Proper Dress for Rehersal and Dinner

kristineh327 · March 2010

I need some advice. Several members of my family are going back and forth about what is "proper" attire for the rehersal and dinner. Both my fiance and I and his parents (who are hosting and paying for the rehersal) are jeans kinda of people. Tshirts are comfy but a nice shirt is comfy as well. MY family says no jeans, dressy but not formal (like business casual type of clothes).
I personally feel that it should be my in laws choice since they are hosting it, or secondly it should be our choice since it's our wedding. As far as I am concerned, I say "wear what you want, as long as you don't look trashy or dirty or scummy." And this is because I know that no one (from either side) would dress in raggy sort of clothes or wear anything that would embarrass us. So I am hearing advice from both sides about "everyone should dress the same" or "what if you are in jeans and so and so is in a nice pant/dress shirt" or "what if you dress up a bit and so and so comes in jeans and a t shirt."
Right now I am on the fence about which way to go. I figure that no matter what we ask people to wear or not wear, people are going to wear what they want anyway.
Any advice to sway me one way or the other would be much appreciated?

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Well, is the rehearsal dinner formal or casual?

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Each person should chose their own attire. But of course, the dinner venue will sort of dictate what is appropriate. If you're going to a fancy restaurant, jeans will be out of place, but if you're doing a BBQ thing, dressing up will be silly.

Like anything, leave it up to the invite to convey the dress code to the participants.

kristineh327 · March 2010

I like the idea to say "use the dinner venue as the guideline." But I'm still a bit torn because it was a sit down restaurant converted to a banquet hall (who gets most of their business catering other outside parties) So our party will be the only ones there that night. The decor of the place does not scream "fancy or expensive", but it's also not drag down casual. Since I've had a few hours to think more about this ) my fiance & I have decided to ask his parents what they think. They most likely will decide for us. They are hosting the event, and paying for it, it should be their decision. (they also went with us to the venue, they know how the the place is.) No one even bothered to ask me what I wanted or thought. They took it upon themselves to discuss the situation, and now it's gotten into bickering back and forth who has the better opinion. My elder sister (who is also my wedding planner) who says dressy, my two other sisters who are cracking jokes about wearing bikinis and steel toe boots, and my maid of honor who says it should be my choice. And my out of town sibling (with family) may have to back out because they don't have a lot of money and can't afford to go out and buy all new outfits for them and their 3 kids. This is crazy I tell you.

jenn.daniel · March 2010

I err on the side of being over-dressed. I don't know where your wedding is, but if it's in a church I wouldn't wear jeans to the rehearsal.

CA2MT4EveR · March 2010

IMO, it's really not that important to fret over. Dress how you feel is appropriate and let everyone else worry about themselves. No one, especially adults, likes to be told how to dress.

I <3 Seabass · March 2010

You don't have to dictate the dress code of the RD. Most people dress according to the occasion and the location of the event.

danieliza1127 · March 2010

You can't tell your guests how to dress anyway so I'm not sure what the issue is here. People will dress how they feel is appropriate given that it's a rehearsal dinner and depending on where the dinner is held. If someone specifically asks you what they should wear, then you can tell them "well I think some people will be in jeans and some will be in dress pants, so dress how you feel comfortable" and leave it at that. You shouldn't be telling everyone how to dress or putting anything about it on the invitation though. It really doesn't matter if some are in jeans and some aren't. Who cares?

stefani103 · March 2010

You will be the only ones in the banquet hall? As long as people don't dress in a way that's offensive at the rehearsal, then dinner dress isn't really important.

My family are jeans-and-t-shirts people (some are even bib overalls people!), so I'd never expect them to worry about dressing up for a dinner. They are dressing up a bit (read: no jeans/t-shirts) for the wedding, but no worries about the RD.

megk8oz · March 2010

I think that nobody really can dictate to your guests what to wear. The venue should convey that to them. If anybody calls asking what's appropriate, I would do what Dani said that some guests will be in jeans, others will not, so do what feels right.

I've been to RDs where I've worn a dress, I've been to others where I wore jeans and sandals ... I based my decisions on where it was being held and what the couple's attitude towards attire is. My one friend believed you needed to get dressed up for the RD, or like her marriage wouldn't be valid or something, while another one of my friends could have cared less what we wore, provided we didn't show up naked.

psichick · March 2010

basically, it's not up to you. unless there's a formal dress code at the site, it's your guest's discretion what they wear. you wear what you feel is appropriate, and let your guests dress themselves. they're grown ups, it's their decision.

most people will take into consideration the venue and the style of the people that are getting married and will dress accordingly. other's won't. it's not your place to comment on it one way or the other though.

as for the no jeans because it's a church thing.......i know it's different in different areas, but around here if you want to go to church, you go. it doesn't matter what you're wearing. the priest isn't going to throw you out of mass because you showed up in jeans and a tee because basically they think that god doesn't really care what you're wearing, only that you're there (within reason of course, if you showed up in a stripper outfit that might be cause for someone to say something lol).

so if someone shows up in jeans, so be it. nothing you can do, and don't say a word about it. most people will feel uncomfortable enough already being underdressed, they don't need other's pointing it out.

noodle_oo · March 2010

Are you planning to dictate a dress code on the invitation? I guess it depends how formal the event is, but I've never been invited to a RD with a dress code. I always dress nice, but I'd assume people are adults and can figure out what to wear that will be appropriate.

However, if you are dictating a dress code, I'd say the hosts decide, which in this case would be your future in laws, right?

But truthfully, in the grand scheme of things, is it really that important to be worth worrying about?

RebeccaB88 · May 2010

Our church has a dress code for the rehearsal - 'church attire'. So that's what made our decision. We're having a casual rehearsal dinner, though, so we won't be TOO dressy.

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