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Wedding Etiquette Forum
RebeccaB88
member
So, if someone makes it a point to tell you the date of an event, doesn't that mean there will be an
Or, I guess it *should* mean that, but apparently it doesn't.
I'm sitting here looking at pictures of an old college friend's AHR that was last night. (They had a destination wedding. I wasn't invited, but that doesn't upset me. It was small and intimate.) Pictures all over facebook, everyone commenting on how great a party it was, so many fun people, great DJ, food, bar, etc. It looks like a great party, but I wouldn't know because I wasn't invited.
Last summer, when he planned all this, my friend made it a point to tell me the date of this reception, so I could come meet his new husband. I guess it was stupid of me to think that, since he wanted me to know the date, that I was on the guest list. I was planning on driving the 4 or so hours it would take me to get there for it. We were very close in college, not so much now that distance and being busy has separated us, but we still talk online fairly often. I was one of the first people he came out to, and I've always been honored that he trusted me with that information. I guess maybe I thought we were still closer friends than he does. I know I still think of him as a good friend, and both of them are on my guest list.
I'm just miffed because I thought that telling me the date of the party meant that he wanted me there. And, it's kind of hurtful to see/hear everyone talking about a great party that you were excluded from. Had it been kept quiet on all fronts, I probably wouldn't be bothered about it. I shouldn't have counted on anything until I had an invitation in hand. Lesson learned.
I suppose my invitation could have gotten lost in the mail, but my friend hasn't said anything to me about it, so that's probably not the case.
I'll go get my big girl panties out of the dryer now.
I'm sitting here looking at pictures of an old college friend's AHR that was last night. (They had a destination wedding. I wasn't invited, but that doesn't upset me. It was small and intimate.) Pictures all over facebook, everyone commenting on how great a party it was, so many fun people, great DJ, food, bar, etc. It looks like a great party, but I wouldn't know because I wasn't invited.
Last summer, when he planned all this, my friend made it a point to tell me the date of this reception, so I could come meet his new husband. I guess it was stupid of me to think that, since he wanted me to know the date, that I was on the guest list. I was planning on driving the 4 or so hours it would take me to get there for it. We were very close in college, not so much now that distance and being busy has separated us, but we still talk online fairly often. I was one of the first people he came out to, and I've always been honored that he trusted me with that information. I guess maybe I thought we were still closer friends than he does. I know I still think of him as a good friend, and both of them are on my guest list.
I'm just miffed because I thought that telling me the date of the party meant that he wanted me there. And, it's kind of hurtful to see/hear everyone talking about a great party that you were excluded from. Had it been kept quiet on all fronts, I probably wouldn't be bothered about it. I shouldn't have counted on anything until I had an invitation in hand. Lesson learned.
I suppose my invitation could have gotten lost in the mail, but my friend hasn't said anything to me about it, so that's probably not the case.
I'll go get my big girl panties out of the dryer now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So, if someone makes it a point to tell you the date of an event, doesn't that mean there will be an
We have a close college friend who made it a point to tell us all about his totally awesome wedding plans, told us the date, told up everything about it.
Yeah, we weren't invited. This guy is supposed to be a close friend of my husband. They saw each other often between those wedding conversations and the date. I was peeeeeeeved.
Then I tried to rationalize it by saying "Oh, well maybe they cut down the list a lot." That worked until I found out that several other people from the same circle of college friends were invited. It was just a big eff you to my husband and I.
They sent us a wedding gift and I sent them back a thank you card that said "Thank you for the gift. Congrats on your marriage." I'm still so angry for my husband.
I mean sure. Technically, if he told you the date, and yadda, one would expect to be invited. From an etiquette stand point, he should have invited you, but they didn't.
So you can either sit around and be butthurt about it, or just accept you didn't get an invite, or it got lost in the mail, be happy for them and move on.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
I think it's really rude to talk about wedding plans with people if you have no intention of inviting them. That's why I always advise people to minimize wedding talk so they don't give the wrong impression to others.
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm the only person who doesn't give a rats ass about if people invite me or not. I mean sure. Technically, if he told you the date, and yadda, one would expect to be invited. From an etiquette stand point, he should have invited you, but they didn't. So you can either sit around and be butthurt about it, or just accept you didn't get an invite, or it got lost in the mail, be happy for them and move on.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
She has a right to vent about it and be mad. Geez.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
I'll add a head pat just to be sensitive.
:: head pat ::
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Wedding stuff.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Isn't that your job, Snips? DID YOU RESIGN!?
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
God, I think I'm funny today.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
You should probably think a little harder before submitting your posts. You're turning into me with 17 posts in a row.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Let us never forget.
Word.
Fuuck, this is an example of needing to think through my posts, isn't it.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
[QUOTE]Is it possible that he thought telling you the date consituted a verbal invitation, and that there WERE no formal invitations? Or was there just not enough information (ie: he didn't tell you the time or location)? Yeah, I think I'd be a little bit hurt. Is there any way you can plan to get together with them before your wedding? 4 hours is a long way to drive, but maybe you could meet someone in the middle?
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
No, there were formal invitations sent out. And many people in our former college circle were invited, including two of my former roommates. He'd told me the date and that it was in the evening at an art gallery (which it was), but nothing other than that. And we'd tried to find a weekend last year when I could drive down and stay with them for the weekend, but between our schedules and finances it just never worked out.
I keep telling myself this was just an AHR, and I'm honestly not upset to not be invited to the wedding itself. Being a same sex couple, they had to go to where they could legally get married, and I'm glad they had the opportunity to do that. It was also across the country the weekend before Christmas, and that was just plain not possible for me to get to even if I was invited.
And I am NOT going to get all petty and zilla about it and take them off my guest list over this. I still would love to see them there. I'm just not going to be surprised if they decline. My expectations are lower now.
And I'd also like to remind you that I lost about 7k between them disappearing and my other SN. So...
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm the only person who doesn't give a rats ass about if people invite me or not. Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
Um, it's kinda looking like you are. ;)
Yeah, I'm thrilled for him, and I'm totally going to move on from it. It's just very much a big WTF? moment for me. It always kind of takes you aback when find out that somoeone you thought felt the same way about you, really doesn't.
I care, but it's not the end of the world.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
Even if she reaches the point of being over it and being happy for her friend, she can still be cranky about it now.
Um, J. Jess? J&K? Please hang out with me soon. I miss you.
AND KROOPS. Still not lying about having a bed for you in Fargo. I mean, it's not a tourist trap, but we'll have fun. Swearsies.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]I AM MEAN AND EVIL. Um, J. Jess? J&K? Please hang out with me soon. I miss you. AND KROOPS. Still not lying about having a bed for you in Fargo. I mean, it's not a tourist trap, but we'll have fun. Swearsies.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
Fishface I booked Charleston for this week, but I'm going to keep my eye out for airfare and weekends to come visit.
flying to MSP might be cheaper, but either way, we'll make it happen.
I'll be back in DC quick like, too. We need time to hang FOR REAL.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
[QUOTE] Even if she reaches the point of being over it and being happy for her friend, she can still be cranky about it now.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
And this is exactly the point I'm trying to get to. Just a lot of WTF? to work through first. I love my friend and if he's happy, then I'm happy. I just don't really get it.
[QUOTE]And also? I don't know what's wrong with the internet when IMMMMM the mean one. Isn't that your job, Snips? DID YOU RESIGN!?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
I did not resign. However, I have reached the status of professional mean girl, and you're basically an amateur. Therefore, I don't have to work as hard to be thought of as 'meanie'. I just *am*
And I have no backup SN's. This one is live or be done.
Wedding stuff.