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to I need an HONEST opinion : Emily Maynard would flip her sh!t if she heard you refer to your kids as baggage.
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    Hahahahaha!  True facts.


    I don't think it's actually offensive that you said it, OP.  This is just a really funny reference.
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    MarcemaMarcema
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:00f4c8af-3802-4ccc-94d8-cbd6071d5b5b">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Im sorry, am I confusing you?
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    MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:692a2eb3-9105-4da9-b349-aad61e40c8bd">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]I expect something else, because we often discuss something else.  He talks about adopting my children and having more kids.  And you're right, I am uncomfortable because I thought i wasn't sure where his head was at...i now realize that i do know.  I fully understand that I have to wait for my divorce to be final before I can marry.  <strong>BUT...we are talking about trying to get pregnant before the middle of the year next year</strong>.  I think i'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed, I thank you all for your patience.  I really do.  I may be putting the horse before the carriage, but what I am trying to avoid is putting everything else before the ring.  And, once again...I know i'm still married.  I have talked to him, i guess we need to have another talk.  We have a tentaive date for the wedding, i choose the end of 2013 and he choose the beginning of 2014.  I guess this means, I will be getting my ring sometime next year?  This whole rant has seems like it was all for nothing, but I really do thank you all for making things clear to me.
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE] TK ate my original reply to this post.. SO to make this short.. SLOW DOWN. You have an abusive STBXH who you are still legally married to, you move in with a guy start a serious relationship. You are planning a wedding and when to get pregnant before you are even divorced. I can see why you are overwhelmed. Again, SLOW DOWN. Are you seeing a therapist? Also, if your health issues are due to your abusive ex, wouldn't that make the divorce easier since he was abusive and you have proof? Concentrate on one thing at a time. Finalize your divorce and see a therapist. Then you can plan your wedding. THEN  plan on when to try to get pregnant. 
    "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury 
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    SKP82SKP82 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:c0ad46f4-84bd-4363-8851-7c9bde60016f">I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Also, we have been living together for doggone ever and I'm almost over that too.</strong> 
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:d5d7070b-a4c9-4eb8-a760-144d33fb2d53">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, planning a wedding while still married is a bit off...I have to admit.  I do have to thank you both for your responses. <strong> I just feel like something needs to change, I can't put my finger on it. </strong>
    Posted by Marcema[/QUOTE]

    I may be completely off here, but it seems to me like you might not be happy in this relationship.  If something is off, or "needs to change," you need to fix THAT before you think about getting married and DEFINITELY before bringing another child into the world.  Children and marriage do not fix a relationship.

    You need to take a step back and figure out what you want instead of asking what you're supposed to be expecting of him.
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    Sorcha77Sorcha77
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    edited November 2012
    If you don't want to start trying to have another kid next summer, then tell him. You shouldn't feel obligated. Also, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate already. I don't know if I'd want to have another child while working full-time, going to school full-time, dealing with a divorce, planning a wedding when you aren't even engaged yet, buying a house, etc?

    You are taking on WAY too much. Tell him to slow down and let you breathe for a while. If he brings up colors, guests, location, etc, tell him you don't want to discuss it since it's too far in the future and you have other, more immediate needs (your children, first and foremost, and the divorce).

    BF and I are dealing with a recent cross-country move, new jobs, and school, so there's no way we'd even think about getting engaged and planning a wedding at this point. It would simply be too much, and we said as much to each other a couple months ago.
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    MarcemaMarcema
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:48e81672-d4af-4c9a-95fd-cbc24fcf8d0b">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you don't want to start trying to have another kid next summer, then tell him . You shouldn't feel obligated. Also, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate already. I don't know if I'd want to have another child while working full-time, going to school full-time, dealing with a divorce, planning a wedding when you aren't even engaged yet, buying a house, etc? You are taking on WAY too much. Tell him to slow down and let you breathe for a while. If he brings up colors, guests, location, etc, tell him you don't want to discuss it since it's too far in the future and you have other, more immediate needs (your children, first and foremost, and the divorce). BF and I are dealing with a recent cross-country move, new jobs, and school, so there's no way we'd even think about getting engaged and planning a wedding at this point. It would simply be too much, and we said as much to each other a couple months ago.
    Posted by Sorcha77[/QUOTE]

    Thank you.  I am dealing with a bunch right now.  I don't feel obligated, I've always known that I wanted more kids.  I appreciate everyone's comments.  I can see clearly now...i really do need to slow down and take one step at a time. 
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    MarcemaMarcema
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-an-honest-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:374ab115-9498-48e3-9a0a-1f6cb8a091c9Post:1acd88a7-1e5b-44cd-a74f-fbd91a9ca466">Re: I need an HONEST opinion</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need an HONEST opinion : TK ate my original reply to this post.. SO to make this short.. SLOW DOWN. You have an abusive STBXH who you are still legally married to, you move in with a guy start a serious relationship. You are planning a wedding and when to get pregnant before you are even divorced. I can see why you are overwhelmed. Again, SLOW DOWN. Are you seeing a therapist? Also, if your health issues are due to your abusive ex, wouldn't that make the divorce easier since he was abusive and you have proof? Concentrate on one thing at a time. Finalize your divorce and see a therapist. Then you can plan your wedding. THEN  plan on when to try to get pregnant. 
    Posted by MidniteRae[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it would make my divorce easier IF i had called the police and filed a report.  I didn't...I was too afraid.  It's all working out now though, I know it doesn't seem like it from my post, but it is.  I am no longer afraid of my ex.  I didn't immediately begin a relationship with my current BF, we took our time.  And no, I'm not seeing a therapist...i figured my kids needed the appt more than I did.  They have really been through a lot.  I thank you for your response.  All of you have really helped me out today. 
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    Sorcha77Sorcha77
    First Comment
    edited November 2012
    Maybe it would help if you made a timeline and sat down with him to reach a compromise. Something like:

    "I will be divorced by X date. That will allow us to have more money for our trip to Jamaica. I really don't feel comfortable buying a house just yet, so let's shelve that discussion until the end of next year (or whenever). Additionally, I won't be finished with school until X month/year, so I'd like to wait to have another baby. I already have so much on my plate, and newborns are a LOT of work. I can't do that with school and work; it wouldn't be fair to any of us.

    So, let's talk about Jamaica for next summer (or whenever). I'd also like to hold off on talking about marriage until I'm officially divorced. Once we have more of a plan for that, then we can discuss the house. Then I'll graduate in (whenever) and we can discuss having another baby at that point. Basically, divorce, then Jamaica to celebrate, then wedding talk, then graduation, then house, then baby. How do you feel about that?"

    (I feel tired just reading all of that... Hopefully, he'll see how overwhelmed you are.)
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