Babies in ceremony?

ReneeJacob · August 2010

I was informed by my FI that there will be a couple of babies at the ceremony and reception. Although it's an adult reception, I dont see the problem with having infants there because they aren't charged as adults and they won't be running around. However - couldn't this be a problem during the ceremony? Crying babies? Anyone have experience with this?

golden1215 · August 2010

Most infants actually sleep 18-20 out of 24 hours a day, and if they are awake just stick a boob/bottle in them and they are quiet.

If they get loud, most parents know to take them out of the ceremony.

How old are they?

Manwaithiel · August 2010

I think what you need to worry about is anyone else getting offended because they couldn't bring their own children.

"But my son is only 1!! There's only a little difference."

I completely agree with your logic because infant is a little (read: lot) bit different than a toddler but some parents don't agree with that.

AmandalovesAl · August 2010

I'm afraid of this too. FI wants his friends to bring their 1 year old and 4 year old...i like kids fine, but i don't want to worry about them screaming and crying. Also, I don't think its fair to the kids to sit through all that all day. They will be so cranky by midnight

Manwaithiel · August 2010

Yeah...as I said I think your logic is fine, but it might be better to say "No kids = no kids." Have you already told people they can bring the infants or has FI simply said "They're coming."

aragx6 · August 2010

I don't think most people who bring their kids would stay until midnight.

ReneeJacob · August 2010

Not sure how old they are, he just referenced them as "babies". We need it be an adult reception because if EVERYONE brought their kids, the budget would definitely be over. Hopefully they're young enough to respond to a boob/bottle/pacifier!

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:bd82acab-ae2c-452c-94a4-d1e7c23d6ae5">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Most infants actually sleep 18-20 out of 24 hours a day, and if they are awake just stick a boob/bottle in them and they are quiet. If they get loud, most parents know to take them out of the ceremony. How old are they?
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

You're really turning out to be an ignorant twatwaffle.
Sometimes babies cry, and sometimes sticking a boob, bottle, or soother in them doesn't fix it.

OP - will it ruin your wedding if a baby cries during your ceremony? I didn't think so.

golden1215 · August 2010

The whole no kids = no kids thing doesnt apply to infants. Esp if they are still breastfeeding.

And most parents are smart enough to work a nap in for their kids when needed- if not.... well, the parents may be a bigger issue than the kids!

ReneeJacob · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:39d8291b-b930-4b18-a22a-8e8df0abbcf8">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah...as I said I think your logic is fine, but it might be better to say "No kids = no kids." Have you already told people they can bring the infants or has FI simply said "They're coming."
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

No, I would prefer no kids at all...not because I dont like kids, but its not fair to pick and choose who can bring their kids. My FI *told* me that a couple of his friends are bringing their babies.

aragx6 · August 2010

I guess my question is: Did you not disacuss the no kids things together? Sounds like the two of your aren't on the same page with this.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

Well first of all, your wedding isn't until a month after mine. And I have yet to finalize the guest list. I have an idea of the numbers, but I'm not about to hammer anything into stone.

You need to get on the same page with your FI about kids or no kids. It's either one or the other. You'll upset someone with either choice but you'll piss way more people off if you let some people bring their kids and not others using some arbitrary line that you haven't really decided.

golden1215 · August 2010

pumpkin- hence the very next sentence saying parents know to bring them out of the ceremony if they cry.

ReneeJacob · August 2010

And no it certainly wouldn't ruin my wedding if a baby was crying...but um...ya, I would prefer to avoid that if possible.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:83292409-2007-4a49-9bf2-2c1716b78c6f">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]The whole no kids = no kids thing doesnt apply to infants. Esp if they are still breastfeeding. And most parents are smart enough to work a nap in for their kids when needed- if not.... well, the parents may be a bigger issue than the kids!
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying they're not smart. I'm saying that OTHER parents may get offended that they didn't get their children invited. It doesn't have to be logical.

ReneeJacob · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:5fc2b7ef-26b1-404a-ab0e-6f0866990ab5">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well first of all, your wedding isn't until a month after mine. And I have yet to finalize the guest list. I have an idea of the numbers, but I'm not about to hammer anything into stone. You need to get on the same page with your FI about kids or no kids. It's either one or the other. You'll upset someone with either choice but you'll piss way more people off if you let some people bring their kids and not others using some arbitrary line that you haven't really decided.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

My wedding is in a little less than 3 months...is your ticker not working? Its showing that you have 9 months to go...so yes, our list has to be set in stone at this point. My FI and I are on the same page about it being "kid-free"...I think he was just putting babies in a different category than kids.

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2010

OP - my best friend just had a baby. 2 months ago. She's since gone to 4 weddings, of very close friends. All 4 weddings were "no kid" weddings. Infants don't apply to this, because they need their mothers. I would really hope you know this as common sense. 1 year olds, not so much, 6 month olds? Probably.

Who cares if the baby cries? Seriously??

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:b854f054-7ba8-407b-9f89-db691a4786b6">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE] My FI and I are on the same page about it being "kid-free"...I think he was just putting babies in a different category than kids.
Posted by ReneeJacob[/QUOTE]

He is wise. That is the proper thing to do.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

Hmmm, the Knot is being screwy.

So yes, you need your guest list in stone. You decide what you think your guests are going to be okay with. I'm just giving you another side of things besides just crying babies.

ReneeJacob · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:5755ca3d-cd09-40e5-b003-0f837414795b">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm, the Knot is being screwy. So yes, you need your guest list in stone. You decide what you think your guests are going to be okay with. I'm just giving you another side of things besides just crying babies.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

Is my ticker showing the wrong date? And I think you guys have shed some light here - could a baby cry? Yes. Not the end of the world. Thanks!

Manwaithiel · August 2010

No, your ticker is showing November now. At first it read June '11. But maybe I clicked on the wrong link. It's not a big deal

Belle2Be · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:7597c2a8-e330-4b82-9c86-bce32e7b678b">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]And no it certainly wouldn't ruin my wedding if a baby was crying...but um...ya, I would prefer to avoid that if possible.
Posted by ReneeJacob[/QUOTE]

I can't imagine that a parent would just let their tot cry through the ceremony, most who know they have finicky kids will sit in back to start with (easier to BF and escape if necessary) and its likely you wont even notice a thing.

MrsHaH101010 · August 2010

I'll just say that when my son was an infant I took him to several weddings because I was nursing him (and at least one was a "no kid" wedding). Everyone completely understood and during the ceremonies I sat in the back with him so that if he did start crying I could sneak out with as little disturbance as possible. I am sure your FI's friends would do the same because no one wants to be the one who interrupts the ceremony.

AdeleDazeem · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30217de3-e3e8-46ab-8f5e-ff5ea5bdb5c6Post:f9099dc1-2430-4dac-aff7-1f7aee9223a2">Re: Babies in ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies in ceremony? : I can't imagine that a parent would just let their tot cry through the ceremony, most who know they have finicky kids will sit in back to start with (easier to BF and escape if necessary) and its likely you wont even notice a thing.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

You'd be surprised at the idiocy of people sometimes. But, honestly, if the baby cries, it will be okay.

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2010

Oh. And my best friend's baby? Whailed during our memorial ceremony/tree planting thing on Sunday (one of our best friends died just over a year ago). I mean WHAILED. She escaped, but it was an outdoor thing in a tent because it was pouring, and she couldn't get too far away, but no one cared. No one said anything. She apologized to the family, and they couldn't believe she felt bad because the baby was crying.

awick14 · August 2010

We have a no children policy as well. We do how ever have one friend friend who is pregnant and is due about 2 months before the wedding. Her "baby" will be there.
If you still have 9 months any "babies" that are "babies" now may not be by the time that your wedding happens. You will need to put that into consideration.

I also have a similar problem with my FMIL. She thinks because my FI niece is one of our flower girls that means his nephew should be at the wedding as well. He will be 20 months old at the time of our wedding. IMO he shouldn't be allowed there as then he will get to come to the reception which WE (me and FI) do not want at all. The ceremony is at his sisters house so my FMIL thinks that his Sister gets to decide who can and can't come to the wedding (not true at all). We need to figure this out. But my aunt just offered us her backyard which is bigger and in the same area, so now at least I have some leverage over the situation.

jakstr0808 · August 2010

One thing to keep in mind besides crying is space. My issue wasn't the budget since babies don't count for anything that requires a guest count for making our wedding no kids, but babies do take up space and I just realized that I'm going to have to allocate a seat for a couple babies that have rsvp'd, which might put me over on guest count (so now i have to hope for some no's!) because I didn't think people would rsvp with their babies that weren't technically invited.

I'm kinda in a different position because the babies that have rsvp'd are 11 and 13mos (not newborns) but I dont' have the heart to tell the parents the babies can't come bc they're family (and the only two babies in the extended family)

CVALANN123 · August 2010

my daughter and her fiance have decided no babies / young children will be at the ceremony. How can you be sure that hey will sleep or not be colicky or something? Their unpredictable. Some parents may not even take them out if they act up, and by then its to late, theve already acted up. I have 2 young grandchildren and they will be at the reception but not the ceremony. We have decided to use the grooms room at the venue for the children. we will hire a sitter for 2 hours. {the ceremony and cocktail hour} My daughter and her fiance just dont want to have to worry on that very special day. This is all coming from a family of people who love children.

Beachy730 · August 2010

I have never known the ceremony to be invite only, just the reception. Our ceremony had people at it that we didn't invite, they chose to come because they wanted to see us get married, and unfortunately we weren't able to invite them. So to me it seems absurd to try and control who comes to the ceremony.

I can only speak from my experience. My RB was 3, my FG was 5. We also had two 4 year olds at our ceremony, and a 2 year old. The 2 y/o's mom was one of my BMs, and her daughter was there as a swap out for babysitting (her SIL who was not invited came to the ceremony because I know her through the BMs wedding and she wanted to come). My BM was more concerned about her being there than I was because she was afraid that she would cry "mama" as she walked by. Never happened.

As for the other kids, my 3 y/o RB fell asleep during the ceremony, and the rest sat fine as far as I know. And I only say as far as I know because believe it or not, you are kinda in a blur during the ceremony, and things going on around you go unnoticed to you. So IMO if it saves trouble, let the kids come. Your wedding is not null and void if a baby cries during it, and honestly, you probably won't notice if they do.

sky7563 · August 2010

I have a big family and children are never excluded from any wedding in the family. There have been weddings when babies were sleeping, quite, making baby noise, crying, sick, etc. Generally the parents take the baby out if he/she is being loud. How much noise they make doing this varies although I am sure they do their best not to make any. If you can still hear the baby also depends on how far the parent deems necessary to go. Sometimes they have gone far enough (and yes that could mean outside of the church) so nothing is heard anymore and some times they have not gone far enough. Sometimes they need to come back in to grab something they forgot (like a diaper bag, car keys, etc.) in their hurry to get out or someone else has to get up and take it to them. Sometimes the parents sit in the back for an easy exit as well. Basically, it is just unpredictable. These incidences may bother some people and not others. Everyone is different.

TTiger03 · August 2010

We are planning on having about 10 babies born today through December. They will be 5-9 months at my wedding. We are asking the ushers to recommend the little ones sit near the back. I figure that will give a hint to anyone who wouldn't think to take the baby out if it is crying. I think they would know it would be best to take them out if they don't quiet easily, but a hint doesn't hurt.
I know babies cry and that's ok, but my concern with this many is that if one starts they might all start, and I would rather the other guests not feel disrupted.

I was a guest at a Catholic (read: long) wedding a couple of years ago. The woman sitting behind us had a boy about 18 months by the look of him. He was kicking and screaming and making an awful noise. The mother just kept saying loudly "THIS is why I never take him to church" and laughing. She refused to take him to the lobby where you could still see the whole ceremony through the glass doors and walls. There was also a closed circuit TV set up to watch and listen. I assume that's what this area is meant for. Everyone within 5 rows was annoyed. I couldn't believe that the woman kept saying this was why she didn't ever take him to church with her. The only way kids learn how to behave in situations is by being exposed to them.
The bride was very clearly upset and distracted by it. If looks could kill, that boy and his mother wouldn't be alive today.
Sure, the are just as married and all that, but this clueless mother did not make for a happy bride.

If it is important for FI's friends to bring the babies, and it is important for you to have a cry free ceremony, it might be wise to mention to the parents that you are happy to let the babies attend, but would appreciate if they could step out if the cries are uncontrollable.

Babies in ceremony?

Re: Babies in ceremony?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards