SOS - no response from potential BM!!

Out of Yogurt · March 2010

Help!

A week ago Thursday, I asked one of my oldest (and I thought) closest friends to be a BM. She said she'd have to check with her hubby, which I respect since it's not a small financial commitment. On Monday, I hadn't heard from her so I sent a text asking if she'd be around for me to call. No answer. On Tuesday or Wednesday (can't remember), I called and left a message. No response. On Thursday, I sent a message to her home and work emails asking if she could let me know by Friday. Friday has now come and gone and still absolutely nothing. My two current bridesmaids (one of whom is this BMs sister) said yes immediately, so I'm totally perplexed. I know her life is not about my wedding, but this seems rude and un-friend-like to me.

If you were me, what would your next move be? This seems like a friendship-ender to me; am I overreacting?

Thanks!!

Amy

banana468 · March 2010

You're really over-reacting.

And honestly, she might think you're a little too 'gung-ho' about getting married since you asked her this four times in a week.

GIve it another week and see if she contacts you - and when you do make contact say, "I'm so sorry for the harassing phone calls. I guess I got really excited!"

This isn't a friendship-ender unless she says, "I can't be your BM because I don't like you."

It could have been a busy week for her so give her the benefit of the doubt and relax.

Is her not calling you back in her character? Is something else up?

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

I would give it a few days. Don't call her, wait and see if she calls you. If she doesn't call in a few days then try to give her a call. Let her know that there is no pressure to say yes if she can't afford it or doesn't want to be in it blah blah blah. Let her know that you just need to know one way or another because it is time to start ordering dresses. I definitely wouldn't end a friendship over this! It's possible that she has been busy OR doesn't have the money to be in the wedding and doesn't know how to tell you no.

P.S. Great choice in wedding date! That's mine too

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

Sorry mine basically says the same thing as banana's. I must have been typing when hers was coming through

jagore08 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sos-response-potential-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04a74c5b-fcda-48f5-93b7-d55303ded9d2Post:4821dfcb-ef04-4496-a871-608fa71e89c2">SOS - no response from potential BM!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Help! A week ago Thursday, I asked one of my oldest (and I thought) closest friends to be a BM. She said she'd have to check with her hubby, which I respect since it's not a small financial commitment. On Monday, I hadn't heard from her so I sent a text asking if she'd be around for me to call. No answer. On Tuesday or Wednesday (can't remember), I called and left a message. No response. On Thursday, I sent a message to her home and work emails asking if she could let me know by Friday. Friday has now come and gone and still absolutely nothing. My two current bridesmaids (one of whom is this BMs sister) said yes immediately, so I'm totally perplexed. I know her life is not about my wedding, but this seems rude and un-friend-like to me. If you were me, what would your next move be? This seems like a friendship-ender to me; am I overreacting? Thanks!! Amy :)
Posted by Out of Yogurt[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I agree with Banana. Give her a little bit more time and don't keep texting/calling/emailing her. You might think that it's taken her a while to respond but her and her husband might be thinking it over since she will have to spend money on this. They might have gotten busy and not been able to talk about it yet.</div><div>
</div><div>Just take a little breather. It will al turn out fine.</div>

bablingbrooke · March 2010

You're not getting a response because you're smothering her. You don't have to know this second, so chill out. If I was asked to be a BM and the bride kept calling me every day, I would consider it a taste of what being a BM would be like and not accept. You're giving her a reason not to be your BM--don't do that.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Ditto brooke. She's probably envisioning daily phone calls where you prattle on about your wedding. If I was getting that sort of treatment from a bride, I'd decline the wedding and probably change my phone number.

Understand this now: your wedding is one of the most important moments in your life. To everyone other than you and FI, it's a one-day event that is going to seem really, really far away until about two months out. If you're expecting everyone to be on the edge of their seats about all thing wedding this entire time, you're going to have a difficult and disappointing engagement, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

Step back, give her a little room to breathe and trust she'll get back to you. You've made it clear her response is on your mind and she knows by your multiple attempts at contacting her that you're waiting for an answer. Either she's still thinking it over / talking with her husband about it or she's avoiding telling you no. Either way, continuing to bombard her with emails / texts, etc isn't going to help.

If she says no, try to be understanding and don't let it ruin your friendship (unless she's like, "I don't want to be your BM b/c I don't want to be your friend anymore.") Know what I mean?

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

I don't think it's a friendship reflection at all. It's just the cold hard truth that she has her own life going on and "No one will ever care about my wedding as much as I do."

Give her some space and repeat this truth to yourself as often as necessary to keep things in perspective. GL

leeshab1982 · March 2010

Just give her a few days to respond on her own. Something important could have come up or she might've had a very busy week. It's also possible that she and her husband are checking over their finances to see if they can swing it.

I don't understand at all how this seems like a "friendship ending" move to you. She hasn't done anything, literally. I understand that your wedding is important to you, but texting, leaving voicemails at home and at work, and also emailing your potential BM comes off as very pushy and overbearing. Just be patient and let her get back with you when she can.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

nriggi, there's a HUGE difference between 8 days and 8 months. I don't think the situations are at all comparable at this point.

SOS - no response from potential BM!!

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