My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup

Mel10232011 · May 2011

He said he wants to make sure that latter on I won't try to take half of everything from him. Is that how it works that everything he has now and has later will always be his? I was a little hurt that he was so mean about it but I guess I understand. The only thing he has in his name is the house we just bought and his car and bank account. I tried to look it up but don't understand it very well.

GeauxTigers17 · May 2011

I'm going to preface this with IT ALL depends on your state law.

Did you put any money toward the house? Generally, any property you have before the marriage remains separate property, unless you commingle the asset with those of the other spouse. I am a soon to be attorney, so I can understand the value of prenups, but in this case, I'm not sure what the point is- it doesn't sound like he's a trust fund baby. But DO NOT sign a THING until you have your own attorney look at it. In this situation, you really need your own representation.

laurenclaire1386 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fiance-wont-married-unless-sign-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b348595e-1e81-47d1-ba19-6c9ab6e14ebaPost:d6ccf338-2bfe-44b9-857f-54dce973629d">My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]He said he wants to make sure that latter on I won't try to take half of everything from him. Is that how it works that everything he has now and has later will always be his? I was a little hurt that he was so mean about it but I guess I understand. The only thing he has in his name is the house we just bought and his car and bank account. I tried to look it up but don't understand it very well.
Posted by mellymellon[/QUOTE]
Depends on whether or not your state is a community property state. In my state, for example, community property (stuff you have to split 50/50) only applies to things you acquire after the marriage. But even then, it's totally possible to buy stuff and designate it as separate property when you buy it. If your name is on the deed, you're entitled to 50% of the value of the house, married or not. If the house is in his name only, you wouldn't be entitled to any of it because it was acquired before the marriage.

Whatever you do, understand what you're signing before you sign it.

Amt2109 · May 2011

Pre-nups are generally designed to protect both parties interests i.e. not only would his assets be protected, anything you have would be protected also.

However... from my understanding, anything gained during the marriage is split? Just anything before the marriage is protected? I'm sure the ladies can help me out here.

A pre-nup is by no means a bad thing. But, I have to say... I don't like his wording (if it is his wording, sometimes its easy to forget when you're confused

). A good prenup protects BOTH of you. Not just him.

jenna.linder · May 2011

You should talk to a lawyer if you're really concerned. Divorce and property separation are based on the laws of the state where the divorce happens, which really varies greatly from state-to-state. Also, some states will enforce prenups, other states will not. Practically, if you guys were to get divorced, the most likely outcome is that all the stuff he acquired pre-marriage would be his regardless of whether you had a prenup or not unless he puts your name on title, etc. BUT, it just really depends on any number of factors and really depends on what the prenup that he wants you to sign says (is it only about his current property, or is he trying to dictate what will happen to property you both acquire after marriage? etc). Ask an attorney before you sign anything - It won't be that expensive b/c a family law attorney can probably give you all the advice you need in a short amount of time.

Good luck!

hellerc1 · May 2011

Get a lawyer. Don't chance a thing. Sounds like you don't understand and need some help. Get a Lawyer. Good Luck.

KatyRoseM · May 2011

Talk to a lawyer. If you sign a prenup (and it is not thrown out) than things will be divided how ever you agreed they would be. Don't agree to anything that is not acceptable to you, and don't agree without talking to a lawyer.

Prenups aren't bad, and shouldn't be about his needs only. How do you feel about things that were yours separately? How do you think things should be split? Do you have assets to protect?

marinabreeze · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fiance-wont-married-unless-sign-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b348595e-1e81-47d1-ba19-6c9ab6e14ebaPost:629b84bf-364b-45c4-ae40-7e02ac89f602">Re: My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]Get a lawyer. Don't chance a thing. Sounds like you don't understand and need some help. Get a Lawyer. Good Luck.
Posted by hellerc1[/QUOTE]
I totally agree with this. Get your own separate lawyer, a prenup is to protect you BOTH. If you've put money into the house or any other assets prior to marriage, make sure that in the prenup, it is included that you're entitled to your share if the marriage dissolves. If you have any other premarital assets, make sure those are also protected. Don't allow yourself to be screwed over, don't agree to or sign anything that you do not 100% understand. Good luck to you.

em01092 · May 2011

So maybe he should have approached you better, but try and look at this as a possible benefit for you as well. They are meant to protect both parties. Talk to him again, preferably after looking up your state's laws about separate vs. community assets in a marriage. Like PPs said, anything you/he had prior to the marriage could stay separate, but whatever you put together afterwards can be split, unless arranged in a prenup. And definitely do not sign anything that you do not understand.

Also make sure he knows that to do this with the best chance of having the pre nup be valid, he will probably need to drop a couple of Benjamins for a lawyer to draw it up. You should have separate lawyers look over it and make sure its all in order.

DondadaTimes2 · May 2011

I know everyone has said to get a lawyer, and I agree. At the same time, I am 100% against a prenup. IMHO, if you want to marry me and you believe that I am the one and you trust that when I say 'I do' I mean I want to be with you forever....dont tell me you trust me untill I decide to leave you and take your money. I get that there are bad divorces and some women really will take it, but thats not for me.

I dated a guy for 2 yrs and he mentioned needing a prenup before etting married (mind you we were no where near engaged) and I left.

I think unless youre a commoner marrying a price, president, or famous person...a prenup is an insult

GeauxTigers17 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fiance-wont-married-unless-sign-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b348595e-1e81-47d1-ba19-6c9ab6e14ebaPost:cdf4e5c6-5bc5-4a3d-91d5-881f4a24dd4b">Re: My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]I think unless youre a commoner marrying a price, president, or famous person...a prenup is an insult
Posted by DondadaTimes2[/QUOTE]

<div>I disagree with this. My best friend went through a situation where they almost lost a family business because one of the siblings got a divorce, and the wife was owed half of his interest in the business. They almost had to sell the business in order to generate the cash they owed her. They got through it, but a prenup would have protected his family. How bad would it suck to lose a business your grandparents built because your uncle got a divorce, you know?</div>

KatyRoseM · May 2011

Sometimes other people have an interest in your property too (kids, family businesses things like that). In those situations I would want a prenup, not because I don't trust Fi, but because my family didn't get to chose him. Also, I have friends with very large trust funds, and they see willingness to sign a prenup as showing love. It may be weird but it seems they think that by signing it your proving that your not in it for money. It also is a requirement for them getting their trust funds. Lastly, if you have kids getting a prenup makes sense. I might trust you, but my kids are still my first priority.

kmmssg · May 2011

Great advice from everyone. I'm going in a different direction. What do you mean by " I was a little hurt that he was so mean about it"

I have no idea if you are dealing with a really great guy who wants to protect what is his prior to the marriage, or if you are engaged to a selfish jerk. Asking for a prenup doesn't make someone a selfish jerk.

Is he always pretty territorial about what belongs to him? Prenups aren't a bad thing, but as everyone has said, you need your own lawyer to reveiw this before you sign it.

marcie+scott · May 2011

We are going to sign one. I have family estates that are not only mine, but my sisters too. He has the same. It wasn't even a question if we would or not, we both decided to right off the bat. It's nothing against him, or saying our marriage won't work - it is to protect both of us and our families "just in case". I am pretty certain we will never, ever have to use it, but, it will be there...

If you don't understand it, tell him that! Have him explain it to you and maybe even find a lawyer to talk to about it. You should feel comfortable signing your name no matter what it is! Good luck!

redheadfsu · May 2011

For a pre-nup to be valid, usually both of you need your own lawyer. It also has to be fair (not just protect him, it should protect you too). It can be done without, but then either of you could attack the pre-nup in court based on the fairness/duress and it probably will get thrown out.

Pre-nups do not protect one person, it should protect both of you. If he just said, "let's think about a pre-nup." He is not a jerk. Now if he framed it, I don't want you to get anything...well than he is a jerk.

Edit: Did you help with the down payment or mortgage payments? Then hopefully, your name is on the deed. If not, get it on there asap or talk to a lawyer. Please protect yourself too. If not, then you can be in a really really horrible position later on. (Think worse case: what happens if he throws you out at 2am without anything other than the clothes on your back? What is legally yours? protect yourself always.)

shaysiebaby · May 2011

i wont even let my fiance bring a pre-nup up lol there us no way i would sign one . Marriage is all about building a life together and in my opinion if things went wrong your are entitled to half of everything .. DONT SIGN IT lol but .. if you do definitly get a lawyer .. I was watching sex and the city yesterday and you can totally negotiate it to benefit you in the end anyways

lyndausvi · May 2011

This is my take on Pre-nups.

They can/should protect both parties. *(you both should have your own lawyer - hired on your own and not suggested/paid for by the other party)

If you stay married forever it doesn't matter because you will never need it.

vegasgroom · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fiance-wont-married-unless-sign-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b348595e-1e81-47d1-ba19-6c9ab6e14ebaPost:cdf4e5c6-5bc5-4a3d-91d5-881f4a24dd4b">Re: My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]I know everyone has said to get a lawyer, and I agree. At the same time, I am 100% against a prenup. IMHO, if you want to marry me and you believe that I am the one and you trust that when I say 'I do' I mean I want to be with you forever....dont tell me you trust me untill I decide to leave you and take your money. I get that there are bad divorces and some women really will take it, but thats not for me. I dated a guy for 2 yrs and he mentioned needing a prenup before etting married (mind you we were no where near engaged) and I left. I think unless youre a commoner marrying a price, president, or famous person...a prenup is an insult
Posted by DondadaTimes2[/QUOTE]

So you left the guy solely because he asked for a pre-nup? If that was the only reason, he probably lucked out if you're so short sighted to assume the only reason for a pre-nup is a lack of trust.

My business partner and I did (in her case) or are doing (my case) pre-nups because our business needs to be solely the other's if one of us dies. It has nothing to do with whether I trust my fiancee, but I spent fourteen years building a business with my partner and she deserves to own the whole thing free and clear if I die, simple as that. It's my duty as a husband to ensure my wife/widow is taken care of I die, and I'll make other arrangements to ensure that happens.

nrawlings26 · May 2011

me and my Fi will probably have prenup... i have a few very large trust funds set up for me by my father and grandfather.. you can never be sure that a marragie will work even if you both are in love. i trust my FI but anyone will be greedy over a large amount of money no matter how much you trust them

nrawlings26 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fiance-wont-married-unless-sign-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b348595e-1e81-47d1-ba19-6c9ab6e14ebaPost:72fbed9d-0b07-4e27-89b8-9edf1e50131f">Re: My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup : So you left the guy solely because he asked for a pre-nup? If that was the only reason, he probably lucked out if you're so short sighted to assume the only reason for a pre-nup is a lack of trust. My business partner and I did (in her case) or are doing (my case) pre-nups because our business needs to be solely the other's if one of us dies. It has nothing to do with whether I trust my fiancee, but I spent fourteen years building a business with my partner and she deserves to own the whole thing free and clear if I die, simple as that. It's my duty as a husband to ensure my wife/widow is taken care of I die, and I'll make other arrangements to ensure that happens.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

i agree with everything said here

KatyRoseM · May 2011

Prenups can also discuss what happens when one of you dies. It doesn't always refer to divorce.

TheCranberry · May 2011

I echo what everyone else said: get your own lawyer, make sure your assets are protected, make sure you understand what you sign, etc.

I'll add that prenups are also a good way to figure out how one spouse will be supported or taken care of if he or she stops working to raise children. If you're a stay at home mom for 10 years and then get a divorce, it will be very hard for you to get a job right away that will support you and the kids. A prenup can at least set out some guidelines on how that will happen.

You can also amend a prenup after you get married if you like. You'd once again need to have your own lawyer and make sure you understand everything.

nattykins · May 2011

We will be signing a prenup. My Fiance has many family antiques which are not only worth a lot, but more importantly, mean a lot to him. As much as we don't want to think we will ever be divorced, I hate to think that if we do, I would act in such a way to try and take that away from him (I'm stubborn and have a temper :P).

Better to think of this stuff now while we're happy! But I agree with others - make sure you know what you are signing!

MrandMrsHoagland · May 2011

My FH and I really don't have anything that we haven't gotten together. Our car is in his name, that's about it. Otherwise though pre nups can be a good thing. really just hire a lawyer to review it so you have separate representation. You want a lawyer experienced in pre nups and sad to say divorces involving them. let the lawyers handle it and you guys can get back to planning the wedidng!

meep2 · May 2011

Like everyone said, talk to a lawyer.

Prenups are scary because they seem like you're planning your divorce before you're even married, but they can also help you plan your marriage. They can help you to figure out how you're going to handle your money during your marriage. You may also be able to talk about clauses that discuss what happens if someone cheats, or the counseling you have to do first before filing for divorce. Sometimes marriages are broken, but sometimes people don't want to work through their problems (which may certainly last several years). The interesting thing about recession is that divorce usually drops because it's expensive. By saying what you have to do before getting a divorce, you may make it easier to reconcile. (What? Am I being a Polyanna? Sure, but it's definitely the hidden upside to prenups that people forget.)

Mel10232011 · May 2011

Thanks guys! I just didn't understand what it is.and No the house is his, and only his..we live in FL. I think it's pointless but I agree with everyone that if I have to sign, I need a lawyer too.

KatyRoseM · May 2011

I would also like to say it sounds like you really don't want to do this, and even with the points people have made. Given that I think you should think about doing premarital counseling so you can talk about these issues.

missy68 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fiance-wont-married-unless-sign-prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b348595e-1e81-47d1-ba19-6c9ab6e14ebaPost:cdf4e5c6-5bc5-4a3d-91d5-881f4a24dd4b">Re: My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]I know everyone has said to get a lawyer, and I agree. At the same time, I am 100% against a prenup. IMHO, if you want to marry me and you believe that I am the one and you trust that when I say 'I do' I mean I want to be with you forever....dont tell me you trust me untill I decide to leave you and take your money. I get that there are bad divorces and some women really will take it, but thats not for me. I dated a guy for 2 yrs and he mentioned needing a prenup before etting married (mind you we were no where near engaged) and I left. I think unless youre a commoner marrying a price, president, or famous person...a prenup is an insult
Posted by DondadaTimes2[/QUOTE]

Totally disagree. A friend of mine divorced after 20 years of marriage, and his wife wants (maybe got - I can't recall now) half of his RETIREMENT. He is only nearing 50 now. They will have been apart, oh 15-20 years by the time he retires.
That's bullshit. She didn't stick around; she doesn't deserve it.

My ex husband tried to pull that with me. Hilarious, since the amount ended up being about $500, less than what he'd have to pay in court fees. It would have also opened the entire house up to me to get half. And I paid for WAY more than half the stuff in that house.

My fiance won't get married unless I sign a prenup

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