Need a Chill Pill

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:4216716a-7b62-48cd-80bb-3fa211f1d6e5">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see a facebook profile. Just myspace... Lacee- you look like a sweet girl. I love the rain without an umbrella thing. Do come back with a new screen name. And check out the Christian Wedding board too. I haven't been on it- but I've heard they are good people. They might be able to relate more. ::shrugs:: A two very good family friend's of mine got married when they were 20, because of the sausage (ha). It's worked out well for them- they just bought their first house! It can definitely work- especially if you have the support of your families and church. Do you have that? ETA: And to keep busy during this time- why not join meetup.com and meet some new friends? Or volunteer somewhere? Maybe at your church?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

I'm back! This is my new name. :) I will check out that board. Thank you so much for the info. Yeah two of my best friends got married at 20 and it has worked out. Yes we have a lot of support! Our families are just as excited as we are.Our churches are too. :) Yeah that is a great idea. A lot of my close friends have moved off since we all graduated last month. :(

SamJlf1122 · June 2011

I completly agree if your planning then your engaged, ring or not. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have no ring but are planning and will be getting married June 22nd of 2012 no matter, ring or not. As I look at it, yes the ring would be nice but its not required to be in a commeted happy and healthy relationship.

lunarsongbird · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:8b4ca378-1d25-4675-bde5-d83188e7872c">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]I completly agree if your planning then your engaged, ring or not. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have no ring but are planning and will be getting married June 22nd of 2012 no matter, ring or not. As I look at it, yes the ring would be nice but its not required to be in a commeted happy and healthy relationship.
Posted by SamJlf1122[/QUOTE]

<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '5b0c5002-b06d-45ce-8b1d-bdd12e7c22f0', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/11/5b0c5002-b06d-45ce-8b1d-bdd12e7c22f0.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
And who might you be, Sam?

CASK85 · June 2011

All I can envision after reading this post is someone hitting someone else with a raw sausage. Not a peen, but a real sausage. And it is cracking me up.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:610f896f-f24f-4474-a158-b6a647fc6c6e">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]All I can envision after reading this post is someone hitting someone else with a raw sausage. Not a peen, but a real sausage. And it is cracking me up.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

Great... just the vision I wanted you ladies to have after reading my first post. haha!

lunarsongbird · June 2011

laceeseth · June 2011

Wow! I literally just LOL'd. Sausage pants! haha!

SKP82 · June 2011

I disagree with PPs who have said that you're engaged because you're planning and have a date. OP CLEARLY stated that she's NOT ENGAGED. She is preplanning. And we don't encourage preplanning around here (or at least we didn't use to)...

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:767716a1-1a58-40df-ac8a-06f56a9ba1da">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with PPs who have said that you're engaged because you're planning and have a date. OP CLEARLY stated that she's NOT ENGAGED. She is preplanning. And we don't encourage preplanning around here (or at least we didn't use to)...
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

Yeah I have looked around at stuff because it is going to be a short engagement. I am not talking about it to people or saying anything about it. I just have looked in my free time at a few things for a general idea. I don't think that is a big deal. But if you think I shouldn't be on here because of it then so be it. :)

PaigeMcC · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:610f896f-f24f-4474-a158-b6a647fc6c6e">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]All I can envision after reading this post is someone hitting someone else with a raw sausage. Not a peen, but a real sausage. And it is cracking me up.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]
I cannot read anything else or respond intelligibly to anything. FBD thinks I've gone mad.

Thanks.

CASK85 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:6c7f5e31-1df9-4a80-9cd1-04a4098510b2">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : I cannot read anything else or respond intelligibly to anything. FBD thinks I've gone mad. Thanks.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]
you're welcome :)

marleylikeair · June 2011

I just knew there had to be another funny sausage meme out there. Thanks, Google!

ETA: OP, this is not in any way meant to make fun of you. I just thought it was hilarious.

lunarsongbird · June 2011

Aaahh! Those are scary sausages!!

OP, I totally preplanned before I found NEY- if I had the money- I could plan a wedding tomorrow with all the research I did. ::shrugs::

I know..shameful...

I think you should stick around.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:3d24683f-7422-4569-8a26-5ac796f075d2">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]Aaahh! Those are scary sausages!! OP, I totally preplanned before I found NEY- if I had the money- I could plan a wedding tomorrow with all the research I did. ::shrugs:: I know..shameful... I think you should stick around.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

hehe I'm SO glad you told me this. I really started feeling ashamed from all the pre-planning bashing I have read on other posts. Not gonna lie... I have planned quite a bit. You may be my favorite person on here lunarsongbird :)

lunarsongbird · June 2011

I would wager to bet almost everyone on here preplanned before they found NEY. Why else would they be on here? (Most don't join just because they are bridesmaids.)

The NEY ladies just don't want you to take away from that special moment of an engagement. It's a really valid point. This is one of the most special things that your boyfriend can ever do- and you dont want to ruin it by having the whole wedding planned- then the engagement seems kinda pointless- more like a technicality.

I don't want my proposal to be a technicality. I want it to be one of the most amazing and wonderful moments of my life.

That's why a lot of people don't encourage preplanning. It also puts a lot of pressure on your boyfriend. And as you may find out- like I did....my boyfriend has much different tastes in wedding decor then I do. In fact- he has some awesome, awesome ideas!!

CASK85 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:6b093780-7a36-4873-88e3-c49710ac4e12">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : hehe I'm SO glad you told me this. I really started feeling ashamed from all the pre-planning bashing I have read on other posts. Not gonna lie..<strong>. I have planned quite a bit.</strong> You may be my favorite person on here lunarsongbird :)
Posted by laceeseth[/QUOTE]
Just because some (or maybe even many) of us have done it doesn't make it ok. I am 4 months from my real life wedding (which looks nothing like what I had "planned" prior to getting engaged), and I still feel ashamed for the pre-planning that I did before my FI proposed. It was stupid, he felt left out when he discovered my "plans", and in the end we didn't do any of the stuff I had come up with. At all. <div>
</div><div>Now, back to sausages: </div>
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd33e35e0-01e1-42ae-b175-d1eee1692cb9', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/1/d33e35e0-01e1-42ae-b175-d1eee1692cb9.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

lunarsongbird · June 2011

Is it bad that that huge sausage totally makes me want to eat one? A real sausage...not Andrew's. Although I think Shoes would probably tell me to eat both.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:a52c0e5e-ab4a-4e33-8e95-fde63eaba710">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]I would wager to bet almost everyone on here preplanned before they found NEY. Why else would they be on here? (Most don't join just because they are bridesmaids.) The NEY ladies just don't want you to take away from that special moment of an engagement. It's a really valid point. This is one of the most special things that your boyfriend can ever do- and you dont want to ruin it by having the whole wedding planned- then the engagement seems kinda pointless- more like a technicality. I don't want my proposal to be a technicality. I want it to be one of the most amazing and wonderful moments of my life. That's why a lot of people don't encourage preplanning. It also puts a lot of pressure on your boyfriend. And as you may find out- like I did....my boyfriend has much different tastes in wedding decor then I do. In fact- he has some awesome, awesome ideas!!
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

I completely understand why everyone seems against pre-planning. BUT I am not doing this alone. My BF has helped in some areas. He told me that the big part he wanted to help was planning the honeymoon so I have let him have that. I don't want to pre-plan everything. I just like having a general idea. I have actually had these same "ideas" for years. I guess you could say my "dream" wedding. :) Cheesy I know. I'm not putting any pressure on him. It was his idea to get married in December and have a short engagement. I didn't think we would until next summer, but I am thrilled with his way!

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:735a6629-aad3-4222-8265-87af067d58bf">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Just because some (or maybe even many) of us have done it doesn't make it ok. I am 4 months from my real life wedding (which looks nothing like what I had "planned" prior to getting engaged), and I still feel ashamed for the pre-planning that I did before my FI proposed. It was stupid, he felt left out when he discovered my "plans", and in the end we didn't do any of the stuff I had come up with. At all. Now, back to sausages:
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

Right, and I understand that for sure. But he isn't being left out. We both picked where we wanted to get married, have the reception, and even who will be officiating. :) But I know what you are saying about pre-planning. It's a guilty pleasure that I need to stop for sure.

polkadot111 · June 2011

Hi! I just wanted to say that I've been engaged for 2 years (not the original idea- long story), and FI and I decided to wait til' marriage for sex too. However, we also don't want to rush into it. Although I want to have sex with him, having a stable marriage is MUCH more important than that. Getting married that fast seems kind of strange, just to have sex... You can wait longer if you decide to.

CASK85 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:1953f2b3-7818-4db1-aea7-5c488ff9157a">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I just wanted to say that I've been engaged for 2 years (not the original idea- long story), and FI and I decided to wait til' marriage for sex too. However, we also don't want to rush into it. Although I want to have sex with him, having a stable marriage is MUCH more important than that. Getting married that fast seems kind of strange, just to have sex... You can wait longer if you decide to.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]
The thing about not having sex before marriage (IMO) is that either you decide you're not going to do it and have faith that God will see you through that decision until you're ready to get married (this would be Hope's approach, clearly) OR just do the deed and don't rush in to marriage to get to the sausage because God will be mad if you do it before marriage. I feel like he'd be more mad (not that I claim to know the mind of god) if you rushed into such a sacred covenant, KWIM?

polkadot111 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:dc254991-8d9d-4e33-abb4-faf593929693">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : The thing about not having sex before marriage (IMO) is that either you decide you're not going to do it and have faith that God will see you through that decision until you're ready to get married (this would be Hope's approach, clearly) OR just do the deed and don't rush in to marriage to get to the sausage because God will be mad if you do it before marriage. I feel like he'd be more mad (not that I claim to know the mind of god) if you rushed into such a sacred covenant, KWIM?
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

<3

perkins81 · June 2011

OP, I know that I am in the minority here and most people will disagree with me, but I'm totally on your side! My BF and I are also waiting for sex until our wedding night - we are both Christians and are both virgins. LIke someone else mentioned, though, you should check out the Christian board. There are like-minded people there who understand your morals. I don't judge people who haven't waited until marriage (I'm actually the MOH in my best friend's wedding and she didn't wait) but I do have my own standards and so I understand where the OP is coming from. If you are in love and have taken the necessary preparations for marriage, then there is no reason why you shouldn't "rush" a little b/c of the sex issue.

"Now to the unmarriedand the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Cor. 7:8-9)

Anyway, my BF and I have been together for 1 1/2 years also. We would probably get married this year as well, but I'm not sure that will work out for us, so we're looking at June 2012. I'm also a teacher and I want to wait until I have a break from school. We don't have an e-ring yet either and so we are not announcing our engagement to anyone; however, all of our friends and family know that we're planning to get married and we've told our close friends and family (not everybody, but just the closest ones) that we're looking at next June - just to give them a heads up.

Soooooo, I know almost everybody on here will disagree with everything I've said, but I just want you to know, OP, that I'm on your side and you're not the only one in this boat! And I do hope that you guys get engaged very soon so you can actually start planning and such. It looks like I'll be engaged by September, so in the meantime, I'm going to keep wedding talk to a minimal and only between BF and I. And I've promised myself not to invest a single penny into wedding planning until after he buys the ring! So I encourage you to do the same. You can research online and get some ideas, but wait to purchase anything until you're engaged.

Blessings for your relationship and your future marriage! Oh - and I don't think 22/23 is too young to get married. There are more important things in life than material things and big huge weddings that cost more than a down payment on a house and whatnot. And lots of people get married in their early 20s as they're finishing school - nothing wrong with that at all! Just be sure you two are ready for marriage and have gone through pre-marital counseling so you can work out any "kinks" that might arise beforehand. Blessings!

polkadot111 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:6e50adae-29d3-4935-bd0e-00930234f77d">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I know that I am in the minority here and most people will disagree with me, but I'm totally on your side! My BF and I are also waiting for sex until our wedding night - we are both Christians and are both virgins. LIke someone else mentioned, though, you should check out the Christian board. There are like-minded people there who understand your morals. I don't judge people who haven't waited until marriage (I'm actually the MOH in my best friend's wedding and she didn't wait) but I do have my own standards and so I understand where the OP is coming from. If you are in love and have taken the necessary preparations for marriage, then there is no reason why you shouldn't "rush" a little b/c of the sex issue.<strong> "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Cor. 7:8-9)</strong> Anyway, my BF and I have been together for 1 1/2 years also. We would probably get married this year as well, but I'm not sure that will work out for us, so we're looking at June 2012. I'm also a teacher and I want to wait until I have a break from school. We don't have an e-ring yet either and so we are not announcing our engagement to anyone; however, all of our friends and family know that we're planning to get married and we've told our close friends and family (not everybody, but just the closest ones) that we're looking at next June - just to give them a heads up. Soooooo, I know almost everybody on here will disagree with everything I've said, but I just want you to know, OP, that I'm on your side and you're not the only one in this boat! And I do hope that you guys get engaged very soon so you can actually start planning and such. It looks like I'll be engaged by September, so in the meantime, I'm going to keep wedding talk to a minimal and only between BF and I. And I've promised myself not to invest a single penny into wedding planning until after he buys the ring! So I encourage you to do the same. You can research online and get some ideas, but wait to purchase anything until you're engaged. Blessings for your relationship and your future marriage! Oh - and I don't think 22/23 is too young to get married. There are more important things in life than material things and big huge weddings that cost more than a down payment on a house and whatnot. And lots of people get married in their early 20s as they're finishing school - nothing wrong with that at all! Just be sure you two are ready for marriage and have gone through pre-marital counseling so you can work out any "kinks" that might arise beforehand. Blessings!
Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not being mean, promise. Sounds like we come from a similar mindset. However, whenever people bring up this verse it makes me cringe because if you actually believed it, you wouldn't be not unmarried right now. The first moment you want to have sex with someone you'd just marry them if you actually followed the verse... This is ridiculous. I feel like marrying quickly (rushing it) just so you don't 'burn with passion' is a set up for a failed marriage.</div>

bethsmiles · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:dc254991-8d9d-4e33-abb4-faf593929693">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : The thing about not having sex before marriage (IMO) is that either you decide you're not going to do it and have faith that God will see you through that decision until you're ready to get married (this would be Hope's approach, clearly) OR just do the deed and don't rush in to marriage to get to the sausage because God will be mad if you do it before marriage. I feel like he'd be more mad (not that I claim to know the mind of god) if you rushed into such a sacred covenant, KWIM?
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

So true!

OP - BF and I are waiting until marriage to have sex. We've been dating almost 3 years and will probably continue dating for a couple more. Does it suck sometimes? Yes. Is it a reason to rush into marriage? NO.

I was going to type something similar to cschiano's post but she just said it so perfectly.

CASK85 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:ee3fd650-6830-4aa4-8f08-72543b662ba5">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : So true! OP - BF and I are waiting until marriage to have sex. We've been dating almost 3 years and will probably continue dating for a couple more. Does it suck sometimes? Yes. Is it a reason to rush into marriage? NO. I was going to type something similar to cschiano's post but she just said it so perfectly.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
Aw, thanks beth :) and Hope <3

perkins81 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:6588b382-f488-4fe7-8bf3-f780970fcd4b">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : I'm not being mean, promise. Sounds like we come from a similar mindset. However, whenever people bring up this verse it makes me cringe because if you actually believed it, you wouldn't be not unmarried right now. The first moment you want to have sex with someone you'd just marry them if you actually followed the verse... This is ridiculous. I feel like marrying quickly (rushing it) just so you don't 'burn with passion' is a set up for a failed marriage.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

I understand what you're saying, but the verse reads "if you cannot control yourself" - so as long as we can control ourselves, we are ok, but if things get to the point where we feel we can't control ourselves any longer, then we either need to keep our distance from each other until we can get married, or otherwise, we need to go ahead and get married. Of course this must be used with wisdom and common sense too. I don't think Paul was saying you should just rush into marriage and marry any good-looking person whom you can't keep your mind off of.

He's making a point that IF you feel that you need to hurry things up a bit in order to keep from sinning, then perhaps you should do that. I also agree that if two people were to get married in a hurry ONLY b/c they are "burning with passion" then yes, it would most likely be a set up for failure. But it is also a reminder that we shouldn't force ourselves to wait too long b/c then we are also setting ourselves up for failure b/c it will just get harder and harder to wait. There must be a BALANCE on this.

[Deleted User] · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:af221f67-1001-479c-b957-ddb246677174">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : I understand what you're saying, but the verse reads "if you cannot control yourself" - so as long as we can control ourselves, we are ok, but if things get to the point where we feel we can't control ourselves any longer, then we either need to keep our distance from each other until we can get married, or otherwise, we need to go ahead and get married. Of course this must be used with wisdom and common sense too. I don't think Paul was saying you should just rush into marriage and marry any good-looking person whom you can't keep your mind off of. He's making a point that IF you feel that you need to hurry things up a bit in order to keep from sinning, then perhaps you should do that. I also agree that if two people were to get married in a hurry ONLY b/c they are "burning with passion" then yes, it would most likely be a set up for failure. <strong>But it is also a reminder that we shouldn't force ourselves to wait too long b/c then we are also setting ourselves up for failure b/c it will just get harder and harder to wait. </strong>There must be a BALANCE on this.
Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

sometimes that is just life. I personally know at least 2 or 3 couples who waited 10 years or MORE to get married. and they waited to have sex, too. why? because they knew in the long run that it would be more beneficial for them to wait and make sure they were established and ready for that kind of huge committment, than to rush into it because their hormones were out of control.

if you can't control yourself, that's a personal problem. that's something that you (general "you") need to work on. just because it gets "harder and harder to wait" doesn't mean you should just dive right into it. marriage is a sacred covenant. if you're religious, it's a sacred covenant between you, your spouse, and God. that's a big deal. a really big deal. and deciding to rush into that because you feel like your hormones are going to explode is stupid.

I am also waiting until we are married to have sex with my FI. it's no harder to wait than it was when we first started dating. it's just the grown-up, adult thing to do if you make that kind of committment. we're getting married because it's the right time: we have a house, we have jobs, we're settled, we have emergency savings and funds, we're a couple years away from starting a family... not because it's so hard to wait.

and you know what? you SHOULD be able to control yourself. if you're religious (Christian, that's what I identify with) and you read the Bible you'll see over and over and over again the Bible talking about moderation and self-control.

Proverbs 25:28 ESV A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 9:27 ESV But I discipline my body and keep it under control

<div class="verse">if you can't control yourself (again, general "you", not you specifically) then that is a maturity problem. it's part of being an adult. we constantly have to practice self-control in every area of our life, not just sex if you're waiting. you have to control your spending, or you'll spiral into debt. you have to control your eating, or you'll end up obese and unhealthy (and how is that treating your body as the temple of God?). you have to control your actions and words or you'll end up looking like an idiot.

if you make that kind of committment, then stick with it until the time is right, not just until you feel like you can't wait anymore. what kind of committment is that?

sorry for the rant and for the religious references if they offended you. I just thought it was relevant to the discussion at hand. :)

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laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:6e50adae-29d3-4935-bd0e-00930234f77d">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I know that I am in the minority here and most people will disagree with me, but I'm totally on your side! My BF and I are also waiting for sex until our wedding night - we are both Christians and are both virgins. LIke someone else mentioned, though, you should check out the Christian board. There are like-minded people there who understand your morals. I don't judge people who haven't waited until marriage (I'm actually the MOH in my best friend's wedding and she didn't wait) but I do have my own standards and so I understand where the OP is coming from. If you are in love and have taken the necessary preparations for marriage, then there is no reason why you shouldn't "rush" a little b/c of the sex issue. "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Cor. 7:8-9) Anyway, my BF and I have been together for 1 1/2 years also. We would probably get married this year as well, but I'm not sure that will work out for us, so we're looking at June 2012. I'm also a teacher and I want to wait until I have a break from school. We don't have an e-ring yet either and so we are not announcing our engagement to anyone; however, all of our friends and family know that we're planning to get married and we've told our close friends and family (not everybody, but just the closest ones) that we're looking at next June - just to give them a heads up. Soooooo, I know almost everybody on here will disagree with everything I've said, but I just want you to know, OP, that I'm on your side and you're not the only one in this boat! And I do hope that you guys get engaged very soon so you can actually start planning and such. It looks like I'll be engaged by September, so in the meantime, I'm going to keep wedding talk to a minimal and only between BF and I. And I've promised myself not to invest a single penny into wedding planning until after he buys the ring! So I encourage you to do the same. You can research online and get some ideas, but wait to purchase anything until you're engaged. Blessings for your relationship and your future marriage! Oh - and I don't think 22/23 is too young to get married. There are more important things in life than material things and big huge weddings that cost more than a down payment on a house and whatnot. And lots of people get married in their early 20s as they're finishing school - nothing wrong with that at all! Just be sure you two are ready for marriage and have gone through pre-marital counseling so you can work out any "kinks" that might arise beforehand. Blessings!
Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

Wow..this was amazing! Thanks so much perkins! :) This is EXACTLY how I feel. We are both in love, have tons of support, and are ready to get married. I agree on the pre-marital counseling. That is so important! I am so glad to hear from someone in the same boat. My BF and I had discussed June of 2012 as well. But our families eased our minds about a few things and so we decided that December would be perfect for us. We are so excited to start our life. I wish all the ladies that are posting about the pre-marital sex issue would read all the posts because that is NOT the ONLY reason why we decided on a December engagement. It was just one reason among many. We are by no means rushing anything. We have known we wanted to get married since we had been dating for just one month. I knew from the get go he is the ONE for me and vice versa for him (so he says :) )

We have talked to our families and closest friends as well. But we have agreed to not go visit any of our out-of-town friends until we are really engaged. Because we know they will ask and we want to be able to say openly that we are engaged! :) I also kept wedding talk to a minimum until my BF said "This is happening so we need to talk about this stuff." So of course I said "Well alrighty then! " hehe.

Where is this Christian board? I can't find it.

lunarsongbird · June 2011

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings

It's on the left side bar under "Cultural Wedding Boards"

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